Chapter 28 – To Make A Choice

Haldir led Elrond's group of travellers at a fast pace through the woods. Elrond thought that it was just as well that the horses more or less followed the track by themselves sicne Legolas would have undoubtedly fallen of his mount if he had had to concentrate on steering his horse.

The young archer was so fascinated by his surroundings that he paid only scant attention to where his horse was going. It was the time of the year when the mallorn trees shed their golden leaves and grew their new green- silvery leaves. The ground was covered in a soft golden carpet and the air was filled with a constant flickering and whirling of golden flecks all around them.

Guided by Haldir, they arrived in an area of particularly large mallorn trees. "We will stay the night here," the marchwarden announced. With effortless ease, he swung himself up into the trees. The others tethered their horse and followed, Legolas, Elrond, Elladan and Elrohir as well as the two Rivendell warriors had no trouble climbing into the tree. Estel was almost as agile as an elf and was up in the trees in an instant, it was only Halbarad for whom getting up was an effort. Once in the branches, he, too, felt comfortable. Haldir took them up to considerable height in an enormous ancient mallorn tree. They reached a flet that obviously often served as shelter for travellers since there was both food and blankets available. Haldir laid out a simple meal, and then continued to rummage in of the boxes that contained the provisions. He turned with a smile.

"And this is for our most honoured guests." He held up two bottles of wine. After that, conversation flowed. Elrond told Haldir much of what happened further west, and the marchwarden talked about some of the things that had happened this side of the Misty Mountains. Legolas could add more of the events further north. So they kept talking until the light faded and Haldir lit a small lantern. Its light was small enough not to be seen on the ground below. Finally everyone bar Haldir went to sleep, the Lorien elf stayed up as a guard. Even here in Lothlorien, the elves found it necessary not to sleep unguarded. Much had changed in the last years.

Haldir sat himself on the edge of the felt whilst the others slept. He always enjoyed night watches in the woods, he found the faint rustling of the mallorn leaves and the clear light of stars soothing. He sat in silence for quite a long time when he became aware some movement behind him. He turned and noticed that Legolas, the young prince from Mirkwood, was sleeping very fitfully. Instead of being relaxed in his sleep, his fists had clenched and his entire body had tensed, although he had not woken up. Clearly something bothered the young elf. He moaned quietly, and Haldir decided to wake him lest he woke up anyone else. The marchwarden got up and knelt next to Legolas. He touched the younger elf gently at the shoulder.

"Legolas, wake up." Haldir's voice was soft.

"Estel?" Legolas' eyes focused.

"No, it's me, Haldir. You were moaning and moving in your sleep and I thought it was better if I woke you before anyone else wakes up. What is wrong, Legolas?"

Legolas sat up. "It is nothing. Just a bad dream. Would you mind if I sat up with you for a little while?"

"Of course not." They moved to the edge of the felt and sat next to each other with their legs and feet dangling over the edge. They sat long in companionable silence, neither feeling the need to talk. Suddenly the night breeze picked up and blew Legolas' unbound hair in Haldir's face. Legolas quickly gathered the wayward strands.

With a rueful grin, Legolas said: "I am sorry, Haldir. I should have bound this when getting up."

Even whilst he spoke, Legolas' hands had begun to rebraid his hair. Haldir watched the younger elf and thought, 'I would give much to be the one to do this for him. He is beautiful." Haldir told himself off for these thoughts. He had only just met Legolas, and knew virtually nothing about him. And yet, when they greeted each other, there had been something there, Haldir was sure of it.

Unaware of the other's thoughts, Legolas smiled at Haldir when he was finished. "That is better."

They sat together for another long while until Legolas said: "Don't you want to get some rest, Haldir? I could take the watch, I do not mind."

"Thank you for the offer, Legolas, but this is my duty. You should get some more sleep."

Legolas nodded and slipped back under his blanket. He would have liked to curl up against Estel but this was definitely not appropriate at the moment. With a sigh, he tried to relax and finally he drifted back to sleep.

They carried on the next morning, Haldir in the lead. At midday, they arrived at a top of a hill. Haldir stopped, and pointed. "Caras Caladhon, home of Lord Celeborn and Galadriel, the heart of Elvendom on earth." The view was breathtaking – they were looking onto a high hill covered by tall mallorn trees. Between them they could see the outlines of an elven city in and on the trees.

They reached Caras Caladhon late in the afternoon. Haldir said: "I will leave you here. I have other duties to attend to. Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn will meet you now. I will see you tomorrow."

Another Lorien elf led the group of travellers up a winding staircase until they reached a large talan where they were told to wait. But they did not have to wait long, within moments of their arrival, the Lord and Lady of Lothlorien appeared. Everyone bar Elrond was struck by their ethereal beauty. They were bathed in white light and suddenly Elrond heard Galadriel's voice in his mind.

"Welcome, Elrond, husband of Celebrian. It has been too long that you have visited Lothlorien. May you find peace here." Elrond could feel Galadriel's mental smile and understanding. She knew that apart from the necessary strategic and political talks, Elrond wanted to see Arwen. She liked and respected Elrond, he was wise and compassionate, and had also been a good husband to her daughter. Perhaps they had not shared the love-bond that some married couples sometimes have but Elrond had been Celebrian's liked and respected companion and had given her three beautiful children. Galadriel hoped that Arwen would receive her father well.

Next, Galadriel turned her attention to Estel, who stood aside his foster father. He, too, heard a mental voice. "Welcome Aragorn, son of Arathorn." And then Estel felt himself being probed, tested perhaps even. Galadriel probed deep. She scanned Estel's memories of his growing up in Rivendell, his first encounters with men, the time with the rangers, many fond memories of the twins and Elrond. She perceived how Estel saw himself, an almost painful awareness of his shortcomings as a human, resignation to and fear of his heritage of Isildur's heir... but she saw also enormous strength and great healing abilities, both as yet largely untested. Galadriel also saw a deep and lasting commitment to Legolas, son of Thranduil. She saw their first meeting, the beginning of their relationship, physical attraction overlaid with deepening emotional commitment, the ups and downs of a long-term relationship. When she finished her mental scan, Galadriel almost sighed with relief. Elrond had raised the boy well, he had strength and yet humility. Even if he accepted his heritage fully, he would not be another Isildur.

The lady of Lorien now focused on Legolas. "Welcome, son of Thranduil. May you enjoy your first stay at Caras Caladhon." Legolas, too, felt himself being scanned mentally. He did not resist, he had known what to expect. Galadriel had been surprised to see the young elf Legolas had grown into. The chubby fair-haired toddler with his dark eyes and endearing smile had grown into a slender, graceful young elf with a fine-featured face. He still had these unusual eyes that contrasted with his blonde hair and light skin. Galadriel had to admit that Legolas Greenleaf was exceptionally beautiful.

She probed deeper. She found memories of a lonely childhood, a father who often grieved or did not make sufficient time for his growing son, many memories of being teased or otherwise mistreated by other young elves, very few of friends. There were no lovers in Legolas' adolescence. She saw Estel's and Legolas first meeting, their first attempt of physical experimentation, and their developing and maturing relationship She saw Legolas' love for Estel and his father, and the affection the young elf felt for Elrond and the twins. She was also amazed at the complexity of Legolas' personality. There was strength, great strength, and the finely honed skills of a warrior. But there was also insecurity and a tendency to withdraw. There was compassion and a fierce loyalty to family and friends, and much courage. He was not at all what she had expected from a prince and a son of Thranduil's.

Whilst she was still focusing on Legolas, Galadriel experienced a flash of foresight. This happened to her occasionally and she had learned over many millennia not to ignore these insights. She saw Arwen and Legolas, obviously in the middle of an argument, Arwen shouting and Legolas simply leaving the room. Another flash followed. Arwen was laying on a quilt- covered bed, face down, crying so hard that her shoulders shook. Then, Legolas. Sitting in a forest glade with his head on his knees, looking dejected. Another scene. Arwen holding out a dark-haired newborn infant to Legolas, but the young archer just looked at the baby sadly and walked away. 'Not his?' Galadriel briefly wondered. The scenes followed now in rapid succession. Galadriel did not often see strings of events in the future. In this case all the scenes had a common threat. Arwen and Legolas would be deeply unhappy being married, they would not find companionship but constant strife, which they would be unable to resolve.

Galadriel accepted with a mental sigh that before she had met Legolas, he appeared to be a suitable partner for her granddaughter, after having gained some insights into his personality, he was clearly not a good choice for Arwen. Galadriel cared for Arwen too much to condemn her to centuries of unhappiness – she would have a found a political match acceptable, but there had to be a chance at least for companionships and respect.

Galadriel's focus now shifted to Halbarad and the twins. All three she had met before, and she mentally welcomed them without any further deep probing. Then she said: "You must be weary from your travels. You will be shown your sleeping place and then we will have a meal. Elrond, Arwen has arrived also, I will take you to her."

Arwen awaited her father and brothers with trepidation. She had not seen her father in many years, and her brothers only infrequently. She was waiting on a small bench underneath her favourite tree. Her grandmother had asked her to wait there, she would bring Elrond to her.

She could see them coming, Galadriel talking to Elrond. Not surprisingly, her father did look unchanged. And suddenly Arwen realised how much she had missed her father. He was her ada, after all, and she had missed him. It also struck her that in a way she did not really care anymore whether Elrond had loved Gilraen or not, the mortal woman had died many years ago.

Arwen got up and walked towards her father and grandmother. Elrond saw her, and Arwen never forgot the expression on his normally stern face. There was hope, joy at seeing her and much uncertainty. Arwen rushed forward the last few steps separating them. Elrond opened his arms, and welcomed his daughter with a much-needed embrace. Neither noticed that Galadriel had quietly disappeared, leaving her granddaughter and son-in-law to spend some time together alone.

Later that day, Galadriel invited them to a private evening meal. A larger banquet would follow when Thranduil and his party arrived. They had sent a message and were expected in another two or three days' time.

It was on that occasion that Estel and Legolas met Arwen. When Galadriel introduced her, Legolas got up politely and gave the formal elven greeting. This gave Arwen a chance to appraise Legolas. 'He is very attractive,' she thought 'but so very young. I need to get to know him.'

Then she turned her attention to her young foster-brother. He, too, greeted her formally. She was stunned. The lanky, awkward boy had, with the swiftness of mortals, grown into a handsome young man with expressive grey eyes and dark curly hair. His movements were graceful and fluid, all youthful awkwardness gone. Arwen felt an immediate pull towards him, and, recognising the feeling, scolded herself.

'He is my foster-brother and mortal, I cannot feel attracted to him. I should focus on Legolas.' As most young elves, Arwen had experimented with some lovers when she was younger, but for many years she had not had a relationship. She did not like casual relationships and had not yet found a partner whom she liked well enough for a longer-term relationship.

During the evening meal, Arwen said little, using the opportunity to observe her three brothers, Legolas and her father. It had been such a long time that she had seen any of them, and she was curious about Legolas. After the formal part of the eyeing, the atmosphere relaxed, and stories flowed. Arwen noticed that Estel and Legolas were sitting quite close together but they were not touching so she dismissed the observation. She also noticed that Legolas looked tired, more so than she would have expected in a young elf. Elrond noticed also, and as an explanation told Arwen, Galadriel and Celeborn what had happened on the way.

Galadriel had caught glimpses of the events when she had mentally scanned people, but it was only now that she fully realised what had happened. Legolas had shown amazing resilience to have survived this ordeal. She looked at him with respect. "Legolas, you must be very tired. Arwen will show you where you will sleep."

Estel looked questiongly at Elrond, who very slightly shook his head. Sleeping arrangements were definitely the host's business.

Legolas protested, but after a firm word from Elrond, he followed Arwen. The elf-maid looked at her companion. "Legolas, I hope you will like it here in Lothlorien. I have been happy here for many years."

"Lady Undomiel, this place is beautiful. You have been privileged to reside here."

"Please call me Arwen. Yes, I am aware of it. I like Imladris, too, but things with my father have been ... difficult, so I have stayed with my grandparents. Why were you in Imladris?"

Legolas assumed that Arwen knew about his relationship with Estel. He thought that either Elrond or Galadriel had told her. Galadriel had not done so, but Elrond had taken it for granted that his mother-in-law would have passed this knowledge about Arwen's foster brother on.

"Estel has spent some time with the rangers. He came back very ill and wanted to see me, so I came to Imladris."

"You must know him well. When did you meet him?" Arwen was interested in finding out more about both Legolas and Estel. Legolas found the question somewhat odd, but answered.

"We met about ...' Legolas hesitated, 'fifteen years ago, when your father, the twins and Estel came for a function to Lasgalen. We became friends then, we liked each other immediately." He did not mention that they became lovers a couple of years later.

"Have you spent much time with him since?"

"Not as much as I would have liked to have done – for many years my father and your father did not like it when we met. It has only been a few years that your father has come to like me and has truly welcomed me to Imladris."

They had walked to the foot of a tall tree with a staircase running up its trunk.

"Come, I will show you where you will sleep. Your pack has already been brought up here."

They quickly climbed up the ladder. Arwen lead him onto a large talan. He saw that the twins' packs, Estel's and his own and Halbarad's things were all there.

"My father will be guest at my grandmother's private quarters, but everyone else who came with you will sleep here. Your two warriors have chosen to share with ours, both were glad for the opportunity to share experiences with our archers. You can sort out who will sleep where. Come, I show you around."

There were several bedsteads, a low table and two couches with a lantern. The talan did not have a roof, the silvery green leaves of the mallorn trees formed a covering. There was also a small wash facility.

"I am leaving you now, and wish you a good night. You look as if you need it." Legolas nodded, he was too exhausted to pretend otherwise.

After Arwen had left, the prince washed, quickly searched for his sleep clothes and unceremoniously flopped onto the first bed, face down. That was how Estel, the twins and Halbarad found him.

"I knew he was tired, but he will never admit to it," Estel said with a smile. The young man took a spare blanket lying on one of the couches and covered Legolas gently.

Then everyone else went to bed as well.

Legolas was woken up by a gentle knocking at the entrance of the talan early the next morning, everyone else still fast asleep It was not truly a door, more a half-door, but it was common courtesy to knock before entering a talan. Legolas got up to see who it was, hoping it was not Arwen since he only wore his sleep clothes.

It was Haldir, ready for the day with his bow. "I did not realise that warriors in Lasgalen sleep late into the morning." Since he had not been at the evening meal the previous day, he had not yet heard of Legolas' accident.

"I thought we could have a little archery contest between Lorien, Lasgalen and Imladris. I have heard much about your skills, Legolas, and would like to see you shooting. I have not yet broken fast and thought we could all eat together."

Haldir regarded Legolas for a long moment. The thin sleep clothes he wore did not do much to hide the contours of his body. The marchwarden could not help feeling attracted to the young prince. In some ways, Haldir was surprised by his own feelings. In his youth he had experimented with lovers of both genders but as an adult he had always preferred females. And even though Legolas was beautiful, it was a masculine attractiveness.

The younger elf felt the scrutiny and blushed. "I'll wake the others and meet you at the hall for breakfast," Legolas answered, feeling slightly uncomfortable.

An hour later they were on their way to the training ground, Haldir, Legolas, the twins and Estel. Halbarad had politely declined to come, saying that he would like to spend some time with Elrond and Galadriel.

They spent the next few hours testing their skills. Haldir was surprised how well Estel shot, for a mortal he was exceptionally good with a bow. The twins were good, but not outstanding. But the only serious contester for Haldir was Legolas. Even though his bow was much smaller than the Galadhrim bows, on short and medium range targets he equalled or even outshot the marchwarden. 'What would he do with one of our bows! He is every bit as good as they say,' Haldir thought.

After a couple of hours, the twins and Estel decided to return to Caras Caladhon, and left Haldir and Legolas to their shooting competition.

"Legolas, would you like to try my bow?"

Legolas looked surprised. To offer another your bow to use was rare. And yet, he was itching to try the large bow that Haldir was using.

"If you trust me with it, I would very much like to try your bow." Legolas' smile and sparkling eyes conveyed more than his words. Haldir, too, smiled – rare for the marchwarden, and again both elves had the feeling that something happened between them.

Legolas tried Haldir's bow. It was as beautiful to use as he had imagined it to be. After a few mediocre shots, Haldir said: "You need to adjust your position for this bow. Like ... this." Haldir adjusted Legolas' grip on the bow and the position of his arms and shoulders.

Legolas felt Haldir's touch through his clothing like a stroke of lightening, or at least he imagined he did. He admitted to himself with a very guilty conscience, that he felt enormously attracted to the Lorien elf. In all the time he had been together with Estel, he had never felt like this, and he was unsure on how to deal with it. He did not feel any change in his affection for Estel, all of a sudden there just was this additional, unwanted attraction to Haldir. And yet he could not help his reactions to the other elf.

The next shot was true, and they continued to alternate shooting with Haldir's bow until Haldir declared the younger elf as good as himself. Legolas smiled and said:

"Thank you, Haldir. I think it is time for me to stop anyway, Elrond would scold me for having used my arm so much. It hurts now, I better stop."

"What is wrong with your arm?"

"It was broken in two places a week ago."

"A week ago? Legolas, we should not have put this much strain on it!" Haldir looked horrified. Although not a healer, he had had enough healer training and battlefield experience to know that practicing archery for an entire morning with a barely healed arm was not a good idea.

"Come, let us sit down and let me have look at this arm." They sat down together and Haldir pushed up Legolas' sleeve. He gently probed the muscles and sighed when Legolas winced. "Legolas, I think you should not shoot for a couple of days. You have strained this arm, just give it time to rest before you practice again. Let us have something to eat."

Haldir unpacked a small bag of food he had brought with him. There was some bread, cheese and apples, as well as small flask of wine. They both reclined on their backs whilst eating, enjoying the warmth of the sun and each other's company.

"What happened to your arm, Legolas?"

Legolas told Haldir of his accident. Haldir nodded, "That's why you could not sleep. I understand now." He turned sideways so that he was facing Legolas. The younger elf also turned so that they were looking at each other.

"You are beautiful, Legolas," said Haldir softly.

Legolas grinned, a small self-depreciating gesture. "It has been said before." And then, Haldir moved slightly, closing the gap between them and gently kissed Legolas. The younger elf did not resist. Haldir's lips were soft and this felt so good. Without any further thought, the young archer gave in to the sensations flooding his mind and body. Their kiss soon became passionate, their hands tangling with each other's clothes and hair.

All of a sudden, Legolas stiffened. Haldir's hand had slipped into his tunic and had found the necklace with Estel's ring. And that very moment Legolas knew that he had to make a decision, here and now, whether he wanted this to go further. And in this split second he also knew that as much as he was attracted to Haldir, he did not want to sacrifice his relationship with Estel. They had been through so much together, he loved Estel.

Haldir noticed the change in Legolas' reaction. "What is it?" he asked softly.

Legolas moved slightly away from him. "I am not free to do this, Haldir. I do not deny that I am greatly attracted to you and that I have enjoyed this. But Estel and I have been through much together, and I do not wish to hurt him or to loose his love."

Haldir looked shocked. "You and Estel? Why did you not tell me earlier?" There was some anger in his voice. He, in turn, moved away from the younger elf.

After pause, he sighed. "I am sorry, Legolas, I started it. I should have asked. I respect Estel, from what I have seen of him, he is very exceptional for a mortal. I do not wish to interfere with your relationship, although I am much attracted to you." He smiled, "... as if you had not noticed."

Legolas gently touched the marchwarden's face: "Thank you, Haldir. I should have stopped earlier. Many would have spurned me now, in anger. You have not. I am grateful for that. May be we can still be friends." Legolas was acutely aware of how inadequate this sounded.

But Haldir leaned forward again, and very gently kissed Legolas. It was a gesture of farewell, of might-have-beens, and they both knew that there would never be again another kiss between them.

Then they got up, took their bows and made their way back.

-o-o-o-

Please review.