Cast of Fools

Shadow ScytheX

Once again, thank you for your kind, encouraging, compassionate words. And now, in the words of Chuck Berry:

Chapter 4: You Know You Never Can Tell

Felix read the banner, and then started to hum the opening notes of the Living Colour classic. He then stood up, brushed off his shoulders, then confidently strode into the other room.

Groaning in pain, Felix then got up, rubbed his nose, took a stride to the left, opened the door, and then entered the other room. He then walked to the man in the center of the room. "Why the hell am I here? What the hell is wrong with you? Who the hell are you? Why are you wearing that damn robe? Where am I? Why do I have to shout to get attention? What's your record for consecutive unanswered questions?"

The man calmly looked up at him. "Alex, if you don't mind."

A man with sapphire hair stood up, visibly annoyed, and spoke in a calm, bright, sardonic voice. "You are the chosen one, destined to lead us to Valhalla; Mild schizophrenia, Saturos, leader of the Cult of Personality (Or lack thereof)," and then he paused, took out a guitar, and played the infamous riff, then without missing a beat, continued. "It's roomy, comfortable, and you can hide erections fairly easily, inside of the Headquarters of the Cult of Personality..." He then took out the guitar and played the riff, adding a small amount of tremolo and pulling a McJagger. "I suppose it's insecurity about your opinions, and 34." He then sat down and sighed. "Is there anything else?"

"Can you let me go?" Felix asked, looking hopeful. Now, more fun Felix facts: When Felix gives you the hopeful look; he is literally begging you to do what he says at this point. However, should you not comply, he will become suddenly and dangerously violent. With that in mind, carefully scrutinize Saturos's next words and actions, and then determine if the result was predictable.

"No."

Suddenly, Felix's eyes flashed red, and the theme from Ironsides was blaring in his head. (Da da dum...) Woop, wooo, woo, woo... Ba-da-da-DUM! You know, it's in Kill Bill. Anyways...

-Five Anger Filled Minutes Later-

Saturos now found himself in a bathroom. And he subconsciously thanked himself for not choosing the toxic blue water for his toilets. However, he was too miserable to consciously do it, and was praying to his inappropriately selected God for help. Felix then grew angrier by the second. "LET. ME. LEAVE. NOW."

"N-no, we need you to get to Valhalla!"

"Did I say you could talk, bitch!?" Felix then grabbed Saturos's ankles, then propped him up against the wall and dunked his head back into the toilet bowl. Felix then gave him a swirly as Alex looked on smugly. Saturos's legs then fell back down to the floor, and he was back where he was a few minutes ago: Head suspended above a toilet bowl in the fetal position, his former assistant looking on smugly, and his tail between his legs. "Now, I'll ask you once again... Can I leave, PLEASE?" His eyes glinted with insanity.

"Y-yes, yes, let me go!"

"I'll be going with him, Saturos. Hopefully you won't mind. And by the way, Vikings go to Valhalla when they die in battle. Ignorant pig," Alex said, muttering. He then walked over, turned Saturos around by the shoulder, and gave him a swift left hook to the jaw. He then smirked as Saturos hit the toilet bowl, knocking himself unconscious.

Alex then sprinted to catch up to Felix. "Um, thanks for letting me watch back there... and for taking me along with you. I can't STAND that damn man anymore."

"You have a nice left hook. Could be useful," Felix said, grinning. "Now, come on, let's get over to my house. If I'm gonna have a sidekick, he has to at least look cool."

-5 minutes of changing and hat fitting later....-

Alex walked out of Felix's room, now dressed similarly to a grunge singer out of Seattle. Flannel shirt, jeans, trucker's hat, and best of all... John Lennon glasses.

"So, you say this girl fucked you over like her name was Bubba, right? Well, maybe we should figure out a way to get back at her."

"I think I have a good idea..." Felix then gave a maniacal laugh into the sky, and it lasted for a few minutes.

"SHUT UP, YA' DAMN DUCK FREAK!" Felix then quietly limped to the back of the room. Remember the discussion about brick wielders aiming low? Today was not going to bode well for Felix.

"So, what do we call your magnificent plan?"

"The Payback."

"You're really into this whole music thing, aren't you?"

-Fin