Just a few quick notes:
1) Many thanks to those who have reviewed this story so far. I've been using it as a form of therapy after a death in my family, and it feels good to know that some people find it interesting.
2) Life has been a bit crazy while writing this story and I've been dealing with packing, moving, unpacking, waiting for the computer to be set up, waiting to get the rest of my belongings, and looking for a job during it. In fact, the majority of the packing and moving happened while I was writing this part. I thank you for your patience in waiting for this part. The stage after this and the epilogue are smaller, so there shouldn't be as much of a wait. At least, I hope not.
3) Many thanks to Nat for stepping in as a beta halfway through the story.
4) My love to Abs and her Mum. I hope that you're both doing well.
and now onto the story.....
Stage Four: "Depression"
Zoe hung up the phone with exaggerated carefulness, staring blankly ahead at the plain peach painted wall of the staff lounge, a color that was supposed to 'promote an air of peace and quiet as opposed to the frenetic energy found in the popular Las Vegas casino,' according to owners and managers of said casino. The color reminded most workers of hospital hallways and waiting rooms, containing no personality but serviceable for a large group of people with differing aesthetic tastes - one which was wildly opposite from Zoe's own tastes. Tonight, it was both a haven and a curse of blandness, nothing catching her attention, and therefore allowing her to drift dangerously in her thoughts. She had just finished talked with Jeannie Garrett, her sister's current neighbor and a woman whom both girls had always loved talking to when they were young children. Normally the contact with her original home and family was something that Zoe treasured, but never before had she expected this.
Sue, her bright, brilliant sister… Someone who loved life as much as Zoe, though perhaps lived it with less zeal because of familial responsibilities… A beautiful woman who was always smiling and looking on the bright side of whatever may happen… was dead – killed that evening by an accident that she herself caused.
It was a foreign concept to Zoe, who had always viewed her older sister as somewhat immortal. Her immediate thought was one of total disbelief, quickly followed by disbelief and the urge to call Sue and share the joke. She could no longer call her sister to talk long into the night or to rant about the latest in a long line of disappointing dates and relationship prospects. Never again would she be able to sit and laugh, living family life vicariously through various stories in which humor, love, and exasperation all had equal standings. Never again would she feel the comforting arms around her and know that everything would be all right.
The universe had twisted, fallen over on its side, and nothing would be right again.
Zoe's blank mind suddenly raced with everything that she had heard that night, starting with Sue's accident, the worry-laced tone Jeannie had used when she spoke of the kids, and ending with Jeannie's final question.
The kids need you, Zoe. When will you be here?
Abruptly, she remembered the last time Sue had visited Zoe in Vegas, sans children, and one of the many into-the-night conversations they had shared. Everything had been light-hearted and full of laughing until Sue had turned serious, taking a deep breath and asking Zoe if she would take care of the children in the event that anything happened to her. Zoe could still remember her response, scoffing followed by a smile and nod. 'Of course I will, sis. I'll always be here for you and them. Anyway, what could possibly happen to Wonder Woman?' A typically flippant comment thrown out to ease the tension and seriousness, two things that Zoe always claimed that she was allergic to. Had Sue known that something was going to happen – was that why she'd suddenly asked that? The topic was dropped until the day Sue had left to go back to Chicago, when she'd produced papers for Zoe to sign, papers drawn up by lawyers stating that she would become the children's legal guardian should anything happen to their biological mother.
"Zoe?"
She turned quickly at the sound, not having heard anyone enter the employee lounge, and was faced with Belle Richman, a woman who had quickly become one of Zoe's good friends. "Belle," she said quietly before frowning and clearing her throat because of the choked-sounding name.
The brunette turned away from the counter and looked over, concern darkening her warm brown eyes to black. "Is everything okay?"
Zoe reached up to surreptitiously wipe her cheeks free of any moisture that may have gathered and offered a strained smile, nodding. "Yeah, Belle, everything's fine." She looked around the room, then, and realized that she had to get out of there, that there was no way she could go back to her table and smile as she offered witty comments and flirted with gambling patrons, no way that she could stay and make small talk with people she worked with, both acquaintances and friends. "Actually, everything's not fine," she amended her earlier answer and quickly continued, not wanting to have to explain anything to her co-worker: "Do you think it would be all right if I cut out early?"
Belle looked over Zoe and slowly nodded, never having known the sandy blonde to skip work unless it was something extremely important. "You go," she offered, "and I'll go clear it with Roxanne. If someone can't be called in, I'll stay and manage your table," she promised.
Zoe offered a grateful, if somewhat strained, smile and nodded again. Before Belle could say anything more, Zoe abandoned her post by the phone and went to her locker, pulling her things out and slinging on her long multi-colored woven jacket without even thinking about changing from her work uniform to casual clothing and gathering up her purse before starting to the door. She paused and squeezed Belle's shoulder as she offered another nod before leaving quickly. Hurrying through the casino, Zoe offered automatic smiles to people but refused to make real eye contact or stop to talk, even when friends said her name, and she soon reached the street.
Blinking in the evening sun, she looked around in bemusement as if wondering just how she had gotten there. Jostled by someone walking by, she shook herself from her stupor and started walking down the street, needing the relatively clear air and knowing that the person she sought wouldn't be that far away. Ten blocks later, she made her way through the informal-style restaurant to the kitchens, nodding greetings to harried looking waiters and waitresses. A blonde in the normal uniform of brown leather miniskirt, knee high stiletto heeled boots, an extremely tight pale pink t-shirt, and a small red apron soon came close and enveloped Zoe in an enthusiastic hug.
"Zoe! What are you doing here, girl? Weren't you called into the casino to pinch-hit?"
Suddenly unable to speak, Zoe could only look at Candy La Rue, her best friend in the world, and nod as her eyes filled with the tears she'd fought until now.
"Zoe? What are you doing here? I thought we were meeting at La Roacherie," she gave the nickname of David's place, "later? Is something wrong? Did something bad happen? Oh, God, you wouldn't cry for anything small, of course something bad happened," Candy castigated herself, the intimately familiar rambling causing Zoe to laugh chokingly. Looking around them, Candy continued talking, partly to Zoe and partly to herself, hoping to reassure herself while her normally strong friends showed unusual signs of weakness. "I came in because Crys had a doctor's appointment and needed someone to fill in, but you already know that; I called your cell. Hold on one minute, okay? I'll go turn in my apron and we'll get out of here and you can tell Candy everything, okay?"
Before Zoe knew it, Candy had whirled away and was shouting over the din for Vinnie, the owner of the fine establishment that they were in. A quick argument later, evidenced more by visuals than anything heard, and Candy was escorting Zoe out of the café and down the street, both still in their uniforms. They caught a taxi and Candy gave the address and directions before falling silent, Zoe staring out the window without seeing anything and Candy watching her friend. The driver, in the tradition of cab drivers everywhere, was blissfully unaware of any undercurrents between his passengers, happily chatting about this and that and occasionally yelling out the window at hapless drivers who got in his way.
They arrived at Springbrook Gardens, the apartment complex where they both lived, and Candy helped Zoe out of the cab before bending to pay the driver and then steering Zoe into the building. Instead of going to Zoe's apartment, they went past the door to Candy's. It was a credit to just how out of it Zoe was that she did not even mention going past one apartment to get to the other. Candy quickly unlocked the door and they went inside, both women automatically taking off their shoes in movements that showed familiarity and habit, before Candy escorted Zoe to where a beige sofa was resting against the wall and sat her down before curling up a cushion away herself.
"Okay, Zoe," she spoke finally, "you tell your big sister everything," she admonished, waving a finger and putting her rarely used serious-face on for the slightly younger woman's benefit. It was often used as a joke between them, for both Candy being two months older and the fact that Candy had been living on her own since she was sixteen, a lot longer than Zoe. Because of that, Candy was unprepared for Zoe's eyes to fill with tears before she leant forward and put her face in her hands, shoulders beginning to shake. "Zoe? Hey, girl, it's going to be okay," Candy said, hoping that the promise was true, "but I can't help you unless you tell me what's going on." She waited for a minute or so, time that was silent except for Zoe's continued sobs. "You're starting to scare me here, chica," she finally said before shrugging and bending over to offer Zoe some measure of comfort and support. "What did I say wrong?"
It took close to another minute before Zoe could answer, and then it was a choked and barely decipherable "big sister" before the tears started again in earnest.
Not understanding what was wrong, Candy followed her true nature and went for levity, offering to make Zoe the honorary big sister, claiming that it was time Zoe aged a few months anyhow.
It gained a watery smile, tears still present, and a choked laugh before the smile faded and Zoe shook her head. "I'm all there is, now," she finally said. At Candy's look of incomprehension, Zoe took a deep breath, wanting to get everything out in the open in one quick shot so that she could once again drown in her sorrow, secure in the knowledge that her best friend was there, that she was no longer alone. "Jeannie called – I told you about her, our neighbor? She's lived across from us since we were kids. Sue had to run an errand and she was in a car accident," Zoe explained, stopping, unable to come out and say that her sister was dead.
Candy was silent, hoping that the woman she had only met twice had merely been injured, but knowing that it was unlikely given Zoe's comment of being all there was. Instead of pushing her friend, she offered silent support, patiently waiting for Zoe to say whatever she had to say.
"The police officers said that she was killed almost instantly. She didn't suffer," Zoe told her before tears welled up even more and she leant towards Candy, accepting the embrace the other blonde offered. "Oh, God, Candy, I don't know what I'm going to do now. She's always been there if I needed her. I always knew that she could help me with anything; all I had to do was ask."
"She was cool," Candy murmured in agreement, giving one of her highest regards to the recently deceased woman.
Zoe nodded and clutched Candy tighter.
They stayed that way for what seemed like an interminable amount of time but what actually amounted to an hour, Zoe alternately crying and dozing off into an extremely light sleep, remembering parts of her life where Sue played a prominent role, while Candy offered what comfort she could, until Zoe shifted away from the other woman and sniffed.
"I must look awful," was the first thing she said, something to utterly feminine that they both laughed, glad to release the tension somehow. "And I have a headache," she stated, frowning. "This is why I hate crying; it always gives me a killer headache that takes days to get rid of and it makes me look like Beetlejuice."
Glad that she finally had something she could truly help with, Candy got up from the sofa, stretching. "Why don't you take a couple of aspirin and a nice, hot shower? I'll figure out something for us to eat."
"Please tell me that you're not going to cook," Zoe joked.
Candy grimaced, knowing that her few cooking attempted were infamous for good reason. "I can pretty much promise you that," she said with a laugh. "I think you've had enough trauma for one day." Candy stopped abruptly and bit her bottom lip, wondering how her friend was going to take the comment and relieved when Zoe only gestured with one hand as she went into the one bedroom in the apartment.
"Anything but your cooking," was heard before the water turned on.
Candy frowned, unsure if she should be insulted, but then shrugged and went into the kitchen, opening a drawer and pulling out a thick stack of take-away menus for nearby restaurants. She sorted through them quickly, not entirely sure what Zoe was going to want, but knowing that it would be something the other woman considered comfort food. Deciding on a restaurant that was known for its' wide selection of foods from all around the country, she called to place the order and then made her way into the bedroom, casually stripping the now wrinkled uniform as she did and dropping it on the floor beside Zoe's.
Grabbing clothing to change into, Candy went to the open door and spoke loudly so that Zoe could hear her over the water. "I'm going to have to go pick it up, ok? I won't be gone long. Just take your time!" At Zoe's 'okay,' Candy got into her clothes and left the apartment, intent on her mission.
Zoe leant her head against the cool blue and white tile of the shower, relishing the heat beating her back. The rising steam was utterly blissful to her senses and she stood there for long minutes before she stretched and turned, reaching for the control. Turning the heat down, way down, she shuddered as her nude body was assaulted by cool water and almost turned it back up before shaking her head and stepping under it, allowing the water to cool her face and hopefully release some of the puffiness from her eyes. Lifting her hands up to make a shield so that she could continue to breathe even while her face was under the water, she stayed there, the coolness just as welcome as the heat had been earlier. Knowing that Candy would probably be back soon, she turned the hot water again once more, merely wiping away any trace of chill before turning the water off all together and stepping from the stall as she wrapped herself in one of Candy's robin's egg blue towels.
Drying herself as she walked, she went into Candy's bedroom and opened one of the drawers of the dresser with the ease of long familiarity, looking for something to wear. She hit the jackpot in more ways than one, not only finding something to wear but also finding something that was actually hers. Finishing the drying job and changing, she went into the main part of the apartment just as Candy came back, laden with a large cardboard tray covered with Styrofoam boxes and plastic bags that already had condensation visible on them.
"Damn, you found them."
Zoe looked down at her outfit, a white sleeveless t-shirt with a scoop neck that was covered in neon pink, lime green, bright orange, and yellow squiggles and geometric designs and a pair of lime green pajama bottoms that had similar designs in pink, orange, yellow, and white, and shook her head. "I'll never understand why you didn't just buy yourself a set. You're always stealing mine," she half accused, though there was no sting to the words.
Candy shrugged and moved to the kitchen, dumping her burdens on the countertop. "It's easier to steal yours," she said as she pulled things from the plastic bags and began putting them away, revealing a plethora of junk food, from three types of ice cream to pound-sized bags of M&Ms, Zoe's candy of choice when upset. She turned back to look at Zoe, who was on the other side of the counter poking through the Styrofoam containers. "How're you doing?"
"I'm okay," Zoe offered. When silence met her comment, she looked up and shrugged, knowing that she couldn't hide anything from Candy even if she wanted to. "I'm as okay as I can be," she amended.
Candy nodded and left the kitchen, carrying utensils and their drinks. She carried them over to where the coffee table was, waiting as Zoe put the tray of food down and then began taking everything out. "I didn't know what you'd want, so I got some of everything," she explained when Zoe raised an eyebrow at the sheer amount of food. "Something tells me that we're both going to use up a lot of energy tonight." She paused, thinking over the comment and shaking her head. "You know what I mean."
Zoe nodded as they sat down. "Yeah, I do. But you don't have to stay, you know." Zoe looked around the apartment and shrugged. "Well, I don't have to stay," she amended, "I can always go to my apartment."
Candy cast a glare in her friend's direction. "You're not going anywhere. You're staying here tonight," she informed the darker blonde, tone brooking no arguments about it.
Zoe nodded absently, grateful that she wasn't going to be kicked out of this haven anytime soon. Not that she'd thought that Candy would have; the two women were extremely open with each other about everything, including having an open-door-policy between them at all times.
They ate, talking about friends they had in common, which were most, and movies they wanted to see, jobs they were thinking of trying for. It was general small talk that masked what both were really thinking, that allowed both of them a step back from the news that had rocked Zoe's world and, by association, Candy's. Zoe was unaware of what she ate, merely thinking that she was glad that Candy had made such good choices, but unsurprised by that fact. It wasn't until after the food had been combined and the containers had been either thrown away or put in the refrigerator and they were curled up together on the sofa, casually touching each other and with the bags of M&Ms and a carton of ice cream being shared between them, that Zoe dropped her bombshell, the one that had been preying on her mind since she had gotten out of her shower.
"I'm going to have to move."
Candy stiffened at the quiet statement, and looked down at the head that rested against her shoulder, sure that she had heard her wrong. "What?"
"I'm the kids' guardian," Zoe explained. "I'm going to have to go back to Chicago and take care of them."
"But you love Vegas!" Candy protested. When Zoe nodded in agreement, Candy pulled her into a closer hug. "We always said that if we moved on, we'd go together," she reminded her, "same way we came here."
"I know, but what am I supposed to do, Candy?" Zoe pulled back slightly to look up into her friend's face. "Completely uproot them by moving them to a brand new city that they've never been to before? Call David and let him take care of the kids – assuming that I can even get in touch with him? Let them go into foster care? I can't do that," she said, tears starting again as she shook her head. "Sue didn't want that," she paused a moment before continuing in a softer, gentler, voice, "and neither do I."
Candy said nothing for a long moment, contemplating just what life would be like in Las Vegas, Nevada without Zoe there. What life would be like anywhere without her best friend right there, something that she hadn't had to think about since she and Zoe first met twelve years prior. "I know you don't," she finally said. "You're just going to have to do what you have to do."
Zoe smiled slightly, glad that Candy wasn't going to make moving any more difficult than it was already going to be and aware that if her friend showed even the slightest amount of disapproval, it would make things terrible for Zoe. "We'll keep in touch," she promised.
"Damn straight we will! If you think I'm letting you get away from me that easily, you're way more fucked up than I've always thought," Candy teased, winking.
It got the desired effect, Zoe chuckling slightly before cuddling closer. "I just… My mind is alternating between whirlwind and total blankness. There's so much that I have to do but I can't concentrate on any of it," she said, frustration showing through clearly.
"You don't have to do anything," Candy responded fiercely, gaining a startled look from the woman in her arms, and she spoke again, softer. "Not tonight, Zoe. Don't worry about being strong or being Aunt Zoe, new guardian and boring-ass parent," the title elicited a slight smile and Candy continued, "don't worry about anything but grieving; just be a woman who lost her sister. You don't have to think about anything else tonight."
Zoe began to protest, even went so far as to open her mouth, but was stopped by Candy's long-nailed finger resting against her bottom lip.
"I don't want to hear it. I want you to focus on you tonight." Zoe began to protest again and Candy shook her head, continuing: "you need to, Zoe. Nothing'll happen. I'll be right here. I promise you."
Zoe's eyes once again filled with the hated tears, her body beginning to tremble under the shudders that racked it as she clutched Candy impossibly closer, free to truly grieve, at least in the dark of this night, secure in the knowledge that her best friend would be there, that she wasn't going to lose herself.
The next week was a blur of activity as Zoe not only began to pack up her apartment and informed her job that not only did she have to leave soon but she also required some of her vacation time between now and then. Zoe's well-liked status and the circumstances made everyone extremely agreeable. She also coordinated with Jeannie, who was staying at the Busiek home to take care of the kids, about Sue's funeral arrangements, unable to do everything long distance. The rest of her time was split between talking on the phone to the children when they would come to it, trying to help them as best she could, and spending time with Candy.
Her best friend was a trooper, from finding boxes and helping Zoe pack to offering a shoulder when everything hit the other woman afresh and she went on crying jags. She also stood fast as a column of support when Evan did nothing but attempt to undermine Zoe's resolve to move, pushing her towards putting her nieces and nephew in foster care and continuing to remain in Las Vegas. In short, she was as supportive as she always had been, something that Zoe was grateful for, the younger woman knowing that she couldn't have accomplished everything she had without her friend's help.
An eternity later, waking hours filled with frantic rushing and sleeping with restless tossing and turning, endless what ifs running in through her head, Zoe was at the airport waiting to board the plane that would take her to Chicago for her sister's funeral. Candy was with her, having refused even the idea of allowing Zoe to go alone, and the flight was made in relative silence, something unusual for two such talkative women.
They landed in Chicago and disembarked with little problem, collecting Zoe's luggage as she used this trip as a way to move some of her belongings, and finding a hotel that was in the vicinity of Zoe's house for Candy. The blonde had refused Zoe's offer of a roof over her head, knowing that things would be tense enough for the Busiek family without adding someone who was a stranger to the children. It was for that same reason that she was not attending the funeral; she merely wanted to be in Chicago if Zoe needed her.
Zoe paused in front of the house, immediately swamped by memories of growing up in it with Sue, before shaking herself and walking to the front door. Suddenly unsure of her welcome, she reached out a slightly trembling hand to use the knocker on the door and stepped back, waiting for someone to answer it. A scant minute that wasn't enough time for Zoe to collect her thoughts and the sound of pounding feet later, the door was flung open to reveal Hannah, the youngest of the children.
"Aunt Zoe!"
Zoe smiled as the little girl flung herself, stuffed rabbit and all, into her arms, lifting her and twirling her slightly. 'Hey, Hannah."
"Are you here to stay?"
Zoe paused at the question, causing the young girl to pull back and frown.
"You are staying, right? You have to stay to take care of us now that Mommy's…"
Zoe said nothing as her niece stopped, knowing that it was too soon to talk about Sue's death naturally, especially for her children, and responded by pulling Hannah back to her. "I'm going to have to go back to Vegas," Zoe told her honestly, "but just temporarily. I'll be coming back to live here permanently with you, so I can take care of you."
"You promise?"
Zoe nodded and smiled slightly. "I promise." Before she could say anything more, Hannah was gone, running into the house shouting that Aunt Zoe was there. Zoe moved hesitantly into the house. Grateful when Jeannie came out of the kitchen to greet her. "Jeannie." She received a hug from the older woman and was pulled further into the house; receiving hugs from both Taylor and Cliff on the way, Cliff's stilted as he continued listening to his music.
She spent the rest of the day wrapped in a warm cocoon of family, all of the hidden kernels of fear, of wondering if she could really do this, step in and take care of Sue's children the way her sister would have wanted, churning in her stomach. There were a few tense moments, as well as sad, when people were obviously thinking about Sue, and Zoe could have sworn at times that she saw Sue out of the corner of her eye or heard her rich chuckle float through the air. Every time she turned, hoping against hope that her sister was there, she was met with disappointment.
Plans were made for dinner at a nearby restaurant, one that everyone enjoyed, and Zoe called Candy to invite her to the meal, to meet her family. As expected, Candy turned the invitation down. Zoe had known she would, but extended the invitation anyway, wanting some semblance of normalcy. The Busiek family, plus Jeannie, went and ate dinner, over-bright conversation mingling with dead silence as everyone avoided mention of the person who wasn't with them and what they were doing the next day. Dinner completed, they went home and all went through their nightly rituals before going to their bedrooms to sleep or, more likely, cry. For her part, Zoe stayed up talking with Jeannie and, when the older woman went to bed, called the hotel to speak to Candy.
The next day dawned with a hazy brightness in the morning that crystallized quickly, weather that would normally be rejoiced in by those who lived in the Windy City but was ignored as funeral-goers donned black or gray clothing and solemn, grieving faces as they went to pay respect to a woman whose life ended too soon. The main exception to the black-or-gray clothing rule was Zoe, who did indeed where a black skirt and a jacket, but paired it with a shirt in brilliant purple, which was Sue's favorite color. From childhood, she had always said that it not only made her smile but reminded her of the royals throughout history and their regal lives, of knights and chivalry, things that her well-hidden romantic nature had always adored.
The funeral was typical of most funerals, the majority of it passing by in a haze as Zoe looked at the polished coffin that held the body of her sister. As Zoe longed to offer comfort to her nieces and nephew, her were sitting beside her in uncomfortable chairs, but instinctively knowing that they wanted to face this on their own as much as they could. The stalemate was broken by Hannah, who finally abandoned her seat and perched in Zoe's lap and burrowing as close as possible, unable to look at the coffin for a second longer. Soon after Zoe could feel a smooth, chilled hand seek hers and she looked to one side, nodding reassuringly to Taylor before holding onto the hand, not wincing at the answering, bruising grip. Cliff was the only one who didn't seek comfort in anyone, something that a worried Zoe noted as she watched the standoffish attitude the boy sported, the mental distance between him and his family far greater than the physical.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
The funeral ended, the family receiving handshakes and hugs from a long line of mourners who made it a point to tell them what a wonderful person Sue was, and they made their way back to the house, which was well cleaned in preparation for the wake. Soon people that Sue had touched in her life had crowded in to share food and anecdotes, to offer strength and advice. It was a good-sized gathering, full of both laughter and tears; one that told more about Sue's life than any speech made by a priest or written obituary could. Some only stayed a short while and some lingered into the night, but everyone left eventually, and Zoe carried a sleeping Hannah upstairs and put her to bed, passing Cliff, who was heading up as she went back down. The living room was in remarkably good condition given the crush of people, and Taylor was sitting in the middle of it, staring silently at the mantle of the fireplace where pictures resided. Without a word, Zoe crossed the room and hugged her, letting go only when the teenager pulled away and went upstairs with a slight smile of thanks.
Zoe sighed and began the cleaning process, gratefully accepting Jeannie's help for a short time before sending the older woman home to sleep at her own house for a night. Picking up the phone, she dialed, smiling when the other end was picked up before the first ring had completed. She should have known that Candy expected a call tonight.
"Zoe?"
"Yeah, it's me," she said, keeping her voice down so as not to disturb the children as she continued cleaning the mess.
"How…" Candy hesitated, unsure just what she wanted to ask, before plunging on: "How are you? How was it?"
"It wasn't horrible," Zoe answered. "I think… I think Sue would have liked it. She definitely would have approved of the weather; she always loved days like today," Zoe reminisced, thinking of days in the past when the girls had gone to the pool together to lounge in chairs or their father had taken them to Lake Michigan's beach. "I'm okay," she said quietly as the comfortable silence stretched. "I'm not great by any means, but I'm okay."
Candy accepted the answer, knowing that Zoe would tell her anything on her mind, and the other woman did as they talked into the night. They continued talking long after Zoe finished her impromptu cleaning session and sat out on the porch, another place laden with memories of hot summer nights and large wedges of watermelon, of laughing with her sister as juice ran down their chins that they had contests to see who could spit the small black seeds the farthest. It wasn't until Zoe was on her makeshift bed on the sofa, knowing that she would be taking the master bedroom when she moved back but unable to take that step now that they finally hung up the phone, both feeling better.
The next day was quiet, the funeral and wake of the day before giving the entire episode one of finality to all of the children. Any fantasies that their mother was simply on a vacation and would be back soon had been shattered at the sight of the graveyard and the polished wood heaped with flowers. Zoe packed her belongings slowly, torn between going back to Vegas and tying up loose ends there or saying to hell with it and staying in Chicago where she could help her family. In the end, what she needed to do won out over what she wanted to do and she said her goodbyes, receiving tearful hugs and once again promising Hannah that she would be back.
The trip back to the airport was done easily, simply as a reverse of what they had done before. Zoe left the Busiek house alone and made her way to the hotel where Candy was staying. Her friend was already packed and waiting for her and they went to the airport together, just as they waited for the plane. The flight was once again largely silent, both lost in thoughts along similar lines. Zoe's moving back to Chicago was no longer 'in the future' but was now set in concrete. In a week, the Chicago native would be re-boarding an airplane that would take her back to the Windy City. Alone. Permanently.
It was a sobering thought to both women, and they both pulled together in the last week they would both spend in Vegas as friends, neighbors, and residents. Both worked, but time away from work was largely spent together as they both packed Zoe's belongings and made jokes, talking to each other with the ease of their long friendship as they stored of memories for when they'd no longer be together.
Evan once again hung around, telling Zoe that she was making a mistake, that there was no way she was responsible enough to take care of her sister's children; she wasn't adult enough, she wasn't smart enough, and she wasn't maternal enough. His list of reasons why she should stay in Las Vegas went on and on. With each repetition, Zoe grew more and more determined to go to Chicago and prove him – and everyone who thought what he did – wrong.
The flight she took back to Chicago was in no way silent; she spent the entire trip talking to the passenger next to her and the people she met, but a large part of it was talking to herself, reassuring herself that she was right in doing this, each of Evan's little barbs hitting far too close to home for comfort. She rented a car and went back to the home that she had grown up in, the home that had been Sue's for so long, the home that was now hers. For a long moment, all she could do was look up at the familiar façade, remembering one of the many times Sue had played the perfect big sister and helped Zoe through her latest crisis.
All too quickly she was drawn into the house and given the role of homemaker, of guardian and substitute mother. She pulled gifts out of her bag, wanting to let the kids know that she had thought about them while she was back in Vegas but feeling unaccountably foolish at these trite shows of affection that could be picked up on almost any corner of the Strip. Cliff was as uncommunicative as he had been a week before, and Hannah was much the same: trying hard to be happy and smiling but dropping the façade quickly. The real trial was Taylor, who had decided to take advantage of her aunt's lack of experience as a mother.
Her inability to find a job – any job – and a car that was eating far too much into her savings led Zoe to the home office of the company that insured her sister. What she learnt there infuriated her. Sue was responsible the accident? Her overly responsible, overly careful sister had caused the accident that resulted in her death? It was so ludicrous that, had people not actually believed it, Zoe would have found it funny.
Unable to accept what both the police and the insurance company had, Zoe began her own investigation.
She owed it to the kids. They couldn't live the rest of their lives thinking that Sue had caused her own death.
She owed it to Sue. There was no way that she would allow a lie to become the final period of her sister's life.
She owed it to herself.
TBC in Stage 5: Acceptance