Love is a Battlefield

by Astaldotholwen

[ One Shot ] Kairi's one true love has returned to the Destiny Islands - but he is not as she remembered. This truly changes Kairi’s outlook on him and life; what will she choose to do? Will she continue loving him despite his cold demeanour?

Title: Love is a Battlefield

Written By: Astaldothôlwen

Point Of View: Kairi

Disclaimer: I'm going to keep this short and to the point because I don't think anyone reads my long explanations anyways: I don't own or claim to own Kingdom Hearts. Oh; I don't own Pat Benatam's Love is a Battlefield either; man I've always loved this song!

We are young,
Heartache to heartache we stand,
No promises, no demands,
Love is a battlefield,

What can I tell myself that will make the heartache disappear from my soul? What can I say that will erase all the pain until I feel nothing? What is there to life when the one you love the most has left you; risking his life for everyone? Nothing, that's what! When you returned to me, you acted as though I never existed. You walked straight past me after I greeted you with open arms. You walked right past me. For someone who said you would come back to me; promised that he would be with me; you can be down right cold.

We are strong, no on can tell us we're wrong,
Searchin' our hearts for so long,
Both of us knowing,
Love is a battlefield,

You returned to us yesterday. You may have come back; but you are not mine. You walked right past me as though I was nothing but air. You walked straight to Riku's Island and talked to him. Riku was no better. He returned long ago, he promised me that you would never be a stranger to me – he promised me with all his heart that you loved me more than life itself. And once again I was the one fooled. Once again I was screwed over in the end. Just like him, you betrayed me too Riku.

'You told me he loved me; and I see you two talking; getting to know each other as old friends should. What about old loves? Do they mean nothing to you Sora?'

I could feel it in my bones that I was filled with bitter hate; however I refused to do anything about it.

I waited so long for you to return; and what do you do to me? You leave me there to suffer once more. You've reopened new injuries; you've poured more salt into my once closed wounds. I thought you were the one person I could count on no matter what. I thought that in this universe you of all people would always be there for me; obviously I was mistaken once more.

You're beggin' me to go, you're makin' me stay,
Why do you hurt me so bad?
It would help me to know,
Do I stand in your way, or am I the best thing you've had?
Believe me, believe me, I can't tell you why,
But I'm trapped by your love and I'm chained to your side,

Even though you've ignored me and have treated me like a stranger; I can't bring myself to hating you. I hate myself for loving you; I wish myself to die. The last twenty-four hours have been rough. No matter where you go on this Island, I will always be ten steps behind you. Even after you've found love; once you have settled into your brand new life; I will always be there. I don't care if you find me annoying; I don't care if you begin to hate me. I love you Sora and my feelings will never change.

Are my feelings left over from a childhood love? Are my feelings meaningless? This is a message for the Fates, please, here my plea; I long for one thing: closure. If I am hanging on to falsehoods and lies, would you at least let me know? Or am I bound to him forever and when he's matured and begun to love another; will you allow me to live my life?

Sora, you were gone for three years and my feelings have never changed. I've imagined the moment you would walk through to the Secret Place over and over in my head. There were so many days I would just sit there and dream about you sweeping me into your arms promising me that you would never let me go. I know see that these dreams were in fact just my imagination. And even though I'm crushed; I won't hate you.

We are young,
Heartache to heartache we stand,
No promises, no demands,
Love is a battlefield,

I am convinced that we have matured faster than the rest of the Island children. We have been touched by the Fates in such a way that will never leave us. It is this maturity that allows us to conquer our feelings like mature adults. However, you leave me here, dragging my heart on a string; won't you at least be mature and talk to me like an adult should be capable of doing?

So here I sit, another day has past; it's begun and will most likely end as yesterday did. You and Riku are conversing on his Island; every now and then making sure no one is aware of your secret plans. I feel so out of the loop, I feel like I've lost you again; however this time forever. Not only have I lost my faith in you; but Riku as well. I told him all of my secret thoughts over the years; I told him all of my most inner feelings.

If the one we loves rejects us, what are we to wait for? I've waited for three years of my life holding onto nothing more than a lie. My world is slowly crushing me under its weight. What do I have to hold onto? The light in my heart will not extinguish because I still have hope. I still imagine that you will come back to me; that your heart and your senses will guide you loving me like you once did.

We are strong; no once can tell us we're wrong,
Searchin' our hearts for so long,
Both of us knowing,
Love is a battlefield,

When life gives you lemons, you're supposed to make lemonade. Well life has supplied me with an entire field of lemon trees and I feel as though the Fates are laughing at me; putting bets on my next move; I don't know what to do with these trees. In my heart I still feel as though you love me, that you're heart is still united with my own; and I've come to the conclusion that is enough. It is enough for me because I do not want to drag you down; I want your spirit to become free. I wish for nothing but your happiness.

I found myself walking toward the Secret Place. The doorway was tiny and cramped; meant for the bodies of children only. However I didn't care. The pictures that we drew graced the walls but were long faded; the same faded nature appealed to his love for me. He was a childhood love; I was his sweetheart; however it was nothing more. Who was I trying to kid; three years is a long time; three years is more than enough time for someone to fall out of love.

I found myself staring at the picture of Sora and I sharing a Paopu Fruit. Bitter unshed tears fell over the rims of my eyes; I did nothing to stop them.

'I shouldn't be wasting my heart on someone like you. These tears are not of self-loathing or even pity; I am just so lost and confused.´

I didn't want to cry; however staring at this picture couldn't help my aching heart; it only reminded me of what I longed for more than anything; something I would never receive.

We're losing control,
Will you turn me away or touch me deep inside,
And before this gets old, will it still feel the same,
There's no way this will die,
But if we get much closer, I could lose control,
And if your heart surrenders, you'll need me to hold,

I've always believed that the Fates had our paths chosen for us from the moment we were born into this world. I also believed that Sora would be with me along my path. Walking up toward the Old Door, the children of today do not understand it, they always believed it was able to transport them to magical, far away lands. They weren't far off; however they were unable to open it, so they never could figure out its true meaning.

The adults were never there to explain to the children the meaning of the Door. I placed my hands over its seemingly smooth exterior. I graced my hands over the knotted wood; bring my hands back, I noticed numerous splinters gracing my palms.

Sighing to myself, I assumed this reaction was the Fates trying to tell me subtly that our hearts were no longer destined for each other. This was the Fates telling me that our story was over – that it was only a dream; nothing more than that. The bitter reality of these feelings hit me like a sack of bricks; my heart felt heavy and my stomach was in knots; there was nothing left for me. I no longer had love.

We are young,
Heartache to heartache we stand,
No promises, no demands,
Love is a battlefield,

I could hear feet shuffling through the narrow passage way of the Secret Place; I ignored it. I was in no mood to talk; to anyone. As the person came closer to the cave, I could hear muttered curse words and muffled annoyances from the person walking in here. I closed my eyes; I was still facing the Door; the splinters were still embedded within the palms of my hands. I couldn't feel the pain of the wood in my hands; my heavy heart and clouded mind distracted me from the pain.

I heard the footsteps stop; I could tell the person was staring at me, not knowing what to say. I could care less who it was. I wanted one place alone on this Island that no one would ever think of coming to; the Secret Place. This was the one spot that was my haven away from the world. This was my one place that I could think and cry for as long as I wanted alone. This was my one solace and sanctuary from the harsh reality that was my existence.

And now I was being interrupted. I could feel my patience wearing down thinly as the person continued to breath heavily not saying a single word. Why wouldn't they say anything? Was I not worth even speaking to? Turning around I expected it to be some of the Island children. Shock was apparent over my entire face; my body felt rigid. It was him. Narrowing my eyes into tiny slits he took a few steps towards me; a smile gracing his lips.

We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong,
Searchin' our hearts for so long,
Both of us knowing,
Love is a battlefield,

He continued to walk towards me, his smile growing into a full-fledged grin. He stopped to examine me; I could feel his eyes all over my quivering body. Sora looked straight into my eyes; no matter how useless I had felt his smile made me feel wanted. It made me feel loved.

"Hey Kairi," he said with a tiny wave, ", it's been a long time." He continued to walk towards me.

I tried to back myself away from him; however I was closer to the door than I imagined; I was backed up right against its blistering wood. I felt my frustration turning into anger and I would let it be known to him.

"Sora, it's been three damn years, and that's all you have to tell me?! 'Hey Kairi, it's been a long time.' Don't you think I damn well know that?!" He flinched at my words; I almost felt sorry for what I had said. Almost.

My tears were falling from the bitter rage that I was feeling. I can't believe he would even have the nerve to say such a thing to me.

"The last two days have been the longest in my life do you not realize that?! You've ignored me, you've pretended I wasn't there; in the past two days you've broken my heart!" His face softened and looked hurt. No longer did he look into my eyes; his eyes were fixed on the ground.

"Kairi; look, I know I've been avoiding you. Don't you think it's killed me too? Don't you think these three years without you have been hell on me too? These past two days I've done nothing but want to love you more than life itself. I've wanted to kiss you more than anything; finally claiming you as my own; but I haven't! I've been with Riku and we've been talking. I wanted to make this perfect for you; I wanted to make sure that everything would be just as you've imagined it."

Sighing to himself, he walked back through the door of the cave, only to return moments later. His hands were behind his back; he was acting rather suspiciously.

We are young,
Heartache to heartache we stand,
No promises, no demands
Love is a battlefield,

Bringing the item into my view, a tiny gasp escaped my lips when I realized what it was. I felt horrible, the words I said, I knew in my heart they were true, and I wished more than anything I had never said them.

"A Paopu Fruit?" I walked briskly toward Sora, touching the tiny object wanting to make sure that it was real, that he was real.

As I felt the soft skin of the fruit underneath my fingers; the weight of the world left my shoulders. Looking into his blue eyes, I knew everything would be all right. Sora placed the fruit down gently on the ground and clasped my hands in his own.

"Kairi, will you share a Paopu with me?" He was so adorable; he almost sounded scared.

Looking into his sky blue eyes, I knew in my heart he loved me. Taking my hands from him, I wrapped my arms around his neck; kissing him softly on the lips. This was a kiss that I would remember until the end of time; this was a kiss that Sora gladly accepted. I felt as though I was on Cloud Nine; my head felt as though the world around me was nothing more than a blur. But I didn't mind, I was experiencing the ignorant bliss I had longed for. I wished for this same ignorant bliss for so long.

As I broke the kiss, although reluctantly, I lead Sora down on the sandy ground so we could do something we had always wanted to for as long as I could remember.

For the first time in three years I was truly happy; I was sharing a Paopu Fruit with the man I loved more than anything.

We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong,
Searchin' our hearts for so long,
Both of us knowing,
Love is a battlefield.

Author Notes:

Yay! Another happy-one shot. Oh, I really loved that last scene; it made my heart feel so warm. Who knew I could write something so . . . fluffy? Well, it wasn't really that fluffy, but I couldn't help but stop and imagine that scene in my head as I was writing it; imagining it without sighing happily was even harder to do.

This will be my last update I believe until at least August first. I am going up north this Saturday (July 24, 2004). Oh, yeah, my work ended up giving it to me off; after some tiring and time-consuming explaining. Anyhow, I used this fic as an escape from work. In the last week I've worked over sixty hours, and needless to say I'm exhausted and I still have three days yet to work.

Reviewer Replies:

Easier to Run

Dezro Tweaker: Thanks for your review, I really enjoyed it. I was hoping to get a comment about the song; thanks hugs.

Madcow863: Yay! This is my first review from you in a really long time! It's really nice to hear from you again! Good to know you liked it; I'm glad smiles warmly. I hope this was soon enough, well, I made another one-shot, but no worries.

SetsuntaMew: Yeah, I was really torn too myself; but I thought long and hard about it and decided against continuing this fic. I don't think I could do this one-shot the justice it probably deserves; I'm not sure if that makes me sound conceited about my own work, but it's how I feel.

XxNinja-SongstressxX: I'm sure you meant well in this review; and I do not doubt that. I can tell you're a Kairi-fan but come on! I have happy fics with Kairi in them; so maybe you'd be more suited to reading those if this story was too depressing for you; that's why I have warnings in my summaries for those who can't handle such material.

Stickz: hugs Katie-chan Yay! I'm happy you reviewed Katie, although, I think this honestly was one of those over-the-top deaths. It felt sort of over-played for me, but I thank you for your review anywho! I still can't believe you tried stealing Riku-kun from me! scoffs But it doesn't matter because one of those over-the-top deaths. It felt sort of over-played for me, but I thank you for your review anywho! I still can't believe you tried stealing Riku-kun from me! grins maliciously But it doesn't matter because you my friend now have a bishounen of your own; Miroku cackles evilly.

Nezz: I read your stories, thanks for reviewing. My suggestion is that you put some detail in them; keep up the wonderful work! I'm glad you like dark fics, because quite frankly, this one was the depths of night compared to most of my stories.

Byn: Thanks for the imagery comment! I was hoping I didn't make it too obvious and dumbed down; but I thank you for even mentioning it. hugs Unfortunately, I have decided against continuing this fic (read Setsunta's comment).

Lithe: hugs. I know, I know; imagine that, I'm making you guys do some work! Sheesh, that's so cruel of me! grins. And I've decided to be evil, not because I feel like being a brat, I'm leaving this fic as is. I can't wait for Rollercoaster to be updated! It's getting so good!

…..: lowers eyes I have to say, out of all the reviews I've ever received this one actually hurt. I know I'm probably being melodramatic because I'm exhausted, and yet still have three days of work ahead of me; but it honestly struck a cord. It's not even that this review was a flame, I know it was meant to be light-hearted and all; but it still left me staring at the monitor for a few minutes in, well, shock.

Island Beat:

SetsuntaMew: I'm happy that you are enjoying the happy fics; I think you'll like this one as well hugs.

Stickz: See Katie, the Queen of Silver-Haired Bishounen can write happy fics; it makes it even easier when her friends are so damn inspiring! coo's like she's talking to a child Who's being inspiring? You are! Yes you are! Okay, enough of that! Lol.

Lithe: Yeah, I didn't think Riku was the swimming type either; which is why I decided he would swim when no one knew it; at the crack of dawn nods. I'm happy that you enjoyed it smiles.

Good, I've got all of the Author Notes replied to in this story, so I won't have to do it in the next chapter of ITDWM. All I'll have to reply to is the chapter nine reviews, and hopefully some reviews from this one-shot. Thank you to everyone for their unending support; I don't know how to thank you all enough.

Note II: I've reposted this one-shot, so hopefully any new readers will be able to read the edited version; and any of the readers who have already reviewed bear hugs everyone will know that I've cleaned this fic up a lot; there were so many mistakes it was sick!