The Sailor Senshi of America Episode 3: The Battle for the Cookies
(PG 13)
By: sweet saturn
-----------------------------------------------
So whadidja think of this one?! I know I know it has nothing to do with the evil nasty nameless hentai villian, but I thought the SSOA could use a brief change of enemies. Thanx to my best buds Ab (Rach) and V (Tama) for sendin me the note that inspired me to write this story and my last one! What would I do w/out you both?! And of course standard disclaimer I don't own these characters of Sailor Moon and they belong to the talented Naoko Takeuchi! I'm just borrowin' 'em for the time being, so all u ppl that are involved w/ SM DON'T sue me or if you decided to be stupid and go on ahead and sue me then you won't get anything but lint!
-------------------------------------------------
It was just another beautiful day in Little Tokyo.
"Hey can't you be more original? Does it always have to a beautiful day, I mean don't we have like weather changes or anything?" inquired Makoto.
"DON'T QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ! THE WEATHER WILL BE WHAT I WANT IT TO BE! IF I WANT IT TO BE A BEAUTIFUL DAY EVERYDAY IT WILL BE! IF I SAY IT WILL BE A DARK,DREARY,AND RAINY DAY THEN IT WILL BE!" said the thunderous voice from above. The author took a quick sip from her can of regular rootbeer from her newfound stash, and began to type again.
The girls were at the library studying for an upcoming exam. After a what seemed like hours, Ami announced, "It's snack time!" She brought out a big bag of cookies.
"Ok, I'm done studying," said Minako as she closed her text book.
"Done," added the rest of the girls except Ami, who was still pouring over her textbook while eating cookies.
"Hey are those cookies?" asked Hotaru peering into the bag, and indeed the items within were cookies.
"Me want cookie now!" shouted Minako, not caring that she was breaking the number one rule in the library "No shouting."
Ami quickly thought for a moment then answered, "Umm...OH NO! AHHHHH...The eeeeevil fungus is back and it has the Queen of Fungus with it!"
"No it isn't! That's just a book on fungus and the librarian!" replied Minako.
"Ok, I think you better hand the cookies over!" said Hotaru.
"Ummm...THE ALIENS ARE ATTACKING! THE ALIENS ARE ATTACKING!" screamed Ami.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" screamed all the girls. Then they quickly took a breath and started screaming "AHHHH" yet again.
"Where?!" demanded Makoto.
"Over there!" said Ami pointing to a mass of squiggly lines, "Follow the squiggly lines!" The girls followed the squiggly lines until finally after hours of endlessly wandering they finally reached the area where the aliens were attacking, which happend to be Central Little Tokyo.
"Ami I thought we'd never get here!" exclaimed Minako, "Next time we follow MY directions!"
"I can't help it I have no sense of direction!" retorted Ami.
"Ok, where is that alien?!" demanded Hayley.
"Don't you think we should transform before we battle these aliens?" said Makoto.
"Oh yeah! That's a good idea, after all it wouldn't be good to start fighting aliens when we don't have our powers to use!" said Ami.
"Just transform!" ordered Makoto. With that each of the girls whipped out her transformation pen and held it up high.
"No Tan Kawaii Power Make-Up!"
"Mercury Kawaii Power Make-Up!"
"Saturn Kawaii Power Make-Up!"
"Jupiter Kawaii Power Make-UP!"
"Venus Kawaii Power Make-Up!" the girls shouted as they transformed into the five powerful heroines known as the SSOA!
"Yayyyy I got to transform second and you, V, had to transform last!" said Mercury in a singsong voice.
"So you'll always be number two!" snapped Venus.
"Well at least I'm not last!" retorted Mercury.
"Will you two quit arguing about who transformed first so we can kill the aliens?!" said Jupiter in an exasperated tone of voice.
"Ok fine," replied both Venus and Mercury.
"Haha! I got to talk first and you had to talk second so I'm better than you!" said Venus smugly.
"Well at least I got to transform second instead of last!" replied Mercury. Jupiter then walked up to both Mercury and Venus and smacked them both upside the head at the same time, and said
"There now you both are even! So can it!"
"Ok, NOW where are the aliens?!" demanded Sailor No Tan. Suddenly a little purple alien appeared behind Sailor Venus.
"V-Babe... behind you!" screamed Sailor Mercury. The little purple alien jumped onto Sailor Venus's back and yelled, "I want cookie! Give me cookie!"
"You butt don't mess my fuku up! AND DON'T CALL ME V-BABE!" Sailor Venus exclaimed as she shook the alien off. She then blasted the little purple alien, but missed. The little purple alien once again jumped on her back and began riding it shouting
"Give me cookie!" Suddenly he spotted the bag of cookies Sailor Mercury was holding, and said "Ooooo...you gots cookie! GIVE ME COOKIE!"
"AHHHHHH!!!" screamed Sailor Mercury. "I don't have cookies," she said. Then she looked at the bag of cookies in her hand then quickly tossed them to Sailor Venus and said "She has cookies!"
"NO NO! I DON'T GOT 'EM!" shouted Venus, who in turn tossed the cookies to Sailor Jupiter.
"Hey!" Sailor Jupiter exclaimed as she caught them. As the little purple alien lunged for her, she quickly tossed the cookies to Sailor Saturn, who threw them to Sailor No Tan. Who threw them to Chibi-Usa, who somehow magically appeared and ate the cookies.
"BAKA!" shouted Sailor Saturn, Jupiter, Mercury,Venus, and No Tan at Chibi- Usa. Chibi-Usa began wailing incredibly loudly, "WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
"Ok they are MY COOKIES!" shouted the little purple alien. Then he shouted, "RAAAAAAA!"
"The little purple alien goes "Raaa!" The raaa goes "Alien" RAAA...no wait ALIEN!"
"Author that makes no sense whatsoever!" said Sailor No Tan.
"QUIET! I AM THE ALL MIGHTY AND POWERFUL AUTHOR EVERYTHING I SAY MAKES PERFECT SENSE!"
"Aliens are dumbbutts!" declared Chibi-Usa.
"No I'm not!" shouted the little purple alien.
"Yes you are! And I got your cookies so ehhhhhh!" shouted Chibi-Usa sticking her tounge out while pulling down one of her lower eyelids.
"Well..." said the little purple alien as he thought for a moment. Then he quickly forgot whatever it was he was thinking and ate Chibi-Usa. There was a long dramatic pause so all the members of C.U.R.E., the SSOA(except Jupiter), and the people of the world could cheer.
"Nobody eats my pal! Spit her up or feel my wrath!" shouted Sailor Jupiter.
"Mwhahahah no one can stop me!" cackled the little purple alien. "Oh that does it!" said Jupiter, but before she could launch the attack Sailor Saturn shouted, "HEY MAKO STOP!" Jupiter stopped, and listened to what Sailor Saturn had to say.
"It's Chibi-Usa that he ate! Remember she's that annoying pink haired brat that we all hate so much? So see that's a good thing that the little purple alien ate her." explained Sailor Saturn.
"Oh!" said Sailor Jupiter who then began cheering with the rest of the world.
After the cheering stopped Sailor No Tan then asked, "So what are we gonna do about the little purple alien? Are we gonna let it live and continue to reek havoc? After all he did eat Chibi-Usa, but then again he's evil and wants to eat all the cookies."
"We can't let him live! He'll eat all the cookies if we do!" exclaimed Sailor Saturn.
"Hungry Hungry! Want cookie!" shouted the little purple alien.
"Oooo cookie!," he said as he ate Sailor Saturn's Silence Glaive which caused her to become extremely angry.
"YOU DUMBASS ALIEN THAT WAS MY SILENCE GLAIVE NOT A COOKIE! YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT!" she screamed, "SATURN BURNING SILENCE!" The little purple alien just swallowed her attack which caused her to become even more angry. He did the same when all the other senshi tried their attacks. Suddenly four figures appeared out of nowhere dressed in fukus exactly like the SSOA's but different colors.
"I am Sailor Sun! Most popular senshi used in fanfics! As the leader of the FSOA and in the name of the sun I will punish you!" said a tall girl with short crimped blonde hair dressed in a bright yellow and white sailor fuku.
"I am Sailor Earth and I am the most popular senshi used in fanfics! Oh by the way I am the leader of the FSOA NOT Sailor Sun! In the name of the earth I will punish you!" said a girl with long wavy brown hair dressed in a green and white sailor fuku.
"No you're not! I am!" exclaimed Sailor Sun.
"No you only WISH you were!" replied Sailor Earth. The two girls got into a massive catfight, while the two others made their entrance speeches.
"I am Sailor Cosmetics! I represent make-up itself, and all beauty products, and am a friend to all models and make-up and beauty product users! In the name of cosmetics I will punish you!" shouted the girl with long wavy strawberry blonde hair dressed in a biege and white fuku.
"And I am Sailor Slut! The fave senshi of all guys and hentai freaks and the fourth member of the FSOA! I stand for sex, sex, and more sex! In the name of sex I will punish you!" said the girl with long wavy turqouise hair wearing a really tight,slutty looking, super low cut, purple,blue, and pink fuku which looked exactly like Sailor Heavy Metal Papillon's fuku. Suddenly a large group of etchi guys rushed up to her and began kneeling and bowing before her saying, "Punish us!" She instantly cracked a whip and said "Call me your Queen and worship me!"
"Who let her in the FSOA?!" demanded Sailor No Tan. Sailor Sun and Earth by this time had finally stopped fighting when they noticed Sailor Slut.
"Nobody, she just appeared when we got here." said Sailor Earth.
"Shouldn't she be working for the nameless evil nasty hentai villian?" said Sailor Mercury who like the others were much disgusted with Sailor Slut.
Suddenly a giant fireball was hurled at Sailor Slut, and then she was no more. Her worshippers were no longer there either, for they had been burnt to a crisp along with Sailor Slut. The world suddenly became a much better place. A short little girl with slightly long, wavy flaming red hair, tied up in a pair of pigtails, jumped down from the top the wall she was standing on and declared, "I am Sailor Pyrofreak! I am the REAL fourth member of the FSOA! I represent fire, and am the friend and protector of all pyro maniacs and arsonists! In the name of fire I will punish you!
"Hey! It's about time you all got here!" said Sailor No Tan.
"You know these people?" asked Sailor Jupiter.
"Sure do!" replied Sailor No Tan.
"Sailor No Tan, is the leader of the FSOA, the Fan Senshi of America, NOT Sailor Sun or Earth!" added Sailor Pyrofreak.
"So now let's kick some alien butt!" said Sailor Cosmetics.
"There's just one slight problem," said Sailor Venus.
"What's that?" asked Sailor Earth.
"THE DAMN ALIEN KEEPS EATING ALL OUR ATTACKS!" shouted Sailor Saturn.
"Oh, that is a problem," said Sailor Sun.
"Well what are we gonna do?" asked Sailor Mercury.
"Wait for the author to do something of course," said Sailor Jupiter.
"Well author do something!"
"ALRIGHT AMI! I'M THINKIN'! I'M THINKIN'! AWWWW MY ROOTBEER CAN IS EMPTY!"
"Will you quit thinking about your rootbeer and think of a way to save us... I mean have us save the day?!"
"OK OK! I GOT THE POINT AMI! AH HA I HAVE A PLAN!" And with that the author began putting her plan into action.
"Ah ha! I have an idea!" said Sailor Pyrofreak as a little light bulb went off on the top of her head. "Get every single cookie you can find and bring them all here!" she ordered. So each of the senshi went off to gather all the cookies they could find. The result was billions no trillions no zillions..
"There's no such thing as trillions and zillions!"
"SHUTUP AMI! I'M THE AUTHOR NOT YOU SO IF I SAY TRILLIONS AND ZILLIONS EXIST THEY DO!" The result was billions, no trillions, no zillions of cookies. The little purple alien greedily goobled them all up and soon became very large and ill.
"Burp! Oooooo too much cookie! Me no feel good." said the overstuffed little purple alien, and with that he burst into an oblivion.
"Glad we got that problem solved," said Sailor Jupiter.
"Here's you're Silence Glaive," said Sailor Pyrofreak picking up and then handing Sailor Saturn her Silence Glaive back.
"Ewwww,"grimaced Sailor Saturn as she looked at her Silence Glaive covered with alien goo and spit.
"Thanks but no thanks, just leave it there. It's not my best or favorite glaive anyways," replied Sailor Saturn pushing it back.
"Whatever you say," said Sailor Pyrofreak as she dropped it back on the ground. The senshi then detransformed and headed back to the library to study with their new comrades, this time following Minako's directions.