Disclaimer: I own nothing.
To Pippinfan: Yes, according to Chapter 10 of OotP, Stubby is supposedly 'retired'.
Warning: I apologize for this chapter ahead of time. Blame it on too much throat medicine.
Chapter Three
::All the non-Slytherins gathered in a circle away from the stage on which Stubby was now singing the lovely tune "My Snake Will Eat Your Lion". Ron pulled out a mug, which he poured some firewhiskey in. He looked around at them all.::
Ron: You all know how to play, right?
Padma: Yes.
Hermione: No.
Ron: Whoever has the mug has to say something they've never done, and whoever has done it has to drink from the mug. The person that has the most firewhiskey left at the end of the game wins.
Hermione: Sounds easy enough.
Ron: Who's first?
Padma: Me!
::Ron poured firewhiskey in the mug and handed it to her. She looked down at it thoughtfully.::
Padma: I never had a dream about anyone else in this room.
::Harry was the first to drink. They all looked at him questioningly.::
Harry: ::shrugging:: I had a dream I fed Malfoy as a ferret to Buckbeak.
::They all laughed at this. Some of the Slytherins that were dancing to Stubby's music looked back at them suspiciously.::
Harry: Okay, I never... streaked through the Hogwarts halls.
::Ernie, his head hung low, took the first drink. Dobby took the second one, so quickly it was doubtful if he did. Hannah raised her eyebrow at them.::
Ernie: ::nodding at Dobby:: We did it together.
Dobby: Yes, we both had a bit too much butterbeer...
::Everyone else was now laughing hysterically at them. The Slytherins turned and glared at them. Even Stubby had lowered his singing volume so he could hear what was going on.::
Draco: Potty, what is so funny?
Harry: ::wiping the tears out of his eyes:: None of your business, Ferret Face.
Ernie: Anyway, I do believe it is my turn now. I never had a dream about a Hogwarts teacher, current or previous.
::Harry took the drink first, then Tonks.::
Ernie: Well Harry, who did you dream about?
Harry: The first was Professor Quirrel, he was trying to tell me I belong in Slytherin...
Ron: WHAT?!
Cho: Oh, you poor thing!
Susan: Slytherin?! That's horrible!
Harry: ::hanging his head:: I know. There was also one with Hagrid teaching us about cannons, and Professor Sprout waltzing with Neville while Professor McGonagall played the bagpipes.
Neville: ...You are a disturbed soul indeed.
Harry: Don't I know it. ::he turned to Tonks:: Well, what about you?
Tonks: ::turning pink:: I dreamt about Remus Lupin doing the Chippendale's dance...
::All the Muggle-borns, except for Hermione, burst out in wild laughter, causing the Slytherins to stare at them yet again. The others, however, looked confused.::
Fred: What the heck is a Chippendale's dance?
Harry: ::catching his breath:: That's a Muggle dance where men dance and strip onstage.
::This got the others to laughing as well. Tonks was now the same shade of pink as her hair.::
Lavender:: ::shuddering:: The thought of him...dancing...
Tonks: ::snapping:: Oh, shut it. Let's see... I never kissed Harry.
Harry: Hey!
::Of course, Cho was the first to drink. Then Hermione, Ginny, Ron, Dobby, and Justin.::
Cho: ::angrily, to Harry:: See, I knew there was something going on between you and Hermione!
::Harry simply ignored her.::
Ron: ::to Ginny:: You kissed Harry?... About bloody time!
Ginny: ::defensively:: Well, you kissed him too.
Ron: That doesn't count, it was an accident.
Justin: Same here.
::They all turned to look at Dobby.::
Dobby: It depends on how you sirs and misses define 'accident'.
Neville: When the game is over, we would like a complete explanation of this event in question. Until then, your turn, Ron.
Ron: ::staring into space in deep thought:: I got it! I have never seen Dumbledore naked.
::Fred and George both drank deeply from the mug, then Colin Creevey.::
Tonks: ::eyeing the three of them:: Please tell me you are all joking...
Fred: Nope.
George: It was last year.
Fred: We were bored...
George: So we went to visit Professor Dumbledore.
Fred: He had just come out of the bath...
George: And couldn't find his towel.
Fred: Because we hid it.
George: And Colin was walking by, so we had him join us.
Fred: He took several pictures as proof.
George: Dumbledore didn't mind...
Fred: Though he did say he would like his royalties if we decided to send his picture into some Muggle magazine called Playgirl.
Ron: ::shaking his head:: You know, I think I hate you guys.
Fred and George: Thanks.
George: And for your pleasure...
Fred: We will gladly show you the pictures.
George: Colin, if you kindly run down to the Common Room and get them...
Hannah, Susan, Cho, and Marietta: NO!
Myrtle: ::giggling:: Yes, go get them.
Colin: Screw you guys, I threw them away.
Fred and George: You WHAT?!
Fred: How could you...
Colin: My brother saw them and had to be sent to the hospital. D'you really think I'd keep them around for my parents to see them too? Medical bills are too expensive for that.
George: You could have given them to us.
Ginny: Hem, hem.
::Several people whirled around in alarm to see where that hideous throat- clearing came from.::
Ginny: Can we get back to the game now?
Colin: Yes, I'll go. I never...lost my virginity.
::Hermione gasped in surprise that little Colin Creevey could say such a thing. Tonks was the first to take a drink, then Dobby.
Fred: ::to Tonks: I guess it's no good asking you who you lost your virginity to, right?
Tonks: Right.
George: No, I do believe we'll save that question for later.
Fred: You're right, that will come in handy, that will.
Tonks: ::putting her head in her hands:: I should never have agreed to play this stupid game...
Hermione: ::defensively:: You know, it's none of your business what she has been doing and with who.
Dobby: Or what.
Fred: ::shaking his head:: Dobby, you are a sick little pervert.
Dobby: And Mister Fred is a lying little twerp. Mister Fred better drink from that mug or else Dobby will reveal the secret of what he did it with.
::All eyes turned to Fred, who blushed and drank from the cup..::
Dobby: ::glaring at George:: You too.
::George sulked and drank from the cup.::
Dobby: ::looking around brightly:: Who's next?
Ron: You.
Dobby: Alright then...I never...
::He never got to say it. At that moment, the door to the Room of Requirement opened and a familiar face to those that were misfortunate enough to meet him yet a strange face to those who haven't appeared. He was hunched over, his old loincloth replaced by a new, leopard one, and a permanent frown etched into his face. It was none other than Kreacher, who was shuffling across the floor grumpily.::
Kreacher: ::carrying on like he has been talking for a long while:: ...And that Mudblood-lover tells Kreacher he has to come work at Hogwarts...and he is even paying Kreacher, the nerve of him...
::Stubby halted his singing in surprise and stared at the house-elf.::
Stubby: Kreacher?!
::Kreacher turned around and saw Stubby standing on the stage, holding his guitar loosely in his hands.::
Kreacher: ::looking the happiest anybody had ever seen a house-elf look:: Master!
::He launched himself up the stage and onto Stubby with a force nobody expected.::
Kreacher: Kreacher has been missing you, Master! You won't believe the sort of rifraff that moved in to your house...
Hermione: ::interrupting very loudly:: Hello, Kreacher!
::Kreacher turned to see Hermione smiling and waving at him.::
Kreacher: ::turning back to Stubby:: Master, that Mudblood actually thinks she has the right to talk to Kreacher...
Ron: ::his ears turning red:: Don't call her that!
Kreacher: And that blood traitor bosses Kreacher around...
::Harry, Fred, George, and Neville held Ron back from attacking the elf that was clinging to Stubby.::
Stubby: ::conversationally, like if he was talking to a random rabid fan:: How's it going, Kreacher?
Kreacher: Oh, the horrible things that have been going on at your house... ::he suddenly grabbed his throat and began coughing::
Hermione: ::concerned:: Kreacher? Are you alright?
Kreacher: ::ignoring her and croaking:: Creature! Creature!
::He recovered and returned to his usual grouchy self.::
Kreacher: Kreacher hates stupid Mudbloods and Mudblood-lovers.
Stubby: I'm sure you do, Kreach.
::Harry realized then that Dobby was hiding behind him.::
Harry: ::looking back at him:: Dobby...?
Dobby: Dobby hates Kreacher, Harry Potter. Because...
Kreacher: ::turning around sharply and staring at Dobby, whose ears were visible around Harry:: Look Master, it is Dobby, the traitor.
Dobby: Oh, shut up, Kreacher.
::Kreacher detached himself from Stubby and Dobby emerged from behind Harry. They approached each other slowly, their eyes alight with hatred for the other.
Ernie: ::pompously drinking from the firewhiskey mug:: I do believe we will get to experience a house-elf fight.
Hermione: ::worriedly:: Trust me, that is not a good thing...
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Next chapter: Dobby and Kreacher fight, of course, and the game of Truth or Dare begins. And yes, I did hint a bit about a Tonks/Lupin relationship, but don't get too cozy with that. I love twists.