Hi, it's MJ again. At least, I think it is. I mean, when you feel totally numb inside, who are you, really? And when I'm not numb, I'm crying.
I'm sick of crying, and I'm sick of wanting him. You know who. Peter.
Just writing his name makes this page all blurry, and I can feel myself getting that scrunched-up look on my face, like I'm about to cry.
Caught it, just in time. Wouldn't want you getting wet, dearest diary.
I'm so sick of crying all the time. Why does he have to make me cry? Maybe Dad's right. Maybe I am worthless and stupid. What man would want me?
Why did Peter have to walk away from me? I've seen the way he stares at me when he thinks I'm not looking. You know what I'm talking about, dearest diary. Like he's starving, and I'm the last cheeseburger in town, you know? It's scary sometimes.
I'm sure he's noticed the way I look at him. I mean, it'd be hard not to. I can't help it. Not only does he have all the right stuff in all the right places (wink wink, dearest diary), but there's just something about him that makes me sure I'll never be happy with anybody else.
Why shouldn't I be happy? Don't I deserve it, after all the crap I've been through my whole life? Why should he be the only man I can be happy with?
I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!!
And maybe, if I can tell myself that enough times, I'll be able to forget that I love him.
What do you think, dearest diary?
-MJ