Chapter 30 – To Make A Choice

After Arwen had left the dancing, she did not return to her talan. Instead she returned to the place by the lake where she had sat with Legolas earlier. It was one of her favourite spots and she often went there in the evenings when she wanted to be by herself. She settled herself on the grassy bank and looked at the stars, trying to achieve the serenity and peace that the stars always instilled in her. On this occasion however, she found that she could not keep her swirling thoughts and emotions in check, and they overwhelmed any peacefulness.

She could not help remembering how both Legolas and Estel had felt dancing with her, the differences between their bodies and the way they moved. She kept thinking about everything that had happened in the last two days, and simply could not empty her mind. In particular she continued to see that brief moment when Estel had kissed Legolas, the evident affection on the young man's face, and the gentleness with which he touched his partner. How she wished to have been in Legolas place!

And Legolas ... He was beautiful, and very polite, but she was not attracted to him. Arwen felt old in comparison to Legolas. She wondered what Estel saw in the young elf, apart from his obvious beauty.

Arwen was at a loss of what to do. Her grandmother had suggested a match with the young archer from Mirkwood, but Arwen ha strong misgivings about this. Legolas was nice enough and pleasing to look at - she would be lying to herself if she did not admit that he was attractive – but she felt no physical attraction towards him. And, another admition to herself, presently she felt intensely jealous of him.

Arwen leaned back, crossing her arms underneath her head, staring at the stars. And slowly she found the peace she had been seeking, it was as if the stars, her forefathers, were telling her what the future would bring. And it was as if Earendil blinked at her.

Gradually her eyes unfocused and she entered the realm of dreams. She dreamed of herself, playing with a dark-haired small boy and two younger girls. Estel came and joined them, a much aged Estel with grey in his hair and a lined face. And then Legolas, unchanged, also joined the scene. He picked up one of the girls by the waist and lifted the child high into the air. The girl squealed with delight and grabbed a handful of Legolas' hair. The young elf winced, and Arwen saw herself and Estel laughing at their companion's discomfort. Finally Estel got up from his position on the floor and opened the small fist of his daughter to release Legolas' hair. He then took the child from the elf, kissing her on her round smooth cheek.

At this point, Arwen slipped out of the dream and sat up with a start. She realised suddenly what this dream meant. She had seen the future. The Valar had given her a bittersweet cup indeed. She would get what she had always wanted, several children, and they would be by a man she deeply loved. But she also knew with absolute certainty that she would never hold Estel's heart. She would be queen, and well provided for, with a royal husband and three beautiful children, but her husband's heart was given to and held by a young blonde elf from Mirkwood. And she would lose her immortality.

Arwen sat in silence for many hours, pondering the future. She had a choice to make: Either to accept what the Valar were offering her, a family, and a husband she loved but also a husband who would only ever respect her, not love her. She would have to live with the knowledge that his heart belonged to the one person he had always loved since he was barely out of childhood. Or the other choice was to forgo the notion of a family – she knew that she would not be given another chance for this – and to go to the West.

Arwen Undomiel sat long on the bank of the lake and wondered what to do. As the new day dawned, she had made a decision. She had chosen her fate, but it was not yet time to reveal her choice. There would be many years before Estel would be king.

Arwen felt more peaceful than she had felt in a long time. The inner restlessness that had plagued for several years had stilled. She knew that her choice would upset her father and grandparents, and she felt sorrow about this. And yet, she knew deep down that she had made the right choice. When Estel – Aragorn fulfilled his destiny, he would need a queen. The Valar had not only given her a bittersweet cup to drink, Legolas and Estel, too, were facing joy and sorrow in equal measure.

Arwen wondered why they had not bonded but as soon as she had asked herself the question, she knew the answer. Both Legolas and Estel were heirs to kingdoms, it would not be acceptable to have a partner of the same gender for either of them. The world of men in particular would never accept a male partner for a king. Arwen wondered to what extent Estel was aware of this. And yet, if Estel had a queen who knew of and accepted his relationship with Legolas, he would be able to spend time with the person he truly loved. Legolas would be a close family friend, no one bar their friends and family would be the wiser – people tended not to look for what they were not expecting to find.

Arwen knew it would be hard for Legolas to see her married to Estel, and yet, for him too this offered a chance. If Estel married someone else – which he would have to do to continue his line – it is unlikely hat this woman would accept their relationship. Arwen decided to bide her time. Fate would bring what it will, but she would use the years to come to get to know Estel and Legolas better.

"Ada?" Elrohir settled into an empty chair next to his father. Breakfast was finished, and both Celeborn and Galadriel had excused themselves to attend to some business. Elrond had not hurried finishing his food and had thus seen Elrohir arrive late for the meal. He had a good idea what his son had been up to, he had danced most of the previous evening with a young, blonde elf-maiden from Lothlorien. Elrond did not really mind, Elrohir's partners were always willing and he had so far always managed to extract himself every time without any complications.

"What is it, Elrohir?"

"Do you have time to talk?" "Elrohir, what is the matter? Have you got a maid with child?" Any elf- maiden would know when to avoid making love, and equally she would know immediately when she had conceived. 'Accidents' were very rare, but they did occur and Elrohir's seriousness after what Elrond had observed the previous evening ... the elf-lord was concerned.

Elrohir smiled. "Oh, no father, it is nothing like that. I make sure that I ask before taking risks."

Elrond could not help a small grin crossing his face at this remark. As far as elf-maidens were concerned, Elrohir was incorrigible.

Elrohir continued. "No, it is just – I had a very odd conversation with Arwen yesterday. I just wondered what you know about this. Arwen told me that grandmother had suggested to her to marry Legolas sicne it would strengthen the ties between the different realms. She was most upset to find out that Legolas and Estel are a couple. To complicate this further, she also likes Estel rather more than is wise, in fact I think she has fallen for him in a bad way.

Elrond could not keep a surprised look from his face. That his mother-in- law had made plans for Arwen and Legolas did not surprise him particularly, what did surprise him that she had not consulted him first – they were on good terms and Arwen was his daughter after all. Elrond also knew that Galadriel disapproved of Legolas' and Estel's relationship, in her view it blocked the path for both of them to marry and have heirs for their respective kingdoms.

"No, I did not know about his. But somehow it does not surprise me all that much, you know your grandmother as well as I do. She can be quite ruthless when it comes to political advantages, and that is why she proposes this marriage."

"But ... ada, this is a terrible match! Can you see Legolas and Arwen together? What about Estel?"

Elrond looked at his son. "I agree, I cannot see these two being happy together, they would bring out the worst in each other rather than the best. Arwen needs a partner who is spontaneous like her and not opposed to doing things on impulse on occasion, but also someone who would risk an argument if she does something that displeases him. I cannot see Legolas doing that, he would be impeccably polite and deeply unhappy, and would withdraw, which in turn would lead to Arwen trying to provoke him more. And there is the small matter of Estel...

Despite the seriousness of the conversation, Elrohir had to smile. His father's summary of Arwen's and Legolas' personalities was so accurate that Elrohir could not help being amused by it.

"I need to talk to Galadriel, but also to Arwen. You think she is in love with Estel? This is as bad as Galadriel's idea ... besides, I do not think that Arwen would succeed in breaking the bond between Legolas and Estel. And for my part, I would not support her in this – a relationship between elf and man is full of difficulties – but to formally wed would mean for her to lose her immortality. As much as I love Estel, I do not wish to see Arwen losing her immortality."

"I feel the same. And I do not think that Estel is interested in her."

"Neither do I."

Father and son smiled at each other. After a brief pause, Elrond said:

"On a different topic, I need to check Legolas' arm. His father could arrive any hour now and I would like to be able to say that Legolas is fully healed. Do you know where they have gone to?"

"No, you saw that I was late. I had better things to do than to check up on my little brother..." Elrohir grinned again.

"Elrohir, one day you will get yourself into trouble! Just make sure that you know what you are doing..."

"Ada, I am old enough to make my own decisions."

Elrond sighed. "Of course you are, but you are also my son and I think parents never stop worrying..." The older elf very lightly touched his son's face. They looked at each other for a brief moment in silence. It was rare for Elrond to show his affection for his sons so openly, and Elrohir was grateful for the brief moment.

"I better go and find Legolas."

Legolas had woken early. He very much wanted to have some privacy with Estel, so he quietly went over to the young man's bed and woke him.

After a gentle kiss and a few whispered words, Estel got up quietly as well. They dressed quickly, leaving the others to sleep. They both noticed that Elrohir had not returned to the talan. Once they were on the ground, they decided that they wanted to go to the bathing pool first. Since it was still early, they were alone at the pool. They quickly stripped and entered the water – it was pleasantly warm since the pool was formed by a warm natural spring.

They sat down on one side next to each other, simply enjoying each other's company. Dawn was breaking, the sky turning a pale red and the birds began they morning songs. Everything was quiet and peaceful.

Suddenly Legolas turned, a mischievous grin on his face. He grabbed Estel's sides and began to tickle him mercilessly. Estel returned the favour and soon the silence and peacefulness of the pool was destroyed as man and elf engaged in an enormous waterfight. Their laughter and splashing attracted several other elves who were on their way to their morning absolutions, and who now stood at the edges, waiting for the two in the pool to stop their games. With a final shove, Legolas toppled Estel over backwards, and landed on top of him. "What a pity we have an audience," he whispered into Estel's ear. "Well, you had your chance! It was peaceful and quiet here and we were alone before you started this ..." Estel said with a grin.

Seeing that Legolas and Estel had finished splashing, they were joined by several other elves. After a short while, Estel and Legolas got out and got dressed. They went to the Hall to get an early breakfast, hungry now after their water play. After their food, they looked at each other and with silent agreement, they made their way up on of the forest paths.

It was still early and they only encountered few elves. Legolas lead them off the main path, to a small glade he had spotted the previous day. Here they stopped. Legolas put his arms around Estel's shoulders and pulled him close. "I would like to finish what we started." Their eyes locked and Estel leaned forward into the embrace, holding Legolas tightly. They kissed, gently at first, and then more passionately.

Some time later, when the sun had come up, they were both laying next to each other on the soft forest grass, still without clothes. Estel was slightly cold in the crisp spring air and had cuddled up closely to Legolas, who was running his hands through his partner's hair.

"Estel? What will you do when we are finished here?"

Estel sighed. He really did not want to think about this at the moment. "I will return to the rangers with Halbarad. I feel I have no choice. They are my people even if it does not feel like it, and they need a leader. They are waiting for me. Can you come with me for a while?"

It was Legolas' turn to sigh. "It depends what happens when I see my father again. If he allows me to go, I would very much like to come with you. I have never been further west than that journey we did together with the twins and the two rangers a couple of years ago. I would like to see how your people live. Do you think they would mind seeing an elf?"

"No, they still remember their elven heritage strongly, and I think they would welcome you. But like most men they do not like relationships such as ours, I have found that out some time ago. We would have to be careful. Would you still like to come?" Legolas shifted so that he could see Estel's face. "Estel, to spend time with you I would go to much greater length than that. We know how to be discrete."

Estel looked slightly dubious at that remark. "We would get into trouble if we are not."

"If my father allows it, I will travel with you."

"We will have to speak with Halbarad as well."

"I do not think he would object if I came."

"I do not think so, either." They smiled at each other.

"Estel, you are as cold as a block of ice. Get away from me and get dressed!"

They both put on their clothes and made their way back to the elven city. On the way, they were stopped by Elrond, who quickly checked Legolas arm, side and leg. The elf-lord declared him fully healed but warned Legolas not to strain his limbs or side too much and to allow his body the extra rest that it still needed. When he had left, Legolas said to Estel:

"Probably Haldir was right, practising archery all morning yesterday was probably not such a good idea."

"You did not do that, did you?" Estel looked incredulously. The look on Legolas' face gave him all the answer he needed. The young man shook his head. Sometimes Legolas really exasperated him.

"Come, let us see what the others are doing." Legolas took Estel's hand and they made their way back.

TBC. Please review