Chapter Seven: So They've Found the Holy Balrog, Now What?
The eerie glow advanced and the Fellowboat ran and the eerie glow advanced and the Fellowboat ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and the Balrog walked and walked and kept up fine. He was very angry from being woken up so early (when Dopey fell on his face) and now he was out to incinerate the fellowboat! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone hide!
There's not much to say in this point of time except they've found the Holy Balrog (and now what) The Holy Balrog is looking for them (uh-oh) and you're all sitting here reading this and wondering what I do with my life.
Gandalf wheeled around and everyone ran into him so he got really mad and left, so we had to coax him with a gift certificate to Sauron's Convenience Store before he decided to come back. Gandalf announced that you can't fight the Holy Balrog with swords, in fact, you can't fight it at all! So don't ask me why they were looking for it in the first place. But if you can't ight it with swords... why is Gandalf able to? You know when he's falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling......... (those dwarves must of delved REAL deep! You know it only takes like 3 minutes to fall off Mount Everest, so... why is Gandalf falling for practically 24 hours? He should of fallen throu8gh the earth, pooped out on the other side, only to be caught up in that gravitational force and fall back again, and again, and again. So, he's literally stuck. Boromir tries to 'fly' off the edge but Legolas grabs his pants and hauls him back, kicks him in the face and Happy smiles as if to say 'ouch!'. Then Gandalf stands on a bridge, spins around and faces the HOLY BALROG!!!!! AAAAHHHHH RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!! This thing is 50 feet tall, wreathed in shadow and flame. It has two beastly wings and a serpentine tail. It reaches into it's coat pocket and pulls out- AHHHH I CAN'T WATCH!!!!! *Peek* AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!! God no! He's pulled out the BANJO OF DEATH(duh duh duh)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (And a sword and a whip but that's nothing compared to THE BANJO OF DEATH(duh duh duh)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Gandalf quickly zaps the BANJO OF DEATH (duh duh duh)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with a lightning bolt, and the Holy Balrog screams in anger as it tosses the ashes of it's favourite instrument into the air. It would have started to cry, except for the fact that it would put itself out, and that would be REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALY stupid. But the fellowboat gives the Holy Balrog the benefit of the doubt, and watch for tears. Nope. No tears. We're good. Gandalf runs to the middle of the bridge and chisels a hole in the middle. Then he prods the balrog into the hole and he starts falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, (Doesn't this thing have wings???????????? Like WINGS? Like FLY? UP? Back to the Bridge? Oh well! He's just another stupid 'being of Sauron' with a brain the size of a... better yet a non-existant brain.) falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, FOREVER falling into the deep chasms of Morilot. Gandalf smiles at his victory and turns to face the fellowboat for applause. The orcs start to cheer and throw flowers (and spears), killing Gimme.
Suddenly, a fiery whip grabs Gandalf's ankle and pulls him over the edge. LESSON 1 !!!!! You old dolt (ahem)
NEVER TURN YOUR BACK ON THE ENEMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope you all remember that for all the times in your life when you have to push fire demons over the edge of cliffs.
'Fly you fools!!!!' yelled Gandalf as he plummeted into Shadow. 'Seeee?' Complained Boromir. 'Wouldn't it have been easier if you had let me fly off that cliff?' 'Shut up Boromir!' cried all the bobbits as they lifted boromir on top of themselves and carried him much the same way that an ant carries a particularly juicy grape away from a picnic. (I forgot to mention that bobbits are descendents from cannibal pigmies .) They all ran out of Morilot.
Ok! Now I really don't want to know where this is going!
The eerie glow advanced and the Fellowboat ran and the eerie glow advanced and the Fellowboat ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and the Balrog walked and walked and kept up fine. He was very angry from being woken up so early (when Dopey fell on his face) and now he was out to incinerate the fellowboat! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone hide!
There's not much to say in this point of time except they've found the Holy Balrog (and now what) The Holy Balrog is looking for them (uh-oh) and you're all sitting here reading this and wondering what I do with my life.
Gandalf wheeled around and everyone ran into him so he got really mad and left, so we had to coax him with a gift certificate to Sauron's Convenience Store before he decided to come back. Gandalf announced that you can't fight the Holy Balrog with swords, in fact, you can't fight it at all! So don't ask me why they were looking for it in the first place. But if you can't ight it with swords... why is Gandalf able to? You know when he's falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling......... (those dwarves must of delved REAL deep! You know it only takes like 3 minutes to fall off Mount Everest, so... why is Gandalf falling for practically 24 hours? He should of fallen throu8gh the earth, pooped out on the other side, only to be caught up in that gravitational force and fall back again, and again, and again. So, he's literally stuck. Boromir tries to 'fly' off the edge but Legolas grabs his pants and hauls him back, kicks him in the face and Happy smiles as if to say 'ouch!'. Then Gandalf stands on a bridge, spins around and faces the HOLY BALROG!!!!! AAAAHHHHH RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!! This thing is 50 feet tall, wreathed in shadow and flame. It has two beastly wings and a serpentine tail. It reaches into it's coat pocket and pulls out- AHHHH I CAN'T WATCH!!!!! *Peek* AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!! God no! He's pulled out the BANJO OF DEATH(duh duh duh)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (And a sword and a whip but that's nothing compared to THE BANJO OF DEATH(duh duh duh)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Gandalf quickly zaps the BANJO OF DEATH (duh duh duh)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with a lightning bolt, and the Holy Balrog screams in anger as it tosses the ashes of it's favourite instrument into the air. It would have started to cry, except for the fact that it would put itself out, and that would be REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALY stupid. But the fellowboat gives the Holy Balrog the benefit of the doubt, and watch for tears. Nope. No tears. We're good. Gandalf runs to the middle of the bridge and chisels a hole in the middle. Then he prods the balrog into the hole and he starts falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, (Doesn't this thing have wings???????????? Like WINGS? Like FLY? UP? Back to the Bridge? Oh well! He's just another stupid 'being of Sauron' with a brain the size of a... better yet a non-existant brain.) falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, FOREVER falling into the deep chasms of Morilot. Gandalf smiles at his victory and turns to face the fellowboat for applause. The orcs start to cheer and throw flowers (and spears), killing Gimme.
Suddenly, a fiery whip grabs Gandalf's ankle and pulls him over the edge. LESSON 1 !!!!! You old dolt (ahem)
NEVER TURN YOUR BACK ON THE ENEMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope you all remember that for all the times in your life when you have to push fire demons over the edge of cliffs.
'Fly you fools!!!!' yelled Gandalf as he plummeted into Shadow. 'Seeee?' Complained Boromir. 'Wouldn't it have been easier if you had let me fly off that cliff?' 'Shut up Boromir!' cried all the bobbits as they lifted boromir on top of themselves and carried him much the same way that an ant carries a particularly juicy grape away from a picnic. (I forgot to mention that bobbits are descendents from cannibal pigmies .) They all ran out of Morilot.
Ok! Now I really don't want to know where this is going!