Chapter Two
It was almost noon, and the trio were sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room, discussing the upcoming party.
"Isn't there some way we can make the Room of Requirement Slytherin-proof?" Ron asked desperately.
"I wish," sighed Harry. He turned to Hermione. "Wait, is there a way/"
Hermione shook her head and told them, "If we couldn't keep Umbridge out last year, there is no way we can keep out the Slytherins this year."
"This stinks," sighed Ron.
"I know," Harry agreed.
Hermione perked up and said happily, "Well, this is supposed to be about Inter-House relations anyway. I guess we can make friends with some of the better Slytherins."
Ron and Harry stared at her as if they were watching a blast-ended skrewt mate with a dragon.
"Are you mad?!" screeched Ron.
Harry shrieked, "Make friends with the Slytherins?!"
"This is what the party is about, making friends with other Houses!" Hermione reminded them.
"Hermione, these are Slytherins we are talking about!" Harry said.
Hermione shrugged and said, "They aren't all bad."
"WHAT?!" Ron and Harry screeched at the same time.
"That Theodore Nott guy is rather nice," Hermione said.
"Keep talking like that and we are going to have you shipped off to St. Mungo's," Ron threatened.
Neville happened to be coming down the stairs as he heard this last bit. "What about St. Mungo's?" he asked curiously.
"Nothing," Harry, Ron, and Hermione answered too hastily to not be suspicious.
Neville eyed them for a moment, then shrugged it off. This happened to him all the time. "Anyway, have you guys thought about how we are going to provide enough food for four Houses of hungry, rabid teenagers?" he asked.
"Oh, the Room will provide that for us," Harry replied casually.
"And a musician?" Neville continued.
"Er" Harry said, looking at Ron and Hermione. "Where are we going to find a musician?"
Hermione simply shrugged. Ron, however, looked as if a brilliant idea just struck in his head. He exclaimed excitedly, "Of course!"
"What?" Hermione asked.
"Who do you have in mind?" Harry inquired.
Ron stood up and headed for the portrait hole. "Come on, we need to get to the Ravenclaw Common Room."
Hermione got up and walked over to him, questioning, "Are you talking about Marietta? I heard she plays the accordion."
"No, we aren't that desperate," Harry protested, following.
Neville sat down on a chair and scooped up Trevor, who was hiding under a table near it. He told them, "You guys go ahead. Trevor needs a bath."
Ron couldn't resist calling back as they left the Common Room, "He sure does, he smells like a bloody toad!"
"Who in Ravenclaw do you know is a musician?" Hermione demanded, snapping him back to attention.
"Luna!" Ron exclaimed, speeding up.
"Luna?" Harry and Hermione repeated blankly.
Harry asked, "Luna is a musician?"
"No, but she knows one!" Ron reminded him.
Harry nor Hermione remembered Luna knowing a musician at the moment.
"Who?" inquired Hermione.
"Stubby Boardman!" Ron stated.
"The dude that impersonates my godfather?" Harry asked.
Ron said, "Yeah, him! I'm sure we can get him on short notice. After all, he's retired!"
Harry stared at him in wonder and said, "You know, if it wasn't for the red hair and millions of freckles I'd swear you are turning into Hermione."
Hermione glared at him for this insult and stated haughtily, "I highly doubt we can get Stubby Boardman here in time for the party, assuming he wants to do it."
Ron waved this away impatiently, saying, "Oh, we'll pay him and make sure nobody brings any turnips."
By now they were in the corridor they used in the second year to access the Slytherin Common Room.
Harry mused, "Okay, we heard that Penelope Clearwater bird say that she was going to the Ravenclaw Common Room, which is somewhere near here"
Conveniently, at that moment they saw Padma Patil walking towards them, holding a copy of Witch Weekly and looking excited.
"Hi!" Padma greeted cheerfully.
"Hi, Padma," responded Hermione. "Do you know where Luna Lovegood is?"
Padma answered, "Oh yeah, wait right here, I'll go get her."
Padma ran off, leaving the trio standing there looking at each other. She arrived in the Ravenclaw Common Room and spotted Luna sitting by the fireplace, attempting to charm a few bottles of butterbeer to juggle themselves.
"Hey Luna, Hermione wants to talk to you," Padma told her.
Luna looked up and asked, "Is Ronald with her?"
Taken aback, Padma replied, "Er.. yes, he is."
Luna stood up and marched towards the door. She glanced behind her and asked Padma, "Left or right?"
"Right," Padma replied, heading up to her dorm.
Luna drifted dreamily towards the trio, whom had been waiting for a grand total of three minutes. "Hello," she greeted pleasantly.
Hermione greeted in a business-like voice, "Hello, Luna. We need a favor."
Luna turned her eyes to Ron and stared at him unblinkingly, causing him to back away and hide unsuccessfully behind Harry. "Yes?"
"Do you know Stubby Boardman?" Hermione asked.
"Of course," replied Luna, her eyes never leaving what she could see of Ron.
Hermione chose to ignore the fact that Luna was staring at her property and inquired in as nice a way as possible, "Do you think you could owl him and ask if he can be at the party this evening to perform?"
"Why, of course. He'd be honoured to. Five o'clock, right?" Luna confirmed.
"Right," said Harry.
"I'll go owl him now. Good-bye Hermione, Harry, Ronald." Luna turned and drifted back the way she came.
Ron said while emerging from behind Harry, "That was easy."
Hermione rolled her eyes and ordered, "Come on, let's go get ready."
"Are you going to straighten your hair like you did for the Yule Ball?" Ron inquired curiously.
"What? Bloody hell, no," Hermione answered.
Harry and Ron gawked at her. Harry said, "Hermione, you just said 'Bloody hell'. That's what Ron always says."
"So what?" Hermione snapped.
"Why don't you want to straighten your hair, if you don't mind me asking," Ron pressed on.
Hermione replied truthfully, "It's too much freaking work."
They began walking back up to their Common Room. Hermione asked conversationally, "So Ron, are you going to wear the dress you wore to the Yule Ball?"
Ron slapped Harry's head, who had started laughing. "Shut it, Hermy."
At four thirty, all the Gryffindors had gathered in the Room of Requirement, perfecting it for the upcoming party. Some were dressed in robes, some in Muggle clothes, none in anything formal. Hermione was running around frantically.
"Oh dear, what if Stubby doesn't come? We really should find a replacement before the party starts, if we don't, we'll be in so much trouble..."
Ron gripped her firmly by the shoulders and barked, "Pull yourself together, Hermione! Stubby will be here, or I'm going to gut Luna alive."
They turned to see the door fly open and Dobby proudly enter.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione chorused, "Hi, Dobby!"
"There is no need for sirs to gut Miss Luna, because Mister Stubby is here."
Everyone in the room turned to see Stubby step in behind Dobby. He looked like a younger, and if possible, a better-looking Sirius. His shiny black hair hung around his shoulders and he was dressed in black leather. He carried a green guitar that may have been the magical equilavent of electric. And he wore an expression that looked as if he had just won the lottery.
"Bloody hell" breathed Ron.
Katie Bell asked in amazement, "Is that Sirius Black?"
Stubby grinned and shook his head. "Nah, I get that all the time. I'm Stubby Boardman.
Lavender hissed to Parvati in a voice just loud enough for everyone and their Aunt Petunia to hear, "He is hot."
Stubby grinned even wider and wandered over to the stage, where he sat his guitar down. Then he marched over to the snack table and began shoveling food into his mouth.
"Er†just help yourself then. The party begins in thirty minutes," Harry informed him.
"Cool," Stubby replied, his mouth full.
The door opened again and Luna drifted in, followed by Padma, Cho, and Marietta.
Ron whispered to Harry, "Why in the bloody hell did Marietta come?"
"Or Cho?" Harry whispered bitterly back to him.
Hermione, who overheard, said in a wise Dumbledorish voice, "They have the right to party just like anybody else."
"Bloody wonderful," muttered Ron.
This time, they heard someone knock on the door. Ron opened it to find a pair of identical redheads with faces wearing the same evil grin and a cheerful-looking woman with long pink hair behind them.
"What are you doing here?" Ron demanded of the twins.
Tonks let herself in, saying, "We were spying on you lot, and for good reason too."
"Yeah, and you were pretty fun to follow around. Dumbledore himself wanted to come, but he couldn't make it on time, so he sent us," Fred said.
Lavender, staring in disgust at Tonks's hair, demanded, "Who is that?"
Harry introduced, "This is Nymphadora Tonks. Call her Nymphie, she loves that."
Before Tonks could shoot Harry a death glare, Stubby looked up from the snack table. His mouth even fuller than before, he asked, "Tonks? You related to that Muggle news guy?"
"Yep, he's my daddy," Tonks announced proudly. She studied him closer. "You know, you look familiar."
"Of course I do," Stubby said, then returned to eating without offering further explanation.
Tonks glanced curiously at Harry, who shrugged. "Who is that, anyway?" she asked.
"That is Stubby Boardman, our entertainment," Luna informed her.
George mentioned, "He looks an awful lot like"
"Sirius Black," Luna finished for him. "Yes, that got him in trouble once."
Fred gazed at Stubby and said, "You know, they could be related."
"He's not. I didn't see him on the Black family tree," Harry said.
"It's not entirely reliable, you know. I'm not even on there," Tonks reminded him.
Stubby looked up from the table again and swallowed in shock. "You are related to Sirius Black?"
"Yep, he's my mum's first cousin," Tonks told him.
Parvati whispered loudly to Lavender, "No wonder she looks so crazy."
"I heard that!" Tonks protested.
The door swung open and Ernie Macmillan marched inside, followed by Hannah Abbot, Susan Bones, Justin Finch-Fletchley, and Moaning Myrtle.
Myrtle looked around gloomily and grumbled, "Of course, they would have a guy pigging out at the snack table when they know very well that some of us are incapable of eating."
Stubby straightened up and glared at Myrtle, snapping, "If you have a problem with me eating, you can take a hike. I'm a struggling musician and I need my strength."
He defiantly ate a chocolate frog with more flourish than necessary. Myrtle glared right back at him.
Hermione asked cautiously, "Stubby? Do you think you could save some food for the kids at the party? I'm pretty sure even this room has its limit on what it can provide"
"No," Stubby replied, his mouth so full his cheeks were sticking out three feet in each direction.
Ron asked Luna quietly, "Did you by any chance tell him that we will be paying him with food?"
"Yes," Luna replied.
Stubby waved at her, saying, "Thanks a lot Luna! I owe you one!"
Hermione inquired, "How did you get him here so fast, anyway?"
"He lives in Hogsmeade now," Luna informed her as if she should have known already.
As five o'clock approached, more students entered and mingled. At exactly 4:58, the door slammed open and the Slytherins made their grand entrance. Pansy hung off Draco's arm, looking very much like she was declared Supreme Queen of the Universe. Blaise was standing next to Theodore Nott; it was clear that neither of them felt like hanging around Gruffleclaws all evening. The rest of the Slytherins grinned evilly at everyone else and shoved Stubby aside to access the food.
Ginny sighed, "Oh well, it could be worse"
"How, maybe Ferret Face will ask you do dance?" Ron joked.
Ginny shuddered, "Don't put any thoughts like that in your own little sister's mind."
"Actually, that is a very good idea" Hermione began.
She stopped when she saw the murderous look on Ginny's face.
Luna gazed up at the clock on the wall and said, "It's five o'clock now."
"Blazes, you're right!" exclaimed Stubby.
He swallowed the last of his food, leapt up to the stage, grabbed his guitar, and launched into the heart-wrenching tune "Slytherin Pride". The Gryffindors stared at him in shock, then every non-Slytherin turned to glare at Luna.
Luna shrugged, "I can't help what House he was in."
"You know, I think I like this guy," Draco commented.
"Inter-House relations†this is for Inter-House relations" Hermione chanted to herself.
Ginny asked, "Now what are we going to do?"
Ernie shouted over the music, "Stubby, do you know any non-Slytherin songs?"
"No!" Stubby shouted amid the words "pounding in Gryffindor's heads".
"I know!" Ron exclaimed.
"Uh oh, two ideas in one day" moaned Hermione worriedly.
"Shut up, Hermy," Ron ordered. He grabbed a couple bottles of firewhiskey. "Who's up for a game of I Never?"