John Mayer owns the lyrics and the title, Newsies owns Mush, Blink and Race, I own the plot, the EU owns Amsterdam.
Blink
Girls. Confusing creatures aren't they? I never did care for them much. I was Blink…the token gay guy of the group. But every so often I'd think about girls. Not in an 'Ooohh she's hot!' way but in an 'I'm glad I'm not in any way attracted to them' way. Not that I hadn't tried liking them.
In the seventh grade I had a girlfriend. Her name was Buffy, like the vampire slayer, and her parents were major hippies. Her brother was an actor and I spent many weekend nights in their house watching him do guest spots on Law and Order. At the time I pretty much knew I was gay, but I was scared. Being gay meant problems but I faced them.
I told my parents, and they surprisingly didn't give a damn. I guess they weren't all that surprised. Someone once told me that you could tell when someone is gay.
I had friends in high school, but no real friends. I was kind of the loner of the group too. I never went to prom, never had any relationships beyond school. I just did my own thing and no one bothered me.
I used to live in Missouri. Nothing happens in Missouri. It's big and green and filled with cows but nothing happens. When it came time for me to go to college I knew I wanted out. What I didn't expect was going to college in Amsterdam. Not Amsterdam, Ohio but Amsterdam in the Netherlands. I didn't know anything about the place so when I got there I had major culture shock.
What shocked me most is that everything is legal. The prostitutes and pot wasn't strange, but them being right there for me was bizarre. No one in Amsterdam seemed to notice the eye patch that covered one of my eyes. That was normal in comparison to some of the people I encountered.
I worked in a bar for American students on the bad side of the city. Like everyone else in Amsterdam I would ride my bike there. It was there that I met my first boyfriend, my first real boyfriend.
Mush
I am an idiot. A really big idiot. Me, Shawn Meyers, in Amsterdam? What was I thinking?
Not that Amsterdam is a bad place, I'm sure it's very nice…for Europeans. But for me, all American Shawn, in a foreign country without hamburgers and apple pie? It's kind of funny when I think about it, and then I realize that I'm going to be in the Netherlands for six months.
Help.
There's sixteen of us, all American college students, here for the travel abroad program. My roommate Anthony has requested that I call him Racetrack. He thinks Amsterdam is great and keeps saying that it's 'like Las Vegas but with pot!'
"Hey Shawn a bunch of us are going over to this bar tonight, you up for it?" Race asks. I'm lying on my bed sulking to myself. Damn me and my wanting to try new things.
"Uh…no. I'm going to stay in I think," I replied.
"NO! You got to come! The drinking age is eighteen here and I've already seen two girls that look like Paris Hilton and that's two more than I see at home," the Paris Hilton look-a-likes don't persuade me. Having more than one of her in the world is a scary thought.
"Ok…fine," eighteen? Whoa.
We made our way to the bar. I don't really like drinking but I figured that since I joined this travel abroad program to have new experiences I might as well experience something new.
The bar was covered in American flags and pictures of Marilyn Monroe and James Dean. Almost everyone had a Budweiser in their hand and the crowd was singing along to an unknown emo band. It was like a New York club and a bar in North Carolina had a baby and gave birth in Amsterdam.
I decided to make my way to the bar. I wasn't an emo kind of guy and I didn't feel like mingling with my companions.
I sat and looked up. You know there was one thing I did like about Paris Hilton. Her long blonde hair and blue eyes. And that's what was looking back at me, one blue eye, the other covered by an eye patch, and long strands on blonde hair falling down into a grinning face.
"What can I get you?" he asked. I had always thought I was gay, but now I knew. Which sounds stupid but I had always hidden my feelings, suppressed any thoughts that could be considered gay. So I couldn't let this guy know I was interested in him.
"Uh…a Coors," I asked nonchalantly. He handed me the beer and smiled at me again. Oh great…he knows. I have gay written all over my face.
And that's how it started. His name was Blink and he was perfect.
Blink
His name was Shawn but I immediately began calling him Mush. He had tanned skin the color of oatmeal. That night I found out that he was only in Amsterdam for sixth months which sucked because I had already planned on marrying him and having children with him here.
"I hate it here," he had said later on when I was off duty and on the other side of the bar.
"How can you hate it here? You've only been here for a couple of hours."
"I know…but everything is so different. I miss home."
"Make a new home here," please? With me preferably.
He spent a lot of the next six months in my apartment. He was scared of our relationship, scared of what people might think. He was younger than me and it was quite obvious.
Not that I was all experienced either. I had never had a boyfriend before, and my temper was short. When Mush would get in one of his moods where he was embarrassed by me, I would flip. We get into these all encompassing fights screaming and throwing things in my one bedroom apartment. My neighbors would give me dirty looks the next morning as I made my way down the hall towards the bathroom.
The first time I said I love you was after one of those fights. He had stormed out the night before because I told him that he was coward and the next morning I found him sitting on the steps of my building in the same clothes as the night before. I made him go to class and we arranged to meet up at one of the many bridges throughout the city.
At noon I rode my bike over. He was waiting at the foot of the bridge on a little bench. A little girl was trying to sell him a flower and he was trying to tell her that he had no money, that he was a poor college kid. He looked up and saw me and practically knocked the little girl over.
"Blink I'm sorry, really. You're right I am a coward," I didn't know how to respond so I just said 'I love you' and kissed him, hard on the lips. When I finally let him out for air he said it back, softly.
"I told everyone I'm gay Blink. Well except my parents, but I'll tell them later," I just smiled and kissed him again.
And that's how we spent most of our time. Kissing and being together. When it came closer to him leaving I was devastated. I loved Amsterdam, I fit in here. But I loved Mush, I loved everything about him.
"Mush, please don't go back. I know we fight and I know you love America, but stay with me…please?" He never answered me, but some things are left unsaid. I knew he couldn't stay, I knew I couldn't go. Mush and I, as horrible as it was, would have to say goodbye.
The morning he left I went with him and his college friends to the airport. I held onto his hand tight.
"Well, bye Blink," he was smiling but his eyes looked sad.
"I'll always love you Mush."
"I'll always love you too."
The fact that you were my first love was dumb luck,
A technicality…you will always be ahead of me
The fact that you were my first love was just dumb…dumb, stupid luck.
A technicality….you will always be a part of me.
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((Well that was random…but I like it.
If you're reading one of my other stories they won't be updated until the 14th of August. Toodle-ee-oo!
Oh and Happy Belated Birthday B! Hope you like this.))