Courtney refused to talk to or even look at Tom for the rest of the day.
Tom could tell that she was furious and kept his distance. He figured she
would be over it soon and he bided his time do little things to pass time,
awaiting the moment when she would come and speak to him.
Tom was surprised, therefore, when the next morning at breakfast, Courtney joined her friends rather than him. He stared at her dejectedly for a few moments and then ate his breakfast, horribly disappointed that she hadn't gotten over it yet.
He gave some thought to what she had said that day. She had told him to chose somebody else, and he had went through the list of all the people he knew. He had literally written down their names, and, staring at each name, he would decide if he actually loved that person. By the time he had gotten close to the bottom of the list, he knew it was useless. He didn't love anybody else. Courtney McRaven was his only love, he had to face it. And so did she.
It was about that time that Tom realized that no matter what, even if there was another that he loved, killing that person would be hard and it would be a great loss to him. It didn't matter who it was; he was going to get hurt. He was pretty sure, however, that that was what the point of being strong enough was. If somebody had enough emotional strength to actually murder one that they loved then they would have enough emotional strength to be immortal.
It occurred to him then that being immortal was living forever; he had known that before, but now it really hit him. Being immortal was living forever and ever, no getting sick and dying, no dying of old age. He doubted that he could even kill himself. After he became immortal, he would live forever unless somebody killed him. Did he want that?
Of course he did. If he was immortal, then he was all but invincible. He would be able to rule all of England. All of the world, after a time. He could be the strongest wizard alive, and be feared and respected by all. Of course he wanted that; who wouldn't?
He wanted nothing more than to share that joy with Courtney. Well, almost nothing more. He wanted to share that with Courtney second most on his list, being immortal being the first. She knew that, she had to. He wouldn't have even shared with her his deepest desire if he hadn't wanted to share that.
Something jogged in the back of his thoughts. His thoughts returned once again to the conversation he had had yesterday with Courtney at breakfast. It wasn't fair, she had told him. But of course she knew that LIFE wasn't fair, right? Why should this be any different?
He started to seethe with anger as he thought about it. Courtney had no right to be mad at him, it wasn't his fault that she was the only one he loved. It wasn't his fault that the book had told him that. And it most certainly hadn't been his fault that she had insisted on knowing how to become immortal. None of this was his fault, didn't she see that?
Courtney stayed upset for the rest of the week and into the next. It became routine for Tom to get up, go down to breakfast, and wait for her to come sit with him, explaining that she was sorry. Tom would wait down there for a few minutes, eating, then Courtney would come out with her friends, glare at Tom, and go and eat breakfast with her friends. Then, after breakfast, Tom would follow Courtney and her friends to first period, where he would sit right behind Courtney or one of her friends. This continued for a couple months before Tom got sick of it. He finally broke the routine one morning. He waited in the Common Room in a chair hidden in a corner for Courtney and her friends to leave for breakfast.
Courtney was the last one to leave the Common Room, or, almost leave the Common Room. She never left because Tom had snuck up behind her and grabbed her from behind, covering her mouth. Her girlfriends, oblivious to the snatching of their friend, left and continued down to breakfast without her; without noticing that she was gone.
"Courtney, this has to stop! It is bull, and you know it! It isn't even my fault!" Tom hissed at her as soon as the entryway was closed. Courtney twisted out of his grip and turned to face him.
"This doesn't have to stop. I don't love you anymore. Get over it. Get over me. I don't want anything to do with you any longer. And, if I learn that you have been following me or something, I will go straight to Professor Dippet and turn you in!" she hissed back.
"You... you... you little bitch! That isn't fair, Courtney! I never did anything!"
"But you did. You refuse to find somebody else to... to... KILL... and insist on using me for YOUR selfish wants! You obviously don't love me enough to want to share immortality with you!"
"That is just it. I love you enough that I want to, Courtney, and that is just where the problem comes in. You happen to be the only one that I love. The potion won't work if I kill somebody that I don't love; you know, you read the book."
"How can you share all of eternity with me if you kill me? Are you stupid or what!?"
"I am sorry, Courtney, I really am. But there is nobody else."
"There has to be. It isn't possible that I am the only person you love. It just isn't possible. Every human loves more than one person. I guess you just want to be the exception."
"Are you trying to-" Tom stopped mid-sentence. He couldn't let her know that she was irritating him. This meeting had been his idea, after all.
"Am I trying to what?"
"Nothing...never mind." The idea occurred suddenly to him. He had to bait her somehow into helping him. He needed somebody else to love so that they could live together forever. Maybe he could let her help him. He was sure that one of her friends would suffice.
"I really wish there was somebody else I loved. I really do. I don't mean to be 'inhuman' or anything...but it just seems that everybody hates me. How can I love somebody who hates me?"
Courtney snorted. "I'm not going to fall for that. You want somebody to love, find them yourself. Oh, and, it is very possible for you to love somebody without them loving you. You are doing it right now. You love me and I do not love you. I could never love you again. Let me go."
Tom opened and closed his mouth several times. How had she known that he had wanted her help? He glared at her, but let go of her arm, which he had been holding onto tightly through their conversation. Courtney turned around and ran out the of the room, hurrying to catch up to her friends, who she was sure had missed her by now.
Tom stared after her, hurt somehow by her attitude. She didn't love him anymore, she had made that clear. Now what was he to do?
He followed her down to breakfast, slowly, not wanting to catch up to her. He was halfway through his breakfast when he thought of something. The book had never said that the person had had to love him in return, had it? He stood up suddenly from his seat and ran out of the Great Hall. He sprinted back to the Slytherin Common Room and up to his dormitory, where he searched fervently for the book. He was getting desperate to find it when he finally did, in the door of his nightstand. He looked around the dormitory quickly and was relieved to see that there was nobody in there. He settled into his bed and quickly lit his wand so that he could read the book again.
He skipped out of classes that day and spent the entire day reading. The reading went faster this time, having read it all before and knowing which parts to skip. He was finished by dinner.
The book had said nothing about the 'Loved One' loving him back. As long as he loved them, it didn't matter if the feelings were mutual. So, if he truly loved Courtney, it didn't matter what her opinion of him was. He could still perform the ritual and become immortal. Tom sighed with relief.
Tom was surprised, therefore, when the next morning at breakfast, Courtney joined her friends rather than him. He stared at her dejectedly for a few moments and then ate his breakfast, horribly disappointed that she hadn't gotten over it yet.
He gave some thought to what she had said that day. She had told him to chose somebody else, and he had went through the list of all the people he knew. He had literally written down their names, and, staring at each name, he would decide if he actually loved that person. By the time he had gotten close to the bottom of the list, he knew it was useless. He didn't love anybody else. Courtney McRaven was his only love, he had to face it. And so did she.
It was about that time that Tom realized that no matter what, even if there was another that he loved, killing that person would be hard and it would be a great loss to him. It didn't matter who it was; he was going to get hurt. He was pretty sure, however, that that was what the point of being strong enough was. If somebody had enough emotional strength to actually murder one that they loved then they would have enough emotional strength to be immortal.
It occurred to him then that being immortal was living forever; he had known that before, but now it really hit him. Being immortal was living forever and ever, no getting sick and dying, no dying of old age. He doubted that he could even kill himself. After he became immortal, he would live forever unless somebody killed him. Did he want that?
Of course he did. If he was immortal, then he was all but invincible. He would be able to rule all of England. All of the world, after a time. He could be the strongest wizard alive, and be feared and respected by all. Of course he wanted that; who wouldn't?
He wanted nothing more than to share that joy with Courtney. Well, almost nothing more. He wanted to share that with Courtney second most on his list, being immortal being the first. She knew that, she had to. He wouldn't have even shared with her his deepest desire if he hadn't wanted to share that.
Something jogged in the back of his thoughts. His thoughts returned once again to the conversation he had had yesterday with Courtney at breakfast. It wasn't fair, she had told him. But of course she knew that LIFE wasn't fair, right? Why should this be any different?
He started to seethe with anger as he thought about it. Courtney had no right to be mad at him, it wasn't his fault that she was the only one he loved. It wasn't his fault that the book had told him that. And it most certainly hadn't been his fault that she had insisted on knowing how to become immortal. None of this was his fault, didn't she see that?
Courtney stayed upset for the rest of the week and into the next. It became routine for Tom to get up, go down to breakfast, and wait for her to come sit with him, explaining that she was sorry. Tom would wait down there for a few minutes, eating, then Courtney would come out with her friends, glare at Tom, and go and eat breakfast with her friends. Then, after breakfast, Tom would follow Courtney and her friends to first period, where he would sit right behind Courtney or one of her friends. This continued for a couple months before Tom got sick of it. He finally broke the routine one morning. He waited in the Common Room in a chair hidden in a corner for Courtney and her friends to leave for breakfast.
Courtney was the last one to leave the Common Room, or, almost leave the Common Room. She never left because Tom had snuck up behind her and grabbed her from behind, covering her mouth. Her girlfriends, oblivious to the snatching of their friend, left and continued down to breakfast without her; without noticing that she was gone.
"Courtney, this has to stop! It is bull, and you know it! It isn't even my fault!" Tom hissed at her as soon as the entryway was closed. Courtney twisted out of his grip and turned to face him.
"This doesn't have to stop. I don't love you anymore. Get over it. Get over me. I don't want anything to do with you any longer. And, if I learn that you have been following me or something, I will go straight to Professor Dippet and turn you in!" she hissed back.
"You... you... you little bitch! That isn't fair, Courtney! I never did anything!"
"But you did. You refuse to find somebody else to... to... KILL... and insist on using me for YOUR selfish wants! You obviously don't love me enough to want to share immortality with you!"
"That is just it. I love you enough that I want to, Courtney, and that is just where the problem comes in. You happen to be the only one that I love. The potion won't work if I kill somebody that I don't love; you know, you read the book."
"How can you share all of eternity with me if you kill me? Are you stupid or what!?"
"I am sorry, Courtney, I really am. But there is nobody else."
"There has to be. It isn't possible that I am the only person you love. It just isn't possible. Every human loves more than one person. I guess you just want to be the exception."
"Are you trying to-" Tom stopped mid-sentence. He couldn't let her know that she was irritating him. This meeting had been his idea, after all.
"Am I trying to what?"
"Nothing...never mind." The idea occurred suddenly to him. He had to bait her somehow into helping him. He needed somebody else to love so that they could live together forever. Maybe he could let her help him. He was sure that one of her friends would suffice.
"I really wish there was somebody else I loved. I really do. I don't mean to be 'inhuman' or anything...but it just seems that everybody hates me. How can I love somebody who hates me?"
Courtney snorted. "I'm not going to fall for that. You want somebody to love, find them yourself. Oh, and, it is very possible for you to love somebody without them loving you. You are doing it right now. You love me and I do not love you. I could never love you again. Let me go."
Tom opened and closed his mouth several times. How had she known that he had wanted her help? He glared at her, but let go of her arm, which he had been holding onto tightly through their conversation. Courtney turned around and ran out the of the room, hurrying to catch up to her friends, who she was sure had missed her by now.
Tom stared after her, hurt somehow by her attitude. She didn't love him anymore, she had made that clear. Now what was he to do?
He followed her down to breakfast, slowly, not wanting to catch up to her. He was halfway through his breakfast when he thought of something. The book had never said that the person had had to love him in return, had it? He stood up suddenly from his seat and ran out of the Great Hall. He sprinted back to the Slytherin Common Room and up to his dormitory, where he searched fervently for the book. He was getting desperate to find it when he finally did, in the door of his nightstand. He looked around the dormitory quickly and was relieved to see that there was nobody in there. He settled into his bed and quickly lit his wand so that he could read the book again.
He skipped out of classes that day and spent the entire day reading. The reading went faster this time, having read it all before and knowing which parts to skip. He was finished by dinner.
The book had said nothing about the 'Loved One' loving him back. As long as he loved them, it didn't matter if the feelings were mutual. So, if he truly loved Courtney, it didn't matter what her opinion of him was. He could still perform the ritual and become immortal. Tom sighed with relief.