Disclaimer: The Final Fantasy games and all related characters and locations are owned by Squaresoft. This is a work of fanfiction, meaning that it is both created by a fan for no purpose other than entertainment, and it is fiction, meaning that all characters and events are purely fictonal and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
You ever notice how many Rikku x Gippal fics there are around here? I'm actually a big fan of them (although despite my tongue-in-cheek comments here, I was a huge fan of Rikku x Auron too). But...well, there are a ton of 'em, you know, and that means that by now they're officially fanservice, and THAT, my friends, means that eventually there has to be a parody. (And with all my experience writing stories about spunky Al Bhed chicks (/shameless plug for the Linna trilogy), I thought I'd try my hand at writing Rikku. Turns out she's pretty fun.)
While I'm rambling...please don't take the beginning seriously. If you've written a RxG fic, I've probably read it and probably loved it, and I've written more than my share of fluff too.
Blatant Fanservice
by flame mage
take 1: "Hey, I have a name!"
I guess it's natural. After all, let's face it, I'm a babe. I've got it all--brains, mad thieving skills, mechanical expertise out the wazoo, a killer bod, and...hey, guys totally dig blondes. And I'll admit it--he's a gorgeous guy. I don't think it'd be going too far to say that we're the most awesome couple in gaming history. And what can I say? All the girls wanna be me and all the boys wanna get with me. So I can totally understand if you guys are into the whole living-vicariously-through-Rikku-and-Gippal-fics thing.
But I bet you think you know how it happened, huh? A couple months after you get the game and you've already come up with every possible scenario for the way we got together.
Too bad you guys just can't agree. So which is it? Were we forced to live together by some reality-TV-esque twist of fate? Did co-dependent l'il Gippal just decide that he couldn't live without me? Did he totally swoon over my luscious green eyes, despite the fact that he's got 'em too? Or maybe he was telling the truth at Djose when he said we made quite the couple, and we really were long-lost lovers who were reunited for a second chance. Ooohhh...come on, guys, make up your minds--you're making me dizzy!
I've gotta give you credit for agreeing on something, though. At least all of you finally settled on one guy. You fanfic writers are such a fickle bunch. First it was Tidus--hel-LO? The word "taken" mean anything to you? After the way Yunie freaked out just 'cause some guy who LOOKED like him kept talking about Lenne, you'd think she'd let us get away with some of the stuff you write about? Unh-UNH.
Another concept no one gets is "statutory rape"--not to mention necrophilia. Auron's, like, a 35-year-old dead guy. That's gotta be the creepiest...wait, no, I take that back--I saw a Kimahri fic a while back. Explain the physics of that one to me.
And that leaves Wakka, who mighta worked out, but...now he's got a kid, and I'm just not looking for that level of committment here. Besides, you really want Vidina to end up in therapy because his earliest memories of his mother are of her struttin' her stuff in a micromini with her thong straps hangin' out of it? C'mon, no one's that big a meanie.
But you wanna know the real story behind the way Gippal and I hooked up? I gotta tell ya: it involves intrigue, drama, white-hot passion, and some majorly brilliant marketing on the part of yours truly. It might not be quite what you expected, but...hey, can't say I didn't warn you!
So I was lounging around in my thief outfit (current fanservice shot count: 1) on the deck of the Celsius, like I always do in between cutscenes while Yuna's running around opening chests.
That's not gonna make much sense to you. Hmm...I should probably explain that what you see on your PS2 screen isn't exactly the way it all happened, okay? Think of it as a movie that's...umm...like, based on a true story. We have to redo it all for the cameras, and that means that when nothing's going on, Paine and I basically chill out and eat bonbons. Well, I chill out and eat bonbons. She probably imagines killing small animals or something.
But annnnyway...I was half-asleep on my lounge chair when my cell phone rang (whaddaya mean, what cell phone? How do you think I call my agent, those stupid commsphere things? As if).
"Heya, Rikkster," Gippal's voice said.
"Hey, Gippal," I greeted him.
No, no, don't get all excited yet, the passionate love affair hasn't started! I knew Gip waaay before all that stuff happened. He and I go way back, y'know? Home wasn't all that big a place; we kinda saw a lot of each other. Which, if you know anything about the Gippmeister, you'll already have realized can be a good thing and a bad thing.
"How am I catching you in the middle of the day? Aren't you supposed to be filming for the game?"
I rolled my eyes beneath the cover of my 30,000 gil UV-protective wraparound shades (goggles? SO Final Fantasy X). "Yeah, right. They're working with the Prima Donna down there. When they finish her moogle stunt in Luca, they're fixing Tidus' makeup and getting him in costume to do the Shuyin sphere scenes. It'll be a looooong time before I get to look into a camera again today."
"Perfect," he said. I could hear the toothy grin. "That's what I figured. How are you getting paid?"
"Two million gil flat," I answered. "Not like it's any of your business, ya supporting character. Your main job is to forget my name. My face is on the box art."
"See, I'm getting paid by screen time," he told me, obviously not caring much about my opinion--not like I was the most popular female character or anything. "And let's face it, digging ain't all it's cracked up to be. I'd like to up that time a little bit by adding a few...dramatic elements of my own."
"Ummm...so, how does this involve me?" I yawned, rolling over to sun my back and thereby revealing the other side of my incredible physique (current fanservice shot count: 2).
"Think about it, Rikkinator. Tidus is gone throughout the whole freakin' game. Your girl Yuna there won't even marry the hick in the Calm Lands. The monkeys are getting more action than anyone else. Romance sells! We need a big love story goin' on here."
I thought for a minute. "I could see a big Nooj-Paine-Leblanc love triangle," I told him. "Maybe you and Baralai. Aww, that'd be cute!"
"I'm all for fanservice to the yaoi camp, but we need to tap a more mainstream audience here. You know what that means? That means you and me."
I laughed. "Me? You? No way, Buster. Whatever diseases you got, I don't want 'em."
"Ya gotta help me out, Rikk. I've been wearing the same outfit for three years. I gotta get some cash. Besides," he added in classically sly Gippal style, "With all that competition running around, a little fanservice might do wonders for your rapidly-declining popularity level."
I sighed. After they cut my version of the game, it was pretty clear I'd lost my status as the primo hot babe here--especially with Yuna and Paine running around in outfits swiped from my wardrobe. I was gonna have to do something if I wanted the fan attention I so richly deserved.
"All right, Gip," I grinned. "You're on."
I was really edgy by the time we started filming on location at Djose two days later. Even for someone as talented as myself who dreams of being a famous actress (don't we all? Even Paine!), it's really, really hard to do an improv love scene. Was I supposed to swoon and fall all over him? Flirt like crazy? Just stop and double-take when I saw him, letting recognition spread across my face? I could already tell that this was gonna be a lot harder than I'd thought.
So I was pretty relieved when he managed to drag me aside a couple minutes before shooting started. "Here's how this is gonna work, okay?" he hissed at me. He was holding me really tight and his breath was hot in my ear. I hoped none of the camera guys could see this, or it'd look really weird. "I'll act like normal--a big loud flirt. All you have to do is act like you normally would too--just be a brat and get freaked out by everything I say, all right?"
"Hey, I'm not a brat!" I cried indignantly.
"I know, I know, I know," he sighed. "I've heard all this before. You'd better get back there. They're about to start."
By the time I scrambled back, the Y and P thirds of YRP were already in position, looking impatient. Paine was sharpening her sword with a maniacal grin on her face, and I could tell that Yunie was about to run to Tidus (who was standing just offscreen) and ask if her makeup was still okay, so I dashed in. "Ready!" I shouted loud enough to deafen anyone who was wondering where I'd been. Someone has to be the spunky one.
The guy with the little black-and-white sceneboard thing was standing off to one side. "And...Chapter 1, Djose entrance scene. Take 1. Action!"
Right on cue, the three of us started striding in. The extras started crowding around, gawking at us. Well, they were supposed to be gawking at Yunie, but I caught a couple of them sneaking peeks at me--'I still got it,' I thought with a grin.
"Everyone's staring," Yunie murmured dazedly.
I stopped primping and gave her my best whee-everyone-loves-us-'cause-we're-so-cute grin. "You're famous, Yunie! Better get used to it."
Yunie moaned. "All I want's some peace and quiet."
I raised one hand in front of my mouth and stage-whispered to Paine. "Poor thing. She's led such a sheltered life."
"Maybe she's getting old," Paine muttered back. I rolled my eyes. Stupid Paine, always underacting. Like she was trying to make the rest of us look like hyper teenage girls or something. Jeez.
"Who's getting old!?" Yunie yelped, slamming her hands on her hips and glaring at me. It wasn't workin' for her. Unlike me, Yunie's just too darn cute to ever be a good actress. Oh, well. At least their theatrical shortcomings would just make me look better on the big screen.
And then...enter the Gippal.
The scene stopped for a sec so the cameras could pan in on him as he walked past us. While they were off me, I quickly swiped on a little more lipstick and prepared to let juuuust a hint of telltale dreaminess creep into my voice as I whispered to the others, "That's Gippal, leader of the Machine Faction. He can be kinda annoying, but he's all right." More than all right, actually--or at least I'd better make a couple million hardcore gamers believe it.
Then again, that's not too hard. A lotta hardcore gamers don't even know what a real girl looks like, much less how to tell if she likes a guy or not. I was really gonna ham it up, but most of them would probably be clueless until the big love scene anyway.
Hmm, we needed a big love scene...how about the picturesquely fading lake in Macalania Forest?
Nope, taken.
The vast expanses of the Bikanel Desert by moonlight?
Too sandy.
Ooh, maybe that bridge on Besaid at sunset, with the waterfalls behind us and the ocean awash with color in front! That would be super-romantic...I had a momentary vision of the cameras tightening on my face as I confessed my love with tears in my eyes, and then the looong, passionate kiss...mmm...
"Okay," Gippal yelled, actually making me jump. "Let's do some interviews. Bring it!"
Yunie giggled to herself. "Yeah, he seems all right."
The cameras stopped, and for the next half hour we took a break for a catered lunch of Chocobo ceasar salad while our stunt doubles did the mundane pacing-around-waiting-for-the-interview scene for us. Being a celebrity has its perks.
When that boring stuff was over, the stylists adjusted our makeup, wardrobe, and hair, and the cameras started rolling again. The first part of the next scene was us being told our number was up, Yunie registering to dig, and then the three of us walking into the temple. Then we shifted inside, where Gippal was talking to one of the technicians in Al Bhed. "I have already interviewed people. One of you guys take over." Ugh, typical lazy Gippal. I scratched that thought from my mind as soon as I had it and tried to think of it as adorable--yeah, that was it, Gippal was a guy who really knew how to have fun. That was how I'd think of it if I had a crush on him, yeah. Not that I did. This was strictly business.
"Gippal!" the tech cried, clapping a hand to his chest and looking amazed. Typical one-line extra, trying to ham up his part. They made him do it three times to tone it down before we could go on.
Gippal turned to face us. "Huh?" he asked brilliantly.
"Hello," Yunie replied.
Then I realized what he was doing--he was acting so dazed because his good green eye was focused right on me! "You...uh...here for an interview?" he continued, as if he didn't know quite what he was doing. I gazed back at him with the same expression on my face: "Whoa."
Yunie looked at him like he was an idiot. "Uh-huh."
"The great high summoner wants an interview?" he repeated like he couldn't believe it.
"Former summoner," she challenged, hands on hips again.
"Hm." Gippal shrugged as if to say 'your funeral.' "All right," was what he actually said, "Follow me."
The action moved outside again as we followed him out to the bridge. As soon as we stopped, he advanced on Yuna and walked a slow circle around her, admiring the skimpy gunner's uniform and the parts of the physique it didn't leave to the imagination (current fanservice shot count: 3) from all angles. "Never been this close to a celebrity before," he told her in his most charming voice.
"That's nice." Yuna looked uncomfortable, maybe because Tidus was cracking his knuckles just off camera.
"I could get used to this."
"Let's not."
I glared as hard as I could at him and growled low in my throat. He made a point of hearing suddenly and turning to face me, looking me up and down in that same daze as before for a sec before regaining his confidence and cracking, "Well, if it isn't Cid's girl. How ya been?"
"Hey, I have a name!" I fumed, scowling at him--but not with my eyes.
"Heh," he laughed, winking. "Brother doin' okay?"
"Same as ever. Buddy's around too."
"Same as ever is right." He ruffled my hair, his fingers staying there just a second longer than they probably needed to, and then turned to Paine. "You!" he gasped.
"Paine," said Paine. "Nice to meet you."
"Uh-huh?" He looked confused.
My withering glare was nothing compared to hers. "We're here for the interview."
He had already glanced back to me. "Right...the interview..." Then he got control again. "You sure you wanna dig? 'Cause we're talkin' about the desert, ladies. Not exactly a picnic."
"We're sure," Yunie replied.
He shrugged. "All right, you're hired. Welcome."
"Huh?"
"You. Are. Hired. Don't know why a superstar like you would wanna play in the sand." He shrugged again. "Well, do what you gotta do. Anyways, I've done what I can. Dig to your heart's content."
"Umm, thanks."
He reached into his pocket and handed something from inside to Yunie. "Show this letter to a woman named Nhadala. You'll find her in the Bikanel Desert. Happy digging!"
Momentary shot of him standing there and us celebrating, and then... "Annnd...that's a wrap!" Tobli announced, breaking in on the scene. "Super, super, super job--got through most of it in one take, yup yup! We're back on location here tomorrow, so I'll see you in the morning!"
Right away, there was a major change on set. Paine whipped out her huge sword and a polishing cloth and plunked herself down right where she was on the bridge to shine it up. Yunie did a flying leap toward the road and into Tidus's arms, and they were all over each other like static cling in seconds. And before I could even adjust my thong strap, Gippal grabbed my arm and dragged me inside the temple.
"So, you charmed yet?" he asked, leaning back against a column and eyeing me like a cat eyes a mouse.
"No, I'm pissed! You were supposed to be flirting with me, not everything that moved!" I snapped, a little louder than I should have. One of the technicians turned to stare at me.
"Shh!" Gippal hissed, pulling me closer to him. "Keep it down, would ya? If they hear us, our cover's blown!" He waited a sec until the tech looked away and then let me go, but he was still standing really super close to me. "That's part of the plan, Rikk. Everyone'll know something's wrong if I don't even look at anyone else--be totally outta character. I gotta flirt around, but ya notice how I always get kinda... you know...around you? Already the chicks playin' the game are gonna know something's up. When you come back in the next chapter, we're gonna turn up the heat and create vibes of unexpressed longing as yet unparalleled in the Final Fantasy series!"
"I dunno, Gipp, there were a lot of vibes of unexpressed longing going in all different directions in VII," I replied a little doubtfully.
"Okay, look at their graphics. Look at our graphics. Nothin' against Cloud, but I'm the next thing in cocky blond bishounen. The gamers'll fall for this hook, line and sinker."
"I hope you're right." I took a step back and tossed my hair. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a tan to work on..."
"Wait just a second." He took two steps forward and stopped so close to me that I could almost taste the Chocobo in his salad. "A minute ago, when you freaked out at me for hittin' on the other girls...were you actually...jealous?"
"No!" I shrieked automatically, before it even occured to me that yeah, I kinda had been. But not because I liked Gippal or anything. Just because this plan wasn't gonna work unless everyone was looking at me instead of namby-pamby Yunie or that whacked-out maniac with the big sword. That was the only reason I was maybe a little jealous.
"Okay then." He stepped back again and went back to leaning against the column. "See ya tomorrow, Rikkarinski."
"Ciao, bambino," I replied, heading out without a single backward glance. As soon as the door shut behind me, I leaned against the outside wall of the temple and let out a long sigh. The next few days were gonna get preeetty interesting.
You ever notice how many Rikku x Gippal fics there are around here? I'm actually a big fan of them (although despite my tongue-in-cheek comments here, I was a huge fan of Rikku x Auron too). But...well, there are a ton of 'em, you know, and that means that by now they're officially fanservice, and THAT, my friends, means that eventually there has to be a parody. (And with all my experience writing stories about spunky Al Bhed chicks (/shameless plug for the Linna trilogy), I thought I'd try my hand at writing Rikku. Turns out she's pretty fun.)
While I'm rambling...please don't take the beginning seriously. If you've written a RxG fic, I've probably read it and probably loved it, and I've written more than my share of fluff too.
Blatant Fanservice
by flame mage
take 1: "Hey, I have a name!"
I guess it's natural. After all, let's face it, I'm a babe. I've got it all--brains, mad thieving skills, mechanical expertise out the wazoo, a killer bod, and...hey, guys totally dig blondes. And I'll admit it--he's a gorgeous guy. I don't think it'd be going too far to say that we're the most awesome couple in gaming history. And what can I say? All the girls wanna be me and all the boys wanna get with me. So I can totally understand if you guys are into the whole living-vicariously-through-Rikku-and-Gippal-fics thing.
But I bet you think you know how it happened, huh? A couple months after you get the game and you've already come up with every possible scenario for the way we got together.
Too bad you guys just can't agree. So which is it? Were we forced to live together by some reality-TV-esque twist of fate? Did co-dependent l'il Gippal just decide that he couldn't live without me? Did he totally swoon over my luscious green eyes, despite the fact that he's got 'em too? Or maybe he was telling the truth at Djose when he said we made quite the couple, and we really were long-lost lovers who were reunited for a second chance. Ooohhh...come on, guys, make up your minds--you're making me dizzy!
I've gotta give you credit for agreeing on something, though. At least all of you finally settled on one guy. You fanfic writers are such a fickle bunch. First it was Tidus--hel-LO? The word "taken" mean anything to you? After the way Yunie freaked out just 'cause some guy who LOOKED like him kept talking about Lenne, you'd think she'd let us get away with some of the stuff you write about? Unh-UNH.
Another concept no one gets is "statutory rape"--not to mention necrophilia. Auron's, like, a 35-year-old dead guy. That's gotta be the creepiest...wait, no, I take that back--I saw a Kimahri fic a while back. Explain the physics of that one to me.
And that leaves Wakka, who mighta worked out, but...now he's got a kid, and I'm just not looking for that level of committment here. Besides, you really want Vidina to end up in therapy because his earliest memories of his mother are of her struttin' her stuff in a micromini with her thong straps hangin' out of it? C'mon, no one's that big a meanie.
But you wanna know the real story behind the way Gippal and I hooked up? I gotta tell ya: it involves intrigue, drama, white-hot passion, and some majorly brilliant marketing on the part of yours truly. It might not be quite what you expected, but...hey, can't say I didn't warn you!
So I was lounging around in my thief outfit (current fanservice shot count: 1) on the deck of the Celsius, like I always do in between cutscenes while Yuna's running around opening chests.
That's not gonna make much sense to you. Hmm...I should probably explain that what you see on your PS2 screen isn't exactly the way it all happened, okay? Think of it as a movie that's...umm...like, based on a true story. We have to redo it all for the cameras, and that means that when nothing's going on, Paine and I basically chill out and eat bonbons. Well, I chill out and eat bonbons. She probably imagines killing small animals or something.
But annnnyway...I was half-asleep on my lounge chair when my cell phone rang (whaddaya mean, what cell phone? How do you think I call my agent, those stupid commsphere things? As if).
"Heya, Rikkster," Gippal's voice said.
"Hey, Gippal," I greeted him.
No, no, don't get all excited yet, the passionate love affair hasn't started! I knew Gip waaay before all that stuff happened. He and I go way back, y'know? Home wasn't all that big a place; we kinda saw a lot of each other. Which, if you know anything about the Gippmeister, you'll already have realized can be a good thing and a bad thing.
"How am I catching you in the middle of the day? Aren't you supposed to be filming for the game?"
I rolled my eyes beneath the cover of my 30,000 gil UV-protective wraparound shades (goggles? SO Final Fantasy X). "Yeah, right. They're working with the Prima Donna down there. When they finish her moogle stunt in Luca, they're fixing Tidus' makeup and getting him in costume to do the Shuyin sphere scenes. It'll be a looooong time before I get to look into a camera again today."
"Perfect," he said. I could hear the toothy grin. "That's what I figured. How are you getting paid?"
"Two million gil flat," I answered. "Not like it's any of your business, ya supporting character. Your main job is to forget my name. My face is on the box art."
"See, I'm getting paid by screen time," he told me, obviously not caring much about my opinion--not like I was the most popular female character or anything. "And let's face it, digging ain't all it's cracked up to be. I'd like to up that time a little bit by adding a few...dramatic elements of my own."
"Ummm...so, how does this involve me?" I yawned, rolling over to sun my back and thereby revealing the other side of my incredible physique (current fanservice shot count: 2).
"Think about it, Rikkinator. Tidus is gone throughout the whole freakin' game. Your girl Yuna there won't even marry the hick in the Calm Lands. The monkeys are getting more action than anyone else. Romance sells! We need a big love story goin' on here."
I thought for a minute. "I could see a big Nooj-Paine-Leblanc love triangle," I told him. "Maybe you and Baralai. Aww, that'd be cute!"
"I'm all for fanservice to the yaoi camp, but we need to tap a more mainstream audience here. You know what that means? That means you and me."
I laughed. "Me? You? No way, Buster. Whatever diseases you got, I don't want 'em."
"Ya gotta help me out, Rikk. I've been wearing the same outfit for three years. I gotta get some cash. Besides," he added in classically sly Gippal style, "With all that competition running around, a little fanservice might do wonders for your rapidly-declining popularity level."
I sighed. After they cut my version of the game, it was pretty clear I'd lost my status as the primo hot babe here--especially with Yuna and Paine running around in outfits swiped from my wardrobe. I was gonna have to do something if I wanted the fan attention I so richly deserved.
"All right, Gip," I grinned. "You're on."
I was really edgy by the time we started filming on location at Djose two days later. Even for someone as talented as myself who dreams of being a famous actress (don't we all? Even Paine!), it's really, really hard to do an improv love scene. Was I supposed to swoon and fall all over him? Flirt like crazy? Just stop and double-take when I saw him, letting recognition spread across my face? I could already tell that this was gonna be a lot harder than I'd thought.
So I was pretty relieved when he managed to drag me aside a couple minutes before shooting started. "Here's how this is gonna work, okay?" he hissed at me. He was holding me really tight and his breath was hot in my ear. I hoped none of the camera guys could see this, or it'd look really weird. "I'll act like normal--a big loud flirt. All you have to do is act like you normally would too--just be a brat and get freaked out by everything I say, all right?"
"Hey, I'm not a brat!" I cried indignantly.
"I know, I know, I know," he sighed. "I've heard all this before. You'd better get back there. They're about to start."
By the time I scrambled back, the Y and P thirds of YRP were already in position, looking impatient. Paine was sharpening her sword with a maniacal grin on her face, and I could tell that Yunie was about to run to Tidus (who was standing just offscreen) and ask if her makeup was still okay, so I dashed in. "Ready!" I shouted loud enough to deafen anyone who was wondering where I'd been. Someone has to be the spunky one.
The guy with the little black-and-white sceneboard thing was standing off to one side. "And...Chapter 1, Djose entrance scene. Take 1. Action!"
Right on cue, the three of us started striding in. The extras started crowding around, gawking at us. Well, they were supposed to be gawking at Yunie, but I caught a couple of them sneaking peeks at me--'I still got it,' I thought with a grin.
"Everyone's staring," Yunie murmured dazedly.
I stopped primping and gave her my best whee-everyone-loves-us-'cause-we're-so-cute grin. "You're famous, Yunie! Better get used to it."
Yunie moaned. "All I want's some peace and quiet."
I raised one hand in front of my mouth and stage-whispered to Paine. "Poor thing. She's led such a sheltered life."
"Maybe she's getting old," Paine muttered back. I rolled my eyes. Stupid Paine, always underacting. Like she was trying to make the rest of us look like hyper teenage girls or something. Jeez.
"Who's getting old!?" Yunie yelped, slamming her hands on her hips and glaring at me. It wasn't workin' for her. Unlike me, Yunie's just too darn cute to ever be a good actress. Oh, well. At least their theatrical shortcomings would just make me look better on the big screen.
And then...enter the Gippal.
The scene stopped for a sec so the cameras could pan in on him as he walked past us. While they were off me, I quickly swiped on a little more lipstick and prepared to let juuuust a hint of telltale dreaminess creep into my voice as I whispered to the others, "That's Gippal, leader of the Machine Faction. He can be kinda annoying, but he's all right." More than all right, actually--or at least I'd better make a couple million hardcore gamers believe it.
Then again, that's not too hard. A lotta hardcore gamers don't even know what a real girl looks like, much less how to tell if she likes a guy or not. I was really gonna ham it up, but most of them would probably be clueless until the big love scene anyway.
Hmm, we needed a big love scene...how about the picturesquely fading lake in Macalania Forest?
Nope, taken.
The vast expanses of the Bikanel Desert by moonlight?
Too sandy.
Ooh, maybe that bridge on Besaid at sunset, with the waterfalls behind us and the ocean awash with color in front! That would be super-romantic...I had a momentary vision of the cameras tightening on my face as I confessed my love with tears in my eyes, and then the looong, passionate kiss...mmm...
"Okay," Gippal yelled, actually making me jump. "Let's do some interviews. Bring it!"
Yunie giggled to herself. "Yeah, he seems all right."
The cameras stopped, and for the next half hour we took a break for a catered lunch of Chocobo ceasar salad while our stunt doubles did the mundane pacing-around-waiting-for-the-interview scene for us. Being a celebrity has its perks.
When that boring stuff was over, the stylists adjusted our makeup, wardrobe, and hair, and the cameras started rolling again. The first part of the next scene was us being told our number was up, Yunie registering to dig, and then the three of us walking into the temple. Then we shifted inside, where Gippal was talking to one of the technicians in Al Bhed. "I have already interviewed people. One of you guys take over." Ugh, typical lazy Gippal. I scratched that thought from my mind as soon as I had it and tried to think of it as adorable--yeah, that was it, Gippal was a guy who really knew how to have fun. That was how I'd think of it if I had a crush on him, yeah. Not that I did. This was strictly business.
"Gippal!" the tech cried, clapping a hand to his chest and looking amazed. Typical one-line extra, trying to ham up his part. They made him do it three times to tone it down before we could go on.
Gippal turned to face us. "Huh?" he asked brilliantly.
"Hello," Yunie replied.
Then I realized what he was doing--he was acting so dazed because his good green eye was focused right on me! "You...uh...here for an interview?" he continued, as if he didn't know quite what he was doing. I gazed back at him with the same expression on my face: "Whoa."
Yunie looked at him like he was an idiot. "Uh-huh."
"The great high summoner wants an interview?" he repeated like he couldn't believe it.
"Former summoner," she challenged, hands on hips again.
"Hm." Gippal shrugged as if to say 'your funeral.' "All right," was what he actually said, "Follow me."
The action moved outside again as we followed him out to the bridge. As soon as we stopped, he advanced on Yuna and walked a slow circle around her, admiring the skimpy gunner's uniform and the parts of the physique it didn't leave to the imagination (current fanservice shot count: 3) from all angles. "Never been this close to a celebrity before," he told her in his most charming voice.
"That's nice." Yuna looked uncomfortable, maybe because Tidus was cracking his knuckles just off camera.
"I could get used to this."
"Let's not."
I glared as hard as I could at him and growled low in my throat. He made a point of hearing suddenly and turning to face me, looking me up and down in that same daze as before for a sec before regaining his confidence and cracking, "Well, if it isn't Cid's girl. How ya been?"
"Hey, I have a name!" I fumed, scowling at him--but not with my eyes.
"Heh," he laughed, winking. "Brother doin' okay?"
"Same as ever. Buddy's around too."
"Same as ever is right." He ruffled my hair, his fingers staying there just a second longer than they probably needed to, and then turned to Paine. "You!" he gasped.
"Paine," said Paine. "Nice to meet you."
"Uh-huh?" He looked confused.
My withering glare was nothing compared to hers. "We're here for the interview."
He had already glanced back to me. "Right...the interview..." Then he got control again. "You sure you wanna dig? 'Cause we're talkin' about the desert, ladies. Not exactly a picnic."
"We're sure," Yunie replied.
He shrugged. "All right, you're hired. Welcome."
"Huh?"
"You. Are. Hired. Don't know why a superstar like you would wanna play in the sand." He shrugged again. "Well, do what you gotta do. Anyways, I've done what I can. Dig to your heart's content."
"Umm, thanks."
He reached into his pocket and handed something from inside to Yunie. "Show this letter to a woman named Nhadala. You'll find her in the Bikanel Desert. Happy digging!"
Momentary shot of him standing there and us celebrating, and then... "Annnd...that's a wrap!" Tobli announced, breaking in on the scene. "Super, super, super job--got through most of it in one take, yup yup! We're back on location here tomorrow, so I'll see you in the morning!"
Right away, there was a major change on set. Paine whipped out her huge sword and a polishing cloth and plunked herself down right where she was on the bridge to shine it up. Yunie did a flying leap toward the road and into Tidus's arms, and they were all over each other like static cling in seconds. And before I could even adjust my thong strap, Gippal grabbed my arm and dragged me inside the temple.
"So, you charmed yet?" he asked, leaning back against a column and eyeing me like a cat eyes a mouse.
"No, I'm pissed! You were supposed to be flirting with me, not everything that moved!" I snapped, a little louder than I should have. One of the technicians turned to stare at me.
"Shh!" Gippal hissed, pulling me closer to him. "Keep it down, would ya? If they hear us, our cover's blown!" He waited a sec until the tech looked away and then let me go, but he was still standing really super close to me. "That's part of the plan, Rikk. Everyone'll know something's wrong if I don't even look at anyone else--be totally outta character. I gotta flirt around, but ya notice how I always get kinda... you know...around you? Already the chicks playin' the game are gonna know something's up. When you come back in the next chapter, we're gonna turn up the heat and create vibes of unexpressed longing as yet unparalleled in the Final Fantasy series!"
"I dunno, Gipp, there were a lot of vibes of unexpressed longing going in all different directions in VII," I replied a little doubtfully.
"Okay, look at their graphics. Look at our graphics. Nothin' against Cloud, but I'm the next thing in cocky blond bishounen. The gamers'll fall for this hook, line and sinker."
"I hope you're right." I took a step back and tossed my hair. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a tan to work on..."
"Wait just a second." He took two steps forward and stopped so close to me that I could almost taste the Chocobo in his salad. "A minute ago, when you freaked out at me for hittin' on the other girls...were you actually...jealous?"
"No!" I shrieked automatically, before it even occured to me that yeah, I kinda had been. But not because I liked Gippal or anything. Just because this plan wasn't gonna work unless everyone was looking at me instead of namby-pamby Yunie or that whacked-out maniac with the big sword. That was the only reason I was maybe a little jealous.
"Okay then." He stepped back again and went back to leaning against the column. "See ya tomorrow, Rikkarinski."
"Ciao, bambino," I replied, heading out without a single backward glance. As soon as the door shut behind me, I leaned against the outside wall of the temple and let out a long sigh. The next few days were gonna get preeetty interesting.