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Chapter Four

::Kreacher and Dobby circled each other in the middle of the room for a full two minutes, sizing each other up.::

Hermione: ::biting her nails:: Oh dear, can't you two just talk this over rationally?

Dobby: ::not taking his eyes off Kreacher:: Sorry Miss, but Kreacher does not understand the concept of being rational.

Kreacher: Similar to how Dobby does not understand the concept of being a good house-elf.

Stubby: ::looking almost as worried as Hermione:: Kreacher, I don't think you should do this... Dobby is a young one, you know, and quite capable of...

Kreacher: ::interrupting him:: Kreacher has to revenge Master's family by taking care of this traitor.

Harry: ::vividly recalling how Dobby so easily took down Lucius Malfoy in his second year:: Er... Good luck, Dobby.

Dobby: ::as politely as possible while having a murderous glint in his eye:: Thank you, sir.

Ron: ::whispering to Harry:: Fifteen galleons on Dobby.

::He expertly avoided a slap upside the head by Hermione by ducking in a remarkably Matrix-like way.::

Fred: ::looking as though they had sideline tickets to the fight of the year:: I have twenty galleons that say Dobby will win... but Kreacher will be the last one standing.

Harry: ::doubtful:: I don't think so.

Hermione: Honestly!

Luna: ::to Stubby:: You know, I didn't expect this to happen.

Stubby: ::setting his guitar down and sitting on the edge of the stage:: Me neither.

Draco: ::looking impatient as Dobby and Kreacher continued to circle each other:: Oh, come on! Fight each other already so we can go back to partying!

Hermione: Oh shut up, you no good ferret!

::However, Draco's wish was granted before Hermione could finish her sentence properly. Kreacher sent a blast of some sort of stunning spell at Dobby, who ducked just in time. The spell instead hit the snack table and blew it and the snacks upon it into oblivion.::

Stubby: ::horrified:: No!

Ernie: ::pompously to Hannah and Susan:: Come on, let these Gryffindors have their silly little fight. I feel in the mood for a nice polish of my prefect badge.

Susan: Yeah, let's go...

::The three headed towards the door, but promptly stopped when a spell from Kreacher, which Harry assumed was the house-elf's version of Avada Kedavra, narrowly missed hitting them all at one time.::

Ernie: ::standing in a far corner from the battling elves, hunched behind Hannah and Susan:: On second thought, I think I'll just stay here...

::Dobby managed to hit Kreacher with a powerful Stunning curse that sent Kreacher flying into a wall with a loud crash. Hermione and Stubby were the only ones that looked the least bit concerned for Kreacher's well- being. Before they could rush to his aid, Kreacher was up and fighting again. The house-elf war lasted another fifteen minutes. Surprisingly, the elves themselves remained unarmed while attacking each other while the humans around them received a startling amount of injuries. Due to a spell from Dobby, Hannah Abbot now had a palm tree growing out the top of her head. Kreacher sent Neville to the ceiling, where he was stuck and no spell from Hermione could bring him down again. But the worst of all was poor Ron, whom Kreacher had turned into a giant spider. Harry was quite sure this was done on purpose.::

Ron: ::in a spidery voice:: Help me, somebody...

Neville: Get me down from here!

Hannah: My head hurts...

Fred: ::who was watching very calmly:: You know, George, I think we should help stop this war.

George: ::also very calm:: I do reckon you are right, Fred.

::They both removed their wands from their pockets and pointed them at the elves. Dobby had now abandoned magical fighting and had Kreacher in a headlock.::

Fred: On the count of three...one...two...three!

Fred and George: PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!

::Dobby wisely ducked in time to keep from getting hit, but Kreacher wasn't as fortunate. Kreacher froze on the spot, but Dobby lost his balance and fell flat on his bum.::

Draco: Why the bloody hell didn't anybody else think of that?

George: I guess this means we win the bet.

Harry: What bet?

Fred: That Dobby will win, but Kreacher will be the last one standing.

Hermione: ::who had just turned Ron back into a human:: But it was your fault that it turned out that way, so it isn't fair!

George: A bet's a bet, Hermione.

Fred: Yeah, you didn't bet anything, so you have no right to tell us we don't win.

Tonks: ::whose hair now looked like Marge Simpson's, but pink:: Would you stop fighting, already?

Hermione: ::apologetically:: Sorry, but it's what I do best.

Stubby: ::who had approached Kreacher and was leaning over him, worried:: He's not moving...

Dobby: ::who was getting high-fives from Harry, Ron, and Neville:: Master Stubby shouldn't worry about the evil Kreacher. He'll be fine.

Hermione: ::now leaning over Kreacher as well:: Oh Merlin, he's dead!

Tonks: Uh oh, we're going to be in so much trouble...

Fred: ::edging towards the door with George:: We? I don't think so.

Tonks: ::grabbing the twins' arms and dragging them back to where the rest were crowded:: Yes, you two were the ones that killed him!

Colin: ::a rare good idea appearing in his brain:: Wait... I've got an idea!

George: If it involves Fred and I taking the next broom to Japan and living in hiding for the rest of our lives from Mum, then we are all for it.

Colin: Your salty balls!

Hermione: ::shocked:: Pardon?

Colin: Fred and George's chocolate salty balls!

Fred: Of course! They have rejuvenating powers!

Ginny: You mean you still have those?

George: Of course we do, what else would we do with them?

Fred: ::pulling out a couple of chocolate salty balls from his pocket:: They have never failed me yet!

Stubby: You may as well hurry and give them to Kreacher...

::Fred and George stuffed their chocolate salty balls into Kreacher's mouth. Everyone crowded around to see if he would awaken. Eventually he did, and he didn't look very pleased.::

Kreacher: Kreacher would like to know why Master Stubby let these two unnatural beasts put their chocolate balls in Kreacher's mouth.

Stubby: Kreacher! You're alive!

Dobby: ::sarcastically:: How wonderful.

Ron: ::clapping his hands together in a business-like way:: Now that that is taken care of, let's continue our party.

Hermione: How can you possibly think of partying during a sentimental time like this?

Harry: ::ignoring her:: Yeah, let's play Truth or Dare!

Hermione: ::under her breath:: I really should hate those two imbeciles...

Draco: We all do.

Theodore: You know Malfoy, you just agreed with a Muggleborn.

Draco: ::to Hermione:: I really hate you, you know.

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For those of you that don't know, the chocolate salty balls are from South Park. Sorry it took so long getting this chapter up, but it wouldn't upload. Hopefully the next one will be longer and funnier. The game of Truth or Dare, and a secret that was inspired by South Park.