Wow! What a lot of reviews! Who would have thought insulting Sam would
bring such a rabid response! LOL! Thanks everyone! Your reviews are very
welcome and much appreciated! Anyway, here is the next installment in poor
Sam's unhappy life.
Chapter 3 A Shattered Heart
Frodo joined Gandalf for dinner later that night. Sam had begged off, claiming he wasn't feeling well. Indeed, he hadn't looked well, Frodo thought with some concern. He had been pale and silent, hardly responding to any of Frodo's questions. Frodo sighed. Hopefully Sam would feel better in the morning.
"I am uncertain as to what is troubling Sam," frowned Frodo as he picked at his food. "He appeared well when he went out for a walk earlier, but when he returned, he didn't seem himself at all. He would hardly speak to me or even look at me. He kept repeating that he must be coming down with something." Frodo looked up into Gandalf's attentive face. "It seems to me, that Sam has been growing less content the longer we remain in Minas Tirith."
Pipe in hand, Gandalf sat silently for a moment, deep in his thoughts. "I believe you are right," he said finally, blowing a delicate ring of smoke, "I believe that dear Samwise would like nothing better than to return to his gardens at Bag End. Your journey was hard on you both and now, Sam is feeling its affects. I think he is at a loss as to what to do now that you are both safe. He has lost his purpose and that is most difficult for someone as dedicated as Sam. He needs to feel needed. That is his reason for existence. "
Frodo nodded with a rueful smile. "Yes, that is most certainly true. Sam does not enjoy being idle and since I am no longer being pursued by agents of the Dark Lord or Gollum, there hasn't been much for him to do. I am content to rest and read from the libraries here, but that doesn't interest Sam."
"Well," replied Gandalf knocking the ash from his pipe, "I will think on this. Perhaps between us we can find something for your gardener to do. In the meantime, I am sure he will be fine!"
Later Gandalf walked Frodo back to his room through the drizzling rain. The wizard thought it might be wise to look in on Sam to make sure he was alright. When they reached Frodo's room, they took a quick look into Sam's and saw the gardener sleeping soundly in his bed. Gandalf glanced down at Frodo and was warmed by the Hobbit's affectionate smile for his sleeping friend. "Sam was truly amazing," said Frodo as they quietly returned to his room. "Gollum would have been the death of me if it had not been for Sam."
With a start, Sam woke. Blinking, he lay there sleepily, unsure what had roused him when he heard his name. Becoming more alert, he realized someone was talking in the adjacent room. It was Frodo. Sam found himself inadvertently listening in on what was obviously a private conversation.
"It was awful. I should never have allowed him to come." He heard Frodo say. "I could not get away from him! Every time I turned around, I knew he was there, watching me, following me, taking stock of every little thing I said or did. Constantly saying he understood what I was going through! Saying he just wanted to help." Sam frowned. Who was he talking about?
"But each time I looked at him,"continued Frodo bitterly, "I was reminded of everything I had to lose – the Shire, Bag End, Bilbo, even myself." He paused for a moment as if in thought. "I did try to get rid of him once, but of course he came back. He never would leave me alone." Sam felt a cold lump forming in the pit of his stomach. "I thought when I awoke here, I would be free of him. Surely, Mt. Doom should have been the end of him. But no, even here he has followed me, as he will to the Shire. He will be with me for the rest of my days, reminding me of this whole nightmare. Of my failure." He paused again, then with a voice full of heart wrenching pain, Sam heard him cry out, "Why could he not have just remained in Orodruin and left me in peace!?"
Sam felt hot, then cold as a wave of nausea washed over him. There was only one person Frodo could possibly be talking about – him! Samwise Gamgee! Did Frodo honestly wish Sam had not returned alive from Mt. Doom? Suddenly, Sam felt as if he couldn't breathe. The air in the room felt devoid of oxygen and the walls were closing in. Blindly, he crawled out of his bed, doing his best not to alert the others in the next room. Fumbling in the dark, he threw on some clothing, then climbed out the large window into the courtyard beyond.
It was raining harder now, but Sam was so numb it barely registered. For a moment, he had absolutely no idea where he was. He looked around and saw he was standing in an expansive courtyard paved with stone. The large white tree, gnarled and bare in death, stood as a silent sentinel in the center. Without thinking, Sam just began to walk. He felt dizzy and shaky on his feet, but all he really wanted to do was just get away and think. As he approached the center of the courtyard, he saw several tall guards, resplendent in their winged helms, standing motionless around the white tree. They seemed oblivious to the increasing rain. As he passed the nearest one, the man glanced at him, but made no move to stop the devastated Hobbit.
Through the rain Sam stumbled. All he could hear were Frodo's words echoing over and over in his head:"Why could he not have just remained in Orodruin and left me in peace!?"It was like a knife twisting in faithful Samwise's heart. All he had wanted was to help Frodo, was that so wrong? Apparently so. Sam found himself walking down a long outcrop of rock, jutting way out in front of the city, splitting it in two. When Sam reached the end, he stood looking through a break in the wall which allowed him an unrestricted view of the Pellenor Fields and beyond. Tears silently rolled down his pale cheeks mixing with the droplets of rain. He could see the flames of Mt. Doom glowing beyond the Ash Mountains. Again, a wave of nausea rolled over him as memories of that placed assaulted him, causing him to clutch the edge of the wall for support. Looking down, he froze. There was nothing but huge, jagged rocks between him and the ground. As he stood there staring, a strange lassitude came over him. What would it matter if he took just a step or two more? It would certainly grant Frodo his wish as well as that horrid Lady Uzelle's. Sam would be relieved of the pain of his shattered heart. Peace would be his at last.
Chapter 3 A Shattered Heart
Frodo joined Gandalf for dinner later that night. Sam had begged off, claiming he wasn't feeling well. Indeed, he hadn't looked well, Frodo thought with some concern. He had been pale and silent, hardly responding to any of Frodo's questions. Frodo sighed. Hopefully Sam would feel better in the morning.
"I am uncertain as to what is troubling Sam," frowned Frodo as he picked at his food. "He appeared well when he went out for a walk earlier, but when he returned, he didn't seem himself at all. He would hardly speak to me or even look at me. He kept repeating that he must be coming down with something." Frodo looked up into Gandalf's attentive face. "It seems to me, that Sam has been growing less content the longer we remain in Minas Tirith."
Pipe in hand, Gandalf sat silently for a moment, deep in his thoughts. "I believe you are right," he said finally, blowing a delicate ring of smoke, "I believe that dear Samwise would like nothing better than to return to his gardens at Bag End. Your journey was hard on you both and now, Sam is feeling its affects. I think he is at a loss as to what to do now that you are both safe. He has lost his purpose and that is most difficult for someone as dedicated as Sam. He needs to feel needed. That is his reason for existence. "
Frodo nodded with a rueful smile. "Yes, that is most certainly true. Sam does not enjoy being idle and since I am no longer being pursued by agents of the Dark Lord or Gollum, there hasn't been much for him to do. I am content to rest and read from the libraries here, but that doesn't interest Sam."
"Well," replied Gandalf knocking the ash from his pipe, "I will think on this. Perhaps between us we can find something for your gardener to do. In the meantime, I am sure he will be fine!"
Later Gandalf walked Frodo back to his room through the drizzling rain. The wizard thought it might be wise to look in on Sam to make sure he was alright. When they reached Frodo's room, they took a quick look into Sam's and saw the gardener sleeping soundly in his bed. Gandalf glanced down at Frodo and was warmed by the Hobbit's affectionate smile for his sleeping friend. "Sam was truly amazing," said Frodo as they quietly returned to his room. "Gollum would have been the death of me if it had not been for Sam."
With a start, Sam woke. Blinking, he lay there sleepily, unsure what had roused him when he heard his name. Becoming more alert, he realized someone was talking in the adjacent room. It was Frodo. Sam found himself inadvertently listening in on what was obviously a private conversation.
"It was awful. I should never have allowed him to come." He heard Frodo say. "I could not get away from him! Every time I turned around, I knew he was there, watching me, following me, taking stock of every little thing I said or did. Constantly saying he understood what I was going through! Saying he just wanted to help." Sam frowned. Who was he talking about?
"But each time I looked at him,"continued Frodo bitterly, "I was reminded of everything I had to lose – the Shire, Bag End, Bilbo, even myself." He paused for a moment as if in thought. "I did try to get rid of him once, but of course he came back. He never would leave me alone." Sam felt a cold lump forming in the pit of his stomach. "I thought when I awoke here, I would be free of him. Surely, Mt. Doom should have been the end of him. But no, even here he has followed me, as he will to the Shire. He will be with me for the rest of my days, reminding me of this whole nightmare. Of my failure." He paused again, then with a voice full of heart wrenching pain, Sam heard him cry out, "Why could he not have just remained in Orodruin and left me in peace!?"
Sam felt hot, then cold as a wave of nausea washed over him. There was only one person Frodo could possibly be talking about – him! Samwise Gamgee! Did Frodo honestly wish Sam had not returned alive from Mt. Doom? Suddenly, Sam felt as if he couldn't breathe. The air in the room felt devoid of oxygen and the walls were closing in. Blindly, he crawled out of his bed, doing his best not to alert the others in the next room. Fumbling in the dark, he threw on some clothing, then climbed out the large window into the courtyard beyond.
It was raining harder now, but Sam was so numb it barely registered. For a moment, he had absolutely no idea where he was. He looked around and saw he was standing in an expansive courtyard paved with stone. The large white tree, gnarled and bare in death, stood as a silent sentinel in the center. Without thinking, Sam just began to walk. He felt dizzy and shaky on his feet, but all he really wanted to do was just get away and think. As he approached the center of the courtyard, he saw several tall guards, resplendent in their winged helms, standing motionless around the white tree. They seemed oblivious to the increasing rain. As he passed the nearest one, the man glanced at him, but made no move to stop the devastated Hobbit.
Through the rain Sam stumbled. All he could hear were Frodo's words echoing over and over in his head:"Why could he not have just remained in Orodruin and left me in peace!?"It was like a knife twisting in faithful Samwise's heart. All he had wanted was to help Frodo, was that so wrong? Apparently so. Sam found himself walking down a long outcrop of rock, jutting way out in front of the city, splitting it in two. When Sam reached the end, he stood looking through a break in the wall which allowed him an unrestricted view of the Pellenor Fields and beyond. Tears silently rolled down his pale cheeks mixing with the droplets of rain. He could see the flames of Mt. Doom glowing beyond the Ash Mountains. Again, a wave of nausea rolled over him as memories of that placed assaulted him, causing him to clutch the edge of the wall for support. Looking down, he froze. There was nothing but huge, jagged rocks between him and the ground. As he stood there staring, a strange lassitude came over him. What would it matter if he took just a step or two more? It would certainly grant Frodo his wish as well as that horrid Lady Uzelle's. Sam would be relieved of the pain of his shattered heart. Peace would be his at last.