It didn't take long for James to decide to go after her. In fact, he hadn't really decided that he was, consciously, anyway, until he was halfway out the door. As soon as he was all the way out the door, the rain that was pouring from the sky soaked his body.
"Lily! Come on, wait up!" he called as a sudden gust of wind blew, whipping his wet robes against his legs and making him even colder. "Lily, I didn't mean anything by it, I swear it! Just come back here. I promise to never bring it up again."
Lily just shook her head, partly because she couldn't hear James over the howling of the wind, and partly because she didn't want to hear him. She turned toward him, her red hair plastered to her face, the tears still pouring from her sad green eyes. James ran over to her, and she weakly glared, but gave up after only a moment of a pathetic squint. She swiped at her eyes furiously, not helping to get rid of the tears.
"You never listen to me, Potter!" She had to shout loudly to be heard over the rain and wind. "I told you that you with your perfect life would never be able to understand! But did you listen? NO! Do you ever pay attention? Couldn't you tell that I wanted you to leave me alone?"
"I don't think you really do want to be left alone!" James said, also speaking loudly over the wind and rain. He put his hands on her shoulder and gave her a little shake. "I think you want someone to give you attention, because you feel lonely. I think you feel like the world's abandoned you."
"It's not fair," she sobbed, staring at the ground. "It's never been fair. I loved her, and I was going to love him, too, but she left! She left me, daddy, Petunia. And even though she doesn't act like it, I know Petunia misses her. The world didn't abandon me, my mum did! She could have held on, I know she could have. But she didn't; she just gave up, and when she did, she gave him up, too. This is all her fault."
James hadn't any idea what Lily was going on about, but it was killing him to see her this way. He could guess that Lily felt like her mum had abandoned her, and when she did, her mum took someone else with her, a boy, from the way she spoke. He wasn't sure what had exactly happened, but he hoped that maybe Lily was going to tell him.
He lifted her chin with her fingers, making her look up at him. "Lily, I don't understand. Why did your mum abandon you, and your father, and Petunia? Though I can kind of tell why she might want to leave her, from the way you talk about her."
"You don't understand. I knew you wouldn't. That's why I haven't told anyone about her and Harry. No one can ever understand what I went through."
"Who's Harry?"
"He was my almost baby brother," Lily said softly. James had to bend down to hear what she said. "He was going to be born sometime around Christmas, but she was going to have him early, and the doctors said that it was dangerous, even though he was only a week early. But she left us, and she took him with her. I never got to see what his eyes looked like. I saw him though, after it happened. He was really small and a bluish colour. My mum, when I saw her, she was white, and her lips were turning blue, but the doctors shoved me out of the room. I never saw her again."
Lily's knees gave out and she sank to the ground, weeping. Something clicked in James's mind as he went down to the ground with her, and he put his arms around her while she buried her head into his chest and sobbed. Her mother had died, presumably giving birth to a baby boy who was to be named Harry, but the baby had died, too. Lily lost her mum and her brother in the same day. He wondered distantly how old Lily had been when it happened. And what about all those times when she had said parents, as in plural?
James absently stroked Lily's hair while he thought. While on their one date, Lily had seemed fine when she spoke of her mum, like how her mum and her dad had taken her being a witch with pride while Petunia called her a freak. But when James had mentioned her mum, Lily had flipped out. It seemed like it was okay to her if she spoke of her mum, but if anyone else did, they were in trouble. This confused him, but maybe it was because as long as Lily had control over how much was said about Mrs. Evans, everything would okay, but if she didn't have power over the situation, the results were disastrous. He thought about the other times when Lily tended to fly off the handle and realized that ever since their third year, Lily liked to have control over things, and when she didn't have that, she freaked.
That explained the way she acted toward him as well. Lily had no control over James's feelings for her, or over his actions, and that made her feel uncomfortable, which caused slapping to happen. But she also seemed to go to the places that James knew where to look for her when she told him to bug off, which told James that she secretly liked all the attention he gave her.
"I was right, wasn't I?" he asked her softly. She looked up at him, confused. "I was right when I said that you really don't like to be alone, wasn't I? You like it when Remus, Sirius, Peter and I are around, even if we are hassling you, don't you?"
Lily didn't answer right away. Instead she took her time wiping her eyes. When she did answer, she wouldn't look at him.
"After mum died, I was alone a lot," she said at last. "My dad was really depressed and wasn't at home much after that. Petunia made certain that she was always busy with something. She made it a point to call her friends and make plans with them all the time, and she spent more and more time away from the house. Since they were always gone, I was left by myself in the house to try and drown the pain away with schoolwork. The summer after it happened, Petunia was gone even more, and my dad was always out of the house. In the beginning of the summer all I did was homework, but eventually I ran out of things to do, so I had a lot of time to think, too much time. When I came back to school the year after, I found that whatever attention anyone gave to me, big or small, I was grateful for."
"So I was doing the right thing when I wouldn't stop bothering you," James said, smiling to himself. "Or was I? When did, you know, when did it happen?"
"During the Christmas Break in second year. I remember that when I came back after the break, you were waiting for me in the common room, and you kept mentioning to me how quiet I was being, and what was wrong with me? I never answered, though. It drove you round the bend."
She smiled weakly at the memory of a twelve-year-old James pacing and ranting the night after Lily had come back. She also remembered that she had almost told James what was wrong. In a wild, fleeting moment, she'd thought that James might have understood, or at least let her be, but as an after thought, her mouth had clamped itself shut and she'd went to bed early.
The present day Lily sighed and placed her head against James's chest. A part of her was glad that she had told James about her mum. It felt like a huge burden had been lifted from her shoulders; yet another part of her was almost sorry that she'd told him, just because it meant that Lily was placing a greater trust in the boy she promised herself she would never, ever love.
Me: Well, it's nudging toward love and away from hate (finally). Maybe Lily will even go on another date with James...--Stares at the ceiling innocently-- I'm sorry that this chapter was a little depressing, but I had to get Lily to trust James somehow. Wow, it seems like all my stories are depressing in some way; it's a problem of mine. Another thing that seems to always be in my stories: death, or someone dying. Also another problem of mine. I'm a very problematic person, but that's to be expected, as insanity runs in my family. If you don't believe me, ask Hermione Elizabeth Granger, she'll tell you. And you can trust her: she's been to my house a number of times and has seen the insanity first hand. Okay, I'm going to stop babbling so you can all push the nice, little purple button in the corner that is so much fun to push. BYE!
"Lily! Come on, wait up!" he called as a sudden gust of wind blew, whipping his wet robes against his legs and making him even colder. "Lily, I didn't mean anything by it, I swear it! Just come back here. I promise to never bring it up again."
Lily just shook her head, partly because she couldn't hear James over the howling of the wind, and partly because she didn't want to hear him. She turned toward him, her red hair plastered to her face, the tears still pouring from her sad green eyes. James ran over to her, and she weakly glared, but gave up after only a moment of a pathetic squint. She swiped at her eyes furiously, not helping to get rid of the tears.
"You never listen to me, Potter!" She had to shout loudly to be heard over the rain and wind. "I told you that you with your perfect life would never be able to understand! But did you listen? NO! Do you ever pay attention? Couldn't you tell that I wanted you to leave me alone?"
"I don't think you really do want to be left alone!" James said, also speaking loudly over the wind and rain. He put his hands on her shoulder and gave her a little shake. "I think you want someone to give you attention, because you feel lonely. I think you feel like the world's abandoned you."
"It's not fair," she sobbed, staring at the ground. "It's never been fair. I loved her, and I was going to love him, too, but she left! She left me, daddy, Petunia. And even though she doesn't act like it, I know Petunia misses her. The world didn't abandon me, my mum did! She could have held on, I know she could have. But she didn't; she just gave up, and when she did, she gave him up, too. This is all her fault."
James hadn't any idea what Lily was going on about, but it was killing him to see her this way. He could guess that Lily felt like her mum had abandoned her, and when she did, her mum took someone else with her, a boy, from the way she spoke. He wasn't sure what had exactly happened, but he hoped that maybe Lily was going to tell him.
He lifted her chin with her fingers, making her look up at him. "Lily, I don't understand. Why did your mum abandon you, and your father, and Petunia? Though I can kind of tell why she might want to leave her, from the way you talk about her."
"You don't understand. I knew you wouldn't. That's why I haven't told anyone about her and Harry. No one can ever understand what I went through."
"Who's Harry?"
"He was my almost baby brother," Lily said softly. James had to bend down to hear what she said. "He was going to be born sometime around Christmas, but she was going to have him early, and the doctors said that it was dangerous, even though he was only a week early. But she left us, and she took him with her. I never got to see what his eyes looked like. I saw him though, after it happened. He was really small and a bluish colour. My mum, when I saw her, she was white, and her lips were turning blue, but the doctors shoved me out of the room. I never saw her again."
Lily's knees gave out and she sank to the ground, weeping. Something clicked in James's mind as he went down to the ground with her, and he put his arms around her while she buried her head into his chest and sobbed. Her mother had died, presumably giving birth to a baby boy who was to be named Harry, but the baby had died, too. Lily lost her mum and her brother in the same day. He wondered distantly how old Lily had been when it happened. And what about all those times when she had said parents, as in plural?
James absently stroked Lily's hair while he thought. While on their one date, Lily had seemed fine when she spoke of her mum, like how her mum and her dad had taken her being a witch with pride while Petunia called her a freak. But when James had mentioned her mum, Lily had flipped out. It seemed like it was okay to her if she spoke of her mum, but if anyone else did, they were in trouble. This confused him, but maybe it was because as long as Lily had control over how much was said about Mrs. Evans, everything would okay, but if she didn't have power over the situation, the results were disastrous. He thought about the other times when Lily tended to fly off the handle and realized that ever since their third year, Lily liked to have control over things, and when she didn't have that, she freaked.
That explained the way she acted toward him as well. Lily had no control over James's feelings for her, or over his actions, and that made her feel uncomfortable, which caused slapping to happen. But she also seemed to go to the places that James knew where to look for her when she told him to bug off, which told James that she secretly liked all the attention he gave her.
"I was right, wasn't I?" he asked her softly. She looked up at him, confused. "I was right when I said that you really don't like to be alone, wasn't I? You like it when Remus, Sirius, Peter and I are around, even if we are hassling you, don't you?"
Lily didn't answer right away. Instead she took her time wiping her eyes. When she did answer, she wouldn't look at him.
"After mum died, I was alone a lot," she said at last. "My dad was really depressed and wasn't at home much after that. Petunia made certain that she was always busy with something. She made it a point to call her friends and make plans with them all the time, and she spent more and more time away from the house. Since they were always gone, I was left by myself in the house to try and drown the pain away with schoolwork. The summer after it happened, Petunia was gone even more, and my dad was always out of the house. In the beginning of the summer all I did was homework, but eventually I ran out of things to do, so I had a lot of time to think, too much time. When I came back to school the year after, I found that whatever attention anyone gave to me, big or small, I was grateful for."
"So I was doing the right thing when I wouldn't stop bothering you," James said, smiling to himself. "Or was I? When did, you know, when did it happen?"
"During the Christmas Break in second year. I remember that when I came back after the break, you were waiting for me in the common room, and you kept mentioning to me how quiet I was being, and what was wrong with me? I never answered, though. It drove you round the bend."
She smiled weakly at the memory of a twelve-year-old James pacing and ranting the night after Lily had come back. She also remembered that she had almost told James what was wrong. In a wild, fleeting moment, she'd thought that James might have understood, or at least let her be, but as an after thought, her mouth had clamped itself shut and she'd went to bed early.
The present day Lily sighed and placed her head against James's chest. A part of her was glad that she had told James about her mum. It felt like a huge burden had been lifted from her shoulders; yet another part of her was almost sorry that she'd told him, just because it meant that Lily was placing a greater trust in the boy she promised herself she would never, ever love.
Me: Well, it's nudging toward love and away from hate (finally). Maybe Lily will even go on another date with James...--Stares at the ceiling innocently-- I'm sorry that this chapter was a little depressing, but I had to get Lily to trust James somehow. Wow, it seems like all my stories are depressing in some way; it's a problem of mine. Another thing that seems to always be in my stories: death, or someone dying. Also another problem of mine. I'm a very problematic person, but that's to be expected, as insanity runs in my family. If you don't believe me, ask Hermione Elizabeth Granger, she'll tell you. And you can trust her: she's been to my house a number of times and has seen the insanity first hand. Okay, I'm going to stop babbling so you can all push the nice, little purple button in the corner that is so much fun to push. BYE!