DEDICATION: To Snapetoy on her birthday!

Again, this could not have been done without the wonderful beta by Frances (vileseagulls)

And it's official – this is now a Shameless Bad FIC. Hee!

Part II

Harry never expected his life to be entirely normal.

Hell, after seven years of dodging maniacal Dark Lords, Death Eaters, giant snakes, dragons and sundry other monsters, Harry was resigned to a life that was, in a masterpiece of understatement, interesting. Of course, now that he had finally defeated the Dark Lord (which he would never have managed without the training he'd received from Dumbledore, McGonagall and Snape, not to mention the fact that Snape damn near lost his life trying to save Harry during that Final Battle on Halloween) – Harry was at least looking forward to seeing the remainder of his seventh year at Hogwarts with a little less excitement.

Normal, not bloody likely. He was a realistic person – he would settle for a little less of the madness that was practically a staple of his life now. Just a little sanity, for Merlin's sake.

Damn it, he had NEWTs to study for!

But now, here was this

(precious, adorable)

little boy with unmistakably familiar green eyes

(although that's not my nose… even if does look awfully familiar…)

who was claiming to be his son. Of course, Harry knew there was no way he'd knocked up some girl at the tender age of thirteen – which, given the kid's age, was how old Harry had to be in order for that to happen. Bloody hell, he was just beginning to notice Cho Chang then and was completely clueless about sex - not that he had a lot of time to think about that, with all the major fuck-ups going on in his life.

Then again, the kid was claiming to be from the future - all right, like THAT made any more sense. Wait a minute…

"Were you playing with a Time Turner when you shouldn't have?" Harry asked the distraught little boy.

The kid scowled (again, Harry felt a strange sense of deja vu here). "No." His shoulders slumped. "But I was hiding from my big sister when I wasn't supposed to."

"Big... SISTER?! Bloody hell, how many kids do I have?!" Harry was panicking... because his thoughts were wandering over to one redheaded Ginny Weasley, who still had a bit of a crush on him even after all this time.

Arthur slapped two small hands over his mouth. "Bloody hell - I wasn't supposed to say that!"

"Don't say 'bloody' - you're too young to swear," Harry corrected automatically.

"Heard it from you," Arthur said mutinously.

"I'm a bad example," Harry shot back.

"If I say too much, I might cause a... um, parabox?" Arthur stumbled over the word.

"Paradox?"

"That's the word. Papa always tells me to look new words up in the dictionary."

Aha! "I thought you called me 'Daddy?' Although I'm glad to hear I'm being a responsible parent." Harry mumbled that last.

Arthur glared (and again, that glare was oddly familiar!). "No, silly Daddy. I have you and I have Papa. We don't have a Mummy - Katerina says you two are all we need and she's right."

Harry was oddly relieved to hear that Ginny Weasley was not the future mother of his children. He liked her fine but eww... it would be like marrying his little sister. Besides, his affections were - fortunately or unfortunately - settled on someone of the male persuasion. So if he was to believe the kid, he was married to "Papa" (oh let it be who Harry wanted him to be!) and the little boy could be... adopted? With those green eyes, wait - surrogate?

Harry was starting to get a headache from all this and he still didn't have the facts straight. "Wait... let's just back up for a bit. So you're from the future."

An emphatic nod.

"How exactly did you get here again?"

The kid frowned. "Um. I found this room and this giant stone snake let me in. And I saw all sorts of neat stuff you and Papa would like and then there was this mirror. I saw you in the mirror and I touched it and everything went black and I woke up here. And then, I was so glad to see you, Daddy, only you're not Daddy yet and I think I want my big sister and you as my Daddy now and I want to go home!" At that point, the child finally gave way to his upset and fright and cried.

Harry felt his heart clench at the sight of the frightened, upset little boy and so, moving almost by instinct, he gathered the child into his arms. The boy immediately burrowed into his shoulder, still sobbing.

"Here now, it'll be all right, there's a brave little boy," Harry soothed, thinking back to the way Dumbledore and even Arthur Weasley acted with the first years and the other children who were brought to Hogwarts during the worst times of the war. "Let's go to the Headmaster and see what he can do, hmm?"

A sniffle.

Harry gently bounced him in his arms. "And you haven't even told me your name. Just for, er... future reference, what did I name you?"

That got the boy out of his hiding place and Harry found himself almost getting lost in those big green eyes.

"My name is Arthur," the little boy said, with an almost shy tone in his voice. "Arthur James. Um. I can't tell you all my last names though. I have your last name and Papa's together."

"I really wish you could tell me who your Papa is. Can't you even give me a tiny clue?"

Arthur smirked. "No. You'll have to figure it out - Papa does say you've got 'some brains' after all. 'Course, I think you are smart - Papa's just being snarky."

"Thanks much," Harry said dryly. "Let's go see Professor Dumbledore now, shall we?"

Dumbledore was acting really oddly by the time Harry and Arthur finished their tale of woe. If Harry didn't know better, the old coot (he'd picked up the habit after hanging around Snape for so long) looked like he was valiantly suppressing the urge to burst out laughing. He had turned quite an interesting shade of purple before he finally managed to calm down a little. And he was twinkling rather mischievously, which gave Harry the cold chills of dread and doom.

The Headmaster proceeded to tell them that Arthur must have inadvertently stumbled on the long-lost workroom of Salazar Slytherin. It just HAD to be Salazar Slytherin, Harry thought with a mental groan. It couldn't be anyone else, after all - what with the Chamber of Secrets and the rest.

The trouble was that particular workroom was rather... "moveable." Like the Room of Requirement, Slytherin's Workroom had a mind of its own and was never in the same place it was the last time. Dumbledore was going to have to look for that Workroom and it was going to take him some time. And since Arthur was quite unwilling to be parted from his future "Daddy" - Harry was going to have to look after Arthur while he was here. They just needed to make up a good cover story - one that wouldn't land Harry with yet another screaming headline in the Daily Prophet.

Dumbledore did ask Harry the obvious question about the state of Harry's romantic life, which Harry honestly answered was non-existent, through his rather heated blush. Well, it WAS non-existent - unless you counted the fact that Harry was currently suffering a Bad Case of Unrequited Love and would rather not talk about THAT and the unsuspecting object of his affections with his Headmaster. Besides, Harry was fairly sure that said case of Unrequited Love was breaking just about ten thousand school rules and was sure to get the poor bastard he was in love with in Very Deep Shite.

Dumbledore looked very much relieved at Harry's answer and cheerfully sent him and Arthur back to Gryffindor Tower to wait things out. Harry was quite happy to do that and Arthur was equally happy to be in his future Daddy's arms again for the trip there - he was such an affectionate kid, it was very sweet. Harry figured that the two of them could stay out of trouble there without too much bother.

Of course, Harry was being overly optimistic again.

Honestly, how much trouble could one get into coming from the Headmaster's Office and going back up to Gryffindor Tower?

Obviously, Harry forgot about his infamous luck when it came to such things.

Because of course, who should Harry and Arthur encounter in the hallway but the Object of Harry's Rather Pathetic Unrequited Love.

Professor Severus Snape.

- end part II -

A/N: I was being optimistic when I said The Shameless Bad Ficlet was going to be finished in two parts. Drat. This MPREG Plot Tigger turned into a monster on me! Oh well...on to part III!