Chapter 1:The Shire
Frodo the smoking his 111 pipe for that day under his favourite tree. Which
is ironic because that's the number of candles on the cake for Biblo. 'That
cloud looks like him now!' He thought, seriously high. The party was all set.
Half the Shire had been invited, but he expected the whole would show up
anyway. They had hired Cirque du Lune performers (A whole bunch of
ex-acrobats who were drunk form their own moonshine) it was going to be a
night to remember. Frodo took a puff as he heard voices from around the
corner.
"Gandalf!" he shouted, got up and fell down the hill. He landed on top of
Gandalf who in this version was in a cart that was being pulled by three
hundred grasshoppers and one groundhog. (It was a good thing that Gandalf was
so old and light so that the groundhog could pull him because it was doing
all the work, seeing that as soon as the grasshoppers jumped the rope around
the necks would either come right off, or strangle and kill them.)
"Oh no! Fred did that mean old Bobbit hurt you? Are you alright Eugene?'
Gandalf said to his slippers
"Gandalf! It's me! Frodo! Frodo Faggins"
"Frodo, Frodo, do we know a Frodo?" Gandalf asked his slippers "No? I thought
so"
"I'm Biblo nephew!" Frodo said
"Nope! Eugene and Fred don't know you so neither do I" Gandalf replied, a
hint of annoyance in his voice.
Their conversation/argument grew so heated that some of illegal fireworks in
the back of cart, went off, and leaving some Bobbit children to hop up and
down madly, trying to dodge them.
"Stupid Bobbit!" Gandalf yelled and pushes him off cart. Frodo fell, and by
some miracle, or maybe just because we need him in the rest of the story, he
survived the very long fall and left because he was really mad, or maybe just
'cause his pipe had just run out.
Gandalf arrived at Biblo's bobbithole and walked up the front step to the
door. He knocked. Biblo opened the door; Gandalf got down and crawled in
throwing his back out in the process, while Boromir ran by with a lit stick
of dynamite screaming 'Bloody Murder!!' .A splash of water is heard off
screen followed by a swear word I will not utter on this page.
Party....
Frodo joined the other Bobbits in a queer duck-like dance, that he thought
was just normal, but we, and now you, know that Dopey put dope in the ale and
cider kegs. The camera turns.... somewhere else and Happy tries to bite
into an apple, but can't. Have you ever tried to bite an apple when you're
smiling insanely? If not try it now.
"It has to be in the ground!" yelled Dopey pushing it to Happy. Happy didn't
say anything and passed it back. Thus began a game of 'hot firework' I'm not
sure where it was, but it blows up and bursts in the sky. A dragon pops out o
and swoops low over the Bobbits, gobbling two or three as it flies past. It
keeps going and explodes; sending the Bobbits it ate into the BrandyWine
bridge (which actually exists somewhere) and more or less drowning them.
"That was great!" exclaims Dopey
*Happy just grins stupidly* meaning let's go get another one. (Now as most of
you know, at this point Gandalf's is supposed to grab them by theirs ears and
haul them off to wash dishes. But Gandalf was suffering from a bit on
amnesia, remember the bunny slippers, and so he didn't show up. So our
friends dragon escapades continued the whole night) .At about midnight, all
Bobbits called for a speech Biblo shyly approaches the podium with his hand
outstretched as if it was a living animal. And as Bobbits started to cheer
and whistle loudly, Biblo's eyes widen with terror and he quickly slips on
the Trinket. Which I forgot to mention has the ability to turn you invisible
which is really messed up because Moron was always 100% visible when he had
it on, I guess it was armour, it was probably, invis- resiant or something. I
should get one for Frodo, I wonder if it comes in his size.....
I will leave my friend to her mindless babble and continue the story.
Biblo is 'seen' returning to his Bobbit hole and slips off the Trinket.
Gandalf (who's amnesia had died down a bit) was there.
"I suppose you think that was funny!" Gandalf bellowed as Biblo entered his
BobbitHole. This startled Biblo to his death and so he died. As he topples
over, the Trinket tips out of his hand and with unnecessary slowness, falls
to the ground with a THUD. Biblo falls on top of it fives seconds later.
Gandalf tosses him into the fire (Poor Biblo. He, He, He!!!)
Later that night Frodo returned, picked up ring and found Gandalf sitting sin
front of the fire, praying.
"He gone hasn't he" Frodo asked
"Uh you could say that but anyway, he left you Gag End. Along with his
Trinket. He holds out an envelope and Frodo puts it in without question.
Suddenly, Gandalf amnesia flared, (probably from to much pipe weed and fire
smoke.)
"I must go!!!!" he yelled
"But you've only just arrived" Frodo complained
"No, I haven't" Then his amnesia left him for a spilt for a second and he
uttered six words" Keep it secret, Keep it safe!" Frodo who suddenly
remembered that Gandalf suffered from amnesia because he had been exposed to
WAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY to many whining dwarves in his adventure with Biblo, (who
also get got his illness from that experience.) Took that for more babble.
And put Trinket on the mantle.
Author's Note: For all you people who have seen the movie AND read the book
then you know that Gandalf takes FIVE minutes in the movie to go and come
back, and in the book he takes freaking 19 years! Sheesh, not even Shadow Fax
can run that fast! (How can Shadow's fax?)
So five minutes later Frodo was seen in Gag End. He had just found the
'Thing' dressed all in black.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Frodo screamed. "A Black Rider!!!!!" (Don't ask
me how he knew what a black rider was at this point.) The 'Thing' slowly
turns around revealing .............Galadriel.
"Sorry Frodo" She said, " I just had to secure Boromir's bungee cord
somewhere!" Frodo looked. A Black cord had tied to the mantelpiece and ran
the length of the room, out the window, and probably half the Shire. The
slack rope began to move and all of a sudden went taut. The same swear word
as last time followed.
Boromir appeared in window, all tangled in the cord. "Galadriel what's up
with the Gothic Elf Wear?" he asked pointing to her black eye makeup and
clothes.
Without bothering to let her answer he heaved something heavy standing beside
him. "Look what I found," he said smiling gleefully pointing to a boy beside
him." It's IAMSAM!" Frodo smiled devilishly.
"Should we get into the Rosie incident, now or later?", "Later" IAMSAM
replied gulping. "By the way does anyone want Green Eggs and Ham? I 'm
hungry!!" he continued looking at Frodo. Frodo ignored him and frowned. He
looked up at Galadriel " Why are you here?" He asked curiously. Before she
could answer. Boromir came swinging in on a Tarzan rope he found outside.
(Ahhhhhhhh!)
Knocking everyone down inside. Galadriel stood up wiping dust off her
clothes. " I'm here, because of this idiot," she said kneeing Boromir in the
head. "And because I need to send that stupid Trinket to LessDoor. She
shoved Frodo and the 'Thing' out the door hitting her head on the way there
(s**t!) "Go drop off the 'Trinket' at LessDoor and be home by breakfast," she
continued.
Frodo looked at IAMSAM " Mr.Faggins would you like some Green Eggs and Ham?
I'm still hungry!!" Frodo giggled and without answering he took IAMSAM hand.
The two skipped down the road singing away!!
Frodo the smoking his 111 pipe for that day under his favourite tree. Which
is ironic because that's the number of candles on the cake for Biblo. 'That
cloud looks like him now!' He thought, seriously high. The party was all set.
Half the Shire had been invited, but he expected the whole would show up
anyway. They had hired Cirque du Lune performers (A whole bunch of
ex-acrobats who were drunk form their own moonshine) it was going to be a
night to remember. Frodo took a puff as he heard voices from around the
corner.
"Gandalf!" he shouted, got up and fell down the hill. He landed on top of
Gandalf who in this version was in a cart that was being pulled by three
hundred grasshoppers and one groundhog. (It was a good thing that Gandalf was
so old and light so that the groundhog could pull him because it was doing
all the work, seeing that as soon as the grasshoppers jumped the rope around
the necks would either come right off, or strangle and kill them.)
"Oh no! Fred did that mean old Bobbit hurt you? Are you alright Eugene?'
Gandalf said to his slippers
"Gandalf! It's me! Frodo! Frodo Faggins"
"Frodo, Frodo, do we know a Frodo?" Gandalf asked his slippers "No? I thought
so"
"I'm Biblo nephew!" Frodo said
"Nope! Eugene and Fred don't know you so neither do I" Gandalf replied, a
hint of annoyance in his voice.
Their conversation/argument grew so heated that some of illegal fireworks in
the back of cart, went off, and leaving some Bobbit children to hop up and
down madly, trying to dodge them.
"Stupid Bobbit!" Gandalf yelled and pushes him off cart. Frodo fell, and by
some miracle, or maybe just because we need him in the rest of the story, he
survived the very long fall and left because he was really mad, or maybe just
'cause his pipe had just run out.
Gandalf arrived at Biblo's bobbithole and walked up the front step to the
door. He knocked. Biblo opened the door; Gandalf got down and crawled in
throwing his back out in the process, while Boromir ran by with a lit stick
of dynamite screaming 'Bloody Murder!!' .A splash of water is heard off
screen followed by a swear word I will not utter on this page.
Party....
Frodo joined the other Bobbits in a queer duck-like dance, that he thought
was just normal, but we, and now you, know that Dopey put dope in the ale and
cider kegs. The camera turns.... somewhere else and Happy tries to bite
into an apple, but can't. Have you ever tried to bite an apple when you're
smiling insanely? If not try it now.
"It has to be in the ground!" yelled Dopey pushing it to Happy. Happy didn't
say anything and passed it back. Thus began a game of 'hot firework' I'm not
sure where it was, but it blows up and bursts in the sky. A dragon pops out o
and swoops low over the Bobbits, gobbling two or three as it flies past. It
keeps going and explodes; sending the Bobbits it ate into the BrandyWine
bridge (which actually exists somewhere) and more or less drowning them.
"That was great!" exclaims Dopey
*Happy just grins stupidly* meaning let's go get another one. (Now as most of
you know, at this point Gandalf's is supposed to grab them by theirs ears and
haul them off to wash dishes. But Gandalf was suffering from a bit on
amnesia, remember the bunny slippers, and so he didn't show up. So our
friends dragon escapades continued the whole night) .At about midnight, all
Bobbits called for a speech Biblo shyly approaches the podium with his hand
outstretched as if it was a living animal. And as Bobbits started to cheer
and whistle loudly, Biblo's eyes widen with terror and he quickly slips on
the Trinket. Which I forgot to mention has the ability to turn you invisible
which is really messed up because Moron was always 100% visible when he had
it on, I guess it was armour, it was probably, invis- resiant or something. I
should get one for Frodo, I wonder if it comes in his size.....
I will leave my friend to her mindless babble and continue the story.
Biblo is 'seen' returning to his Bobbit hole and slips off the Trinket.
Gandalf (who's amnesia had died down a bit) was there.
"I suppose you think that was funny!" Gandalf bellowed as Biblo entered his
BobbitHole. This startled Biblo to his death and so he died. As he topples
over, the Trinket tips out of his hand and with unnecessary slowness, falls
to the ground with a THUD. Biblo falls on top of it fives seconds later.
Gandalf tosses him into the fire (Poor Biblo. He, He, He!!!)
Later that night Frodo returned, picked up ring and found Gandalf sitting sin
front of the fire, praying.
"He gone hasn't he" Frodo asked
"Uh you could say that but anyway, he left you Gag End. Along with his
Trinket. He holds out an envelope and Frodo puts it in without question.
Suddenly, Gandalf amnesia flared, (probably from to much pipe weed and fire
smoke.)
"I must go!!!!" he yelled
"But you've only just arrived" Frodo complained
"No, I haven't" Then his amnesia left him for a spilt for a second and he
uttered six words" Keep it secret, Keep it safe!" Frodo who suddenly
remembered that Gandalf suffered from amnesia because he had been exposed to
WAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY to many whining dwarves in his adventure with Biblo, (who
also get got his illness from that experience.) Took that for more babble.
And put Trinket on the mantle.
Author's Note: For all you people who have seen the movie AND read the book
then you know that Gandalf takes FIVE minutes in the movie to go and come
back, and in the book he takes freaking 19 years! Sheesh, not even Shadow Fax
can run that fast! (How can Shadow's fax?)
So five minutes later Frodo was seen in Gag End. He had just found the
'Thing' dressed all in black.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Frodo screamed. "A Black Rider!!!!!" (Don't ask
me how he knew what a black rider was at this point.) The 'Thing' slowly
turns around revealing .............Galadriel.
"Sorry Frodo" She said, " I just had to secure Boromir's bungee cord
somewhere!" Frodo looked. A Black cord had tied to the mantelpiece and ran
the length of the room, out the window, and probably half the Shire. The
slack rope began to move and all of a sudden went taut. The same swear word
as last time followed.
Boromir appeared in window, all tangled in the cord. "Galadriel what's up
with the Gothic Elf Wear?" he asked pointing to her black eye makeup and
clothes.
Without bothering to let her answer he heaved something heavy standing beside
him. "Look what I found," he said smiling gleefully pointing to a boy beside
him." It's IAMSAM!" Frodo smiled devilishly.
"Should we get into the Rosie incident, now or later?", "Later" IAMSAM
replied gulping. "By the way does anyone want Green Eggs and Ham? I 'm
hungry!!" he continued looking at Frodo. Frodo ignored him and frowned. He
looked up at Galadriel " Why are you here?" He asked curiously. Before she
could answer. Boromir came swinging in on a Tarzan rope he found outside.
(Ahhhhhhhh!)
Knocking everyone down inside. Galadriel stood up wiping dust off her
clothes. " I'm here, because of this idiot," she said kneeing Boromir in the
head. "And because I need to send that stupid Trinket to LessDoor. She
shoved Frodo and the 'Thing' out the door hitting her head on the way there
(s**t!) "Go drop off the 'Trinket' at LessDoor and be home by breakfast," she
continued.
Frodo looked at IAMSAM " Mr.Faggins would you like some Green Eggs and Ham?
I'm still hungry!!" Frodo giggled and without answering he took IAMSAM hand.
The two skipped down the road singing away!!