Diablo B-Team Heroes
Yeah so....I was obsessed with Diablo for a while, and I kind of....thought up some of this stuff. Have fun reading, it'd have to be my first document. And my friend, who's co-writing it with me, has never played the game in his life, nor does he have any earthly clue about it. I just like his humor. Have fun reading.
Chapter 1: The Beginning
In the middle of the ruins of Tristam, one tavern has always managed to survive called "The Lucky 7", and this where we join our heroes. A paladin named Alexander Darkstar and a Barbarian named Erg. A dealer of card games, a Necromancer named Taliesin, a shady looking character, deals out the next hand of Blackjack. Taliesin smiles underneath his translouscent visor.
Taliesin- Dealer wins....18 to 5...
Erg looks up slightly frustrated.
Erg- Erg hate blackjack! Erg not learn counting! Number value odd concept! Erg like Rummy better!
Erg starts to reach for his battle mace, glaring down at the Necromancer.
Erg- Erg smash smart number man!
Alexander stops Erg from raising his mace any further.
Alex- Calm down man, it'll be alright. Let me play from now on, you can go fondle that wench at the bar.
Erg smiles a satisfying smile.
Erg- Erg like women...
Alexander watches Erg walk off, then looks back toward where the dealer was standing.
Alex- Alright, deal 'em out.
The Necromancer does as told.
Taliesin- Before we start this game...what kind of name for a paladin is Darkstar?
Alex- Hey, don't knock it.... (He looks down in a whiney voice) My parents were Gothic...much like my overly muscular and brain cell deprived friend over there...
Taliesin- How'd you turn out okay?
Alex- I found the light at a very early age...
Taliesin- You found God?
Alex- Nah, I found a candle that my dad let burn out....it was very inspiring....
Alex looks at his cards.
Alex- Hit me...
He gets an ace.
Alex- I'm staying....
The dealer takes a hit.
Taliesin- Show your cards...
They both flip their hands over.
Alex- Ha! Twenty, read 'em and weep.
Taliesin looks down at his cards with a smile...
Taliesin- Twenty one....
Taliesin grabs all the money on the table.
Taliesin- Well, looks like I win, this was really fun, and that was the final hand. I got Necromancer stuff to do...you know, raise the dead, terrorize innocent villages...
Alex looks at him funny, then looks down as one of Taliesin's cards turns into a bone spider.
Alex- HEY YOU CHEATER!
Taliesin quickly runs off.
Taliesin- Gotta run! Suckers....
Alex mumbles in disappointment, then hears a loud smack come from the bar, then watches as a wench walks away from the bar looking upset.
Erg- Erg said he like....B cups. Erg said he good in bed. She get offended. Erg not know what went wrong.
Alex slowly walks over.
Alex- That's enough, we need to find some people to work with.
As Alex talks, an assassin hangs down from the rafters, snatching up a drunk with chicken wire. Erg is the only one who notices this deeply disturbing incident.
Erg- Erg see drunken man die! Drunken man not have it coming!
Alex cocks a brow.
Alex- What the hell are you going on about?
Erg- Shadow lady come from rafters! Take drunken man with chicken wire! Erg not like chicken wire!
Alex shakes his head.
Alex- Right. So yes, let's find someone to work with.
After hours of searching, the best our two heroes could find, especially since Alex spent most of his time looking for the Necromancer that ripped him off, was a hippy looking Druid named Joe who had a green dire wolf named Mary Jane as a pet.
Alex- What the hell is this? Where's his weapons?
Erg- Erg didn't pay attention. Erg was too busy being mesmerized by pretty tie dye colors! Erg also like little round glasses. Remind Erg of Ray Charles.
Joe- Yeah...Erg here's nice. And I don't need weapons. Mother Nature and Love are all I need. Besides, Mary Jane takes care of all the rough people.
Alex notices the pipe in Joe's hand, then looks at the dire wolf.
Alex- So how did a dire wolf get that green?
Joe- Don't know dude, found her like that when she was a pup. She made me think of good luck, and another thing that was very dear to me.
Alex- Could that thing that's so dear to you be an herb?
Joe- I just don't know anymore....
And so, our Heroes set out with no particular goal and no source of income. Hopefully, the aimless meandering will lead them to something profitable and a lot more interesting than Erg's shadow woman. Join us next time.
Yeah so....I was obsessed with Diablo for a while, and I kind of....thought up some of this stuff. Have fun reading, it'd have to be my first document. And my friend, who's co-writing it with me, has never played the game in his life, nor does he have any earthly clue about it. I just like his humor. Have fun reading.
Chapter 1: The Beginning
In the middle of the ruins of Tristam, one tavern has always managed to survive called "The Lucky 7", and this where we join our heroes. A paladin named Alexander Darkstar and a Barbarian named Erg. A dealer of card games, a Necromancer named Taliesin, a shady looking character, deals out the next hand of Blackjack. Taliesin smiles underneath his translouscent visor.
Taliesin- Dealer wins....18 to 5...
Erg looks up slightly frustrated.
Erg- Erg hate blackjack! Erg not learn counting! Number value odd concept! Erg like Rummy better!
Erg starts to reach for his battle mace, glaring down at the Necromancer.
Erg- Erg smash smart number man!
Alexander stops Erg from raising his mace any further.
Alex- Calm down man, it'll be alright. Let me play from now on, you can go fondle that wench at the bar.
Erg smiles a satisfying smile.
Erg- Erg like women...
Alexander watches Erg walk off, then looks back toward where the dealer was standing.
Alex- Alright, deal 'em out.
The Necromancer does as told.
Taliesin- Before we start this game...what kind of name for a paladin is Darkstar?
Alex- Hey, don't knock it.... (He looks down in a whiney voice) My parents were Gothic...much like my overly muscular and brain cell deprived friend over there...
Taliesin- How'd you turn out okay?
Alex- I found the light at a very early age...
Taliesin- You found God?
Alex- Nah, I found a candle that my dad let burn out....it was very inspiring....
Alex looks at his cards.
Alex- Hit me...
He gets an ace.
Alex- I'm staying....
The dealer takes a hit.
Taliesin- Show your cards...
They both flip their hands over.
Alex- Ha! Twenty, read 'em and weep.
Taliesin looks down at his cards with a smile...
Taliesin- Twenty one....
Taliesin grabs all the money on the table.
Taliesin- Well, looks like I win, this was really fun, and that was the final hand. I got Necromancer stuff to do...you know, raise the dead, terrorize innocent villages...
Alex looks at him funny, then looks down as one of Taliesin's cards turns into a bone spider.
Alex- HEY YOU CHEATER!
Taliesin quickly runs off.
Taliesin- Gotta run! Suckers....
Alex mumbles in disappointment, then hears a loud smack come from the bar, then watches as a wench walks away from the bar looking upset.
Erg- Erg said he like....B cups. Erg said he good in bed. She get offended. Erg not know what went wrong.
Alex slowly walks over.
Alex- That's enough, we need to find some people to work with.
As Alex talks, an assassin hangs down from the rafters, snatching up a drunk with chicken wire. Erg is the only one who notices this deeply disturbing incident.
Erg- Erg see drunken man die! Drunken man not have it coming!
Alex cocks a brow.
Alex- What the hell are you going on about?
Erg- Shadow lady come from rafters! Take drunken man with chicken wire! Erg not like chicken wire!
Alex shakes his head.
Alex- Right. So yes, let's find someone to work with.
After hours of searching, the best our two heroes could find, especially since Alex spent most of his time looking for the Necromancer that ripped him off, was a hippy looking Druid named Joe who had a green dire wolf named Mary Jane as a pet.
Alex- What the hell is this? Where's his weapons?
Erg- Erg didn't pay attention. Erg was too busy being mesmerized by pretty tie dye colors! Erg also like little round glasses. Remind Erg of Ray Charles.
Joe- Yeah...Erg here's nice. And I don't need weapons. Mother Nature and Love are all I need. Besides, Mary Jane takes care of all the rough people.
Alex notices the pipe in Joe's hand, then looks at the dire wolf.
Alex- So how did a dire wolf get that green?
Joe- Don't know dude, found her like that when she was a pup. She made me think of good luck, and another thing that was very dear to me.
Alex- Could that thing that's so dear to you be an herb?
Joe- I just don't know anymore....
And so, our Heroes set out with no particular goal and no source of income. Hopefully, the aimless meandering will lead them to something profitable and a lot more interesting than Erg's shadow woman. Join us next time.