CHAPTER SIX
The Wasted Chapter
And boy is it wasted...

"What's wrong with you, Kurama?" Hiei asked the next day when he saw his friend. The fox was all shifty-eyed and nervous-looking.

"Oh, nothing, just the fact that KARASU'S PART OF THE CREW!" Kurama said loudly. Then he lowered his voice. "He tried to kiss me! He ended up making out with your supposed girlfriend in the hallway!"

Hiei rounded on Shadow, who was absentmindedly lighting matches and watching them burn.

"YOU WERE MAKING OUT WITH KARASU?! HOW FRIGGIN' DERANGED ARE YOU?"

"I was not. He just kissed me."

Kurama practically went into convulsions.

"Did he use his tongue?" Yusuke asked. Shadow nodded.

"Yup."

"Oh, gross!" Hiei said.

Eclipse was staring at her friend in shock. "I... you... tuh... you... Kuh..." She found her voice. "You kissed Karasu? What's next, are you gonna have sex with him?"

Kurama looked extremely ill. He got up and walked away, muttering something that none of them really heard, but they knew what he'd said a few minutes later when he vanished into the bar.

"Oh bad." Hiei said, noticing. He got up and walked to the bar after him. Everybody else exchanged glances and followed out of lack of anything better to do.

They all turned around almost instantly, however, as Hiei came towards the door dragging Kurama by his wrist.

"You are going back to your room, and you'll lay down and sleep and forget all about that freak, okay?"

"Uh-huh..." Kurama said meekly, clutching a bottle of beer to his chest.

"Eclipse will be with you... And you can relax, and..."

Hiei continued to say comforting things to Kurama all the way to his room, where he took the bottle of beer from his hand and then pushed the boy into his room.

"Sleep," he ordered Kurama. Then he pushed Eclipse into the room. "And you get in there and make sure that guy doesn't bother him."

He closed the door, then rounded on Shadow. "And you!"

She smiled innocently. Hiei turned to Yusuke and Kuwabara. "You two had better watch out that he doesn't pester you, since you've got quarters in the 'gays' area. Now. Shadow, come with me."

Hiei led Shadow to their room. "You let him kiss you?! You just stood there and let him slobber all over you?"

"Um... I was mildly drunk, if I remember correctly. I drank the rest of that whatever you'd been drinking that made you pass out."

Hiei's jaw dropped. "That's smart, Shadow. That's really smart."

"Really?"

"No."

"Damn."

Eclipse sat on the bed, watching Kurama pace back and forth.

"Would you just calm down, Kurama?" she said. He didn't answer. "Whatever." She got up and went into the bathroom. When she came back out, she stopped dead, as Youko Kurama was sitting on the bed.

"What in the Hell is going on here? What... Why are you here?"

"Simple. I'm more powerful and I have less emotions than Shuichi, therefore I don't get as easily victimized."

"Oh. Well... You can't exactly wander around the ship like that, you know," Eclipse said.

"I know."

"You aren't going to harass me, are you?"

"Nah. I torture Shadow."

"Very good. Well she's with Hiei, and who knows what the hell they're doing."

"I doubt they're doing anything that this cruise is for."

"... I don't."

"What? You think they're in their room having sex?"

"You know how they act! I think they're secretly in love," Eclipse said.

"Well it's not much of a secret if that's so, the way Shadow prances around sitting on his lap and whatnot."

"Does she? I've never seen her sitting on his lap."

"Yes you have."

"That's odd. I don't remember."

"Eclipse, your brain is the size of a grape. Of course you don't remember."

"That's not very nice, fox boy."

"I'm not a nice person," Youko said flatly.

"I'd noticed. You're nice to Shadow."

"If you ask her, she'd say I'm not."

"You're too nice to Shadow."

"What?"

"Never mind. I still say you're wasting your time harassing her. Hiei's gettin' jealous. Every time you get near her, he gets even more angrier. Yup."

"I'll just go down there and see if they're really a couple," Youko said. He got up and walked out the door.

"Hey! Fox! You can't go prancing around like that!"

"I'm not prancing," Youko said, already down the hall at Shadow and Hiei's room. He knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" came Shadow's voice.

"Room service," Youko answered.

"Huh?" Shadow opened the door. "What the hell, you ain't no room service!"

Youko pushed into the room. Eclipse slipped in after him.

"What are you doing here, fox?" Hiei asked.

"Eclipse and I were having a little discussion. She believes that you two are a couple. I came here to find out if that's true."

"Of course we are," Shadow said. "In fact, we were just about to have wild sex before you interrupted us."

Youko quirked an eyebrow.

"No, I'm not serious, bakayarou," Shadow said.

"Have you two ever had sex?" he asked.

"What? Together?" Shadow asked. "Of course we have."

"No we haven't," Hiei said.

"Make up your minds!" Eclipse snapped.

"We haven't," Shadow said. "I was joking."

"You see?" Youko said proudly. "I was right. As usual."

Eclipse glared. "We'll see about that."

"What? What's that supposed to mean?" Shadow asked. "What, you gonna spend the night here and see if we have sex?"

"No," Eclipse answered. "Youko is."

"He's what?"

"I'm what?"

"YOUKO KURAMA IS NOT GOING TO SPEND THE NIGHT IN THE SAME ROOM AS ME!" Shadow snapped.

"It's not like I haven't done it before, Shadow," Youko comforted.

"Don't you even bring that up, fox," Shadow said. "Because that was without me knowing about it, you lock-picking freak."

The four of them spent a very awkward night together, all of them sitting no closer than five feet from the others, staring at each other, drawing all over the bed covers with permanent black marker, or putting a layer of duct tape over a chair just because it had a tiny scratch on it.

Okay, so it was only mildly awkward, mostly for Hiei and Youko, who either stared at each other or at the girls, who had found ways to entertain themselves. Shadow had been mad at first, until she set eyes on the Evil Black Marker of Doom. Eclipse had been extremely bored and annoyed until she saw a roll of duct tape and noticed something that turned out to be nothing on the chair.

"Well, are you satisfied?" Hiei asked as sunlight started to filter through the windows.

"Yes!" Shadow and Eclipse said in unison, holding up their night's accomplishments.

Hiei fell right off his chair and lay on the floor twitching for ten minutes.

If you are not interested in reading a strange argument for ten minutes, get lost right now, for the good of your own sanity.

Shadow and Eclipse stared at each others "art" for a minute. The room was completely silent as Youko stood watching Hiei twitch. Then, out of no where, Shadow and Eclipse simultaneously said, "Mine's prettier!"

"No, mine is!"

"Huh-uh!"

"Yes it is!"

"What makes yours prettier?"

"Because I made it!"

"Oh, and what's that got to do with anything?"

"Anything you can do I can do better!"

"No you can't!"

"Yes I can!"

"No you can't!"

"Yes I can!"

"WANNA BET?"

"Yeah, bring it on, pansy!"

"OH, YOU'RE ASKING FOR IT!"

"YEAH, MAYBE I AM!"

"GO AHEAD!"

"WHERE'S MY MONEY?"

"UP YOUR BUTT!"

"WELL WHO PUT IT THERE?"

"YOU PROBABLY DID, STUPID!"

"WHY WOULD I PUT MONEY UP MY BUTT?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE STUPID, STUPID!"

"I AM NOT STUPID!"

"WANNA BET?"

"TWENTY BUCKS, GIVE IT HERE!"

"IT'S MINE!"

"MINE!"

"NO, IT'S MINE!"

"NO, IT'S MINE."

"IN YOUR DREAMS!"

"YEAH, WELL THEN I MUST BE DREAMING!"

"YOU AREN'T, BECAUSE IT'S MINE."

"YOU'RE STUPID! GIMME MY MONEY!"

"IT ISN'T YOURS, FOOL! SO JUST SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Oh? You want me to shut up, huh? Huh, huh, do ya? Do ya? Well, let me tell you--!"

"Tell me what, that you're stupid?"

"You're stupid, fool! Shut up and let me finish my sentence!"

"You did!"

"I did not!"

"Yes you did!"

"COME BACK HERE, PANSY! I'LL BITE OFF YOUR LEGS!"

"I WASN'T GOING ANYWHERE, BUT I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY, YOU SISSY!"

"I'M INVINCIBLE!"

"You're stupid, that's what!"

"Oh, you think so? Well then, what's the mathematical formula for the volume of a pentadodecahedron?"

"FISH!"

"DAMN, NO, THAT'S IT!"

"HA HA HA, BOW BEFORE MY SUPERIOR INTELLIGENCE!"

"YEAH RIGHT, YOU BUTT-WIPE! I'LL TEAR YOU APART! BRAWN IS SUPERIOR TO BRAINS EVERY DAY!"

"OH YEAH, LET'S SEE YOU PROVE THAT THEORY!"

"IT'S NOT A THEORY, IT'S PROVEN FACT, PURELY BECAUSE I SAID SO!"

"YOU'RE STUPID! SHUT UP!"

"YOU'RE REDUNDANT! GET A DICTIONARY!"

"IN YOUR FACE, STUPID!"

"WHAT?"

"I SAID, 'IN YOUR FACE, STUPID!'"

"OH! OKAY! I'M KIND OF HARD OF HEARING!"

"I'D NOTICED, FOOL! WE'RE SCREAMING WHEN WE'RE TWO FEET APART!"

"SO? MAYBE THE PEOPLE IN AUSTRALIA WANT TO HEAR OUR ARGUMENT!"

"I DOUBT IT!"

"SCREW THEM! WHO CARES WHAT THEY WANT? THEY CAN JUST GO EAT A KANGAROO AND ACT LIKE YOU DON'T EXIST!"

"WHY JUST ME?"

"BECAUSE IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO ACT LIKE I DON'T EXIST UNLESS I DON'T!"

"WELL YOU DON'T, SO THERE!"

"... I don't?"

"No. You don't."

"WOOHOO, I DON'T EXIST!"

"You're one stupid fool."

"No, I thought I was two stupid fools. Or three! Or five! Or ten!"

"No, you're just forty-two."

"Oh. Okay. Damn you."

"What'd I do?"

"You were BORN!"

"No I wasn't!"

"AH! YOU HATCHED OUT OF AN EGG? GET AWAY FROM ME, REPTILE!"

"I didn't hatch from an egg! I just appeared out of nowhere!"

"GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU VAMPIRIC AIR-SUCKING VACUUM OXYGEN WASTING... PERSON CREATURE THING!"

"BUWAHAHA!"

"THAT'S MY LINE! DON'T MAKE ME TEAR OUT YOUR THROAT, INHUMAN CREATURE!"

"I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!"

"FINE!"

If you couldn't tell, I could go on like this all day. But I won't.

The next ten minutes were spent in an insane flurry of fists and teeth and strangling and whatnot while Youko and Hiei watched, rivers of sweat running down the backs of their heads.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

When I finish my WR/YYH x-over fic, I'll start back up on these, but there's no guarantees of when that'll be. There's only gonna be three, I think, more chapters of the WR/YYH fic, and I know exactly what I have planned for that (unlike this fic), so you won't have to wait as long this time. Hopefully. Like I said, no guarantees.