Agent-G: yeah, I always like her chewing someone out too, but that's because I love to do it myself.
Red-Witch (review last chapter Just a Girl): thanks, glad you liked it!
Red-Witch (review last chapter Fighting Destiny): either you're a really fast reader or something is going on here I have no knowledge of. Lol. For thanks see reply above ;). I don't mind the not-review part, I like reviews, but I wouldn't stop writing if no one reviewed.
A/N: this chapter isn't too funny, Marianne is dealing with what happened in the vortex, and nope, that's not too funny. Next chapter will be again. And there is, once again, a reference to Agent-G's Reality Trip, chapter 13.
Vacation - Talking about it
They had been on the road now for a week, stopping a lot, though. The whole idea of the vacation was relaxing a little. But Marianne was jumpy now, it was evening and she had decided it was time to talk with Michael about what exactly had happened in the vortex. Especially now that she had started to wake up screaming from her nightmares, waking Michael up along with her.
She was gratefull that he wasn't pushing her, giving her her time. She guessed that was why they worked so well as a couple: even though they were opposite in many things, they knew eachother very well and knew when to stop asking and to accept.
"Anne, I think the food is cut small enough to become liquid," Michael joked as he noticed that Marianne was still cutting up her food, "is there something you need to talk about?"
"I... yes, Michael, I need to talk about something. It's... it's just a little difficult, ya know? Something happened in the... in the vortex that scared me. Badly," she shoved her plate away, feeling a little sick now she thought about the vortex again, the pain, not being in control, killing that entity that had been nothing more then a child.
Michael somehow managed to keep his face and voice neutral. He had been waiting for her to open up to him about that.
"You're sure? You don't have to tell me if you're not ready," Michael motioned her to sit down next to him on his couch. They were eating in the back of the van.
"Michael... I... I killed again," Marianne sat down next to him, tears already shining in her eyes.
"What? How... why?" he looked at her, alarmed, recalling what she had once said to him: 'if I were to kill again, I... I don't think I could live with myself, I think I would die'.
"I... I don't know how it happened. It just... I must have blacked out when I entered the vortex. When I woke up... I... I wasn't me. I was part of someone, a child. O god, it hurt so much, Micheal. It hurt so much in there, even breathing hurt! I just wanted it to end, even if I died, but the entity, it just kept going," she felt tears run over her face as she rubbed over the scars on her arm, as if trying to smooth them away, as if trying to get what had happened out of her memory.
Michael snatched her hands, if she kept this up, she would hurt herself and that was one of the last things he wanted.
"Anne, calm down a little, you're not in there, you're here with me and it won't happen again," he said in a soothing voice.
"It was just... it was just a kid, Michael! And the look in its eyes... just like the kids from the labs. As if he wanted to ask me why this happened. I didn't want to kill it, Michael, you have to believe me! I didn't," she was sobbing by now.
"I believe you, Anne, but believe me now: you weren't in control, and you saved an entire dimension. I'm not even gonna begin to try and give a number to the lives," Michael looked at her, urging her to believe him.
"Yeah, whoopie, and I prove once again how weak I am. It's my body! I should be in control! Not some personality of which I'm part of," Marianne looked at him.
"Perhaps we should go and talk with Xavier, have him have a look," Michael carefully offered.
"NO!" she jumped up and clenched her fists, starting to pace around, "No. Do you think I even wanna be near a telepath right now?! I know he wouldn't do that, Jean wouldn't do that. But... I just ... I can't Michael. Not now," she shook her head, starting to rub her scars again.
"Okay, then we won't go. It's your call Anne," Michael kept the hurt carefully out of his voice: he was supposed to make sure she didn't get hurt! And looking at her, he knew just how badly she had been hurt, physically and mentally. He got up to pull her down into his lap and wrapped his arms around her, at least there she would be safe.
"And the scars... I don't cover them because... because they will always remind me of the two children who... who died in the vortex. The entity I was part of and the... the other," she burried her face in his neck and silently cried for them.
Michael didn't really know what to do. He wanted to help her, to tell her that she wasn't a murderer, that she wasn't weak, but he knew it would have no effect: she had to get to that point by herself. That was the only way she could get to that point.
"Thanks... thanks Michael," she whispered against his shoulder, suddenly feeling very exhausted.
"Sleep, Anne, go to sleep," Michael whispered in return, feeling her exhaustion from telling the story. He felt silent tears seeping through his shirt as Marianne slowly drifted off into an exhausted, deep sleep.
Darkness of the night came and swallowed their van, the only sound Michael heard was Marianne's steady breathing.
"I'm sorry, Anne, so sorry," he began to whisper, "I promised that I'd make sure you wouldn't have to go through that again. I guess I failed ya big time, huh? I just... I wish you would realize that you're not a killer. You scare me sometimes, you get so swallowed up by your work you forget to eat, sleep. You don't have to make up for anything. I'm afraid to lose you, Anne, if what happened when I thought so is any indication, I would never outlive you for very long."
Silence took reign again as Michael calmed himself. He was damned afraid of losing her.
Michael grinned wryly when he remembered the girls he used to date: all of them tough and fighters. He wouldn't have given a girl like Marianne a second glance. Deeming her as the kind of girl that would scream and run when they faced a spider. Okay, in Marianne's case she did not like spiders, but usually used one of her shoes to kill them.
Then why had he fallen for her? He remembered how he felt when boys came to take her out, Joey had to keep him from scaring them off. Now he knew that it had been jealousy. He had slowly began to realise that even though Marianne didn't look tough, she was. Just in a complete different direction then the girls he knew. Like when she had spend days trying to track down Connor and Ezra and invite them into their house. It had taken her three days, and he knew for sure she had only slept in classes during the day.
Ofcourse there was also the part of the pale, vulnerable girl Underground had dropped of on their doorstep, because she had been very insecure at first, and that had irritated the hell out of Michael. But he could understand it: she had been through a lot, didn't have a past and was dropped of to live with two boys she didn't know, at all. So that had also made him a bit more open to her.
"You have saved and helped a lot of people, Anne, you have to remember that, no matter what. You're no killer, no murderer. If you were, you wouldn't feel like how you feel now," he softly whispered into her hair, not wanting to wake her up.
Absently, Michael wondered how Devon would react to his sister's engagement. The man was protective of her, it had, quite frankly, surprised Michael Devon had allowed him to date her. He didn't want a repeat of what had happened with Shadow, he wouldn't mind doing it to Shadow, he minded doing it to Devon. He was, after all, Marianne's brother.
Shadow, that would be fun to tell him that Marianne and Michael were getting married. Michael grinned at the thought of fighting the idiot once again. Ofcourse it had also been fun to watch Vincent give him a proper introduction to the training room.
Now that he thought of it, would there be a Vincent in this dimension? And if so, where would he be? Probably in Canada, Michael thought, he hadn't seen a file on him, however, perhaps he hadn't exposed himself yet. The possibilities were endless.
"Life was a lot easier without the dimensional crap," Michael softly decided. Marianne murmured something he couldn't really translate.
"I'll take that as a yes," Michael smiled, before yawning himself, he was tired too, he glanced at the young woman in his arms, but decided against moving her: he would only wake Marianne up, and she needed her sleep. So he made himself comfortable on the couch in the back of the van.
"I just hope neither of us fall off of the couch," he chuckled, looking at the sleeping Marianne, "that would be one hell of a wake-up call, which I would rather miss."