Title: Queer Eye For the Fibbie Guy: And So It Begins
Author: ScullyAsTrinity AKA Barenaked Bostonian
Rating: R, for language and jokes.
Category: Humor, crossover
Summary: The Fab 5 meet the newest straight guy: Fox William Mulder.
---
Mulder was in the bedroom with Carson as he sifted through the content of Mulder's closet. "How nice! Olive!" Carson took the offending blazer and tossed it onto the waterbed, the waterbed which held all of the trash that was to be disposed of. "Hmm... okay, the fifth charcoal suit. This has to go." Carson tossed Mulder's favorite suit on top of the growing mound. "Fox, you were blessed with a wonderful name... in the gay community that is. Let's work off of it." Carson pulled out a heap of gray tee shirts, and threw them over his shoulder, nary of where they landed. "I don't have a witty comment for the ob*scene* amount of gray you own." Mulder chuckled and Carson walked up to him and stroked his cheek. "For a man who has to wear a lot of suit, you have virtually none... that are acceptable to wear."
As Jai was checking out Mulder's pornography collection that Scully had missed and admonishing him aloud, Thom has moved into the foyer. He was staring at Mulder's coat rack and toggling between liking it and hating it. As Thom was pointing it out to Ted, Mulder sauntered in and stepped in front of it. "No, this is not going anywhere. I don't care if you have to model the apartment around it." Ted simply looked a Thom, pursed his lips and walked away. "Touchy." Thom said and followed Ted into the kitchen.
Mulder then realized that his bookshelves were being perused. He quickly joined Jai. As he read the titles, the gay man laughed. He looked at Mulder for a moment. "How To Be A Better Lover? The New Karma Sutra? You're big on the self help, aren't ya Fox?" Jai, rather amused by the blatant heterosexual theme to Mulder's literary tastes, laughed. "Boys! He's straight! He's very, very straight!" Mulder, who was slightly horrified, forced a laugh and walked away embarrassed as Jai began to pull books down and dispose of them.
Kyan, who found it amusing that a man would actually buy a book entitled 'How To Be A Better Lover', was questioning Mulder's ability to score on such a tacky and worn leather couch. He made a point to insist that Thom do something about it. Not surprisingly, Thom had noticed and assured Kyan that it would be taken care of.
Ted began gesturing to the grease-spattered walls and the decrepit "pot caddy" that was suspended from the ceiling. "The man-" Ted said rather headedly, "Is living in the 80's." Thom laughed, just as Carson, who was finally fed up with Mulder's extensive collection of gray, entered the kitchen. "Darling, so is his closet. I say we forego the shopping and such and just-" He picked up a rather flamboyant neon yellow pan and tossed it out the open window. "Just torch the place. Thom, who had said the same not five minute before, began laughing harder.
Scully, attracted by all the laughing, walked into the kitchen. Mulder soon followed her. "What's so funny?" He inquired, smiling reflexively. Scully, sensing what was coming, hid the grin that was crawling up on her cheeks with the back of her hand.
"Well, we were wondering if this was a lost cause." Jai supplied, training his eyes on Mulder and subtlety checking him out. Crossing his arms, Mulder took on a defensive position. Quickly, he tried to make eye contact with Scully and enlist her help, but she was far too interested in a Chinese food menu that was posted haphazardly on Mulder's refrigerator. Either she was interested in the various kinds of egg fu yung or she was avoiding eye contact with her partner.
He directed his attention back to the men.
Carson was picking bits of dust off of his Cashmere sweater. Absent mindedly, he spoke. "You can't stay a bachelor forever." He looked up, smiled and went back to picking at his sweater. "But it's time to get her out of here!" Carson said suddenly, and shocked Scully by gently pushing her towards the door. The five other men followed at the duo made their way to the door.
"We'll see you later dear! We'll try to keep him out of trouble." Carson winked in a rather come-hither way and shut the door in Scully's face. Checking Mulder out, he grabbed his bicep. "The fox has done good for himself. Now let's see what we can dig up for him at Barney's."
"I've got business to attend to as well boys!" Kyan said and moved to stand next to Carson. Thom took the keys from his pocket and moved past all three of them to the door. "As do I boys, and I'm driving!" Thom waved and winked at Jai and Ted and disappeared through the door. Carson made a grand gesture of making sure his own ass looked good as he made his way towards the door. He paused only to let Mulder through and checked out the agent's ass as well.
Laughing, Ted shut the door and went to work in the kitchen.
Author: ScullyAsTrinity AKA Barenaked Bostonian
Rating: R, for language and jokes.
Category: Humor, crossover
Summary: The Fab 5 meet the newest straight guy: Fox William Mulder.
---
Mulder was in the bedroom with Carson as he sifted through the content of Mulder's closet. "How nice! Olive!" Carson took the offending blazer and tossed it onto the waterbed, the waterbed which held all of the trash that was to be disposed of. "Hmm... okay, the fifth charcoal suit. This has to go." Carson tossed Mulder's favorite suit on top of the growing mound. "Fox, you were blessed with a wonderful name... in the gay community that is. Let's work off of it." Carson pulled out a heap of gray tee shirts, and threw them over his shoulder, nary of where they landed. "I don't have a witty comment for the ob*scene* amount of gray you own." Mulder chuckled and Carson walked up to him and stroked his cheek. "For a man who has to wear a lot of suit, you have virtually none... that are acceptable to wear."
As Jai was checking out Mulder's pornography collection that Scully had missed and admonishing him aloud, Thom has moved into the foyer. He was staring at Mulder's coat rack and toggling between liking it and hating it. As Thom was pointing it out to Ted, Mulder sauntered in and stepped in front of it. "No, this is not going anywhere. I don't care if you have to model the apartment around it." Ted simply looked a Thom, pursed his lips and walked away. "Touchy." Thom said and followed Ted into the kitchen.
Mulder then realized that his bookshelves were being perused. He quickly joined Jai. As he read the titles, the gay man laughed. He looked at Mulder for a moment. "How To Be A Better Lover? The New Karma Sutra? You're big on the self help, aren't ya Fox?" Jai, rather amused by the blatant heterosexual theme to Mulder's literary tastes, laughed. "Boys! He's straight! He's very, very straight!" Mulder, who was slightly horrified, forced a laugh and walked away embarrassed as Jai began to pull books down and dispose of them.
Kyan, who found it amusing that a man would actually buy a book entitled 'How To Be A Better Lover', was questioning Mulder's ability to score on such a tacky and worn leather couch. He made a point to insist that Thom do something about it. Not surprisingly, Thom had noticed and assured Kyan that it would be taken care of.
Ted began gesturing to the grease-spattered walls and the decrepit "pot caddy" that was suspended from the ceiling. "The man-" Ted said rather headedly, "Is living in the 80's." Thom laughed, just as Carson, who was finally fed up with Mulder's extensive collection of gray, entered the kitchen. "Darling, so is his closet. I say we forego the shopping and such and just-" He picked up a rather flamboyant neon yellow pan and tossed it out the open window. "Just torch the place. Thom, who had said the same not five minute before, began laughing harder.
Scully, attracted by all the laughing, walked into the kitchen. Mulder soon followed her. "What's so funny?" He inquired, smiling reflexively. Scully, sensing what was coming, hid the grin that was crawling up on her cheeks with the back of her hand.
"Well, we were wondering if this was a lost cause." Jai supplied, training his eyes on Mulder and subtlety checking him out. Crossing his arms, Mulder took on a defensive position. Quickly, he tried to make eye contact with Scully and enlist her help, but she was far too interested in a Chinese food menu that was posted haphazardly on Mulder's refrigerator. Either she was interested in the various kinds of egg fu yung or she was avoiding eye contact with her partner.
He directed his attention back to the men.
Carson was picking bits of dust off of his Cashmere sweater. Absent mindedly, he spoke. "You can't stay a bachelor forever." He looked up, smiled and went back to picking at his sweater. "But it's time to get her out of here!" Carson said suddenly, and shocked Scully by gently pushing her towards the door. The five other men followed at the duo made their way to the door.
"We'll see you later dear! We'll try to keep him out of trouble." Carson winked in a rather come-hither way and shut the door in Scully's face. Checking Mulder out, he grabbed his bicep. "The fox has done good for himself. Now let's see what we can dig up for him at Barney's."
"I've got business to attend to as well boys!" Kyan said and moved to stand next to Carson. Thom took the keys from his pocket and moved past all three of them to the door. "As do I boys, and I'm driving!" Thom waved and winked at Jai and Ted and disappeared through the door. Carson made a grand gesture of making sure his own ass looked good as he made his way towards the door. He paused only to let Mulder through and checked out the agent's ass as well.
Laughing, Ted shut the door and went to work in the kitchen.