Chapter Eight: Torn Between Emotions
The four of you are moving by mid afternoon. Van Helsing says that he wants to reach the forest edge by dusk, and it will be difficult to achieve such a goal with the given conditions. The sun is shining brightly overhead, but it is still a very cold day.
Van Helsing looks happy, for some odd reason. Carl looks dazed. Vladimir looks…undecipherable. He could be either angry, or just extremely solemn. You cannot tell. You end up staring straight ahead blankly, unable to feel any exact emotion at the moment. You are torn between emotions, you suppose.
On the one hand, there is the fact that Dracula is going to be on your tail. On the other hand, there is the fact that Van Helsing seems to be flirting with the idea of flirting with you. This makes you feel many things: anxiety, ecstasy, anger, and confusion. Van Helsing seems to only be amused, however. You sigh, leaning forward on the horse in a bored fashion. Van Helsing rides up beside you, exchanging a glance.
"Do not worry, Miss DeLune. Soon, there will be no more boredom," he says, as if it is assuring. He winks at you and rides on ahead. You cough back a potential dreamy sigh as you watch his lean figure ride ahead. So to avert your thoughts, you turn your attention to Vladimir, who looks extremely reserved and uptight.
"What are your thoughts, Vladimir?" You ask him.
"I think you ought to stay away from Van Helsing," he says in a low voice. You raise a brow.
"Why?" You ask, out of curiosity.
"He is paying far too much attention to you and far less attention to the mission," Vladimir states, keeping his eyes on Van Helsing's back, "I would be careful if I were you. I only trust Carl out of the two of them."
"You speak of trust, but what reason have we to trust you?" You ask, a little angered that he would not trust Van Helsing, "He is a good man. He knows what he is doing."
"He thinks he knows what he's doing. In fact, he thinks he knows too well what he's doing so he feels he does not need to concentrate on just the mission—" Vladimir starts.
"Chop, chop, gossips," calls Van Helsing from the front of the line, "We need to go a bit faster if we are to ever reach the forest in time." Vladimir flashes you a glance.
"Just remember what I said, Mira," He says in a low voice. You nod, remembering that you should quickly forget it. Vladimir is likely just jealous that Van Helsing is so learned in these matters.
Van Helsing pushes everyone all day and you reach the forest even before dusk. He and Carl set up camp once more and get a fire going for a quick dinner. After dinner, Carl retires to his tent, claiming he needs to continue his studies. Vladimir stays up, with seemingly no intention of ever retiring. He is keeping a close eye on Van Helsing.
"Do you think Dracula will return tonight?" You ask openly.
"No," says Van Helsing, "In fact, I think we needn't expect anymore trouble from him during our journey to the Courts of Andume. But I would keep a close eye out for him anyway." Vladimir is silent, with a steady gaze on Van Helsing. Van Helsing smiles at him. "Whiskey?" He offers to Vladimir. Vladimir declines. When Van Helsing offers it to you, you have a little, but only enough to warm yourself.
"Vladimir, why don't you retire for the evening?" You suggest.
"I'm not tired," he says blandly, glaring at you.
"Vladimir, I'm going to be up all night. You don't have to worry about watching the camp. Trust me, I have it covered," says Van Helsing. Vladimir moves to say something in response, but Van Helsing continues, cutting him off, "No, no, Vladimir. I insist. Go to bed and sleep, while you can!" Vladimir looks very angry, gets up, and stalks off to his tent without another word. You giggle to yourself and Van Helsing raises his flask to you. He takes a swig and lays back to look at the stars.
"Vladimir makes me uneasy sometimes," you say, looking up at the sky.
"He is a shifty character," replies Van Helsing, "Join me over here. This side of the fire is lonely." He pats a place next to him. You move there and lay back next to him, staring upward. He sighs, taking another swig.
"Have you always drunk this much?" You ask. He laughs slightly.
"Nah," he says, "It's just too damn cold out here. Can't live without the stuff."
"Is that the real reason?" You ask, not believing him. He pauses.
"No, it's only part of it," he answers, "But I'd rather not talk about it."
"Oh, come on!" You press, leaning against him, "Tell me some wild story about what got you onto drinking whiskey!" He shakes his head and sighs. "Is it tragic?" You ask.
"It is partially tragic, yes," he replies, "But…more happy…for her at least."
"Her?" You turn your head and meet his eyes. He stares at you. "Tell me," you ask softly.
"It was Anna Valerious," he says, "I never knew her long enough to call it love… maybe it was just infatuation with her spirited mind and her unspeakable beauty…she was a brave woman. But, she had to go. It was her time. At least she was able to pass on the correct way. But I am now doubting this, even as I say it. Dracula must be defeated in order to save her, and her family."
"What do you mean?" You ask.
"A curse was placed upon her family," states Van Helsing. He looks away. "That is all I can say to you."
"I wish I could help," you say, leaning against him, "I wish I could somehow defeat him."
"There may yet be chances to help. But you have already helped in alerting me before Dracula himself came to alert me," replies Van Helsing. He looks back at you. You stare at him, wanting to kiss him for some odd reason. The chemistry is driving you mad.
"Have you ever loved, Van Helsing?" You ask.
"I've loved God, as every man should," he replies, continuing to look at you, "I've loved finding God in a woman's eyes…" Your heart flips. But then you think he must be talking about Anna. "But if you speak of mortal love, I do not think I have yet found it." Your heart flops. Then again, what were you expecting? You had just met him the other night. You smile. "Have you ever loved, Mira?" He asks softly. You continue to smile profoundly.
"I am too young to know," you whisper. He strokes your cheekbone tenderly with his forefinger.
"Everyone is young when they're a mortal, Mira," he says softly. You close your eyes to the sound of his voice and his soft touch on your face. "We never stop learning," he whispers. He kisses you softly, as if it were inevitable. You huddle close to his heat, letting his strong, warrior-arms hold you. You want nothing more than to fall asleep right here. Your sense of duty threatens to kick in.
"We never stop making mistakes, either," you say quietly, your eyes threatening to break into tears.
"Only by making mistakes can we learn," replies Van Helsing, grasping you closer.
"Gabriel…" you say, but you stop. You don't want to ask why he's holding you, because you don't want to know why. You want to think that he is holding you because he loves you, but love takes too much time to happen in 24 hours.
"You are a part of her," whispers Van Helsing. You are silent. All you can hear is your heartbeat, strong and steady.
"Gabriel…" You say again, just for the sheer sound of his name.
"Anna," he whispers back. You do not bother to correct him, because you realize that to Gabriel Van Helsing, you are Anna Valerious. Devastated, you rise out of his arms and get up. He reaches for you. "Don't leave me…" He says softly. You can see that he is on the verge of tears.
"Gabriel…Anna is dead," you say, leaning forward to caress his forehead, "For three years she has been dead." Van Helsing cries, curling into his knees. It is painful for you to see him like that, and you want nothing more than to comfort the stricken hunter. But you do not know how to.
"And she dies, over and over again…because I could not properly kill her enemy," says Van Helsing, hitting the ground with his fist, "I swear vengeance upon Count Dracula, whether I die or not."
"Vengeance is God's," You answer.
"I swear it!" Declares Van Helsing. He is not well, you decide, and settle back down next to him, stroking his shoulders and forcing him to relax.
"God will have his vengeance," you assure, looking deeply into his eyes. He seems to be immediately hypnotized.
"God will have his vengeance," repeats Van Helsing, trance-like. He gently moves forward to kiss you again, and you indulge in the one passion, because maybe, you are stupid; or maybe, you just want to further lie to yourself that Gabriel Van Helsing might love you and forget his longing for Anna Valerious.
"Good night, Van Helsing," you say, moving to get up. He grips you close.
"Don't leave me, Mira," he says, regaining his composure, "God knows I cannot stand being the only one on guard for these cold, lonely nights."
"Very well. I shall stay with you," you say, drawing close to him as he places a wool blanket over you.
"Good night, Mira," he says.
"Good night, Gabriel," you say, laying your head on his chest. You drift off into dreams while counting the stars above.
One, two, three…