Kevin met Osmond cleaning fish.
It was just a summer job, Kevin had no plans of ever doing this again, but the pay was good even if the work itself turned your brain to mush, and Kevin did need the money. So there he stood, in a yellow rubber apron, with yellow rubber gloves and a knife cutting off the fins and scraping the insides of salmon after salmon after salmon.
Osmond had been standing next to him.
Kevin had originally come here for work with his best friend and roomate, Arnold. Arnold, unfortunately had fainted during the first practical demonstration of how to clean a fish. The poor thing couldn't stand the sight of blood. And when cleaning a fish here one had to run the dull side of one's knife down it's spine to get rid of the blood.
Arnold had reapplied for a office job, and the lucky bastard got it.
Which left Kevin alone, with his apron, his gloves, his knife and his blue coveralls. Osmond had smiled in a non-smiling fashion at him, and said hello.
Kevin and Osmond stood side by side and cleaned fish in a companionable silence. When the morning break signal went, they had removed their gloves, washed there hands and walked upstairs to the lunchroom together. Morning break was only 15 minutes long, both Arnold and Kevin knew they wouldn't see each other until lunch, at least. So Kevin had stuck with Osmond, they had introduced themselves to one another, and gotten a cup of coffee. After a minute or so of sitting and sipping in relative piece something loud and bouncy landed next to Osmond at the table.
It was Dave, Osmond's friend who had also opted to clean fish for the summer. Dave however, had been moved from cleaning fish to rescuing whole ones from the almost liquefaction that happened to all fish parts on the pollution line. And he was quite keen to tell both of them all about it.
Both of them, for once, unable to think of a sarcastic come back just nodded and Dave, though disappointed at the lack of response, fixed this silence by unsubtly stealing Osmond's coffee. There was a brief argument, but the buzzer went off and the trio trudged back to work.
When lunch came, Kevin hunted down Arnold and dragged him to eat lunch with his two new acquaintances. Almost immediately Arnold and Dave got into an argument, Osmond and Kevin decided not to run interference, and if they both got in trouble so be it, they argued like children anyway.
"You know what happened just before lunch?" Dave asked Arnold, who gave him a look, a 'what?' look. "This guy came with a trolley, and on this trolley were these four containers, filled to the brim with fish guts. And he dumped them onto the pollution line. It was a thing of beauty. All those oranges and browns and purples."
Arnold turned rather green, Kevin stifled his snicker, Osmond didn't manage it.
This pattern continued, Osmond and Kevin would sit in companionable silence, just as they stood in companionable silence while working. Dave and Arnold would trade minor insults and even more minor compliments.
And then it happened.
Arnold had left the room for a moment, and one of the dumber office staff had accidental burnt all of the files.
It was a travesty.
The office staff had to work double time just to get all the information back. The ditz and his other ditzy friend had been sent to go get the required information from the fish cleaners.
The had stood side by side and questioned Kevin and Osmond Simultaneously.
"First name?"
"Kevin."
"Osmond."
"Last name?"
"Darling."
"Blackadder."
"Kevin and Osmond Darling-Blackadder?"
"Are you brothers or something?"
"They don't look alike."
"True. Oh well. Messrs. Darling-Blackadder, where do you live?"
a/n: I've been cleaning fish. Well, that's not true, I did what Dave said he's been doing. All day. Which is to say, I wrote this at work. Warning, kinda very crossover-y. I only have time to wrote one thing tonight, and I had a choice between more this and some long desire Red Dwarf slash. (my RD plot elephants, I don't get bunnies, I get elephants, are trying to stampede, so I made a compromise) And for the record, if it's bad, that's because... well, cleaning fish sucks. That's my excuse. Also, woo! Filing accident origin.
It was just a summer job, Kevin had no plans of ever doing this again, but the pay was good even if the work itself turned your brain to mush, and Kevin did need the money. So there he stood, in a yellow rubber apron, with yellow rubber gloves and a knife cutting off the fins and scraping the insides of salmon after salmon after salmon.
Osmond had been standing next to him.
Kevin had originally come here for work with his best friend and roomate, Arnold. Arnold, unfortunately had fainted during the first practical demonstration of how to clean a fish. The poor thing couldn't stand the sight of blood. And when cleaning a fish here one had to run the dull side of one's knife down it's spine to get rid of the blood.
Arnold had reapplied for a office job, and the lucky bastard got it.
Which left Kevin alone, with his apron, his gloves, his knife and his blue coveralls. Osmond had smiled in a non-smiling fashion at him, and said hello.
Kevin and Osmond stood side by side and cleaned fish in a companionable silence. When the morning break signal went, they had removed their gloves, washed there hands and walked upstairs to the lunchroom together. Morning break was only 15 minutes long, both Arnold and Kevin knew they wouldn't see each other until lunch, at least. So Kevin had stuck with Osmond, they had introduced themselves to one another, and gotten a cup of coffee. After a minute or so of sitting and sipping in relative piece something loud and bouncy landed next to Osmond at the table.
It was Dave, Osmond's friend who had also opted to clean fish for the summer. Dave however, had been moved from cleaning fish to rescuing whole ones from the almost liquefaction that happened to all fish parts on the pollution line. And he was quite keen to tell both of them all about it.
Both of them, for once, unable to think of a sarcastic come back just nodded and Dave, though disappointed at the lack of response, fixed this silence by unsubtly stealing Osmond's coffee. There was a brief argument, but the buzzer went off and the trio trudged back to work.
When lunch came, Kevin hunted down Arnold and dragged him to eat lunch with his two new acquaintances. Almost immediately Arnold and Dave got into an argument, Osmond and Kevin decided not to run interference, and if they both got in trouble so be it, they argued like children anyway.
"You know what happened just before lunch?" Dave asked Arnold, who gave him a look, a 'what?' look. "This guy came with a trolley, and on this trolley were these four containers, filled to the brim with fish guts. And he dumped them onto the pollution line. It was a thing of beauty. All those oranges and browns and purples."
Arnold turned rather green, Kevin stifled his snicker, Osmond didn't manage it.
This pattern continued, Osmond and Kevin would sit in companionable silence, just as they stood in companionable silence while working. Dave and Arnold would trade minor insults and even more minor compliments.
And then it happened.
Arnold had left the room for a moment, and one of the dumber office staff had accidental burnt all of the files.
It was a travesty.
The office staff had to work double time just to get all the information back. The ditz and his other ditzy friend had been sent to go get the required information from the fish cleaners.
The had stood side by side and questioned Kevin and Osmond Simultaneously.
"First name?"
"Kevin."
"Osmond."
"Last name?"
"Darling."
"Blackadder."
"Kevin and Osmond Darling-Blackadder?"
"Are you brothers or something?"
"They don't look alike."
"True. Oh well. Messrs. Darling-Blackadder, where do you live?"
a/n: I've been cleaning fish. Well, that's not true, I did what Dave said he's been doing. All day. Which is to say, I wrote this at work. Warning, kinda very crossover-y. I only have time to wrote one thing tonight, and I had a choice between more this and some long desire Red Dwarf slash. (my RD plot elephants, I don't get bunnies, I get elephants, are trying to stampede, so I made a compromise) And for the record, if it's bad, that's because... well, cleaning fish sucks. That's my excuse. Also, woo! Filing accident origin.