Chapter 3 Time to go
"So Harry how are you doing?" Hermione asked as she graciously sat upon the end of Harry's bed, while he took his seat at his desk, in his office chair, straightening his coat on the back of it.
He looked up as a piece of soaked hair fell in front of his left eye, he smiled slightly and nodded, "I'm okay."
They had returned to the house after their confrontation outside. The rain started to pour down really hard and they ran for it towards Harry's, and darted inside with a quick but awkward introduction to Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia, who seemed oddly delighted.
Hermione smiled and shrugged slightly as she sat in Harry's room for the first time taking in how Closter phobic it made her feel. How could he live in this room all summer, it was so sad and depressing.
"Why didn't you reply to my letters Harry? Did you not receive them?" she asked as she eyed Harry carefully, "I mean I don't think all of my letters could have been lost, especially through the post office.." she trailed off as Harry stared at the carpet and shook his head.
"I don't know Hermione. Must be some kind of conspiracy because I haven't received a single one of your letters. If I had you would have heard from me a while ago." he smiled reassuringly.
She looked him in the eye for truth of what he was talking about. And she caught what she saw as truth. That little innocent flicker in the back of his eye, catching her breath after staring into his green eyes. She blinked and looked away smiling.
"I didn't think that you would purposely avoid me. That just wouldn't be Harry of you." she said as she shrugged her shoulders and smiled shyly.
He chuckled at how cute she looked sitting there at the end of his bed swinging her legs, as they were hooked at her ankles, holding the end board, as she shrugged uncomfortably. He had never been attracted to Hermione or romantically interested, but she was a cute girl in her own ways, that were sometimes annoying, but cute.
"So have you got all of your things ready for yet another year at the fantastic Hogwarts, school of witchcraft and wizardry?" Hermione asked jollily.
"Uh.." Harry muttered as he scratched his damp head, "Not exactly, I uh, don't know if I'm actually going back this year."
"Harry you know that its umm inevitable. You have to go back.. You know that." Hermione told him after she coaxed herself out of a state of silent shock. He had to go back, no buts, he had to. It was for his own sake.
"I .. er... I don't know. I don't think I can. Maybe I should you know just lay low for a school year." He said, making a lame attempt to make up an excuse.
"Listen, umm Harry," Hermione began a little afraid to bring this subject up. "I'm sorry that Sirius died. And I understand what a loss that it was.. Because I've been there. He was a loyal godparent to you. And he was a very honorable man, because of his courage. And with all do respect. I envied him."
Harry looked up with a grave face, and stared at Hermione curiously, and confused. His eyebrows furrowed together as he tried to figure it out in his head. Hermione hated Sirius because of everything that he was, and what he stood for, and his life risking attempts to move on with life, and stay near Harry, nearly getting himself caught. And she.... envied him?
"How do you envy a man you hated?" he asked coldly as he stood abruptly from his chair, and paced to the other side of the room, and leaned his back against the plain white wall and crossed his arms in front of his chest, showering Hermione with a rage he had the night... the night he almost got her killed.
"Maybe we shouldn't be having this conversation just yet.." Hermione suggested uncomfortably as she shifted on the bed, and looked anywhere but Harry, trying to keep herself in tact.
"No, I really would like to know why you use petty excuses to make me feel better. I didn't need your sympathy Hermione. I don't need anyone's damn bloody sympathy. I don't EVER want to hear you speak Sirius' s name near me! Ever! You don't have the right to." he said harshly, beginning to get even louder. "How can you envy a man you hated! All you ever did when you spoke of him was knock the way he did anything! The way he cared about me! How he treated me like my father! BUT WHAT IF I LIKED IT!!!??"
"Oh Good Lord Harry! Is that what you think, you think that I feel some compassion for your pathetic story! For how you lost your parents and how your being chased by a damn wizard that wants you dead for some bloody bull shit reason, no one knows! Do you really think I give a rats ass!?!? Do you want me to say, of course I don't? Do you want me to grab my jacket and walk out that door, and not take a look back?" Hermione stormed at him. He looked even more angry as he dropped his arms and tightened his fists as he clenched them at his sides.
"You don't know how it feels.." Harry sneered, "You don't have a clue what its like, to watch everyone around get hurt, or killed!"
Hermione shot right up from the end of the bed and grabbed her jacket and ripped it on. And just as she took a step towards the door, she took another back, and tears started to coarse down her cheeks and she started shaking.
"AND YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO NOT KNOW WHO THE HELL YOU CAME FROM!!!! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE IN A FOSTER HOME FOR THREE YEARS!!! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE GOING TO A PLACE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN BEFORE AND BE EXPECTED TO FIND PEACE THERE!!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO MY PARENTS ARE!!!" she cried as she shook with rage and pain.
Harry's mouth fell ajar as he stared at her, for once in his life feeling worse for someone else than for himself.. She was exactly like him. And now he felt sick to his stomach for all the pain he put her through. He felt like someone hooked a hook to his stomach and now dragged him forth down a gravel road... through an eerie forest he'd never seen before, punishing him.
Hermione pulled herself together, pointed her nose in the air and pulled her jacket together, and told Harry before she walked out the door,
"I advice you to get it together Harry. Because you know what sometimes your story isn't the most ironic story in the book. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and be a man." she paused, "The man that Sirius saw in you the day you saved his life at the lake. He saw that man in you, and I envy him because he was able to love you and see you for you. He brought the best out of you Harry. I just wish sometimes that maybe I could have seen that man he taught you to become... But obviously I wont. because your to busy acting like a silly little boy."
She swallowed hard and walked out the door, closing it softly behind her. From behind the door she said, "And don't worry about you books and everything, I will fetch them for you today and bring them with me to the platform tomorrow."
Harry fell against the wall and slid down to the floor, burring his face in his hands. Hermione was right, about everything. But he couldn't see how she had the right to basically tell him to grow up. He grew up faster than all the rest of them had. He had to Damn it. He felt his stomach, clench, twist and turn in the most impossible ways. The pain was terrible, he doubled over in it, and the world started to spin around him. He started to feel the acid in his stomach erupt, and vomited all over the floor beside him. Suddenly his scar began to ache.
It was burning in a way it had never had before. That meant voldemort was near. He started to panic, and in his state he tried to search for his trunk where his wand lay. He stood but stumbled and fell against the wardrobe, knocking his head on it hard. He fell onto his bottom and rolled over feeling his vision start to form its way into a tunnel and everything was going black. And he fell into a deep slumber.. hearing his own ragged breathing.
Sorry that was so sad and dramatic...But Hermione's story will unfold a little later, don't freak just yet, I'm not going to leave that all open. And Harry, well you'll just have to see. Give me opinions.. what do you think?
"So Harry how are you doing?" Hermione asked as she graciously sat upon the end of Harry's bed, while he took his seat at his desk, in his office chair, straightening his coat on the back of it.
He looked up as a piece of soaked hair fell in front of his left eye, he smiled slightly and nodded, "I'm okay."
They had returned to the house after their confrontation outside. The rain started to pour down really hard and they ran for it towards Harry's, and darted inside with a quick but awkward introduction to Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia, who seemed oddly delighted.
Hermione smiled and shrugged slightly as she sat in Harry's room for the first time taking in how Closter phobic it made her feel. How could he live in this room all summer, it was so sad and depressing.
"Why didn't you reply to my letters Harry? Did you not receive them?" she asked as she eyed Harry carefully, "I mean I don't think all of my letters could have been lost, especially through the post office.." she trailed off as Harry stared at the carpet and shook his head.
"I don't know Hermione. Must be some kind of conspiracy because I haven't received a single one of your letters. If I had you would have heard from me a while ago." he smiled reassuringly.
She looked him in the eye for truth of what he was talking about. And she caught what she saw as truth. That little innocent flicker in the back of his eye, catching her breath after staring into his green eyes. She blinked and looked away smiling.
"I didn't think that you would purposely avoid me. That just wouldn't be Harry of you." she said as she shrugged her shoulders and smiled shyly.
He chuckled at how cute she looked sitting there at the end of his bed swinging her legs, as they were hooked at her ankles, holding the end board, as she shrugged uncomfortably. He had never been attracted to Hermione or romantically interested, but she was a cute girl in her own ways, that were sometimes annoying, but cute.
"So have you got all of your things ready for yet another year at the fantastic Hogwarts, school of witchcraft and wizardry?" Hermione asked jollily.
"Uh.." Harry muttered as he scratched his damp head, "Not exactly, I uh, don't know if I'm actually going back this year."
"Harry you know that its umm inevitable. You have to go back.. You know that." Hermione told him after she coaxed herself out of a state of silent shock. He had to go back, no buts, he had to. It was for his own sake.
"I .. er... I don't know. I don't think I can. Maybe I should you know just lay low for a school year." He said, making a lame attempt to make up an excuse.
"Listen, umm Harry," Hermione began a little afraid to bring this subject up. "I'm sorry that Sirius died. And I understand what a loss that it was.. Because I've been there. He was a loyal godparent to you. And he was a very honorable man, because of his courage. And with all do respect. I envied him."
Harry looked up with a grave face, and stared at Hermione curiously, and confused. His eyebrows furrowed together as he tried to figure it out in his head. Hermione hated Sirius because of everything that he was, and what he stood for, and his life risking attempts to move on with life, and stay near Harry, nearly getting himself caught. And she.... envied him?
"How do you envy a man you hated?" he asked coldly as he stood abruptly from his chair, and paced to the other side of the room, and leaned his back against the plain white wall and crossed his arms in front of his chest, showering Hermione with a rage he had the night... the night he almost got her killed.
"Maybe we shouldn't be having this conversation just yet.." Hermione suggested uncomfortably as she shifted on the bed, and looked anywhere but Harry, trying to keep herself in tact.
"No, I really would like to know why you use petty excuses to make me feel better. I didn't need your sympathy Hermione. I don't need anyone's damn bloody sympathy. I don't EVER want to hear you speak Sirius' s name near me! Ever! You don't have the right to." he said harshly, beginning to get even louder. "How can you envy a man you hated! All you ever did when you spoke of him was knock the way he did anything! The way he cared about me! How he treated me like my father! BUT WHAT IF I LIKED IT!!!??"
"Oh Good Lord Harry! Is that what you think, you think that I feel some compassion for your pathetic story! For how you lost your parents and how your being chased by a damn wizard that wants you dead for some bloody bull shit reason, no one knows! Do you really think I give a rats ass!?!? Do you want me to say, of course I don't? Do you want me to grab my jacket and walk out that door, and not take a look back?" Hermione stormed at him. He looked even more angry as he dropped his arms and tightened his fists as he clenched them at his sides.
"You don't know how it feels.." Harry sneered, "You don't have a clue what its like, to watch everyone around get hurt, or killed!"
Hermione shot right up from the end of the bed and grabbed her jacket and ripped it on. And just as she took a step towards the door, she took another back, and tears started to coarse down her cheeks and she started shaking.
"AND YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO NOT KNOW WHO THE HELL YOU CAME FROM!!!! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE IN A FOSTER HOME FOR THREE YEARS!!! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE GOING TO A PLACE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN BEFORE AND BE EXPECTED TO FIND PEACE THERE!!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO MY PARENTS ARE!!!" she cried as she shook with rage and pain.
Harry's mouth fell ajar as he stared at her, for once in his life feeling worse for someone else than for himself.. She was exactly like him. And now he felt sick to his stomach for all the pain he put her through. He felt like someone hooked a hook to his stomach and now dragged him forth down a gravel road... through an eerie forest he'd never seen before, punishing him.
Hermione pulled herself together, pointed her nose in the air and pulled her jacket together, and told Harry before she walked out the door,
"I advice you to get it together Harry. Because you know what sometimes your story isn't the most ironic story in the book. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and be a man." she paused, "The man that Sirius saw in you the day you saved his life at the lake. He saw that man in you, and I envy him because he was able to love you and see you for you. He brought the best out of you Harry. I just wish sometimes that maybe I could have seen that man he taught you to become... But obviously I wont. because your to busy acting like a silly little boy."
She swallowed hard and walked out the door, closing it softly behind her. From behind the door she said, "And don't worry about you books and everything, I will fetch them for you today and bring them with me to the platform tomorrow."
Harry fell against the wall and slid down to the floor, burring his face in his hands. Hermione was right, about everything. But he couldn't see how she had the right to basically tell him to grow up. He grew up faster than all the rest of them had. He had to Damn it. He felt his stomach, clench, twist and turn in the most impossible ways. The pain was terrible, he doubled over in it, and the world started to spin around him. He started to feel the acid in his stomach erupt, and vomited all over the floor beside him. Suddenly his scar began to ache.
It was burning in a way it had never had before. That meant voldemort was near. He started to panic, and in his state he tried to search for his trunk where his wand lay. He stood but stumbled and fell against the wardrobe, knocking his head on it hard. He fell onto his bottom and rolled over feeling his vision start to form its way into a tunnel and everything was going black. And he fell into a deep slumber.. hearing his own ragged breathing.
Sorry that was so sad and dramatic...But Hermione's story will unfold a little later, don't freak just yet, I'm not going to leave that all open. And Harry, well you'll just have to see. Give me opinions.. what do you think?