Chapter 7 Occlumency
Lessons
One night in the great hall for dinner, Harry, Ron, Neville and Ginny sat together talking about the war with Voldemort that was going on. It had said in the Newspaper that Voldemort had traveled to the United States where he had already broken into their Department of ministries, only stealing a few minor trinkets. The death Eaters had seemed to remain in Britain, getting together an army to force the Ministry down.
"I wonder what his motive is?" Ginny thought aloud.
Harry already knew the demons motive. To kill him. Harry was the only threat to Voldemort because of his destiny. To Kill or be Killed. Harry felt a pair of eyes boring into his scull, so he turned and found Dumbledore staring at him intensively. Harry felt his brain clench together when seeing Dumbledore staring at him the way he was, and he began to worry. Then a tap rested upon his shoulder. There he found Professor McGonagall.
"Mr. Potter, may I have a word?" she summoned. He nodded at her reflexively. Being her student for 6 years it was custom.
What he was told that night only deepened his depressed lingering feelings. He was going to have to start Occlumency Lessons again. Remembering how terrible they effected him last time was now only another terror in his mind.
HE dragged his body back to the Common Room remembering what the Professor had told him. He was a possible weapon in this war, so he had to take more precautions then the rest of the word by far. Because he may be a direct hit for Voldemort and his army to get to Dumbledore.
Harry launched himself onto the sofa in the Common room of the Gryffindor tower and sighed heavily. He slipped his glasses off and closed them setting them below him on the floor. He rubbed his eyes as they ached from lack of sleep and stress. Every muscle in his body ached from all the worrying he was taking on.
He looked down at his arms when getting the definite urge to lose all of his tension through blood flow. But he shoved it away like he had for the past week or so. It was getting harder everyday. He was like an addicted smoker. Might as well be, he was going to die anyways.
Later on that night he ran up to the dormitory and grabbed John by the collar. He was a known trouble maker. He gave out a lot of things he shouldn't. Such as cigars, cigarettes and even condemns, things you'd of course never get from the hospital wing. He pulled him down the hall to a secluded part of the dormitory, where there was an empty dorm that was never used.
"Harry wants to bum cigarettes from me?" John asked himself thinking about the outrageous situation he was finding himself in. He chuckled a little after hearing Harry's request.
"Alright, alright" he said with a last chuckle, Harry handed over the money and John gave him the pack of cigarettes. "These things will kill you, you know."
Harry laughed out loud himself and said, "I could only hope for that much."
John gave him a weird look and exited the dorm room, heading back his own, as they both heard the prefect Neville off in the distance telling all of the boys to head to bed. Harry shoved the cigarettes into the pocket of his robe and set off to his dormitory.
The next day Harry had finished his last period before lunch and headed off towards the edge of the forbidden forest with Ron, where they were going to hang out for a while, trying to get as far away from the school as possible. As Harry and Ron took their seats on a couple of medium sized stumps they laughed about Neville's encounter with Moaning Myrtle. That's when Harry pulled out his pack of cigarettes. As he pulled one out and brought it to dangle in his lips, Ron lifted his head up to see, with a disapproving face.
"What are you doing Harry?" Ron asked as he stared at him.
Harry looked at him and smirked, "what's it look like I'm doing?" he said as the cigarette bobbled between his lips. He lifted his wand and ignited the end.
"I know what your doing! But why are you doing it?!?" he snapped as he ripped the cigarette from Harry's mouth and threw it on the ground where he heaved his foot onto it.
"Hey!" Harry shouted, as he shoved Ron hard against the chest, where he stumbled back a few steps.
Ron shook his head and spat, "I knew you screwed up! But bloody hell Harry, your a damn mess!"
"Shut up Ron!" Harry growled at him, with anger deepening in his voice with every word.
"Hermione was right, your really messed up Harry. I used to look up to you!" Ron shouted back at Harry.
"well that was your mistake don't blame me for your stupidity." Harry snarled at Ron, "Now why don't you take your poor ass out of my sight before its to late."
Ron was taken aback and pain glittered in his eyes until rage and fury replaced it. His eyes burned and he threw himself at Harry. They back tumbled to the ground where they rolled down the steep hill they had just climbed into the heavily populated court yard. Ron stood first and grabbed Harry by the collar, punching him directly in the mouth. Harry struggled to get to his feet but he did. He swung a heavy fist at Ron as hard as he could and shoved it into Ron's jaw.
The next few moments were the worst moments Harry would ever experience. He saw as Ron's face flew to the right, and fell to the ground. His hands didn't go up to stop himself, he just fell. His body hit the grass with a loud thud and bounced off a little with the heavy impact. His head falling onto a sharp side of a large heavy stone, and slid to the ground. The crack of his head hitting the rock was sickening. Harry lurched forward and dove to Ron's side. He rolled Ron over and looked at his face. His head was bleeding terrible, blood oozing out at great speed, already making a homey puddle for itself on the ground beside Ron's head. On the stone beside them was a marking of Ron's blood. Harry cringed at the site of Ron's limp body. He shook him a bit to get him to stir at least. But it didn't help. Harry looked around at the helpless people frozen in place.
"Go get help! NOW!" he retched out with all his might, feeling every fiber of his throat break from the dryness he was experiencing. Ron couldn't be dead. He couldn't be.
Harry began to whimper quietly as he rested his bloody hand on Rons wound to stop the blood flow. A tear streamed down his cheek as he felt the pain in his stomach concur that of his bloody lip and most likely swollen black eye. He looked up to the sky and prayed.
Outside of the Hospital wing, Harry sat with his face in his now dry and bloody hands. His knees supporting the weight of his elbows, he couldn't bring himself to stand from his position. He couldn't feel anything within his body. He couldn't even feel the acid in his stomach spinning and swelling. He wanted to puke and rid himself of all the guilty sickness that invaded him.
Earlier Harry was told by Madame Pomphrey that Ron was okay, he just got knocked out by Harry. Harry had hit him so hard, he dislocated his jaw. Ron only had a minor concussion. When it came to Ron's head, that was something he'd have to go to St. Mungos hospital for. x-rays. Harry was aloud in, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't look Ron in face after doing so much damage.
The door swung open and Harry stood quickly from his seat. Hermione came out from behind the door and turned to Harry a she slowly closed it gently behind her. She looked down at the ground as Harry stared at her directly.
"So uh how is he?" Harry asked a little un nerved.
She just stared at him and said, "He's doing better." with a blank emotionless voice. "For someone who got their jaw dislocated and having his coconut bashed, I'd say he's doing fantastic." sounding a little angry.
Harry backed down into his seat where he placed his face in his hands again, his eyes burning and his throat scratching against its sides as he continually swallowed for comfort.
"Harry what happened with you and Ron?" she demanded as she knelt in front of him, "Why would either one of you try and hurt each other like this!?" she paused with a slightly sadder voice added, "Your like brothers."
He looked at her and shook his head, "Not anymore. Not after this."
"But why did this happen?" her voice cracked as she her voice trembled.
Harry swept his hand across her towards his back pack where he pulled a small pack of cigarettes out and rested them in Hermione's lap ashamed. She looked down at them, her mouth resting slightly ajar. She looked from the pack back towards him.
He chuckled sadly and said, "I think I'm addicted."
"Harry..." she whimpered, "why?"
Harry shrugged and said, "Nothing else to live for, might as well speed up the process."
Hermione's eyes watered up with tears and they began to spill over her eyelids down her cheeks leaving they're trails behind them on her pale face. She opened her mouth to say something but then closed it and continued to stare at Harry.
Harry swallowed the growing lump in his throat and asked, "How angry is Ron?"
She looked away from him and said, "Well surprisingly enough he's not really angry Harry. He's just very confused by you. He wants to help you Harry, just like the rest of us." she looked at him a little afraid and then added, "We all know that Sirius's death was a terrible thing to happen, but we're here for you, not against you."
Harry lowered his eyes at Hermione and scowled, "You don't know what it's like Hermione, You don't know what its like to be a weapon in a war, and you don't understand how. But you have to take all these precautions. You don't know what its like to know your destiny is death. Your gift is death. You don't understand that, and I hop you never will!" he cried openly, standing to his feet, backing away from her feeling his heart pounding, and beginning to panic.
"What are you talking about? Gift of death?!" she started to stand up but Harry put his hand out in front of him.
"No don't. Just stay away! Stay away from me!"
Harry ran down the corridors as fast as he could, making sure that Hermione was far behind him, and then he snuck out the Hogwarts entrance and ran through the grounds until he reached the willow tree beside the lake. He fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face into his bloody lip. The salt within the tear making the cut sting with fury. He looked down into the water and looked at his reflecting as a single tear fell down his face into the calm water causing it to ripple. His eye was a terrible black and blue color yellowing at the sides. His lip was terrible, the slice seemed to go so deep you could see the insides of the skin. He was disgusted by his identity.
Then he looked at his eyes. Those green eyes that marked his mothers presence within him, that marked his soul with love. The only reason he defeated Voldemort one time. He ripped his glasses from his face and shoved his face into the water, screaming in its icy depths. The winter had begun to take over, and he could see his hot breath in the cold air. His face shivered and he shoved his face in the water again angrily and pulled out abruptly closing his eyes tight and screaming with all his might.
"I HATE BEING HARRY POTTER!!!!" he screamed. He hung his head low feeling all his energy flow away, his voice squeaked as he screamed again, "I don't want to be me anymore!"
He started to cry and whimper as he covered his wet face with shaky hands, the cold air getting to him. His cries stung him deep but he didn't care. NE couldn't stop now even if he wanted to. He rested on his side and curled up into a ball, and stared straight out at the water with tears falling down his face and his lips trembling.
"I'm tired of being alive anymore. I don't want to live anymore." he whispered out at the icy depths. "Why wont death overcome me. Why wont he take me away. Why do I deserve such pain?"
He looked out at the lake and his eyes flashed with an idea. He continued to stare at the lack, and pulled of his heavy Hogwarts robe. His eyes were shining with madness as he neatly folded it and set it on a large stump beside him. Then he pulled his shoes of placing them beside his robes. And last but not least, he grabbed his glasses from the ground and fuzzily made his way to the lake and placed them on his face. He looked at the moon reflecting in the icing over water and let out a shaky sigh.
"H-Harry?" a scared little voice from behind him sqeeked.
Harry turned around slowly to come face to face with Hermione. She stepped forward and then took another step back. She looked frightened as she stared at Harry, and then looked at his nicely folded clothes. Harry watched her as she twitched in her petrified state. His stomach did a a flip flop as he watched her.
"It's only for the best Hermione." he reassured her. He kept looking at her until her scared big brown eyes looked into his, he smiled slightly, "This way no one will hurt anymore, and neither will I. Don't you see Hermione. If I die no one else will. You wont get hurt anymore, and no one at Hogwarts will ever have to pay the price of going to school with me." he laughed madly, "No one will have be afraid."
She just starred at him as he went on, her eyes only getting larger and fear only making itself more vivid. She then suddenly started to undo her robes. Harry watched her in confusion as he watched her pull it off and neatly place it above his belonging on the branch of the Willow tree. She then took off her shoes and un did her tie.
"Hermione what are you doing?" Harry asked watching her outrageous actions. She walked up in front of him and grabbed his damp hand in her dry frosty cold one.
She shook in the cold air standing before him in her black skirt and white button up shirt. Her teeth chattered as she looked up into his eyes, "If you go, I go." she gripped his hand.
He shook his head violently and said, "No, your better off without Hermione, don't try and keep me here."
"I'm not," she cried out desperately. "Harry if you go I might as well dive in there with you. I'm already on the list. And so is everyone who was in the department of ministries that night. Everyone. They'll come after me either way, I'm the one thing they hate! I'm a mudblood! You are our only hope of staying alive. If you were to die tonight, we'll only be following behind later."
Harry stared at her and shook his head. He wasn't going to believe her, he wouldn't. He was the cause of everyone grief, their pain, their deaths. His own death would end all the suffering, not to mention his own. But as he looked into the lake again, he looked at his face again. A tear fell down his already tear dampened face.
"You are Harry Potter." she whimpered as she looked into his eyes desperately trying to look him in the eye, and he turned to her, "You are the boy who lived."
"No that's where your wrong." he cried, "I'm the boy who should have died."
Hermione let a few tears slip from her eyes as she looked at his bloody lip and his black eye and shuttered.
"Look at the monster I've become." he said sadly.
"No, Harry." she said as she smiled. She pointed him towards the water where he looked at his reflection, "Look at the man you've become."
He closed his eyes tightly remembering the day he shouted at Hermione in his bedroom. He remembered the fury he digested that day. How bad he wanted to shove her against the wall and shake her furiously until she cried.
His stomach sunk and a fire rose his throat. He flew over onto the ground on his hands and knees fighting the urge to vomit. He began to cry openly in front of Hermione. She dropped to her knees and sat there as he cried in front of her not knowing what action to take.
"I'm sorry Hermione, I'm so sorry." he cried as he crawled into her lap. Resting his head there. He gripped her skirt with his fists as he cried. She brought her shaky hands to his back and shoulder and eased his invisible wounds as much as she could. He cried harder, "I'm going to die Hermione.. It's my ultimate gift. Death."
"what do you mean?" she asked feeling her insides strain, and her heart beat heavily and fast in her chest.
"I have a prophesy. That's what the ball was of in the Ministry of Magic. It was my prophecy. I was chosen by Voldemort and I now have the scar that claims my future. Either I kill Voldemort or I die at his hands." Harry told her as he buried his face in her stomach, "I'm going to die."
Hermione's eyes weld up with tears as she realized how much pain Harry had to deal with for so long. Not only the death of the only family he had left but the realization of his own. She cried with him and pulled him close to her realizing how close she was to losing her best friend.
One night in the great hall for dinner, Harry, Ron, Neville and Ginny sat together talking about the war with Voldemort that was going on. It had said in the Newspaper that Voldemort had traveled to the United States where he had already broken into their Department of ministries, only stealing a few minor trinkets. The death Eaters had seemed to remain in Britain, getting together an army to force the Ministry down.
"I wonder what his motive is?" Ginny thought aloud.
Harry already knew the demons motive. To kill him. Harry was the only threat to Voldemort because of his destiny. To Kill or be Killed. Harry felt a pair of eyes boring into his scull, so he turned and found Dumbledore staring at him intensively. Harry felt his brain clench together when seeing Dumbledore staring at him the way he was, and he began to worry. Then a tap rested upon his shoulder. There he found Professor McGonagall.
"Mr. Potter, may I have a word?" she summoned. He nodded at her reflexively. Being her student for 6 years it was custom.
What he was told that night only deepened his depressed lingering feelings. He was going to have to start Occlumency Lessons again. Remembering how terrible they effected him last time was now only another terror in his mind.
HE dragged his body back to the Common Room remembering what the Professor had told him. He was a possible weapon in this war, so he had to take more precautions then the rest of the word by far. Because he may be a direct hit for Voldemort and his army to get to Dumbledore.
Harry launched himself onto the sofa in the Common room of the Gryffindor tower and sighed heavily. He slipped his glasses off and closed them setting them below him on the floor. He rubbed his eyes as they ached from lack of sleep and stress. Every muscle in his body ached from all the worrying he was taking on.
He looked down at his arms when getting the definite urge to lose all of his tension through blood flow. But he shoved it away like he had for the past week or so. It was getting harder everyday. He was like an addicted smoker. Might as well be, he was going to die anyways.
Later on that night he ran up to the dormitory and grabbed John by the collar. He was a known trouble maker. He gave out a lot of things he shouldn't. Such as cigars, cigarettes and even condemns, things you'd of course never get from the hospital wing. He pulled him down the hall to a secluded part of the dormitory, where there was an empty dorm that was never used.
"Harry wants to bum cigarettes from me?" John asked himself thinking about the outrageous situation he was finding himself in. He chuckled a little after hearing Harry's request.
"Alright, alright" he said with a last chuckle, Harry handed over the money and John gave him the pack of cigarettes. "These things will kill you, you know."
Harry laughed out loud himself and said, "I could only hope for that much."
John gave him a weird look and exited the dorm room, heading back his own, as they both heard the prefect Neville off in the distance telling all of the boys to head to bed. Harry shoved the cigarettes into the pocket of his robe and set off to his dormitory.
The next day Harry had finished his last period before lunch and headed off towards the edge of the forbidden forest with Ron, where they were going to hang out for a while, trying to get as far away from the school as possible. As Harry and Ron took their seats on a couple of medium sized stumps they laughed about Neville's encounter with Moaning Myrtle. That's when Harry pulled out his pack of cigarettes. As he pulled one out and brought it to dangle in his lips, Ron lifted his head up to see, with a disapproving face.
"What are you doing Harry?" Ron asked as he stared at him.
Harry looked at him and smirked, "what's it look like I'm doing?" he said as the cigarette bobbled between his lips. He lifted his wand and ignited the end.
"I know what your doing! But why are you doing it?!?" he snapped as he ripped the cigarette from Harry's mouth and threw it on the ground where he heaved his foot onto it.
"Hey!" Harry shouted, as he shoved Ron hard against the chest, where he stumbled back a few steps.
Ron shook his head and spat, "I knew you screwed up! But bloody hell Harry, your a damn mess!"
"Shut up Ron!" Harry growled at him, with anger deepening in his voice with every word.
"Hermione was right, your really messed up Harry. I used to look up to you!" Ron shouted back at Harry.
"well that was your mistake don't blame me for your stupidity." Harry snarled at Ron, "Now why don't you take your poor ass out of my sight before its to late."
Ron was taken aback and pain glittered in his eyes until rage and fury replaced it. His eyes burned and he threw himself at Harry. They back tumbled to the ground where they rolled down the steep hill they had just climbed into the heavily populated court yard. Ron stood first and grabbed Harry by the collar, punching him directly in the mouth. Harry struggled to get to his feet but he did. He swung a heavy fist at Ron as hard as he could and shoved it into Ron's jaw.
The next few moments were the worst moments Harry would ever experience. He saw as Ron's face flew to the right, and fell to the ground. His hands didn't go up to stop himself, he just fell. His body hit the grass with a loud thud and bounced off a little with the heavy impact. His head falling onto a sharp side of a large heavy stone, and slid to the ground. The crack of his head hitting the rock was sickening. Harry lurched forward and dove to Ron's side. He rolled Ron over and looked at his face. His head was bleeding terrible, blood oozing out at great speed, already making a homey puddle for itself on the ground beside Ron's head. On the stone beside them was a marking of Ron's blood. Harry cringed at the site of Ron's limp body. He shook him a bit to get him to stir at least. But it didn't help. Harry looked around at the helpless people frozen in place.
"Go get help! NOW!" he retched out with all his might, feeling every fiber of his throat break from the dryness he was experiencing. Ron couldn't be dead. He couldn't be.
Harry began to whimper quietly as he rested his bloody hand on Rons wound to stop the blood flow. A tear streamed down his cheek as he felt the pain in his stomach concur that of his bloody lip and most likely swollen black eye. He looked up to the sky and prayed.
Outside of the Hospital wing, Harry sat with his face in his now dry and bloody hands. His knees supporting the weight of his elbows, he couldn't bring himself to stand from his position. He couldn't feel anything within his body. He couldn't even feel the acid in his stomach spinning and swelling. He wanted to puke and rid himself of all the guilty sickness that invaded him.
Earlier Harry was told by Madame Pomphrey that Ron was okay, he just got knocked out by Harry. Harry had hit him so hard, he dislocated his jaw. Ron only had a minor concussion. When it came to Ron's head, that was something he'd have to go to St. Mungos hospital for. x-rays. Harry was aloud in, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't look Ron in face after doing so much damage.
The door swung open and Harry stood quickly from his seat. Hermione came out from behind the door and turned to Harry a she slowly closed it gently behind her. She looked down at the ground as Harry stared at her directly.
"So uh how is he?" Harry asked a little un nerved.
She just stared at him and said, "He's doing better." with a blank emotionless voice. "For someone who got their jaw dislocated and having his coconut bashed, I'd say he's doing fantastic." sounding a little angry.
Harry backed down into his seat where he placed his face in his hands again, his eyes burning and his throat scratching against its sides as he continually swallowed for comfort.
"Harry what happened with you and Ron?" she demanded as she knelt in front of him, "Why would either one of you try and hurt each other like this!?" she paused with a slightly sadder voice added, "Your like brothers."
He looked at her and shook his head, "Not anymore. Not after this."
"But why did this happen?" her voice cracked as she her voice trembled.
Harry swept his hand across her towards his back pack where he pulled a small pack of cigarettes out and rested them in Hermione's lap ashamed. She looked down at them, her mouth resting slightly ajar. She looked from the pack back towards him.
He chuckled sadly and said, "I think I'm addicted."
"Harry..." she whimpered, "why?"
Harry shrugged and said, "Nothing else to live for, might as well speed up the process."
Hermione's eyes watered up with tears and they began to spill over her eyelids down her cheeks leaving they're trails behind them on her pale face. She opened her mouth to say something but then closed it and continued to stare at Harry.
Harry swallowed the growing lump in his throat and asked, "How angry is Ron?"
She looked away from him and said, "Well surprisingly enough he's not really angry Harry. He's just very confused by you. He wants to help you Harry, just like the rest of us." she looked at him a little afraid and then added, "We all know that Sirius's death was a terrible thing to happen, but we're here for you, not against you."
Harry lowered his eyes at Hermione and scowled, "You don't know what it's like Hermione, You don't know what its like to be a weapon in a war, and you don't understand how. But you have to take all these precautions. You don't know what its like to know your destiny is death. Your gift is death. You don't understand that, and I hop you never will!" he cried openly, standing to his feet, backing away from her feeling his heart pounding, and beginning to panic.
"What are you talking about? Gift of death?!" she started to stand up but Harry put his hand out in front of him.
"No don't. Just stay away! Stay away from me!"
Harry ran down the corridors as fast as he could, making sure that Hermione was far behind him, and then he snuck out the Hogwarts entrance and ran through the grounds until he reached the willow tree beside the lake. He fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face into his bloody lip. The salt within the tear making the cut sting with fury. He looked down into the water and looked at his reflecting as a single tear fell down his face into the calm water causing it to ripple. His eye was a terrible black and blue color yellowing at the sides. His lip was terrible, the slice seemed to go so deep you could see the insides of the skin. He was disgusted by his identity.
Then he looked at his eyes. Those green eyes that marked his mothers presence within him, that marked his soul with love. The only reason he defeated Voldemort one time. He ripped his glasses from his face and shoved his face into the water, screaming in its icy depths. The winter had begun to take over, and he could see his hot breath in the cold air. His face shivered and he shoved his face in the water again angrily and pulled out abruptly closing his eyes tight and screaming with all his might.
"I HATE BEING HARRY POTTER!!!!" he screamed. He hung his head low feeling all his energy flow away, his voice squeaked as he screamed again, "I don't want to be me anymore!"
He started to cry and whimper as he covered his wet face with shaky hands, the cold air getting to him. His cries stung him deep but he didn't care. NE couldn't stop now even if he wanted to. He rested on his side and curled up into a ball, and stared straight out at the water with tears falling down his face and his lips trembling.
"I'm tired of being alive anymore. I don't want to live anymore." he whispered out at the icy depths. "Why wont death overcome me. Why wont he take me away. Why do I deserve such pain?"
He looked out at the lake and his eyes flashed with an idea. He continued to stare at the lack, and pulled of his heavy Hogwarts robe. His eyes were shining with madness as he neatly folded it and set it on a large stump beside him. Then he pulled his shoes of placing them beside his robes. And last but not least, he grabbed his glasses from the ground and fuzzily made his way to the lake and placed them on his face. He looked at the moon reflecting in the icing over water and let out a shaky sigh.
"H-Harry?" a scared little voice from behind him sqeeked.
Harry turned around slowly to come face to face with Hermione. She stepped forward and then took another step back. She looked frightened as she stared at Harry, and then looked at his nicely folded clothes. Harry watched her as she twitched in her petrified state. His stomach did a a flip flop as he watched her.
"It's only for the best Hermione." he reassured her. He kept looking at her until her scared big brown eyes looked into his, he smiled slightly, "This way no one will hurt anymore, and neither will I. Don't you see Hermione. If I die no one else will. You wont get hurt anymore, and no one at Hogwarts will ever have to pay the price of going to school with me." he laughed madly, "No one will have be afraid."
She just starred at him as he went on, her eyes only getting larger and fear only making itself more vivid. She then suddenly started to undo her robes. Harry watched her in confusion as he watched her pull it off and neatly place it above his belonging on the branch of the Willow tree. She then took off her shoes and un did her tie.
"Hermione what are you doing?" Harry asked watching her outrageous actions. She walked up in front of him and grabbed his damp hand in her dry frosty cold one.
She shook in the cold air standing before him in her black skirt and white button up shirt. Her teeth chattered as she looked up into his eyes, "If you go, I go." she gripped his hand.
He shook his head violently and said, "No, your better off without Hermione, don't try and keep me here."
"I'm not," she cried out desperately. "Harry if you go I might as well dive in there with you. I'm already on the list. And so is everyone who was in the department of ministries that night. Everyone. They'll come after me either way, I'm the one thing they hate! I'm a mudblood! You are our only hope of staying alive. If you were to die tonight, we'll only be following behind later."
Harry stared at her and shook his head. He wasn't going to believe her, he wouldn't. He was the cause of everyone grief, their pain, their deaths. His own death would end all the suffering, not to mention his own. But as he looked into the lake again, he looked at his face again. A tear fell down his already tear dampened face.
"You are Harry Potter." she whimpered as she looked into his eyes desperately trying to look him in the eye, and he turned to her, "You are the boy who lived."
"No that's where your wrong." he cried, "I'm the boy who should have died."
Hermione let a few tears slip from her eyes as she looked at his bloody lip and his black eye and shuttered.
"Look at the monster I've become." he said sadly.
"No, Harry." she said as she smiled. She pointed him towards the water where he looked at his reflection, "Look at the man you've become."
He closed his eyes tightly remembering the day he shouted at Hermione in his bedroom. He remembered the fury he digested that day. How bad he wanted to shove her against the wall and shake her furiously until she cried.
His stomach sunk and a fire rose his throat. He flew over onto the ground on his hands and knees fighting the urge to vomit. He began to cry openly in front of Hermione. She dropped to her knees and sat there as he cried in front of her not knowing what action to take.
"I'm sorry Hermione, I'm so sorry." he cried as he crawled into her lap. Resting his head there. He gripped her skirt with his fists as he cried. She brought her shaky hands to his back and shoulder and eased his invisible wounds as much as she could. He cried harder, "I'm going to die Hermione.. It's my ultimate gift. Death."
"what do you mean?" she asked feeling her insides strain, and her heart beat heavily and fast in her chest.
"I have a prophesy. That's what the ball was of in the Ministry of Magic. It was my prophecy. I was chosen by Voldemort and I now have the scar that claims my future. Either I kill Voldemort or I die at his hands." Harry told her as he buried his face in her stomach, "I'm going to die."
Hermione's eyes weld up with tears as she realized how much pain Harry had to deal with for so long. Not only the death of the only family he had left but the realization of his own. She cried with him and pulled him close to her realizing how close she was to losing her best friend.