My name is Lana LeAnne Lang. Nice to meet you. I know you've seen me before, we both know. I'm the one walking down the hallway, a pink cardigan and a small smirk on my face. Waitressing at the Talon, a big smile on my face. But also in my car, sobbing softly over a lost love. Right, now you can see my face.
Thought so.
Or if you can't you only see the crying 3-year-old fairy Princess on the cover of "Time" magazine.
You know I have that magazine in a box in my room?
Every now and then I open it and glance at myself, a 3-year-old with her fairy princess costume on. Black dust from the meteors are mixed with my tears. Just below the title "Heartbreak in the heartland" Here is an exept. All about me:
"Little 3-year-old Lana Lang weeps right after seeing her parents killed by the meteors. The child is now being taken care of by her Aunt Nell Potter, when reached Potter released this statement 'No doubt that this will both stay with us but I hope that we can get on with our lives'. Little Lang will be starting Pre-school in 3 months 'Everyday is a struggle' Nell says sadly"
It took Nell five years after she adopted me to have the guts to show me that.
People think I don't remember them. They say "Oh no way, she was 3 when they died. What could she remember?"
Well let me tell you, I remember for my 3rd birthday being taken to a drive- in, watching Bugs Bunny cartoons and falling asleep before the movie even started (Clark did the same for me on my 15th birthday, luckily I stayed awake) I also remember the dinner parties.
"Lana, sing for them" Mom would say
And I loved it, I would sing for the guests, at two years old with my hair in pigtails and matching bows. I loved the applause. I loved the pink dress. Most of all I loved being with my parents. My mother wearing a pink spagetti strap dress, smelling of Chanel 5 with pearls around her neck. My father looking dashing in a suit with his hair slicked back. I loved the dinner parties.
I remember how people would stop us on the steets just to look at me.
"What a beautiful baby!" They would say
"What a smart baby!"
"What a good baby!"
And I loved it.
I've always lived through fantasy. I've always hidden in books, as an escape from reality.
One time, when I was about 15, I had slept over at Tina Greer's (Yes, the morphing psycho girl) I had told her that. She looked at me as if I was crazy.
"Why Lana?" She asked "You're life is so... Perfect!"
Perfect, yeah sure.
I was a shy little girl. Nell had to bribe me to go outside.
"C'mon" She'd beg "The Conner twins are playing jump rope, wouldn't you like to join them?"
I'd shake my head, I couldn't have been more then 7. A book in my head "No Nell, I want to read"
Then she'd over to take me out for ice cream if I played with them for atleast a half-hour.
Needless to say, I was out that door in a second.
To overcome my shyness Nell put me in beauty pagaents, I heard the same thing.
"What a beautiful girl!"
"What a smart girl!"
"What a good girl!"
And I loved it. I would strut my stuff, and the other mothers would look at Nell in envy. I won about five of them. But my life changed when I met Yarden. He was a beautiful horse. Nell put me in riding classes so I could ride Yarden, and when I did. I felt like a goddess, my hair flowing free, horse beneath me.
And I loved it.
I never had a best friend, well before Emily Dinsmore. She was in the same riding class as me and we got along famously. Besides her the only person I ever really talked to was Clark Kent, as he would stop by the flower shop with his parents from time to time. We didn't talk much. He always seemed so shy and would sweat and lose words when he was near me.
Nell said it was because he liked me, I said boys were gross. I was 9!
Well, back to Emily. She was my very first best friend. We did everything together. We even talked about what it would be like when we grew up, met husbands and had children. We decided we were going marry twin brothers, and live next store to each other for the rest of our lives.
And then she died. at ten years old. I don't want to get into that story.
Without Emily I was nothing, I had no friends and retorted back to my books for comfort and safety.
Nell wanted to put me back in the beauty pageants but I said no. I wanted to ride the horses.
"Why don't you sing?" She asked me "You always loved to sing"
Thats right, I can sing. Bet you never knew that, right? I have this fantasy of one day trying out for American Idol and making it all the way to top ten.
"Lana!" they would all say "I never knew you could sing! I never knew you could sing so well!"
Nobody has ever heard it exept for Nell and my parents.
The teachers contacted Nell several times.
"Lana is so anti-social" they would say "Reading is great but sometimes we wonder about her social skills"
This was said by a teacher.
They all thought the same thing 'This girl is too pretty to be a bookworm'.
Nell talked to me, introduced me to my mother. She held out a yearbook and there was mom, as beautiful as ever. She was wearing the "Farrah Fawcett" style hairdo and was cheering with a few girls.
"This was your mother" She'd say "She was a valedictorian, she was a cheerleader and the Homecoming Queen one year"
It was decided. I needed to be a cheerleader.
I told Nell and she was thrilled, being as she was one herself in high school, she signed me up and I passed the audition and made the squad.
I guess thats when I became "Little miss middle-school" so to speak. I would pass through the halls and people would whisper.
"What a beautiful girl"
"What a smart girl"
"What a good girl"
And I loved it. It wasn't long before Chelsey Anderson quit the squad and I became head cheerleader. Nell was at every game, cheering me on while I cheered the football players with the squad. I could almost hear her calling over stranger and pointing me out to them.
"Thats my niece!" she'd exclaim
I guess you can say I got my first ever crush. His name was Whitney Fordman and he was "The big man on campus". All the girls loved him. He was 14 years old.. a freshman and I was only 11, a 6th grader. At one of the games the high school cheeleaders get a day off and let the middle school cheerleaders cheer for the Crows. I had known Whitney for along time... but it was different now.. The cheerleaders took notice "Lana, you so like him" Reagan Junos laughed
All I could do was smile modestly. That night, the squad went out to IHOP with a few members of the football time.
Whitney was one of the members.
"Oh you know, Lana, right?" Julia Denny asked him
He looked at me and smiled, I was so nervous but he was so sweet. We started going out the day after that.
I guess you can say Whitney was my first. My first crush, first kiss, first boyfriend. Well we became 'The Golden couple" We won Homecoming King and Queen when I got to high school. It was perfect, Head cheerleader and star Quarterback.
Then I quit the cheerleading squad.
Nell was disappointed.
"You're on a good track!" she argued
But I just told her there was more to life then being on the squad. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it.
I guess I'm leaving out someone very important now, Clark Kent.
We have been through so much together. I can't tell you the number of near death experiences I've suffered, and he was always there to save me. It was weird. I guess you can say I've always had lingering feelings for him, but it was hard to pursue them when you're still with Whitney Fordman.
Don't get me wrong, I loved Whitney, and I miss him. But something about Clark was just so.....
I told myself to get over it. Whitney was my true love, we would get married and have children and live happily ever after.
Then he joined the Marines.
He told me he loved me from the first minute he saw me and he would love me when he saw me again. Then he sped away on the bus. With that I was left there Clark there to take care of me, look out for me until Whitney returned.
He never did.
I guess I am getting ahead of myself here. Nell and I have always had a good relationship. She raised me very good and has made me the person that I am today. She supported my every decision whether it was trying out for the cheerleading squad or saving the building my parents met in and turning it into a coffee shop. She's always been there, pushing me to be the best I can be. Thats why it was so hard to leave her.
She had met her true love, a man named Dean who was moving to Metropolis. We would move there... But I couldn't leave everything behind. Luckily Chloe Sullivan told me I could move in with her. Chloe has become my sister and best friend. Sometimes I can't stand her and vice versa but I know she loves me. Sharing a house you really got to know someone. We've cried with each other, we've laughed with each other. We've stayed up all night talking and got into some interesting sex conversations (Don't worry, we both are virgins, all we know we've learned from TV and magazines) Which would end in hysterical fits of laughter.
We even were Spice Girl fanatics when we were little, she was Baby and I was Posh.
One problem though, she was in love with Clark. I can't say this isn't the subject of our fights.
When Whitney returned from the Marines I really thought this was my answer. I belonged with him.
Turned out it wasn't him. But Tina Greer in the shape of him. Whitney, my first love, had been blown to pieces. He was gone.
I broke down when I heard the news. I literally couldn't move, my knees buckled and I fell, I literally would have split my head open if Chloe didn't catch me before I hit the ground. I couldn't stop crying for hours. But she stayed with me. I kept telling myself it was a dream. That he was really alive, but he wasn't.
I'll never forget that day. I was in the kitchen, Chloe was eating dinner but I was to worried to eat. It was from Whitney's mother. Chloe saw the look on my face and immediately knew. We both cried, She held me for hours, hours at a time and listened to me sob and say things that probably made no sense mixed with my sobs. She listened to me. She showed no disgust when I was in the bathroom, getting sick. She even offered to hold my hair, but I said no. She stayed with me while I looked at old pictures of Whitney and I. She stayed with me while I told her about precious memories of Whitney and I. She listened. She understood.
I try to remember this when ever we fight.
I guess things went back to normal after that, I was able to put some of it behind me,
Carpe Diem as the guidance counselor told me.
Clark had asked me out, unfortunately it was about the time Chloe and Pete had been infected by parasites that made them into wild daredevils. Chloe had kissed Clark under the influence of that. He had kissed her back, thats the thing I noticed.
We officially got together on his 17th birthday, I brought him a birthday cake and we spent the whole night kissing and cuddling and talking. We didn't go all the way, we didn't even get to second base (exept that one time when his hand slipped, but he apologized).
We didn't tell Chloe, afraid that she still had feeling for him. It was hard and I pulled away, that was until Lex Luthor and Helen Bryce's wedding party.
I had gone to Helen for advice that day. She loved to give me advice. She beamed everytime. I can still remember her words.
The night of their wedding party I went to Clark's loft and we officially became a couple.
He was my second boyfriend.
We still didn't tell Chloe, but other then that it was great. We were one of those 'touchy feely' couples and he always had his arm around me. He was a great kisser.
He was my date to Lex's wedding. I picked out my dress, hoping to stun him (and it did, the first thing he said when he saw me was 'wow').
It was love, we both knew it. I had everything planned out for us. I fantasized it. I wanted him so much. I even knew he would be the one I would lose my virginity to (when we were both ready)
And then he left.
I have no idea why. He said something about his mom losing a baby (we didn't even know she was expecting one) I tried to stop him, I even told him right then and there that
I loved him. He loved me too, more than I could ever know, he told me.
Then he drove away.
I couldn't cope, I couldn't talk to Chloe. Helen was on her honeymoon. I was alone.
Helen returned a few days after we heard about the death of Lex Luthor (We later found out he had survived) she was devastated also. We relished the saying 'misery loves company'. She was the misery, I was her company. I miss her sometimes. I know all the rumors about her are untrue. Helen wouldn't do that.
A few months later I found him, He was a jerk. He took me to a bar and when I tried to contact his family to tell them where he was. He found out and told me to leave.
He returned two days later, just walked into the Talon acting like nothing happen. He apologized, and I did not forgive him.
It took me a while to. I just thought about him, how much he hurt me, but how much I wanted him in my life. I decided to go with the latter.
"You don't want to know me, the way you think you do" he told me
I rode home on my horse crying.
There was one guy after him, Seth, but he just controlled my mind, so their was never real feelings. My real feelins were with Clark.
That was until I broke my leg.
Clark had asked me to stay with Lex. As he was in the early stages of his bout with mental illness. He thought I was trying to drug him and threw me into the barn where the horse got scared and trampled me.
I broke my leg in four places.
At the hospital I told Clark I should stay away from him,
I don't know what I was on when I said that.
You see, the truth is. I really love him, but everything is so messed up it's hard to fufill my feelings.
Clark had gone blind for a few days. No one ever knew what it was from.
He told me he was ready, ready for a relationship. But I pilled away this time. Clark, I was so wrong.
I love him, I always have. I think one day I'll be able to fufill the relationship. We can be in love.
One day I'll walk into the Talon, and smile at him. and ask him to be my boyfriend.
He'll accept, and we will kiss.
And after I get the courage to do that, Maybe I'll even start singing again.
Thought so.
Or if you can't you only see the crying 3-year-old fairy Princess on the cover of "Time" magazine.
You know I have that magazine in a box in my room?
Every now and then I open it and glance at myself, a 3-year-old with her fairy princess costume on. Black dust from the meteors are mixed with my tears. Just below the title "Heartbreak in the heartland" Here is an exept. All about me:
"Little 3-year-old Lana Lang weeps right after seeing her parents killed by the meteors. The child is now being taken care of by her Aunt Nell Potter, when reached Potter released this statement 'No doubt that this will both stay with us but I hope that we can get on with our lives'. Little Lang will be starting Pre-school in 3 months 'Everyday is a struggle' Nell says sadly"
It took Nell five years after she adopted me to have the guts to show me that.
People think I don't remember them. They say "Oh no way, she was 3 when they died. What could she remember?"
Well let me tell you, I remember for my 3rd birthday being taken to a drive- in, watching Bugs Bunny cartoons and falling asleep before the movie even started (Clark did the same for me on my 15th birthday, luckily I stayed awake) I also remember the dinner parties.
"Lana, sing for them" Mom would say
And I loved it, I would sing for the guests, at two years old with my hair in pigtails and matching bows. I loved the applause. I loved the pink dress. Most of all I loved being with my parents. My mother wearing a pink spagetti strap dress, smelling of Chanel 5 with pearls around her neck. My father looking dashing in a suit with his hair slicked back. I loved the dinner parties.
I remember how people would stop us on the steets just to look at me.
"What a beautiful baby!" They would say
"What a smart baby!"
"What a good baby!"
And I loved it.
I've always lived through fantasy. I've always hidden in books, as an escape from reality.
One time, when I was about 15, I had slept over at Tina Greer's (Yes, the morphing psycho girl) I had told her that. She looked at me as if I was crazy.
"Why Lana?" She asked "You're life is so... Perfect!"
Perfect, yeah sure.
I was a shy little girl. Nell had to bribe me to go outside.
"C'mon" She'd beg "The Conner twins are playing jump rope, wouldn't you like to join them?"
I'd shake my head, I couldn't have been more then 7. A book in my head "No Nell, I want to read"
Then she'd over to take me out for ice cream if I played with them for atleast a half-hour.
Needless to say, I was out that door in a second.
To overcome my shyness Nell put me in beauty pagaents, I heard the same thing.
"What a beautiful girl!"
"What a smart girl!"
"What a good girl!"
And I loved it. I would strut my stuff, and the other mothers would look at Nell in envy. I won about five of them. But my life changed when I met Yarden. He was a beautiful horse. Nell put me in riding classes so I could ride Yarden, and when I did. I felt like a goddess, my hair flowing free, horse beneath me.
And I loved it.
I never had a best friend, well before Emily Dinsmore. She was in the same riding class as me and we got along famously. Besides her the only person I ever really talked to was Clark Kent, as he would stop by the flower shop with his parents from time to time. We didn't talk much. He always seemed so shy and would sweat and lose words when he was near me.
Nell said it was because he liked me, I said boys were gross. I was 9!
Well, back to Emily. She was my very first best friend. We did everything together. We even talked about what it would be like when we grew up, met husbands and had children. We decided we were going marry twin brothers, and live next store to each other for the rest of our lives.
And then she died. at ten years old. I don't want to get into that story.
Without Emily I was nothing, I had no friends and retorted back to my books for comfort and safety.
Nell wanted to put me back in the beauty pageants but I said no. I wanted to ride the horses.
"Why don't you sing?" She asked me "You always loved to sing"
Thats right, I can sing. Bet you never knew that, right? I have this fantasy of one day trying out for American Idol and making it all the way to top ten.
"Lana!" they would all say "I never knew you could sing! I never knew you could sing so well!"
Nobody has ever heard it exept for Nell and my parents.
The teachers contacted Nell several times.
"Lana is so anti-social" they would say "Reading is great but sometimes we wonder about her social skills"
This was said by a teacher.
They all thought the same thing 'This girl is too pretty to be a bookworm'.
Nell talked to me, introduced me to my mother. She held out a yearbook and there was mom, as beautiful as ever. She was wearing the "Farrah Fawcett" style hairdo and was cheering with a few girls.
"This was your mother" She'd say "She was a valedictorian, she was a cheerleader and the Homecoming Queen one year"
It was decided. I needed to be a cheerleader.
I told Nell and she was thrilled, being as she was one herself in high school, she signed me up and I passed the audition and made the squad.
I guess thats when I became "Little miss middle-school" so to speak. I would pass through the halls and people would whisper.
"What a beautiful girl"
"What a smart girl"
"What a good girl"
And I loved it. It wasn't long before Chelsey Anderson quit the squad and I became head cheerleader. Nell was at every game, cheering me on while I cheered the football players with the squad. I could almost hear her calling over stranger and pointing me out to them.
"Thats my niece!" she'd exclaim
I guess you can say I got my first ever crush. His name was Whitney Fordman and he was "The big man on campus". All the girls loved him. He was 14 years old.. a freshman and I was only 11, a 6th grader. At one of the games the high school cheeleaders get a day off and let the middle school cheerleaders cheer for the Crows. I had known Whitney for along time... but it was different now.. The cheerleaders took notice "Lana, you so like him" Reagan Junos laughed
All I could do was smile modestly. That night, the squad went out to IHOP with a few members of the football time.
Whitney was one of the members.
"Oh you know, Lana, right?" Julia Denny asked him
He looked at me and smiled, I was so nervous but he was so sweet. We started going out the day after that.
I guess you can say Whitney was my first. My first crush, first kiss, first boyfriend. Well we became 'The Golden couple" We won Homecoming King and Queen when I got to high school. It was perfect, Head cheerleader and star Quarterback.
Then I quit the cheerleading squad.
Nell was disappointed.
"You're on a good track!" she argued
But I just told her there was more to life then being on the squad. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it.
I guess I'm leaving out someone very important now, Clark Kent.
We have been through so much together. I can't tell you the number of near death experiences I've suffered, and he was always there to save me. It was weird. I guess you can say I've always had lingering feelings for him, but it was hard to pursue them when you're still with Whitney Fordman.
Don't get me wrong, I loved Whitney, and I miss him. But something about Clark was just so.....
I told myself to get over it. Whitney was my true love, we would get married and have children and live happily ever after.
Then he joined the Marines.
He told me he loved me from the first minute he saw me and he would love me when he saw me again. Then he sped away on the bus. With that I was left there Clark there to take care of me, look out for me until Whitney returned.
He never did.
I guess I am getting ahead of myself here. Nell and I have always had a good relationship. She raised me very good and has made me the person that I am today. She supported my every decision whether it was trying out for the cheerleading squad or saving the building my parents met in and turning it into a coffee shop. She's always been there, pushing me to be the best I can be. Thats why it was so hard to leave her.
She had met her true love, a man named Dean who was moving to Metropolis. We would move there... But I couldn't leave everything behind. Luckily Chloe Sullivan told me I could move in with her. Chloe has become my sister and best friend. Sometimes I can't stand her and vice versa but I know she loves me. Sharing a house you really got to know someone. We've cried with each other, we've laughed with each other. We've stayed up all night talking and got into some interesting sex conversations (Don't worry, we both are virgins, all we know we've learned from TV and magazines) Which would end in hysterical fits of laughter.
We even were Spice Girl fanatics when we were little, she was Baby and I was Posh.
One problem though, she was in love with Clark. I can't say this isn't the subject of our fights.
When Whitney returned from the Marines I really thought this was my answer. I belonged with him.
Turned out it wasn't him. But Tina Greer in the shape of him. Whitney, my first love, had been blown to pieces. He was gone.
I broke down when I heard the news. I literally couldn't move, my knees buckled and I fell, I literally would have split my head open if Chloe didn't catch me before I hit the ground. I couldn't stop crying for hours. But she stayed with me. I kept telling myself it was a dream. That he was really alive, but he wasn't.
I'll never forget that day. I was in the kitchen, Chloe was eating dinner but I was to worried to eat. It was from Whitney's mother. Chloe saw the look on my face and immediately knew. We both cried, She held me for hours, hours at a time and listened to me sob and say things that probably made no sense mixed with my sobs. She listened to me. She showed no disgust when I was in the bathroom, getting sick. She even offered to hold my hair, but I said no. She stayed with me while I looked at old pictures of Whitney and I. She stayed with me while I told her about precious memories of Whitney and I. She listened. She understood.
I try to remember this when ever we fight.
I guess things went back to normal after that, I was able to put some of it behind me,
Carpe Diem as the guidance counselor told me.
Clark had asked me out, unfortunately it was about the time Chloe and Pete had been infected by parasites that made them into wild daredevils. Chloe had kissed Clark under the influence of that. He had kissed her back, thats the thing I noticed.
We officially got together on his 17th birthday, I brought him a birthday cake and we spent the whole night kissing and cuddling and talking. We didn't go all the way, we didn't even get to second base (exept that one time when his hand slipped, but he apologized).
We didn't tell Chloe, afraid that she still had feeling for him. It was hard and I pulled away, that was until Lex Luthor and Helen Bryce's wedding party.
I had gone to Helen for advice that day. She loved to give me advice. She beamed everytime. I can still remember her words.
The night of their wedding party I went to Clark's loft and we officially became a couple.
He was my second boyfriend.
We still didn't tell Chloe, but other then that it was great. We were one of those 'touchy feely' couples and he always had his arm around me. He was a great kisser.
He was my date to Lex's wedding. I picked out my dress, hoping to stun him (and it did, the first thing he said when he saw me was 'wow').
It was love, we both knew it. I had everything planned out for us. I fantasized it. I wanted him so much. I even knew he would be the one I would lose my virginity to (when we were both ready)
And then he left.
I have no idea why. He said something about his mom losing a baby (we didn't even know she was expecting one) I tried to stop him, I even told him right then and there that
I loved him. He loved me too, more than I could ever know, he told me.
Then he drove away.
I couldn't cope, I couldn't talk to Chloe. Helen was on her honeymoon. I was alone.
Helen returned a few days after we heard about the death of Lex Luthor (We later found out he had survived) she was devastated also. We relished the saying 'misery loves company'. She was the misery, I was her company. I miss her sometimes. I know all the rumors about her are untrue. Helen wouldn't do that.
A few months later I found him, He was a jerk. He took me to a bar and when I tried to contact his family to tell them where he was. He found out and told me to leave.
He returned two days later, just walked into the Talon acting like nothing happen. He apologized, and I did not forgive him.
It took me a while to. I just thought about him, how much he hurt me, but how much I wanted him in my life. I decided to go with the latter.
"You don't want to know me, the way you think you do" he told me
I rode home on my horse crying.
There was one guy after him, Seth, but he just controlled my mind, so their was never real feelings. My real feelins were with Clark.
That was until I broke my leg.
Clark had asked me to stay with Lex. As he was in the early stages of his bout with mental illness. He thought I was trying to drug him and threw me into the barn where the horse got scared and trampled me.
I broke my leg in four places.
At the hospital I told Clark I should stay away from him,
I don't know what I was on when I said that.
You see, the truth is. I really love him, but everything is so messed up it's hard to fufill my feelings.
Clark had gone blind for a few days. No one ever knew what it was from.
He told me he was ready, ready for a relationship. But I pilled away this time. Clark, I was so wrong.
I love him, I always have. I think one day I'll be able to fufill the relationship. We can be in love.
One day I'll walk into the Talon, and smile at him. and ask him to be my boyfriend.
He'll accept, and we will kiss.
And after I get the courage to do that, Maybe I'll even start singing again.