Chapter One: Convincing Himself

By: Anamaria Elentari

Disclaimer: Oh yeah, I'm Tolkein come alive, and I'm writing Fanfic for my own stories. Yep. Exactly. And I own it all. Nope, I'm not being sarcastic.

Did I mention I lie sometimes?

Fine, I don't own it all. Just ruin a girl's dreams, why dontcha.

"There. I've finished my tale" Frodo put down his quill. Four years since they had returned, but only recently did he find the courage to relive all he had done. Ever since the journey, the others picked up their lives where they had left off and continued like nothing ever happened. But he didn't - he couldn't.

He heard the door open, and knew it was Sam. Not the same Sam he knew the night he'd found out about the Ring. A new, different Sam. He'd married Rosie, and had children to take care of now. "He'll understand. He can handle it"

A sharp, sudden pain in his shoulder made Frodo wince.

"Mr. Frodo?"

The pain that had been in his shoulder seemed to fade as Sam entered, but the pain in his heart grew stronger. "He will have to handle it. I can't stay here much longer. My time here has ended"

"What is it?"

Frodo felt a prickling in the back on his eyes. "But can I handle leaving my friends behind?" He blinked a few times, and sighed. He wondered again whether he should tell his friends before they left. "No. They will try to stop me, or even come with me. I can't let them to that. Not telling them now will hurt, but they are still in love with the Shire, as I was when I left."

"Mr. Frodo? Are you alright?"

"It's been four years to the day since Weathertop, Sam... It's never really healed."

"And neither will my heart. Oh Sam, I'm sorry I can't tell you!"

"'There and Back Again... A Hobbit's Tale by Bilbo Baggins'. And 'The Lord of the Rings by Frodo Baggins'. You finished it!" Sam looked in wonder at the handsome red cover in awe.

"Not quite... There's room for a little more." "I hope you and the others can fill it with wonderful tales." Tears formed in his eyes again as he looked away. "Can I help you with anything Sam?"

"No, Mr. Frodo. I just came to return your book."

"Thank you, Sam. That's very thoughtful of you. How's Rosie?"

"She's wonderful, Mr. Frodo. Thank you." Sam's eyes lit up as he thought about his wife. "He's in love. He'll bounce back quickly."

"And you, sir? I haven't seen you around lately."

"I've...I've been busy. With the Book." Neither said anything else. There was nothing to say. The silence was broken after a moment by Sam clearing his throat awkwardly.

"Well, I must be off. I'll be seeing you, then."

"Good-bye, Sam." Frodo looked up at him as Sam nodded and left the room. Frodo heard the squeaking of the hinges when the door swung shut behind Sam. He walked to the window in the sitting room and looked out the window and saw Sam walking down the worn path. As he walked back to his study, he tried to ignore the pain that had been troubling him for months. He tried to convince himself, like he had many times before, that he was doing the right thing.

"I can't stay...I can't stay...I mustn't stay."

"What shall I do?! Is there no one who can help?" But there was no one. Not anyone who would understand. "No one will understand. Even the others...they are still at home here, still in love with the peacefulness that surrounds the Shire."

He paused, listening to the children running by the house. "I am not in love with it anymore...that's why I must leave. I mustn't stay. It's for my own good." His eyes fell on the small bundle that he would take on his last adventure. "I thought I would never see the Shire again, but I did. I thought I would die, but I lived. I thought that I would never leave here, but I must. So my path is laid. But Uncle Bilbo would not like me to leave without saying farewell, now would he." And with that, he grabbed a walking stick and began his farewell journey to say goodbye to the place he loved the most but had to leave.

::wince::

Is it horrible?