Chapter 4 - Part 1
Sephiroth had never particularly liked President Shinra. In fact Sephiroth had already planned how he would like to hand in his resignation and it involved the fat old man, Masamune, a lot of blood and that rather nice oak desk in the President's office. However, while Sephiroth, or rather more importantly Hojo, remained in Shinra's employ, the General would have to come when the old man called.
Like now.
Sephiroth stood with a surprisingly convincing appearance of calm and patience, waiting for the old man, (he reminded himself he would have to get out of the habit of calling the old man, sorry, the President, that) to summon him upstairs.
" General, er, sir, the President would like to see you now, if you don't mind, that is, sir, General, " a young man stuttered after a ten minute wait.
Taking grim satisfaction in the dread his reputation and appearance spawned in people, Sephiroth nodded curtly and started rapidly up the stairs, his army boots clumping loudly.
" Ah there you are General, " President Shinra greeted him, with an irritatingly paternal smile. Sephiroth had never quite associated good things with the word paternal and as such the smile made him feel even more displeased.
" President, " he said tersely, snapping a salute at the one man who was apparently entitled to one.
" Do sit down Sephiroth, " Shinra offered, waving a hand graciously at the chair by his desk. Sephiroth dropped down in it and eyed him disinterestedly.
" You asked to see me President? "
Shinra tried to smile but it seemed to get stuck at one corner and he grimaced instead.
" It's a little awkward. There seems to have been some sort of misunderstanding and I'm counting on you to sort it out. "
Sephiroth felt like he'd been here before.
" Not Wutai again? " he demanded, then added, " Sir? "
" No, no, not at all, though good work on that. No this is closer to home. Your home in fact: Hojo. "
The out-of-depth look in the normally smarmy President's eye rang louder than any warning bell in Sephiroth's mind. He steeled himself for the worst.
" What about the Professor? "
Shinra fidgeted with an executive toy on his desk, and broke it.
" It's all a bit unclear at the moment. What seems certain though is that earlier this morning, your father approached Scarlet in the ladies' toilets and a made a series of… uh, dubious requests. "
Sephiroth covered his face with his hands and wondered what precisely he had done to deserve this.
" Well, needless to say, Scarlet did not take this kindly. Your father had to pay a visit to the medical wing. "
The General looked up sharply and Shinra blanched a little at the sudden fury on the SOLDIER's face.
" What did that bitch do to him? " he growled.
" Oh no, he's okay, just a few, well, scratches. But I really do feel you should perhaps speak to him. "
" Right, yeah, okay then, " Sephiroth said blankly, wondering what in the name of the Planet he was supposed to say. " What sort of requests did he make? "
Shinra frowned and scratched his head.
" It seems that the Professor attempted to requisition a sample of Scarlet's urine. She declined, forcefully I might add, and then according to eyewitness reports, your father demanded a written report on her menstrual cycle. It turned nasty after that. "
" I can imagine. "
" Now far be it from me to pass judgements, but I have heard rumours about your, well, your little triangle. "
" My triangle? " Sephiroth repeated, currently unable to come up with any other kind of triangle than a musical one.
" Come, come Sephiroth, there's no need to play coy. " Shinra was apparently on easier ground with rumours of romantic intrigue. He grinned roguishly. " I've heard all about you and your father competing over Scarlet and it seems pretty obvious to me that this… this incident is merely Hojo lashing out because you succeeded where he did not. Still, " a conspiratorial wink at this point, " I think we can all understand why you came out on top, especially if this is how your father normally propositions the girls, eh? "
It was perhaps demonstrative of how little Shinra knew the General of his army that he had felt he was on safe ground to joke about the spindly-legged scientist. Sephiroth's eyes narrowed dangerously.
" For your information, sir, the Professor was merely following up on a super-weapon that Scarlet and I happen to be developing together, for your army. "
Shinra didn't seem convinced.
" A super-weapon that involves Scarlet's urine and detailed information on her periods? "
" Be grateful you're not the one expected to handle it in combat, " Sephiroth, giving a smile that bared his teeth and suggested the Wintertime climate of Gaia's cliff.
Shinra raised his eyebrows.
" Piss and periods? " he insisted. " You can't expect me to believe you're creating a super-weapon out of that. "
" I wasn't aware that military science was one of your many fields of expertise, " Sephiroth remarked icily.
" Now see here, " Shinra blustered, rising out of his chair. " You can't speak to me like that. I'm the pres… "
He hesitated as he considered the inordinately long, not to mention sharp, blade that was strapped comfortably on his General's back. He sat back down, his expression somewhat sulky.
" Scarlet didn't mention anything about super-weapons, " he muttered finally.
Sephiroth shrugged and offered a gracious smile.
" In strictest confidence, Mr President, Scarlet is, well, she's, uh, nutty. "
" Nutty? " Shinra echoed, looking a little taken aback.
" Psycho, mad, loopy, barmy, round the bend… "
" Yes yes, I get the picture, " Shinra agreed, leaning back in his chair to consider the information.
At the speculatively grasping gleam in Shinra's eye Sephiroth felt a twinge of guilt and thought perhaps he ought to try and salvage what shreds were left of Scarlet's reputation.
" Craziness aside, it doesn't interfere at all with her work as Head of Weapons Development. "
" No? Well that's all that matters, isn't it? " Shinra answered sarcastically. " We're an equal opportunities employer. We don't let a little thing like mental health get in the way of business. "
" Probably just as well, " Sephiroth remarked, rising gracefully out of his chair and heading for the door, " I met a large animatronic Mog on the way here. It was being ridden by a cat that claimed it was the Head of Urban Development. "
Shinra half-rose, looking concerned.
" Not to worry, " Sephiroth told him dismissively. " I took care of it. "
()()()()()
As Sephiroth entered Hojo's lab he was greeted by his best friend. Zack was seated on one of the examining tables, swinging his legs backwards and forwards over the side and wearing only his boxer shorts. He was attached to several IVs. He looked up and pulled a face at Sephiroth.
" Hey, here he is, the only guy in the whole of SOLDIER to be stuck with these bloody great needles more often than me. "
Sephiroth grinned.
" You don't get stuck any more often than the rest of the boys in SOLDIER. " Sephiroth examined the green gunk in the plastic bag that was filtering into Zack's system. " What is it this time? Regular Brand Mako? Or New and Improved Mako with extra Vitamins? "
" I think it's Extra Special Mako that's designed to make you feel like someone's cooking you from the inside. "
Sephiroth frowned sympathetically.
" Ah yes, my favourite variety. "
Zack budged along the metal table to make room for Sephiroth but the General shook his head.
" Thanks but I've got to see the Professor. He apparently got into a tussle with Scarlet in the Ladies' loos earlier and Shinra wants me to have a word. "
" I don't even want to know, " Zack said sourly.
" I think I smoothed it over with the old man though. Gave him a full insight into the situation. "
" Meaning you concocted a highly improbably story and backed it up by casting doubt on Scarlet's sanity. "
" You know me, " Sephiroth agreed reasonably.
" You don't think that spreading rumours about the mental health of one of your immediate superiors is going to screw with your chances of promotion perhaps? "
Waving his hand dismissively, Sephiroth headed towards the door.
" I'm the General of the elite army of an international business conglomerate that dominates the face of the planet; can't get much higher. "
" There's always Godhood! " Zack called after his retreating figure.
()()()()()()
Hojo did not look happy. He was striding up and down the aisles of his lab, terrifying the experiments and lab assistants alike. There was much nervous twittering and muttering, which only got louder when Sephiroth entered. Hojo glowered and stabbed a finger at the door to his private office.
" A word, General, " he snarled in a tone of voice that suggested he was after something considerably bloodier than a word.
Sephiroth followed his father and seated himself behind the desk as Hojo resumed his pacing in the much smaller room.
On closer inspection, Sephiroth could see thin lines of scratch marks running down the scientist's face. Surprisingly though, there were also several bruises.
" The claw marks are Scarlet, yes? " Sephiroth verified. Hojo nodded sharply. " But what about the bruises? "
Hojo softened almost imperceptibly as his son peered at the injuries.
" Well, after she'd broken a few of her nails on my face, she decided to batter me with a can of air freshener, " he mumbled.
" Ouch. "
" Yes. But effective. I believe she's considering on developing it for future use with the Shinra troopers. "
There was a long silence.
" So, Father, I… "
" Failed, " Hojo finished. " While I was trying to explain, most reasonably might I add, that I merely wished to check her urine to discover whether you had succeeded in impregnating her, she informed me, while attacking me, that any attempt to impregnate her would have been unsuccessful as she regularly takes Contraceptive tablets. "
" Ah, " Sephiroth commented.
" Did it never cross your mind when you began this project to consider this possibility? " Hojo asked, torn between weariness and frustration. " Should I have included a discussion on family planning? "
" Oh no, definitely not, " Sephiroth insisted quickly. " Uh, my mistake. Won't happen next time. "
Hojo was silent. His green eyes were fixed on Sephiroth in a dejected, yet unfaltering gaze. Sephiroth fought the urge to squirm, remembering that, similar to Marlboros, his father would be provoked by any sudden movement. And his father was an infinitely greater threat than any poisonous plant.
After a long moment, Hojo pulled open one of his drawers, read something from a pad of paper, closed the drawer again and looked back at Sephiroth.
" All I'm asking you to remember, er… son, is that all I'm trying to do is help you along Life's path. It hasn't been easy for me, being a single father, never being able to give you the… love and attention that only a woman like your mother could give, " Hojo coughed awkwardly then continued.
" But I've done my best over the years. I've done my best to make you the wonderful young man that I see before me now. And as, well, er, proud of you as I am, and as much as I, " Hojo paused, closed his eyes and took a deep breath, " as much as I love you, I want more for you. I want you to find a woman you can love. I want you to enjoy the same wonderful relationship that I did with your mother. But most of all I want you to have your own family to make you as proud as you have made me. "
Hojo gasped for breath then fumbled for a glass of water. He took several deep gulps, then tried to talk again.
" I'm not a young man anymore and nothing would bring me greater joy than to be a granddaddy to your…"
" Stop! " Sephiroth screeched. " I don't like it! You're scaring me! "
Hojo faltered to a halt and leant back trembling in his chair.
" I didn't know what else to try, " he wheezed weakly when he had regained his breath.
" What were you trying to do to me? " Sephiroth demanded, clutching at his chest. " Give me heart failure? "
Hojo held up his hands in a placating gesture.
" I'm so sorry General, but I didn't feel you were taking this seriously and I felt I had to resort to whatever options were available. A few of my assistants suggested that perhaps I try appealing to your more sentimental side. They watched some daytime serials and prepared this little, um, piece for me. "
" You were trying to manipulate me with a tear-jerking speech that had been stolen from a T.V. soap? "
Hojo spread his hands helplessly.
" These are desperate times General. And my assistants did have such trouble altering some of the situations to fit our own, uh, somewhat unique circumstances. They had to adjust all the references to baseball and academic grades to suit your own experiences with army training and medical procedures. You must give them credit for that. "
Sephiroth didn't answer. He merely sank back in his chair and glared viciously.
" Come now General. You're hardly the injured party. I was the one who actually had to say those… those things. "
" My heart just bleeds for you. "
Hojo at least had the decency to look embarrassed.
" Can we at least forget it General? Forget it and move on? "
" I suppose so, " Sephiroth grumbled.
Hojo gave a thin-lipped smile and rubbed his hands together, pleased.
" Good good. Right then, seeing as Scarlet is no longer a viable option, can we perhaps discuss who you would suggest? "
" For what? "
" For you to impregnate, " Hojo persisted with a touch of his customary asperity.
" Oh right. That. No. "
" No? "
" Well there's no-one off hand. Not right now. "
Hojo frowned.
" If you cannot offer three candidates of your own choosing, I shall take that responsibility on myself. "
" No no, I mean, I'm picking some up, er, choosing, three tonight. "
" Indeed? "
Hojo sounded politely sceptical.
" Uh yes. I'm going out this evening and, well, I'll meet them then. "
Hojo was quiet again. Sephiroth braced himself for another dose of soap-sugar but Hojo merely nodded.
" Very well. This evening. "
Sephiroth left the lab at a near run, pausing only to collect a sore and complaining Zack.