In Terms of a Shadow
Part III
Author: profiler120
Email: profiler120@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance/Angst
Pairing: Sesshoumaru/Kagome
Summary: How dare he? He'd bought her, the jerk! Paid off her mother *knowing* she couldn't refuse the money and all he wanted in return was to marry her daughter. It sounded innocent - it wasn't. If that wasn't bad enough her betrothed was a beautiful, but heartless man who had no interest in her and regarded her, loosely, as his property.
Author's Note: (...) I've been reading romance novels. I've read... I think 6 in the past 5 or 6 days. I think they are affecting my writing, this story in particular even though I've started writing my own romance. If I ever finish the thing (a lofty idea) I'll place it up at fictionpress. I'm writing it mostly to relieve the insane need to pen my own these books are inspiring in me.
I sat down to write today and was looking over chapter 4 only to realize I'd finished it. So I was thinking 'oh! I should post chapter 3!'.
This chapter has been [minorly] revised. Thank you to: StoicStella, AutumnFire, Familia-Ficz, and Kidoairaku - who contributed specific errors to be corrected.
Reviews:
Fanatic - Am I raising the rating to 'R' - Um... No. I was tempted to for a while, but I won't, not after this chapter.
Massao28 - No, no, there's no harem. I remember something about that, but I think Kagome was just irritated and assuming things.
Yes Ayame does have a thing for Kouga but I can't help putting her in the with Sesshoumaru admirers. ^_^ I keep thinking she'd ditch Kouga for Sesshoumaru. How many people wouldn't?
These chapters are shorter than some of my others which is actually much easier for me to manage.
Sissi - It's probably horrible of me, but Kouga is so convenient. I never write Kouga actually ending up with Kagome. Of course I do the same to Inuyasha.
Cutiepie99 - Everyone's human in this fic. AU all the way.
Kikitravel - Sesshoumaru very well may be a bit OOC. I figure Sesshoumaru would be possessive of what he considers to be his and Kagome is his by his father's will and her family's agreement. Chapter number is important however considering I hope this isn't as long as my others, 10-12 chapters although things aren't looking good. I'm already starting 5.
taiyoukai-kai - Is she going to be that way all the time? Angry and cynical? *shrugs* I have no specific plans for this, I don't remember why I started writing it to be perfectly honest.
kokonutsu - Kah! Did I write those women actually being his mistresses? I don't remember... I certainly never intended it that way. Okay, well maybe I did but now it won't work.
If you were getting married to a guy wouldn't you be upset he kept a whole goggle full of women to 'pleasure him'. I would. I figured Kagome definitely would.
Fascinating wasn't typically a word I'd use to describe the fluidly graceful lord I was to marry. He was arrogant, prideful, violent, and insensitive. I sighed heavily. There was no way out of my present conundrum, I'd been thinking for days. What could I do but surrender to him?
I couldn't forget he'd hit me. Hard. It'd hurt. It left a nasty purple bruise on my cheek. But I also couldn't forget I'd deserved it. I was completely out of line and I had yet to forgive myself for making such a remark.
It was cruel of me to remark on his mother the way I had. I could still see the awful expression on his face as I commented on his mother not loving his father and how that wasn't surprising. Cruel.
Since when was I a cruel person?
I sighed heavily and stepped outside. I hadn't expected to find him in my chambers this morning, but I ought to get used to it. Soon enough I'd be waking next to him.
It was cool out but generally pleasant. The back courtyard opened up into a forested area that looked scenic so I headed toward it wandering into the woodland. It was nice, I loved the smell of nature. It was fresh and clean.
Birds chirped in the canopy overhead while crickets chirped on the ground below. A gentle wind rustled through the trees sweeping past me. I loved being outside. I heard a distant rumble and realized rain was probably close but it didn't lead me to turn back. I kept on.
I paused momentarily to glance back at the castle, I hoped I didn't get lost in here, but it wasn't incentive enough for me to head back.
Not even when the wind turned chilly and foreboding did I take the hint and return. I kept on, foolishly, throwing myself into the wild, walking onward. The wind kicked up, ravishing the trees above sending the drying leaves spiraling off into a crazy, downward dance and then skating across the ground.
It was creepy almost. That I was alone out in the middle of the woods, a storm on the verge of breaking.
"Higurashi."
My name. It was a harsh whisper on the breeze. I turned to face the man who'd voiced it and paused, taking in the very breathtaking sight of him. I'd never imagined a man could be beautiful and yet Masaharu Sesshoumaru was the epitome of the word.
Gleaming cold eyes, perfect skin and silken strands of hair - he was perfect. I, standing before him, realized dumbly I was completely unworthy of such a trophy. Yet his sour personality was a hefty counterbalance to those looks, as one might expect it to be.
"Sesshoumaru-sama." My voice sounded stale, and hollow to my ears. I almost winced. What was wrong with me? Why did I feel so wistful and disconnected? So... apathetic?
"What are you doing out here?"
"Walking," I replied, needlessly. He could see I was walking well enough. Then again, he needn't have asked either.
"Find the palace to be too constricting, or are you just trying to find a means of escaping?"
His voice was harsh, colder than normal. Did he really believe I was so eager to abandon him? I turned to him, hoping my eyes were filled with a warmth I didn't presently feel.
"Of course not. I just wanted some air. There's... There's no one for me to talk to so I thought I would be just as well alone. That way no one is always looking at me, trying to see what I'm doing or whatever."
"Oh?" He cast his gaze away. "What of Kouga? You seemed entertained enough in his company."
I sighed heavily. Petty jealousy, he obviously didn't understand I was lonely. Friendless, cast into a world where I was isolated by my status. Jerk.
"Kouga is... " I trailed off. What was Kouga? A pleasant way to pass the time? "Kouga is a pleasant distraction."
Perhaps it was rude or... low or something, but it was what I felt. Kouga was a casual friend, not someone I was close to or that I could confide in.
I was tempted to rouse more of what little jealousy he seemed to possess but thought better of it when I felt the rain droplets begin to spatter against my skin. Maybe it cooled my inner quarrel a bit, maybe I was just feeling depressed and the rain was a reminder.
I sighed heavily.
"Why does it matter? What's your problem with Kouga anyway?" It seemed an innocent enough question. Sesshoumaru obviously did not like him.
"I do not suffer idiots."
I scoffed. "For something you don't tolerate there sure are enough of them around."
For a moment I saw his lips quirk up into a small grin. That was before his eyes met mine however and the look vanished. I liked to think the amusement continued to dance in his eyes, but those gold orbs were unreadable to me.
"Such as?"
I crossed my arms suddenly recalling a foul presence. "My half-sister, Kikyo."
His quick movements brought him to my side quicker than I would've imagined. "That isn't idiocy." He leaned down suddenly invading my space, his breath upon my face. "That's contempt."
Just as quickly he drew away leaving me to stare after him, cheeks practically glowing red.
"W-Where are you going?" I called.
"For a walk."
I was really half surprised he bothered to answer me. In my own idiocy I called out once more.
"It's going to rain."
Stupid, stupid, I chided myself. He knew it was going to rain. It was raining already although the small droplets had turned into a foggy mist it seemed.
He, to my surprise again stopped, and looked back at me. "Idiocy, you say?"
I blinked. "Oh, shut up!" I scolded, wondering if I sounded like the child I currently felt like. He stared to move again, but the sight of him, walking away from me left me feeling even lonelier. "W-Wait!"
He obliged me, stopping and peering at me once more patiently.
"Can I come?" My voice was a squeak, a small girlish tone devoid of any confidence.
He, with the utmost authority turned fully to me and raised a hand, beckoning me to him silently. I followed dumbly, my feet thumping toward him as I walked. I felt graceless.
One perfect hand curled beneath my chin turning my face up to his and he leaned to be close to me.
"Tomorrow we will be wed, Kagome." He paused, eyes trained on mine. "I want to know, what do you think of that?"
"What do I think? I... I don't know."
"We are strangers to one another, but tomorrow we will join. It is my wish to know what you think of it. I desire to know what kind of emotional baggage you're bringing to my bed." He replied.
For a moment I couldn't even think. What did I say to that? I didn't know. I honestly didn't. I'd known him for, what, a week? I vaguely realized I'd shifted my shoulders into a weak shrug and he let me go, straightening.
"I am not a man to tolerate disobedience and certainly not from my wife. I expect quarrels from you but I will not allow you to bring them to soil our marriage bed. I will not be merciful to you if you do not heed my warning. Come to me angry and I will take you angrily."
The thoughts gave me chills. How was I supposed to shake off anger at him so quickly? Anger at Sesshoumaru sent my blood racing through my body and rolling of me in wild waves of heat.
He walked ahead of me silently and I helplessly trailed along. I felt as though something bound us now. It was something that hadn't been there before, but something certain and real was between us. Some... bond... other than our betrothal.
Yet whatever unsearchable thing had formed, it was not an emotional bond. Not of the sort I had fancied when I was a girl. It was not love, or the blossoming of love although I had a sinking, but exciting rush when I thought there might be an underlying passion just waiting to ensnare me. Sesshoumaru was a deep and tempting pool and tomorrow he was dragging me under. I couldn't hold off the tremors that plagued me, but whether they were born of fear or anticipation, I could not know.
I had given up hope of conversation with him before I'd even considered the notion, but he again astonished me when his pace slowed and we were walking, side by side.
"What of Kouga?"
"Hmm? What about him?"
He should be less abrupt, I thought but didn't bother voicing the sentiment.
"What do you think of him? Is he a desirable companion in your estimation?"
"Kouga?" I paused to give the thought some contemplation. I honestly had never done so before. Perhaps Kouga's comment about my lack of beauty had immediately shut off any romantic thoughts I might have had about him. It seemed so unfathomable now to picture him that way. "Kouga is... Kouga. I like him but... He's not..."
"He's not what?"
"He's not you." I blurted, reddening. "The distance between you and Kouga is... endless."
He stopped and I was forced to stop too. "You find me a desirable companion?"
He sounded so genuinely earnest, as though he expected me to actually say 'no' when we both knew he didn't in the least doubt it.
"Most of the time, no."
True enough, he had an attitude that would make even the blood of his most faithful admirers run cool.
The rumbling was coming at quicker intervals now and at times shook the ground beneath my feet. An amazing feeling but one made me nervous to be outside.
"Can we go back now? The storm is getting close and it's probably not safe out here."
He held me a moment longer with his gaze before we headed back. In silence this time, significantly less space between us then when we'd first started. The cloth of my kimono sleeves brushed his, and although we both felt it, neither of us turned to one another. For different reasons I'm sure.
There was a loose tension between us now, something just waiting to be drawn taut.
. . .
Higurashi Kagome was a mystery to me. She was troublesome, thought provoking and surprisingly sweet when quieted down. I was not surprised by her admission that she was, basically, attracted to me. I was surprised she was not drawn to Kouga given their easy discourse.
I was familiar with female attention; I'd gotten it all my life. I did not expect anything less from her she was female as well. Albeit she was a bit more difficult than the average girl.
Thoughts of her seemed to plague me endlessly now. I could not rid myself of her, of imagining her, sensual and soft in my bed.
There was much more to my upcoming nuptials than her becoming my lover, but the need was great. It had been building in my all week and had only increased in ferocity each time I discovered she was more pleasant than previously realized.
I had not forgotten I had other things to deal with, her emotional state, and our actual relationship being primary. Until my passion was quenched, as was hers however unknowingly she carried it, everything else would lurk in the shadows. Even she, pure and chaste as she was thought of nothing but being with me, I did not have to be with her, or to see her to know it.
Time coiled around us slowly, pulling us closer. Tomorrow the coil would snap, pushing us together completely. I found myself eager for the dawn. Today could and would not be over soon enough.
The dawn greeted me cheerily and I found myself resentful of the birds chirping so happily outside my chambers. Today my bachelorhood was over, I would be a married man from this point forward, and yet I felt it really had little impact on me personally.
It was, in a sense, business.
I discovered however that I was not the only one in a foul mood. I could hear Kagome's voice raised in anger at her attendants, who had, if I heard correctly roused the girl with water. I quirked a grin, resisting the temptation to head down the hall and see how she looked with her head and torso soaked.
Undoubtedly a sight to behold but I did have a few preparations of my own to be attending to.
I lost myself in the confusion allowing it all to blur by me. Evening vows and the ceremony were a breeze. I did vaguely remember watching Kagome's eyes carefully and wondering if she might be called a 'blushing bride' although she was not blushing.
She did, in fact, look quite irritated. She'd snatched her hand from mine the moment we'd sat at our table and hadn't sought contact with me since. Not even as she rose and left the table with her changing of clothes did she acknowledge me.
I couldn't imagine what I had done to upset her but I would find out.
. . .
"Miss, er, Lady Kagome, everything is done."
I turned back glancing at the servants and frowned at the stares I was getting. I wasn't sad to see them go. I waved them off and they shuffled away without another word.
I was left alone in my 'husband's chamber'. Great, just what I wanted, to be alone with the, dare I say, maniac?
I sighed heavily, unhappy.
How did this happen to me? I felt like I was waiting for my executioner although I reminded myself time and again he wasn't going to hurt me. I had already run over the things I could do to get out of this situation a million times and hadn't successfully thought of anything. I couldn't plead sick, he would see through it in a minute. I couldn't pretend to be asleep he'd wake me. I couldn't go to another room, he come looking for me. I couldn't run away - that was utterly beneath me. Yet here I was grasping at straws to get away.
Behind me I heard the door slide open and my heart began to pound, followed by a low, seductive little chuckle.
"Waiting up for me?"
I turned, anxiously. He stood by the door, almost leaning against the thin frame. His gold eyes seemed to glow with intensity and I shuddered. Oh...
"Uh... no, I just..."
I couldn't even think of something to say, let alone how to get away from him.
"Couldn't sleep?" He offered.
I nodded dumbly, what else could I do? My heart felt like it was going to explode and I was sure the moment he did anything slightly close to moving I was going to blush and turn into a mass of jitters.
How awful.
He pushed away from the wall suddenly in a move so full of grace I wondered how he'd managed to acquire it. I forced myself not to move and instead planted my feet heavy on the floor by the window where I stood.
Outside the wind was howling. It had been storming all day; luckily the wedding had been an indoor affair. Some had, to my dismay, taken the weather as a bad omen. I silently cursed them all for making it a more difficult moment than it had to be.
My mother and family were present although I'd gotten very little time to see them. I'd been embroiled in one circle of people after another since the ceremony ended. Then I'd been whisked away by my attendants and 'prepared' for my wedding night.
I thought back with a scowl at the bath and perfumes, linens and bedclothes. What a waste of - he stepped up, looming in front of me. How could my thoughts wander while my 'husband' was stalking me?
"Uh... Sesshoumaru... I don't suppose we could... um... delay this? I'm not really ready."
I sounded entirely too hopeful.
"There is no need." He replied dropping his mouth down by my ear.
"Well... I wouldn't necessarily say-"
"Are you so terrified of me, Kagome?"
He lifted his head, meeting my eyes. "How is a person supposed to be reassured when you are staring at me like you want to sink your teeth in me or something?"
I congratulated myself on not sounding nervous, but it didn't matter how I sounded. I still *felt* it.
I was startled then when he laughed, a low, and almost frightening sound. "Nice thought, but its not my teeth I want to sink into you."
My eyes widened and I plastered myself back against the wall-taking note of his eyes before the space between him and me was suddenly gone.
I blinked, eyes fluttering open once more as I heard a muffled set of words and then felt her shift at my side.
"Was that directed at me or do you talk to yourself in the morning?"
Kagome, it seemed, was a late sleeper. I however, was not, yet I had yet to leave my bed, and it had to be approaching noon at least.
She mumbled something again, but I could not make anything out of it.
It was an interesting thing. It had never happened to me before.
The previous night hadn't been a debacle; in fact things went better than expected given the circumstances. Her nervous fear had been a predictable thing and while not that easily overcome, it had been done.
She had not pulled away from me in utter disgust when the event was over; rather, to my surprise she'd stayed close. All in all it hadn't been my physical union with Kagome that kept me in my bed this morning, it had been exactly what had followed.
Her cuddling up to me the way she had, and sighing, falling off to sleep. She'd clutched to me all night. I had never, in my entire life, known such a thing. She'd slept perfectly contented. I could not help but wonder was she content with me, or was she merely a content person while she rested?
Despite that, it gave me a sense of warmth I had never experienced before. Not the warmth being generated from our bodies but an internal warmth, something akin to security. Perhaps I was being lulled into Kagome's contentment?
I could hardly deny the fact I was enjoying merely laying here. It was comfortable, it was warm, and to top it off, she smelled nice. There was nothing quite so pleasing as breathing in the pleasant scent of a companion - it was amazingly relaxing.
She pulled slightly back from me, eyes fluttering open again, yawning.
"Morning," she mumbled.
I briefly wondered if that's what she'd said the previous two times she'd spoken.
She didn't say anything after that and I began to worry slightly. I quite enjoyed silences, but they seemed unnatural for Kagome. I contemplated asking her if something was wrong when she turned to lie on her back, disengaging completely from my loose embrace.
She had closed her eyes again and was merely lying there. Was she going to ignore me?
When her eyes did open a moment later she was staring at the ceiling, and the expression on her face revealed her to be thoughtful over something.
"Sesshoumaru...?"
"Hmm?"
I was feeling incredibly lazy, I realized. Or perhaps the moment was languid. I couldn't remember a time when my body felt so heavy and relaxed.
"I just..." She looked over at me. "It'll probably sound silly and girlish but I wanted to thank you. I worried..." She looked back up to the ceiling. "I worried all week... you know... about last night, and well... Thanks for being so... nice... about it."
It hadn't been what I was expecting but it was amusedly charming, especially with that blush staining her cheeks. What an interesting female she was.
It made me wonder just how much of a ruffian she expected me to be, but I didn't dwell on the notion.
Kagome was an indescribable force but I quite enjoyed her. She had a pleasantness to her that wasn't intrusive. I was not one that enjoyed companionship or closeness but Kagome had an air to her that was non-threatening and non-judgmental. I could simply be' here with her without discomfort. It was new and most enjoyable.
Her contentment caused something to well within me that hadn't been there before. A desire perhaps to bind her closer to me by pulling her deeper into my life. That was all I could describe it as. Maybe I worried; deep down, that she like my mother would abandon me although I didn't entertain the thought seriously. What woman would abandon Sesshoumaru?
And yet, my mother had.
Either way, I had made up my mind. I sat up, surprisingly loathe to abandon my bed. Beside me, Kagome scrambled up as well, but with a cheerful yawn. Her eyes were bright, I liked that.
I was not usually one for optimism, but I would not have her look at me any other way I thought then.
"Get dressed, we're going out."
Immediately her contentment wilted. "Going where?"
I spared her a cool gaze that belied my warm thoughts. "Do not ask question, move."
She huffed, but complied, dragging with her the bed linens. I turned away before I could smirk at the sight. I could work on her modesty another day. One thing at a time, I reminded myself.
And today they were going to handle Rin.
Author's Closing Notes: Mistakes? Errors? Opinion? Think Sesshoumaru is being OOC? Note it in a review. Criticism is welcome, but groundless remarks will be addressed and then ignored.