THE GREAT SHADOW SPEAKS! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

blue fox demon- Yeah. True. Shadow's just evil… Or insane… or both. O_o

Shishou Youkai- Well if anybody does pass out, let's hope they say it was worth it and keep reading. ^_^

Demon Ashika- Don't worry. I plan on it. ^_^ *evil*

Draikitha- I'm glad you don't care, and like I said, I plan on continuing my wonderful (hack cough hack yeah right) writings. ^.~

DMG- I wish I knew what endearing meant… And I'm too lazy to look it up.

chocogurl- "Shadow is Hiei's couple." Funny you should say that, cuz that's mostly what this chapter is about… It's scary. And I'm planning on having Youko in this fic.

kaida13- My dad threw jellyfish at me and my sister at the beach once. And if you ever find out if they taste good, tell me.

Madame Arrow Foxfire- Okay, now you're just scaring me…

Yayo- Youko's gonna be in this story later, hopefully. Wouldn't you just love to see him in swimming trunks? I drew a picture of Hiei in swimming trunks… There's a link to the page on my website, I think… It's scary.

Artemis Cangee- I could NOT write a story where everybody was in character. Except Shadow. She's always in character, but that's because I created her. If she was serious, that'd be OOC for her.

Mari Youma- Okee Day. ^_^

Read on, loyal readers… O_o "Smite me, oh mighty smiter!" (Ever seen Bruce Almighty? ^_^ That just popped into my head randomly.)

CHAPTER THREE

I Never

Hiei sighed. Three days of beach were past. Eleven to go, counting today. He had adjusted to the beach and wasn't complaining as much, but it still wasn't fun. Today, however, it was raining.

"Rain sucks," Yusuke said, staring out the window. They had buckled down and gotten two rooms in a hotel. Four people in one room, two in the other (two double beds in each room. This had caused a bit of conflict and eventually some people had ended up with dents in their skulls, but it was solved). At the moment, all six were in the room shared by Shadow, Hiei, Eclipse, and Kurama.

"Rain doesn't suck. Rain is good," Hiei said, absentmindedly channel surfing. Shadow snatched the remote.

"You're doing it all wrong!" she said. She started hitting the buttons so fast that the show was on for about half a second before switching channels. Suddenly she stopped. "YU YU HAKUSHO!"

"Aaggghhhh!!!" Hiei groaned.

"No! Turn it off! Turn it off!" Yusuke screamed, lunging at Shadow.

"No!" Shadow said, laughing.

"TURN IT OFF!" Hiei yelled.

"Oh look! It's when you got the crap beat out of you by Yusuke!" Shadow said, grinning.

"That's nothing to laugh over! That hurt!" Hiei snapped. "Turn it off!"

"Nope! You can't make me!"

In the midst of all the arguing, nobody but genius kitsune Kurama remembered there's a power button on the front of the TV. He pushed it and the screen went black. Everybody stopped and stared at him.

"Oh."

"Turn it back on!" Shadow whined. She blinked suddenly. "Yes, that episode brings up a question. Hiei, in your demon form, do you get eyes over all your body?"

"What the hell kind of..."

"Ew! You freak! That's gross!" Eclipse yelped.

"Oh," Hiei said coldly. "Psycho."

"Doi," Shadow said, grinning stupidly.

"Gasp! Look! The rain is slowing down!" Yusuke said. He was right.

"It's probably just the calm before the storm. We're probably gonna get a giant tsunami and we're all gonna drown," Kuwabara said.

"I doubt it," Kurama said.

"You never know," Kuwabara replied.

"Yes he does. He always knows. Everything," Shadow said. She plopped down on her bed beside Hiei and stared at the wall. "I'm bored."

"Let's play a game," Eclipse said.

"A game? Like what?" Shadow said, interested.

"I'm open for suggestions," Eclipse replied.

"Spin the bottle!" Kuwabara said.

"Kuwabara, the odds of you getting to kiss a girl are one in three. You'd probably end up kissing Hiei," Kurama said. Kuwabara and Hiei looked at each other in horror, then hid behind the closest person.

"Truth or dare?" Yusuke suggested. "No! Strip truth or dare."

"Too much fun for ol' Youko back up in fox-boy's head over here," Shadow said, shooting down that idea. "Unless, of course, it ends up with a boy losing."

"Gah! Ew, Shadow!" Kurama whined.

"How about, um... I Never?" Shadow suggested. "Nice way to find out secrets."

"Ha. You've played that so many times with me we already know all each others secrets," Hiei said, smirking.

"Oooooh, really?" Yusuke said. "Let me in!"

"What's 'I Never'?" Eclipse asked.

"You sit in a circle with soda or beer or something--We'll use soda--and go around the circle. When it's your turn, you say something you've never done. The people who have done that have to take a drink of their soda. Try to say something you think somebody else in the room has done. It goes on until we're out of soda," Shadow said.

"Ah. So where's our soda?" Eclipse asked.

"The grocery store. Anybody want to volunteer to go on a soda-shopping trip?" Shadow asked.

"I will!" Yusuke and Kuwabara said at the same time.

"Forget it. I'll go," Shadow said, grabbing her cash and walking out the door. Hiei stared at the door for a second, then vanished. The door slammed behind him.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwww, how cute," Yusuke said. Eclipse cracked him in the head. "Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!"

"Hmm... Those two sleep in the same bed, don't they?" Kuwabara said.

"While we're staying here they are," Eclipse said.

"What? Seriously? Then are you and Kurama sleeping together?" Yusuke asked.

"Not like we had a whole lot of choice," Eclipse replied slowly, suspicious of where Yusuke was going with this.

"Sure you did! You could have slept with Shadow, and Kurama could have slept with Hiei."

Shwack.

Yusuke got punched from both sides right in the face.

"Why would we do that? Why sleep with somebody of the same sex when there's people of the opposite sex?" Kurama asked.

"In other words, why make people think you're gay when you're not?" Yusuke said. "Look, that's not where I was going with this. My point is... How close together do they sleep? Are they like, on opposite sides of the bed, or are they cuddling in each others' arms?"

"We don't know! What do you think we do, lay there and spy on them?" Eclipse said.

"Yes, I do," Yusuke said. "You're a snoopy twit. That's what I expect."

"Myeh myeh myeh," Eclipse mocked. "Why are you out to get those two? Just cuz they live together they have to be a couple? Just cuz they're best friends and of opposite genders? Just cuz they look a lot the same? Why? Hmmm?"

"Because they act like it!"

"Since when?"

"Since ever! Shadow started out as some lunatic girl and right off the bat she was closest to Hiei. He was her guard. And she was just outgoing and wasn't afraid of him or his evil evilness. He had to be close to her, being her guard and all... And come to think of it, she spent the nights at Kurama's house... and... stuff could have happened there..." Yusuke said.

Shwack.

"You think I'd go and take advantage of some girl I barely knew?" Kurama snapped.

"Owww! I was joking!"

"Sure you were! Why does Shadow have to be with someone? She's fifteen! She's not old enough to be going and having kids and getting married!" Eclipse snapped.

"Aww, protecting her. How swee--" Shwack. "Owww! I hate being tagteamed! Kuwabara, help me out here!"

"No way, Urameshi! I'm not gonna get my face smashed in to help you out!"

Everything calmed down for a minute or two. Yusuke seemed to give up on implying Hiei and Shadow were involved.

"So what about you and Kurama, Eclipse? Anything going on there?"

Shwack.

"Owwwwww!!!"

"Hello, Hiei," Kurama said calmly, noticing the little demon standing in the doorway gawking. Shadow was right behind him. Both of them had their arms loaded up with bags full of cans of soda, and both were soaking wet. Obviously the rain had started up again.

Eclipse had steam rising off of her. Yusuke's face was mashed in several directions and he had red hand marks on him.

"What the heck happened?" Shadow asked, herding Hiei into the room and closing the door. "We were only gone for about ten minutes!"

"Why'd you go with her, Hiei? Afraid she couldn't manage on her own?" Yusuke asked. Hiei gave him a funny look.

"No, I just wanted to get out of this hotel room. Besides, being left with you wasn't exactly a pleasing idea."

"Sure..."

"Hiei, tell Yusuke and Kuwabaka that you and Shadow aren't involved in any way past being friends," Eclipse said.

"We're not. We're just friends," Hiei said. He narrowed his eyes. "What did he think?"

"He thinks you two have sex or make out or something while me and Kurama are lying a few feet away," Eclipse said dryly.

~Insert curse words and fluffy cartoony cloud of angry dust and stars here~

"BAKA! WE'RE JUST FRIENDS!"

"But you can't deny you're close!"

"FRIENDS!"

"Ow!"

"BAKA BAKA BAKA!"

"Ow ow ow."

"AHOU! YOU NEED TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE!"

"Help me!!!"

"KIDS! COULD WE CEASE THE VIOLENCE?" Eclipse screamed at the top of her voice. The cloud of dust froze and a second later there were three thuds as Yusuke (mangled horribly), Shadow, and Hiei hit the ground. They got up and dusted the cloud away. Well, Yusuke didn't get up... ^.~

"Let's play!" Shadow said, grabbing a can of pop and sitting down in the middle of her bed. Everybody stared at her.

"Well? Let's play!" Eclipse said. Everybody (except Yusuke, who was mangled and twitching on the floor) grabbed a can and took a place in the room. Then Shadow had a thought and picked up two six-packs of cans and set them between herself and Hiei on the bed.

"Who wants to start?" she asked. There was silence. Crickets chirped.

"I have one!" Kuwabara said excitedly after a second. Everybody looked at him and the crickets shut up. Yusuke had gotten up and got a can of soda by this point, so all six were in the game.

"Well?" Shadow prompted.

"I never kissed Hiei," the baka said proudly.

"We should hope not!" Kurama said. Shadow took a drink. Hiei looked slightly green at the thought of Kuwabara kissing him.

"Kurama?" Shadow prompted.

"Am I saying things I've never done as Shuichi or things I never did as Youko?" Kurama asked.

"It doesn't matter," she said.

"In that case, I've never..." He paused to think. "Ah. I've never... Damn, that won't work. Can I skip my turn?"

"No."

"Damn. Well... I've never gotten a low grade in school."

Everybody else in the room took a drink (including Hiei. In my first story he went to school). Yusuke and Kuwabara drained their cans and had to get new ones.

Shadow blinked. Her turn. "Since this is about discovering more about each other, finding out secrets, etc, then I am going to say that I never made out with somebody in front of other people."

Four voices simultaneously said, "I can change that!" Kurama instantly hit himself in the forehead ("Bad Youko!"), Hiei had a joking smirk on his face, but Yusuke and Kuwabara both looked hopeful. And both of them got clobbered with a PVC pipe Shadow had produced from somewhere.

"The only person I would even consider making out with right here and now is Hiei. Not that I don't like Kurama and all, but I'm afraid he'd go Youko on me," she said, sitting back down and setting the PVC pipe beside her. "Now who needs to take a drink there?"

Yusuke and Kurama drank.

"Hiei's turn!" Shadow said.

"I never kissed a watermelon."

"What?!" Everybody was confused, until they noticed Shadow chugging an entire can. Then she paused.

"Wait. That was one swallow too many..." She shrugged and grabbed a new can.

"Anyway, Eclipse's turn!" Kurama said.

"Hm... I never kissed a girl," Eclipse said. Every guy except Kuwabara drank.

"I never passionately kissed somebody of the same sex," Yusuke said, looking pointedly at Hiei and Kurama. They had no idea why he would have said that until they noticed him staring.

"What the hell's your problem?! We're not gay!" Hiei snapped.

"Really! Hiei's with Shadow!" Kurama said. Hiei shot him a look but couldn't do anything else because Yusuke's next comment caused a massive explosion.

"Well maybe Shadow's a boy."

Boom.

"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?!?!?" Shadow and Hiei screamed in unison.

"I'M FEMALE! Want me to prove it?!" Shadow snapped.

"Yes please," Yusuke said, smiling stupidly. With a cold glare, Shadow slammed Yusuke in the side of the head with a metal baseball bat (where the hell does she get these things? They just appear whenever she needs them?).

"Owww..."

"IN YOUR DREAMS!" she screamed at him. She put her arms around Hiei's shoulders and nuzzled her cheek against his. "I'll prove it to Hiei... Then he can just pass the word along..."

"GOOD LORD, JAGANSHI! YOU FREAK!" Eclipse screeched, falling off the bed and crawling under a chair to hide.

"It's Kuwabara's turn, anyway," Kurama said, trying to calm everyone down.

"Yay! I never... Oh! I never kissed a frog."

Shadow sighed and took a couple swallows. Everybody looked at her funny.

"Why would you kiss a frog?" Kurama asked.

"Long story."

"Uh... huh... Anywho, I never went skinny dipping."

Yusuke and Kuwabara drank. Shadow's jaw dropped.

"EW!!! BAD IMAGES!"

"Where the hell did you go skinny dipping?" Eclipse asked.

"Why? Wanna come watch next time?" Yusuke asked. Eclipse's eyes went unfocused and she ran into the bathroom with her hand over her mouth.

"Ooh! I've never seen a guy unclothed from the waist down," Shadow said. "And guys, that means somebody other than yourself."

"Does it include babies?" Kurama asked.

"No. I mean mature guys."

Eclipse, who had just walked out of the bathroom, looked horrified and headed back the way she came at a run.

"Well in that case..." Yusuke said. He and Kuwabara took drinks. Hiei and Kurama did too, but quickly informed everyone it was not the other (Hiei did not see Kurama and vice versa) and it was not under perverted/sexual circumstances.

"Of course, Karasu attempted to make it under those circumstances one time," Kurama mumbled. Everybody stared at him in horror.

"He tried to see you, or he tried to make you see him? Or is he the guy you saw?" Shadow asked.

"No. God, no!" Kurama said, horrified. He looked green.

"Which brings me around to my turn. I never intentionally saw a naked guy," Hiei said. Kuwabara and Yusuke drank.

"Yeah, you have. Cuz you two go skinny dipping together!" Shadow said. "Wait, if you intentionally saw each other naked, that means you made a point of looking?"

"NO! God knows the last thing I wanted to see is Kuwabara naked!" Yusuke said.

"Okay. I'll buy that," Shadow said. "Eclipse! Your turn! We're done talking about skinny dipping!"

"I never licked a frog," Hiei said, taking Eclipse's turn since the girl was obviously still having bad images of naked Kuwabara. Shadow shrugged and finished off another can.

"That's why I kissed a frog. First I licked it, and it was like a drug. So then I kissed it. Yusuke, your turn!" Shadow said.

"I never had sex," Yusuke said after staring at Shadow for a second. He was hoping she'd go on to say she'd had sex with the frog.

Kurama sighed, drank the rest of his soda and started on another. Hiei took a couple swallows. Shadow looked at him funny.

"I'm jealous, Hiei! Hmph! See if I ever talk to you again!"

"What do you expect? I lived in Makai for ages! You expect me to just stay a virgin the whole time?"

"I lived in Makai for fouteen years and I'm still a virgin," Shadow said, fake-sadly.

"Well I'm a heck of a lot older than you! You were in Makai when you were a kid, Shadow! Who wants to have sex with a kid?"

"Stop making excuses. You can't heal the wound you have put in my heart," Shadow said over-dramatically, fakely sobbing.

"Sure he can! You two could just have mad passionate sex tonight to make up," Yusuke said.

"Okay!" the two fire demons said in unison. Kuwabara's jaw dropped.

"Damn, and I didn't bring a video camera on this trip," Yusuke muttered.

"I did!" Shadow said. "But I'm not going to video tape my private bedroom activities."

"But this isn't your bedroom..." Yusuke reasoned.

"Good point, but we can't have sex tonight! We'll keep Kurama and Eclipse awake. And the noise would probably drive Youko insane."

"COULD WE STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS PLEASE?!" Kuwabara asked.

"Jealous?" Hiei, Shadow, and Kurama said.

"No! It's gross!"

"Talking about it isn't bad... At least you aren't actually seeing it..." Shadow said. Kuwabara heaved and tore off to the bathroom.

"OUTTA MY WAY ECLIPSE!" he screamed.

"Watch this... Wait until he gets back," Shadow said, grinning. She leaned over and whispered something in Hiei's ear. He smirked.

"I'm supposing we're pausing our game for a while, until our sickened group is back as one, right?" Kurama said. Shadow and Hiei, with big, innocent smiles on their faces, nodded.

A few minutes later, Eclipse walked into the room. Shadow hurriedly told her the plan she'd made up just as Kuwabara walked in. Quickly, Shadow leaned against Hiei with one hand on his leg, and Hiei put his arm around her waist. Kuwabara stared. He looked from their faces, to Hiei's hand on Shadow's hip, to Shadow's hand on Hiei's leg, back to their faces. When he saw pure evil in their eyes, he knew this was only the beginning. Shadow leaned up. Hiei turned towards her. And Kuwabara's eyes got several times bigger as the two kissed.

"Ahhhhh!!!"

Shadow could barely hide her laughter, so she turned her back and pushed Hiei down on the bed. Kuwabara looked horrified.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

Kurama and Yusuke looked kind of startled. Kurama knew it was a joke. Yusuke wasn't so sure. And Eclipse was just disturbed, even though she knew it wasn't serious. She just stared at the two fire demons. Shadow was trying not to laugh at Kuwabara, and Hiei was trying not to laugh at her, and they were doing kind of okay and managed to keep kissing, until...

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! FOR GOD'S SAKE, PLEASE STOP! THAT'S INAPPROPRIATE! THAT'S NOT PUBLIC BEHAVIOR! PLEASE STOP DOING THAT! WAIT UNTIL I'M GONE!"

Just to freak him out even more, Shadow moaned. There was a loud thud as Kuwabara passed out. That was it. Shadow and Hiei both exploded with laughter.

"That was perfect!" Shadow said through howls of laughter.

"It took a good bit of close contact to get that result," Yusuke said. He pulled a microphone out of his pocket and ran to Hiei. "So, did the ends justifiy the means? Or did the means even need justified? You seemed to enjoy it a bit too much, if you ask me."

Hiei stopped laughing and punched Yusuke right in the eye. Shadow stared, startled. Then she looked at Hiei. And Yusuke fell over with a black eye. And Hiei looked at her. And she snorted, trying to hold back laughter, but it was hopeless, and both of them exploded into laughter again until they were laughing so hard they couldn't breathe and there was no sound coming out of them because of lack of oxygen, and they gasped for breath, and they were shaking, and their faces were turning purple, and they couldn't move, and yet they still couldn't stop.

"I didn't think it was that incredibly funny..." Eclipse said.

"It's not," Shadow managed to gasp.

"Then why are you laughing so hard?" Kurama asked.

"It's not that," Hiei said.

"Then what is it?" Eclipse asked.

Shadow stopped laughing, looked at Eclipse, then snorted and laughed again.

"Good Lord..." Eclipse muttered.

"You up for a game of chess?" Kurama asked.

"Sure. Why not," Eclipse said. Kurama pulled a chess board from somewhere and set it up. Of course, they couldn't play too well with Hiei and Shadow laughing hysterically in the background.

Hiei and Shadow laughed until their muscles hurt and they eventually fell asleep because they were exhausted from laughing about only-they-know-what. Kurama and Eclipse played chess, Eclipse losing horribly each time, and Yusuke and Kuwabara lay unconscious on the ground. And this is how the rest of the day passed.