A.N. In answer to the reviewer who asked if Sephiroth was gay: My feeling is that if the majority of Seph's genetic material comes from something that is neither one thing nor the other, (the gender-dubious Jenova), it seems likely that he's not going to have strict preferences one way or the other. Not that it really matters, as I'm not planning on walking the path of yaoi in this, but there's your answer.
The first thing Sephiroth noticed as he stepped into the lab was a peculiarly horrid smell. A green-faced lab assistant hurried out of one of the Restricted Access doors, rapidly shutting it behind him, paused, grabbed the waste-paper bin and vomited into it.
" Everything okay? " Sephiroth ventured after a second.
There were several loud thuds and a piercing scream from behind the door.
The lab assistant looked up and attempted a smile.
" Quite okay sir. The Professor will be out to see you shortly. "
Another scream and then shouts.
" Don't let it…! No, no you fool! Block th…! " Sephiroth recognised his father's voice.
There was a sudden noise, like metal being torn. Then a hysterical female voice.
" It's got…! Get it off! Help m… "
Glass smashed and then there were some more earth-shaking thuds.
A growl reverberated through the room. Sephiroth was pretty sure that its point of origin was not a human throat.
The lab assistant's eyes met Sephiroth's and the young man gave a weak smile.
" I think I'd better take a look, " Sephiroth remarked, drawing Masamune from his back and edging stealthily to the door.
As Sephiroth's hand was reaching out for the keypad, three gunshots pierced the air. They were almost instantly followed by a loud, wet SHLAP as something hit the ground.
There was sudden silence.
The door opened and Professor Hojo stepped into the main lab. His lab coat, face, shoes, even his glasses, were covered in a fine mist of blood. There was a small gun in his hands which he wiped meticulously clean and then deposited somewhere under his lab coat.
Sephiroth grabbed his father by the shoulders and looked him up and down with some anxiety.
" You're covered in blood, " he stated finally, coming to the relieved yet uncomfortable conclusion that it was not his father's.
Hojo seemed momentarily taken aback. He squirmed free and patted the General awkwardly on the shoulder.
" There was a minor setback in an experiment I was carrying out, " he muttered before shambling into his office.
Sephiroth cast a speculative glance at the door then followed the shorter man.
Hojo settled behind his desk, pulled out a box of tissues and began to clean his glasses.
" So General, do tell me how it all proceeded, " he commanded with a friendly smile.
Sephiroth sat down and shrugged.
" Well, it… to be honest… I've had a little setback too. "
Hojo paused and looked up. The two green eyes fixed beadily on Sephiroth.
" Setback? What kind of setback? "
" Y'know, just a setback. Like yours, " Sephiroth answered evasively.
Hojo paused then sat back in his chair.
" My setback involved a specimen suffering a psychotic episode, creating millions of gil worth of damage, not to mention removing a lab tech's arm, and eventually forcing me to terminate it, " he explained tonelessly.
" Not quite like that then, " Sephiroth amended. " It's just… Scarlet. "
" What about her? You surely cannot know if you have succeeded in impregnating her yet. "
" Of course I don't know, " Sephiroth snapped. " But, to put it bluntly… she's a whack job. "
Hojo's eyes narrowed.
" Really, General? "
The scientist's tone suggested he was less than convinced. Sephiroth winced but felt he had now committed himself to this course.
" I'm serious Father. I don't think she's entirely… " Sephiroth paused, looked around and then spoke in an undertone. " I don't think she's completely compos mentis. " He tapped a long finger against his temple to emphasise his point.
Hojo seemed mildly taken aback.
" Really? "
" She wears an evening dress to the office Father. That's not normal behaviour. "
Hojo's eyes narrowed again, but this time in thought. He surveyed the General's own, somewhat unconventional, attire but did not comment. Finally he nodded.
" True. Perhaps I have chosen badly. "
The smallest glimmer of hope cautiously lifted its head in Sephiroth's heart.
" Still, I shall have to continue monitoring her. There is every chance you have impregnated her, in which case if she is mentally unbalanced, it will be most enlightening to see how that reacts with the Mako. "
There was a feeble knock on the door.
" Come, " Hojo snapped.
A doctor stepped in nervously, supporting a half-conscious woman. The woman was missing one arm and blood was spurting rhythmically from the stump.
" What is it? " Hojo demanded. " I'm in the middle of something. "
" I'm so sorry to interrupt Professor, " the doctor stuttered. " But I really think I need to get Atkins here to surgery. She's losing a lot of blood. "
" No, no, no, " Hojo insisted, half-rising from his chair. " I've told you, I want swabs taken from where the fangs made contact with the remaining skin tissue. There is most likely residual genetic material from Specimen Y67 in the wound and I won't have you destroying it with your medical botch-up. It's bad enough with the loss of Y67 itself. Take the swabs and then you may take her to surgery. "
Hojo dismissed them with an impatient gesture and turned back to Sephiroth.
" It seems then, General, that there must be a delay in the proceedings. There are some events taking place in Corel that demand my attention. I shall be gone for a week or so I should imagine. But rest assured I shall ponder this issue in my absence. "
Stifling a relieved, idiotic grin, Sephiroth stood up.
" Very well Father. I leave this in your capable hands. "
Hojo nodded to himself as Sephiroth made his way to the door.
" Oh, General? "
Sephiroth swallowed and turned back warily.
" Yes Father? "
" It might be wise for you to research alternative possibilities. If you could have a shortlist of three names, along with their relevant information, i.e. background, medical history and so on, ready for me to inspect on my return? "
" Certainly, " Sephiroth answered.
He was in the Shinra Lobby when he realised what was meant by alternative possibilities.
-----------------------
It was difficult to write, Zack noted to himself, when someone several times stronger than you are has you by the shoulders and is grinning stupidly in your face.
" Hello General, good news I take it? "
Sephiroth released him and started to un-strap Masamune from his back.
" The best news possible. "
" Hojo's died a painful death? "
Sephiroth paused and threw him a displeased glance.
" Be nice, " he warned. " No, Hojo's accepted that Scarlet's out of the question. What's more, he's going away for a while! I shall have no-one directing my sex-life. "
" How will you manage? " Zack asked dryly.
The General stopped and looked at him again, slight confusion in his exotic green eyes.
" What's up with you? You should be pleased. A happy General makes for a happy army. "
Zack sighed and glanced down at his aborted attempt at a letter.
" I'm happy for you, really I am. It's just… I was in the middle of something. "
With no shame what so ever, Sephiroth leant over and read the sheet of paper. Zack sat back in his chair, well aware from the previous times he had caught him rummaging through his mail, that Sephiroth saw nothing wrong in reading peoples' personal correspondence. In fact, Sephiroth went so far as to pick the letter up and peer at it closely when he couldn't make out Zack's handwriting.
" What's this bit here say? " he queried.
" Woolly socks. "
Sephiroth carried on reading for a moment.
" And this bit here? "
" Blueberry jam. "
Sephiroth almost returned to reading but looked suddenly back at Zack, his eyes wide.
" This is to your parents! "
" The Dear Mum and Dad was a big clue. "
" But… why are you writing to them? You haven't written in five years! "
Zack fumed and held out his hand for the letter, a move Sephiroth ignored.
" That's why I'm writing. "
He snatched the letter back.
" They probably think I've dropped off the face of the planet. Ah, what's it matter? " he muttered, tearing the paper neatly in two. " I'll swing round and say hi sometime. So, Hojo's off your back then? "
" For a whole week at least, " Sephiroth crowed, throwing himself down on one of the leather sofas. " Although I do have to audition a couple of prospective mothers-of-my-children. Speaking of which, can I borrow your girlfriend? "
" Hell no! " Zack glared at his General. " I'm not going through that again. Every girlfriend of mine that I've ever introduced you to, takes one look at you and your big old Masamune and suddenly decides me and my Buster aren't so impressive anymore. "
" That only happened three times, " Sephiroth contradicted quietly.
" Only 'cos I stopped letting you meet them. It's my rule number one now. "
" But I promise… "
" No, it's final, " Zack interrupted. " You're not meeting Aeris, it'll only end bad. You'll just have to get your own. "
A slight frown wrinkled the General's pale face.
" I wanted to take some nice girls home for the Professor to choose from. The ones I pick up don't tend to fall into that category. "
There was a long silence as Zack wilfully ignored the large, hopeful eyes that were fixed on him. The leather sofa squeaked every now and then as Sephiroth fidgeted awkwardly, trying to force Zack to make eye contact.
" I said no and I meant it, " the dark-haired SOLDIER snapped finally. " Anyway, I don't see why Hojo has to start from scratch. If I know you, there are probably thousands of silver-haired brats running around on this continent alone. "
Sephiroth remained silent, apart from one excessively loud, heavy sigh.
" No, no, no. " Zack glared at him fiercely. " Look, if Hojo is so keen to get his hands on your kids, he can just grow them in his lab, can't he? Now, drop it. I'm not giving in. You and Masamune stay away from Aeris, you hear me? "
Sensing defeat, Sephiroth nodded sulkily.
" Some friend you are, " he muttered, as he got up and trudged to the door. " Won't even lend a guy your girlfriend. "
Zack listened to his General's grumbling as it retreated down the corridor. Then he sighed and began looking around for a new piece of paper.
---------------------------
Her eyes were shining with love. Her moist pink lips parted gently as she leant towards Zack. The evening breeze shivered through her long brown hair and her flawless skin glowed in the moonlight.
" Aeris, I… I've been meaning to say this for sometime. I didn't know how, but seeing you like this… seeing you look so beautiful, I just need to tell you. "
" Oh Zack, " she breathed softly, leaning closer to him.
" Oh Aeris, I… "
Zack suddenly realised that his girlfriend's eyes were no longer shining with love. They were instead fixed on a point at his hip while her moist pink lips were set in an annoyed pout. Deciding that he would soldier on in the romantic spirit and hope that she looked up again real soon, Zack tried again.
" Aeris I… "
" Zack, " she snapped.
He looked at her uncomprehendingly. She stabbed at finger in the direction of his hip with an irritated frown.
" Your PHS? " she prompted angrily.
Looking down, in fact simply tearing his eyes off Aeris' face, Zack perceived the loud shrill ring of the PHS at his side.
" Oh right, I'll turn it off, " he apologised, fumbling for it. " Oh, wait, it's the General. "
Aeris sat back against the bench, grumbling something along the lines of how Zack might as well bring Sephiroth along to the next date as they didn't seem to be able to get through an evening without hearing from him, and whose boyfriend was Zack anyway because she was starting to wonder.
When Zack finally got off the phone and turned back to her, she immediately recognised the sheepishly apologetic look in his eyes.
" Fine, go, " she snarled. " I'll just sit here and twiddle my thumbs. Pick some damn flowers perhaps. "
Zack left her sat on the bench, savagely tearing the petals off a daisy and muttering he loves me not, he loves me not, he loves me not.
Ten minutes later he was at Sephiroth's private rooms. He let himself in and regarded the General with an impressively furious expression. Sephiroth however was too concerned with pacing up and down the room, talking to himself and occasionally stopping to draw plans of something on the back of official reports.
Cloud Strife was sat cross-legged on the bed, one hand using the remote to channel flick at an alarming rate and the other hand occupied with a large bowl of popcorn. The blond boy looked up with some relief as Zack made his presence known with a barked, Well? The relief faded slightly when he saw the promise of death in Zack's eyes.
Sephiroth looked up and pointed at Zack.
" You said something, " he commented finally.
" I said: Well. As in, well, you've dragged me off a date with the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, so what do you want? "
Sephiroth shook his head anxiously.
" No, earlier you said something. "
" Yes, sounds like something I might have done. What about it? " he asked, resigned to Sephiroth's complete oblivion to other people's feelings when it came to his own preoccupations.
" It made me think. "
" Think about what? " Zack demanded.
" Not what, how, " Sephiroth clarified ambiguously.
" What in the name of all that's holy are you gibbering about? "
It was too late. The silver-haired General had resumed his pacing.
" And you think your date sucked, " Cloud commented quietly.
Zack walked over and helped himself to a handful of popcorn.
" How long's he been like this? " he asked.
Cloud shrugged and paused in his channel-flicking to watch the last few moments of a cartoon.
" He was like it when I got here. That was two hours ago. "
" So what's his problem? "
" I'd say it was all that Mako. I think it's addled his brain. It can do that you know, " Cloud informed him earnestly as he resumed his odyssey through the evening's T.V.
" No, I meant… " Zack began with elaborate patience.
" It is the only way! " Sephiroth yelled suddenly, to no-one in particular. " Even if it means our lives, we must go in! "
Cloud and Zack watched him then turned back to the popcorn.
" He does that now and again, " Cloud remarked.
" Yeah, well what Shinra doesn't tell the public is that the glorious general has got a screw loose, " Zack responded, cherry-picking the largest pieces of popcorn. " Or several. "
" SOLDIER! " Sephiroth suddenly barked.
Zack gave a lazy salute.
" Yes General? "
" We have a mission, " Sephiroth told him. " It's for the good of all of SOLDIER. "
" Meaning it's a personal matter that if I don't help you fix you're going to take it out on the troops? " Zack translated without rancour.
" That's about it. "
Zack sighed and nodded.
" So what are we doing? "
" We're going on a raid of Hojo's labs, " Sephiroth said.
" Can I come? " Cloud asked instantly.
Sephiroth patted him on the head.
" No sweetheart, you stay here and watch the cartoons. SOLDIER, follow me and I'll tell you the plan. "
Sephiroth led Zack over to his desk and found a spare piece of paper, which happened to be one of Zack's many abortive attempts at writing to his parents. Cloud padded over behind them and peered over their shoulders as Sephiroth started to sketch something down.
" This, " he explained, drawing a big box, " is the 67th floor of the Shinra building, " he paused and tapped his pencil at two small squares he'd drawn, " These are the elevators and this, " he drew another box, a little further away, " is the stairwell. "
" What's that? " Cloud asked, pointing to something on the page. Sephiroth looked at it briefly.
" That's a squashed bug, but here, " he drew another box around it, " now it's the drinks machine. With me so far, SOLDIER? " he asked, flicking a glance at Zack.
Zack nodded morosely and heaved a deep sigh as the General continued.
" Right, we'll go in hard and fast, okay? Go in, do the job, get out again. "
" Please tell me we had more of a plan when we invaded Wutai, " the SOLDIER requested nervously.
" Not much, " Sephiroth admitted with a sheepish grin. " But that turned out well. So, you with me Zack? "
In a display of his characteristic pragmatism, Zack summoned up a dazzling smile and snapped out a salute.
" Damned if I do, damned if I don't General, " he responded brightly.
Sephiroth beamed and patted him on the shoulder.
" That's the spirit SOLDIER. Lets go. "
Cloud ran after them as they started for the door.
" Can I come? Please let me come! I'm a good enough fighter. I'll borrow Zack's Buster, " he offered, reaching out for the giant sword.
Zack clutched his sword to his chest protectively.
" Over my dead body, " he snarled. Cloud looked disheartened but still held his hands out.
" Be nice to the kid, " Sephiroth objected, but he shook his head at the cadet. " You stay here angel. Probably be some more cartoons on soon. We won't be long. "
Cloud's face fell but Sephiroth was already half way down the corridor.
" Tell you what kid, " Zack said pleasantly, " you pry the Buster out of my cold dead hand, and it's yours. How's that? "
The blond looked doubtful but flicked on a hesitant smile.
" Thanks, I think. "
Zack ran to catch up with his General.
" Right, we'll take the elevator to the 64th floor. Then we'll take the stairs up to the lab. That way if anyone checks our keycards for elevator access they'll be none the wiser, we'll just say we went to the 64th for the gym. We're SOLDIERs, we do stuff like that, right? "
Sephiroth was babbling, Zack noted with mixed pleasure and discomfort. One, it was always nice to know that no matter how perfect Sephiroth was perceived to be, the man was at least capable of getting nervous. Two, on the other hand, it was not reassuring to be going on a mission which made the man who didn't break a sweat when he almost single-handedly took the Wutai capital, nervous.
" So we know how we're getting to Hojo's labs, but what are we doing there? "
There was a long silence. Sephiroth chewed on his lip while he seemed to choose his words.
" Do you remember you said about… Hojo… uh, growing my kids if he wanted to? "
A decidedly worried feeling began kicking the insides of Zack's stomach.
" Er, yes. "
" Well, I thought, I wouldn't be too happy about that. That I ought to do something about it. "
The worried feeling was joined by a few friends, namely: horror, dread and fear.
" And? "
Sephiroth took a deep breath and tapped his fingers anxiously on the wall as they walked.
" And… we're raiding Hojo's labs. I want my sperm back. "
----------------------------
Sephiroth flicked a look around the corner.
" It's all clear. "
" What with Hojo out of town I doubt that his lab-rats work past five, " Zack commented, following Sephiroth down the deserted and dimly-lit corridor.
Sephiroth approached the door to the lab and slid Masamune silently from the sheath on his back.
" You think there might be guards? " Zack whispered, placing his hand reflexively on the hilt of his Buster.
Sephiroth shook his head and eased the door open.
" I just know the kind of thing that hangs around Hojo's labs. "
Barely a foot behind him at all times, Zack followed him into the darkness of the lab.
" Like what? " he asked, finally drawing Buster and feeling much better for having the slab of steel in his grip.
" Me, " Sephiroth answered curtly, turning back to grin at Zack, his strange green eyes glowing eerily in the gloom.
" Makes me feel a lot better, " Zack grumbled to himself as Sephiroth peeled off, replacing Masamune.
His Mako-enhanced eyes picked out the General's graceful figure flitting towards one of the control pads on the wall. He looked around but couldn't make out any other possibly-living shapes, no matter how mutated. Simply the row upon row of desks, labs and Mako tubes. To the side of him he could see a small box-shape with a handle of some kind on the front.
" There we go, " Sephiroth murmured as a weak yellow light flooded the room. He turned away from the control pad and made his way over to the work-station computer.
Zack saw that the box-thing was a medical-fridge. A rack of empty test-tubes sat by the side, along with a small pair of forceps. Unable to resist the lure of the disgusting, Zack reached out and pulled the door open, half flinching away as he did so.
The fridge illuminated its contents, which were not disgusting quite so much as bizarre. Three items: a plate of some unspecified red meat, a jar of cream-coloured gunk and a stem of something pale green with leafy bits at the end.
" Wha…? " Zack stuttered.
Sephiroth joined him and leant over his shoulder.
" Leftovers, " he explained.
" From experiments? "
" From Hojo's lunch. C'mon, I've unlocked the vault. Everything's stored in there. "
They picked their way across the lab to the large metal door at the far end. They moved with absolute silence. Silence, that is until Sephiroth got his foot caught on the hem of his trench coat, stumbled, knocked over a rack of test tubes and barely managed to stop them shattering onto the floor.
Zack helped him stand them up again hurriedly.
" Why are you so nervous? " he demanded.
Sephiroth wrung his hands briefly.
" This is the first time I've done anything like this, " he said anxiously, his voice barely above a whisper.
Zack looked confused.
" We've done this loads of times. Hell, Wutai was basically an extended game of hide and seek. "
" That's not what I meant. Look, I've obstructed Hojo before but I've never actually gone against him. If he finds out he's going to hit the roof. "
Zack looked even more confused.
" He's one little guy. Creepy as hell sure, but I think I'd still back you in a fight. "
Sephiroth looked unconvinced but he carried on.
The vault was an impressively large room with a series of cryogenic cases and barrels, each with their own control panel. A central computer hummed softly in the middle of the room. Zack walked in and looked around, slightly daunted.
" This is going to take ages. And I don't know about you but I'm not that keen on finding out what else Hojo's got stored here. "
Sephiroth went over to the computer and tapped in a pass-code.
" You know the password? " Zack asked, eyebrows raised.
" Hojo's birthday. And if there are more than three people in this building who know that I'll be amazed, " Sephiroth answered with a grin.
And how the hell are you one of them? Zack wondered to himself. He waited at the door, keeping guard while Sephiroth searched the data for the relevant information.
" It's the barrel marked SJ-51, " he said finally. " Find that and we're half way done. "
They scanned the rows, until Zack gestured Sephiroth over.
" It's this one. Now hurry up, this is wierding me out. Recovering my General's sperm samples is hardly what I signed up to SOLDIER for. "
Sephiroth started work on the accompanying console. With a loud hiss, the barrel's lid slid up and open. Clouds of cold air bubbled out into their faces as they both peered in.
" Are these all your… bodily fluids? " Zack asked, wrinkling his nose in distaste.
" Mainly the sperm samples but I think there are other things in there too, " Sephiroth answered helpfully. " The tubes are locked in place but I think I should be able to get the console to release them. "
" Just as well 'cos I'm not carting a barrel of your man-juices around, " Zack stated. " I draw the line at that. "
Sephiroth flicked him an annoyed glance but continued working.
Zack peered in again and made another face.
" Ugh, I feel queasy, " he wailed.
" Yes, yes, you're straight, I get it, " Sephiroth snapped, working at the control panel, " Believe it or not, this isn't me hitting on you. This is me trying to save my children. Now stop asserting your heterosexuality every five seconds and help. "
Finally he pulled out two small test tubes, read the labels then held them out to Zack.
" Here, " he said, " Hold these. "
The SOLDIER instantly put both hands behind his back.
" No way, " he avowed. " I'm not touching those. It's not right. "
" I'm asking you to hold them, " Sephiroth said with extreme patience. " Not gargle with them. Not facepaint with them. Just
hold them. "
Gingerly, Zack took one in each hand and held them at arm's length while Sephiroth scanned the lists on the screen. He extracted three more and then nodded to himself.
" These are all mine. Now, what to do with them. "
" Only five? " Zack asked. " Doesn't seem many. "
" I imagine Hojo presumed he had a supply on tap, so to speak, " Sephiroth replied sensibly, before screwing his face up in disgust as he remembered precisely what he was talking about. " Anyway, in future I'll know not to hand over any more. I'll just fake it somehow. "
" Can we stop having his conversation now? I think I might be sick, " Zack groaned.
" You and me both. Right, what are we going to do? "
" Do? " Zack repeated. " What do you mean do? We take these tubes of your… samples and we ditch them. "
Sephiroth frowned at his friend and raised his eyebrows.
" You don't think Hojo will eventually notice that someone's stolen five tubes of my sperm? " Sephiroth demanded.
" We could… steal some others? " Zack suggested.
" Lets just stick with the tubes of my sperm for now shall we? No, what we need to do is replace them. "
Sephiroth's eyes narrowed speculatively. Zack edged back a couple of steps.
" Oh relax, " the General snapped, " I wasn't going to suggest that. No… "
Sephiroth trailed off, obviously thinking. Zack shuffled a little, trying his hardest not to look at the test-tubes he was holding.
" Right, " Sephiorth said suddenly, having come to a conclusion. " We're going to empty these out. "
Striding back to the waste-disposal unit in the central lab, Sephiroth disposed of the contents of the five tubes.
" Fetch me that jar of mayo from the fridge, " he ordered Zack.
" Oh Gods, " Zack breathed to himself as he went.
As Zack had feared, Sephiroth handed the tubes one by one back to Zack and poured a little of the creamy sauce into the bottom of each.
" It needs to be runnier, " Zack commented automatically then paused while he swallowed the gag-reflex that his observation caused.
" Bit of water, " Sephiroth agreed. He filled a test tube with water and brought each of the sample tubes up to level. " Now, shake it a bit to mix them up. They'll separate out eventually but that can't be helped. "
Zack obediently shook his two test tubes, watching the liquid slosh around.
" What did you do in SOLDIER, daddy? " he asked himself, mimicking a child's voice. " Well, darling, I helped the General substitute his sperm for mayonnaise so that the Head Scientist wouldn't be able to grow his very own idle widdle Sephys in test tubes. "
Sephiroth ignored him and started to replace the sample tubes.
" This is not my finest hour, " Zack remarked dully.
Finishing his task, Sephiroth turned to him and slung an arm around his shoulders.
" If I wouldn't have to fill out the reasons on the paperwork, I'd give you a medal for this. You have earned the eternal gratitude of your General, " Sephiroth told him, surveying their handiwork with some satisfaction.
" Hmm, remember that then next time you're in one of your moods, " Zack muttered as he followed him out of the door.