The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any GI Joe characters has been blown into a bazillion little pieces. Yes despite my better judgement I'm still doing this. This time Bazooka's up! I love that bubble gum chewing nut!
Know Your Joe: Bazooka
"Oh no they're at it again!" Shipwreck shouted as he watched the television.
"Who? Cobra?" Duke asked as the Joes rushed to the television.
"I wish!" Shipwreck pointed at the screen.
"Welcome back to Know Your Joe!" Quick Kick smiled. "I'm Quick Kick!"
"And I'm Short Fuse!" Short Fuse waved. "Yes folks we've returned after a long absence!"
"Not long enough," Low Light growled.
"We're back despite broken bones, destroyed sets and threats of court martial," Quick Kick said. "All braved to show you folks the lesser known members of the Joe team."
"There's two members of the Joe Team I'd like to know less about!" Low Light snapped.
"Who could be stupid enough to go on their show?" Alpine asked.
"And here's our special guest for the day, Bazooka!" Short Fuse called out.
"I just walked right into that one didn't I?" Alpine groaned as Bazooka walked out and waved to the cameras.
"Serves you right for making such an obvious statement," Low Light said. "Next time you'll know."
"And knowing is half the battle," Dial Tone said. Everyone looked at him. "What?"
"I am getting so sick of that line…" Low Light sighed.
"How did Bazooka of all people agree to an interview show?" Duke asked. "He's not exactly the most talkative guy around here."
"Are you kidding?" Alpine scoffed. "All they had to do was bribe him with enough packs of gum and he'd do pretty much anything."
"Alpine!" Lady Jaye snapped.
"It's true!" Alpine said.
"So Bazooka," Quick Kick smiled. "Let's get started shall we? Your real name is David L Katzenbogen, right?"
"Yup," Bazooka nodded happily.
"And your primary military specialty is Armor Defeating Weapons Systems," Short Fuse said. "While your secondary military specialty is a tank driver? Is that right?"
"Yup," Bazooka told him.
"Okay you wanted to be in Armor Defeating Weapons Systems when you learned that just about anyone could take out an Abrams tank with little training and a disposable rocket launcher," Quick Kick read from a card.
"Yup," Bazooka replied.
"Well," Short Fuse thought. "Your favorite weapon is the bazooka right?"
"Yup."
"Makes sense, your name is Bazooka," Quick Kick said.
"Yup."
"And you know a lot of stuff about weapons right?" Short Fuse asked.
"Yup."
"Oh yeah this is riveting television," Alpine groaned.
"But let's talk more about you, Bazooka the person," Short Fuse said.
"As opposed to Bazooka the bubble gum brain," Alpine quipped.
"Now you're from Minnesota right?" Quick Kick asked.
"Yup."
"Hibbing Minnesota to be exact," Quick Kick added.
"Yup."
"So…" Quick Kick tried to find some way to draw some more conversation out of him. "What was Minnesota like?"
"Cold," Bazooka told him.
"Well at least we got him to say something else besides Yup," Short Fuse sighed.
"Yup," Bazooka nodded.
"Will you cut that out?" Short Fuse snapped.
"Sorry…" Bazooka said.
"Look tell us something about your childhood," Short Fuse asked. "Something. Anything. What your childhood was like. Do you have any brothers or sisters? If you have sisters are they available? Did you play sports in high school?"
"Did you graduate high school?" Quick Kick interrupted. "Why did you join the army? What's your favorite band? Your favorite food? The coolest experience you ever had? Did you have a pet? What kind of pet was it?"
"You must have something to say!" Short Fuse snapped. "Something! Anything! A story! A funny story! Sad story! War story! Love story! Anything! Come on Bazooka we're dying here! Why won't you say anything?"
"I'm waiting for you guys to finish talking," Bazooka said. "Can I have my gum now?"
"I told you!" Alpine said to Lady Jaye.
"Well we're out of time," Quick Kick groaned. "This is Quick Kick and Short Fuse signing off. Any parting words Bazooka?"
Bazooka blew a huge bubble and popped it. "I take it that's a no," Quick Kick sighed. "Well please send your comments and suggestions on what else you'd like to see."
"Good idea," Low Light took out his pistol. "I got my suggestion right here. Any of you wanna join me?"
"Yeah we're ready whenever you are," Alpine said as he and the others readied their weapons. "Although I gotta admit, Bazooka does give a good interview."
"Remind me to send him out next time we need to do a press release," Duke grinned.