Title: Just a Girl
Summary: What if Buffy hadn't gotten her powers back in Helpless? B/A
Rating: PG-13
Feedback: I'd love some
Chapter Two
I ran until my breath gave out and there was a stitch in my side. I think Willow ran after me for a while but she gave up and went back into the library. I considered going home but this is like a dream come true to my mom and I really don't want to discuss how I can go to college and have a normal boyfriend and make great grades in school now. I don't want to hear her say "this is really for the best, Buffy".
So now I'm walking through the cemeteries, a great big No Trespassing for a non slayer girl in a town like Sunnydale. I can't help it. I've spent so much time here that it's comfortable. It's pretty and quiet, the perfect place to walk and brood.
My deep non-thoughts, because I'm still pretty much numb, are interrupted by a vampire, only it's the vampire I like.
"Buffy,"
I can't help but smile. It's the way he says my name, like a blessing in a church on Sunday morning.
"Angel,"
"I talked to Willow earlier. She told me what happened," he says.
"You talked to Willow?" I ask surprised. Angel hangs with my friends because they're my friends but they don't all decide to go out to the Bronze on a Saturday night when I'm not around.
"After last night I was worried. I called the library looking for you. I wanted to make sure you were okay," he says.
"Oh, yeah the bump on my head, it's a little green and blue, nothing Maybelline can't fix," I say.
"I wasn't talking about the bump on your head," he says.
"I know," I say. I'm kind of being avoid-y girl about the subject.
"So how are you?" He asks.
Right now, it'd be nice if Angel had some of those mind reading abilities all the movie vamps have, 'cause I know when I start I'm not gonna stop and it's just going to be tangent girl all over, but tragedy tangent girl which is so much worse then I-have-a-hot-boyfriend tangent girl.
I shrug in response to his question. We walk alongside each other in silence. Angel doesn't push. He's never been Mr. Pushy guy. I guess he's got enough of his own tragedies to know that sometimes you just can't talk about them.
However, now not one of those times.
"I spent so long wishing for this," I finally say.
"A normal life," he says.
I nod. "Yeah, since the day I got the destiny card all I wanted to do was give it back, tell them sorry but you've really got the wrong girl. And now I'm no longer that girl, and in theory I can have this normal wonderful life. The reality of it kind of sucks though," I say.
Angel looks at me puzzled, not getting it yet.
I take a deep breath. "In health class a few years ago we watched this film on germs and bacteria and other microscopic organisms and the film went on and told about how your mattress and your sheets and even your skin has all these teeny tiny bugs all over it. I scratched at my skin until it bled. I wore one of those funny white masks over my mouth when I slept for weeks. Eventually I got over it, but before the film those things were all still there, I just never knew it so they didn't bother me. It's like that," I say.
Angel quirks an eyebrow at me and I let out a huge sigh. He has to make me tell him straight out what's wrong. He's not going to let me use round about metaphors and vague insinuations. No fair I like my round about metaphors.
"I know what goes bump in the night, Angel. I know there are monsters and they hurt people. I can't just ignore that, but I can't fight them either and yeah Willow and Xander help me but they were fighting with a slayer. That's a little different from fighting with a weak, kitten-y girl," I say.
"Buffy, you're not kitten-y," Angel says.
"Hello, were you absent last night we had the Buffy is a wuss show?" I ask.
"You have to have time to adapt to being weaker, slower, less athletic but there are thousands of women all over the world that would be extremely irate to think that you consider them weak because they aren't slayers," he says.
"Thousands of women who didn't used to be the slayer," I say
It makes a difference. I get what he's saying. There are plenty of strong women all over the world that get by every day without any superhero enhancements. Willow, for one, Ms. Calender, although maybe not the best example because dead, my Mom and then you start factoring in the women who are professional athletes, the list goes on and on but none of those women were ever the Slayer. They don't know what it's like to have the strength, the speed, the reflexes, a Slayer has naturally. All those women have to work to be strong. I just had to wake up in the morning.
"Buffy, you'll adjust," he says.
I nod. "I guess so. Its just-God this sounds so elementary school but I used to be the Slayer and I was special, now I'm just Buffy Summers, sub par student, ditzy blond ex-cheerleader."
Angel stops me by grabbing my wrist. He glides his fingers over my brow bone, across the bruise on my temple, down my cheek and along my jaw, ending with his thumb on my chin. "Maybe it was never being the Slayer that made you special."
"Maybe?" I whisper.
Angel shakes his head. "Buffy Summers made being the Slayer special, not the other way around."
I sigh and melt into his arms. One of the nice things about Angel, he always knows just what to say to make me feel better. After a moment of being wrapped in Angel, slayer, ex-cheerleader, human, whatever doesn't seem to matter anymore and I wonder absently what I was so upset for anyway. I tilt my head up to look at him and he kisses my forehead. He steps away after a moment and I let him because I watched as the desire rushed through his eyes.
"Mom should be asleep by now, walk me home" I say.
He looks at me perplexed. "Why don't you want to see your mom?"
I shrug. "She's just-I don't know. This is like what she's wanted forever. I just want to take some time to adjust to it before I listen to her adjust, over and over again," I say.
Angel nods and takes my hand in his.
"You know, this changes our date modus operandus. We're going to have to start doing things normal couples do," I say.
"Buffy, we're not a normal couple. We never will be," Angel says.
I sigh. "Well, yeah, you're still a vampire and while it'd be lots of fun to go walking in the cemeteries and watch you fight baddies and do all the things I used to be able to do, I'm really trying to stay off the depression train."
And for all the right things Angel manages to say, he also manages to be a complete moron at times. I mean he could have said 'Sure Buffy lets go for dinner and a movie this Friday or I'd love the chance to go Bronzing or bowling' but no he has to remind me of how different our worlds are now. Not that they weren't always different, 'cause hey vampire and slayer, but now our worlds are galaxies apart instead of just worlds.
"Look, I can just walk the rest of the way home. I'm sure you've got some high quality brooding to do," I snap.
I jerk my hand away from his and run away as fast as I can manage. Angel could have caught up with me, easily, but he didn't and I wonder if maybe he didn't want to. Or maybe he's doing some long distance skulking and the whole feeling Angel inside thing I used to do is gone with the slayer thing and if it is that sucks rocks. I like being able to feel Angel inside. It's nice to know when he's near by. We're also the only couple I know that does that, that's also nice. By the time I get home I'm a big mess of tears. I swipe at my face and try to sneak in the front door.
"Buffy, is that you?" Mom asks from the living room.
"Uhm, yeah but I'm just gonna go up to my room. I'm kind of still feeling icky. Night Mom," I say and jog up the stairs to my room before she can argue with me.
I've been normal girl for two weeks now and I guess I'm getting used to it. I still forget that I can't do things like throw Larry on his back when he's being an ass or save Xander from getting pummeled. I still spend a lot of time in the library but now Faith is there and Giles does the research for her. It's kind of weird. Faith has stepped up to really be the get-it-done girl. Apparently she likes having my life. Okay so that's not fair, I mean it's good she's being all responsible and slayerish, because I can't be. And you know the Hellmouth isn't gonna stop spewing out the things that go bump in the night.
I slam my European History book shut and slump even further down in my chair.
"I am never going to get this," I say.
"Oh, sure you will, Buff. I could go over it with you again if you want" Willow says.
I shake my head. "Nah, thanks Will but I think my brain has absorbed as much European history tonight as it's going too."
"Kay, uhm the test is sort of tomorrow though. I mean I'm sure you remembered but just in case you didn't" Willow says sheepishly.
Xander takes that moment to jerk awake. "Test? Huh? Did someone say test?"
Willow smirks. "European History test tomorrow. I was reminding Buffy."
"Is that the one we spent last night studying for?" Xander asks.
"And I'm sure you're going to do stellar, Xan," I say standing up.
"I expect to perform to my standard D minus" Xander says.
"Yeah, I'll be happy if Ms. Thompson doesn't throw me out of her class and put me in special ed," I say.
"Don't say that, Buffy-" Willow starts.
"Its okay, Will. I'm just gonna head home and maybe hit the books there."
Willow bobs her head. "Or you know there's always someone we know and you love that was actually alive when a lot of this stuff happened."
I bite my bottom lip. "I don't wanna bother him 'cause you know I'm sure he's really busy."
"Yeah, with the brooding, 'cause you know he does that," Willow says.
I smile weakly at her and pick up my bag. I slide the European History book inside and start out the door.
"Hey, Buff, I'm just gonna finish up helping Giles here so you could call me later if you needed to talk about girl stuff," Willow says.
I smile broadly at her. I can't help it. Out of everyone Willow has been the most supportive person of everything, me and Angel, me killing Angel, Angel coming back from Hell, me not being a slayer anymore. Willow just always loves me and that's a good thing to have.
"Thanks, Will, I might call later," I say.
I'm halfway home when I decide that Willow is right. Angel was alive for a lot of this European history stuff. He could be helpful and besides, excuse to see Angel. Not like I can use demons and apocalypses anymore.
"Hello," I shout as I walk into the mansion. My voice echoes in the vast emptiness of it. I know he's not here just by walking inside. The entire place has a feeling of no one home.
I poke my head into Angel's bedroom but it is predictably empty as is the kitchen and the bathroom. I shrug my bag off my shoulders and sit down on the couch in front of the fire place. I pull my history book out and decide I can absorb here just like I can absorb at home and I can wait for Angel all at the same time.
"Okay, so 1789 something called the French Revolution started..."
The next thing I know, Angel is crouched beside the couch, shaking me awake.
"Buffy,"
I let out a jaw cracking yawn, really lovely I'm sure, and sit up. I rub my eyes.
"Angel? What time is it?" I glance at my wrist for my non existent watch.
"Almost three in the morning. What are you doing here?" He asks.
"European history, I was sort of hoping you could help me. Where were you?" I ask.
Angel stands up and walks over to the fireplace where he tosses some more wood on it. He shoves his hands in his pockets. "I was helping Faith patrol."
I laugh hollowly. "Okay, dementia just set in 'cause I thought you said you were helping Faith."
"I was. There's a new group of vampires in town, the El Illuminati. Giles thought Faith could use my help with them," Angel says.
"Giles? Giles suggested you help Faith?" I stare at him, mouth agape. Giles of all people did this. Faith is sexy and slayer-y and slutty and so totally wants my boyfriend. Giles knows all that and yet.
"Buffy, its business, Faith needed some help taking this group down. I was the logical one to ask. I've always helped you with the slaying," he says.
"Yeah and you've always helped me with the making out in the cemetery. Did you help Faith with that too?" I shout. I know I shouldn't say these things but I can't help it.
"Buffy, you know I didn't. I'm with you" Angel says.
"I know you were with me," I say.
"Have I done anything to suggest I might be otherwise now?" Angel asks.
I scuff my foot on the floor and look at it sullenly. "No, but that's not the point here. It's that Faith would totally not care if you're with me or not. She's got a major hard on, pun intended, for you."
"And I don't have a say in this? I can say No, Buffy and if it ever comes to that I will. You don't have to worry about me and Faith. I don't want a bad girl. I've lived a long time. I've had dozens, more, of girls like Faith and there's no comparison. In two hundred and forty three years, I've loved one person." He looks into my eyes, down into my most secret places, when he says it.
I smile and get that melt-y, gooey like warm chocolate chip cookies feeling. I slip my arms around his waist and rest my head on his chest. I mean really what can you say when someone tells you that. If you're me, you don't say anything you just melt into a puddle of Buffy. A frown furrows my brow as a thought comes to me.
"It is me, right?"
Angel cracks a smile and kisses the tip of my nose. "No one else, ever" he says with a passion that would sound contrived if it wasn't filled with so much sincerity.
"Now, you said you came here for help with European history?" He asks leading me over to the couch. We sit down, me snuggled up against him.
"Yeah, I'm assuming the French Revolution wasn't about better shoes" I say.
Summary: What if Buffy hadn't gotten her powers back in Helpless? B/A
Rating: PG-13
Feedback: I'd love some
Chapter Two
I ran until my breath gave out and there was a stitch in my side. I think Willow ran after me for a while but she gave up and went back into the library. I considered going home but this is like a dream come true to my mom and I really don't want to discuss how I can go to college and have a normal boyfriend and make great grades in school now. I don't want to hear her say "this is really for the best, Buffy".
So now I'm walking through the cemeteries, a great big No Trespassing for a non slayer girl in a town like Sunnydale. I can't help it. I've spent so much time here that it's comfortable. It's pretty and quiet, the perfect place to walk and brood.
My deep non-thoughts, because I'm still pretty much numb, are interrupted by a vampire, only it's the vampire I like.
"Buffy,"
I can't help but smile. It's the way he says my name, like a blessing in a church on Sunday morning.
"Angel,"
"I talked to Willow earlier. She told me what happened," he says.
"You talked to Willow?" I ask surprised. Angel hangs with my friends because they're my friends but they don't all decide to go out to the Bronze on a Saturday night when I'm not around.
"After last night I was worried. I called the library looking for you. I wanted to make sure you were okay," he says.
"Oh, yeah the bump on my head, it's a little green and blue, nothing Maybelline can't fix," I say.
"I wasn't talking about the bump on your head," he says.
"I know," I say. I'm kind of being avoid-y girl about the subject.
"So how are you?" He asks.
Right now, it'd be nice if Angel had some of those mind reading abilities all the movie vamps have, 'cause I know when I start I'm not gonna stop and it's just going to be tangent girl all over, but tragedy tangent girl which is so much worse then I-have-a-hot-boyfriend tangent girl.
I shrug in response to his question. We walk alongside each other in silence. Angel doesn't push. He's never been Mr. Pushy guy. I guess he's got enough of his own tragedies to know that sometimes you just can't talk about them.
However, now not one of those times.
"I spent so long wishing for this," I finally say.
"A normal life," he says.
I nod. "Yeah, since the day I got the destiny card all I wanted to do was give it back, tell them sorry but you've really got the wrong girl. And now I'm no longer that girl, and in theory I can have this normal wonderful life. The reality of it kind of sucks though," I say.
Angel looks at me puzzled, not getting it yet.
I take a deep breath. "In health class a few years ago we watched this film on germs and bacteria and other microscopic organisms and the film went on and told about how your mattress and your sheets and even your skin has all these teeny tiny bugs all over it. I scratched at my skin until it bled. I wore one of those funny white masks over my mouth when I slept for weeks. Eventually I got over it, but before the film those things were all still there, I just never knew it so they didn't bother me. It's like that," I say.
Angel quirks an eyebrow at me and I let out a huge sigh. He has to make me tell him straight out what's wrong. He's not going to let me use round about metaphors and vague insinuations. No fair I like my round about metaphors.
"I know what goes bump in the night, Angel. I know there are monsters and they hurt people. I can't just ignore that, but I can't fight them either and yeah Willow and Xander help me but they were fighting with a slayer. That's a little different from fighting with a weak, kitten-y girl," I say.
"Buffy, you're not kitten-y," Angel says.
"Hello, were you absent last night we had the Buffy is a wuss show?" I ask.
"You have to have time to adapt to being weaker, slower, less athletic but there are thousands of women all over the world that would be extremely irate to think that you consider them weak because they aren't slayers," he says.
"Thousands of women who didn't used to be the slayer," I say
It makes a difference. I get what he's saying. There are plenty of strong women all over the world that get by every day without any superhero enhancements. Willow, for one, Ms. Calender, although maybe not the best example because dead, my Mom and then you start factoring in the women who are professional athletes, the list goes on and on but none of those women were ever the Slayer. They don't know what it's like to have the strength, the speed, the reflexes, a Slayer has naturally. All those women have to work to be strong. I just had to wake up in the morning.
"Buffy, you'll adjust," he says.
I nod. "I guess so. Its just-God this sounds so elementary school but I used to be the Slayer and I was special, now I'm just Buffy Summers, sub par student, ditzy blond ex-cheerleader."
Angel stops me by grabbing my wrist. He glides his fingers over my brow bone, across the bruise on my temple, down my cheek and along my jaw, ending with his thumb on my chin. "Maybe it was never being the Slayer that made you special."
"Maybe?" I whisper.
Angel shakes his head. "Buffy Summers made being the Slayer special, not the other way around."
I sigh and melt into his arms. One of the nice things about Angel, he always knows just what to say to make me feel better. After a moment of being wrapped in Angel, slayer, ex-cheerleader, human, whatever doesn't seem to matter anymore and I wonder absently what I was so upset for anyway. I tilt my head up to look at him and he kisses my forehead. He steps away after a moment and I let him because I watched as the desire rushed through his eyes.
"Mom should be asleep by now, walk me home" I say.
He looks at me perplexed. "Why don't you want to see your mom?"
I shrug. "She's just-I don't know. This is like what she's wanted forever. I just want to take some time to adjust to it before I listen to her adjust, over and over again," I say.
Angel nods and takes my hand in his.
"You know, this changes our date modus operandus. We're going to have to start doing things normal couples do," I say.
"Buffy, we're not a normal couple. We never will be," Angel says.
I sigh. "Well, yeah, you're still a vampire and while it'd be lots of fun to go walking in the cemeteries and watch you fight baddies and do all the things I used to be able to do, I'm really trying to stay off the depression train."
And for all the right things Angel manages to say, he also manages to be a complete moron at times. I mean he could have said 'Sure Buffy lets go for dinner and a movie this Friday or I'd love the chance to go Bronzing or bowling' but no he has to remind me of how different our worlds are now. Not that they weren't always different, 'cause hey vampire and slayer, but now our worlds are galaxies apart instead of just worlds.
"Look, I can just walk the rest of the way home. I'm sure you've got some high quality brooding to do," I snap.
I jerk my hand away from his and run away as fast as I can manage. Angel could have caught up with me, easily, but he didn't and I wonder if maybe he didn't want to. Or maybe he's doing some long distance skulking and the whole feeling Angel inside thing I used to do is gone with the slayer thing and if it is that sucks rocks. I like being able to feel Angel inside. It's nice to know when he's near by. We're also the only couple I know that does that, that's also nice. By the time I get home I'm a big mess of tears. I swipe at my face and try to sneak in the front door.
"Buffy, is that you?" Mom asks from the living room.
"Uhm, yeah but I'm just gonna go up to my room. I'm kind of still feeling icky. Night Mom," I say and jog up the stairs to my room before she can argue with me.
I've been normal girl for two weeks now and I guess I'm getting used to it. I still forget that I can't do things like throw Larry on his back when he's being an ass or save Xander from getting pummeled. I still spend a lot of time in the library but now Faith is there and Giles does the research for her. It's kind of weird. Faith has stepped up to really be the get-it-done girl. Apparently she likes having my life. Okay so that's not fair, I mean it's good she's being all responsible and slayerish, because I can't be. And you know the Hellmouth isn't gonna stop spewing out the things that go bump in the night.
I slam my European History book shut and slump even further down in my chair.
"I am never going to get this," I say.
"Oh, sure you will, Buff. I could go over it with you again if you want" Willow says.
I shake my head. "Nah, thanks Will but I think my brain has absorbed as much European history tonight as it's going too."
"Kay, uhm the test is sort of tomorrow though. I mean I'm sure you remembered but just in case you didn't" Willow says sheepishly.
Xander takes that moment to jerk awake. "Test? Huh? Did someone say test?"
Willow smirks. "European History test tomorrow. I was reminding Buffy."
"Is that the one we spent last night studying for?" Xander asks.
"And I'm sure you're going to do stellar, Xan," I say standing up.
"I expect to perform to my standard D minus" Xander says.
"Yeah, I'll be happy if Ms. Thompson doesn't throw me out of her class and put me in special ed," I say.
"Don't say that, Buffy-" Willow starts.
"Its okay, Will. I'm just gonna head home and maybe hit the books there."
Willow bobs her head. "Or you know there's always someone we know and you love that was actually alive when a lot of this stuff happened."
I bite my bottom lip. "I don't wanna bother him 'cause you know I'm sure he's really busy."
"Yeah, with the brooding, 'cause you know he does that," Willow says.
I smile weakly at her and pick up my bag. I slide the European History book inside and start out the door.
"Hey, Buff, I'm just gonna finish up helping Giles here so you could call me later if you needed to talk about girl stuff," Willow says.
I smile broadly at her. I can't help it. Out of everyone Willow has been the most supportive person of everything, me and Angel, me killing Angel, Angel coming back from Hell, me not being a slayer anymore. Willow just always loves me and that's a good thing to have.
"Thanks, Will, I might call later," I say.
I'm halfway home when I decide that Willow is right. Angel was alive for a lot of this European history stuff. He could be helpful and besides, excuse to see Angel. Not like I can use demons and apocalypses anymore.
"Hello," I shout as I walk into the mansion. My voice echoes in the vast emptiness of it. I know he's not here just by walking inside. The entire place has a feeling of no one home.
I poke my head into Angel's bedroom but it is predictably empty as is the kitchen and the bathroom. I shrug my bag off my shoulders and sit down on the couch in front of the fire place. I pull my history book out and decide I can absorb here just like I can absorb at home and I can wait for Angel all at the same time.
"Okay, so 1789 something called the French Revolution started..."
The next thing I know, Angel is crouched beside the couch, shaking me awake.
"Buffy,"
I let out a jaw cracking yawn, really lovely I'm sure, and sit up. I rub my eyes.
"Angel? What time is it?" I glance at my wrist for my non existent watch.
"Almost three in the morning. What are you doing here?" He asks.
"European history, I was sort of hoping you could help me. Where were you?" I ask.
Angel stands up and walks over to the fireplace where he tosses some more wood on it. He shoves his hands in his pockets. "I was helping Faith patrol."
I laugh hollowly. "Okay, dementia just set in 'cause I thought you said you were helping Faith."
"I was. There's a new group of vampires in town, the El Illuminati. Giles thought Faith could use my help with them," Angel says.
"Giles? Giles suggested you help Faith?" I stare at him, mouth agape. Giles of all people did this. Faith is sexy and slayer-y and slutty and so totally wants my boyfriend. Giles knows all that and yet.
"Buffy, its business, Faith needed some help taking this group down. I was the logical one to ask. I've always helped you with the slaying," he says.
"Yeah and you've always helped me with the making out in the cemetery. Did you help Faith with that too?" I shout. I know I shouldn't say these things but I can't help it.
"Buffy, you know I didn't. I'm with you" Angel says.
"I know you were with me," I say.
"Have I done anything to suggest I might be otherwise now?" Angel asks.
I scuff my foot on the floor and look at it sullenly. "No, but that's not the point here. It's that Faith would totally not care if you're with me or not. She's got a major hard on, pun intended, for you."
"And I don't have a say in this? I can say No, Buffy and if it ever comes to that I will. You don't have to worry about me and Faith. I don't want a bad girl. I've lived a long time. I've had dozens, more, of girls like Faith and there's no comparison. In two hundred and forty three years, I've loved one person." He looks into my eyes, down into my most secret places, when he says it.
I smile and get that melt-y, gooey like warm chocolate chip cookies feeling. I slip my arms around his waist and rest my head on his chest. I mean really what can you say when someone tells you that. If you're me, you don't say anything you just melt into a puddle of Buffy. A frown furrows my brow as a thought comes to me.
"It is me, right?"
Angel cracks a smile and kisses the tip of my nose. "No one else, ever" he says with a passion that would sound contrived if it wasn't filled with so much sincerity.
"Now, you said you came here for help with European history?" He asks leading me over to the couch. We sit down, me snuggled up against him.
"Yeah, I'm assuming the French Revolution wasn't about better shoes" I say.