Cast of Fools

Shadow ScytheX

Well, it's nice to see that I'm steadily on my way to becoming a cult classic. And just for your convenience, I've listed the songs in Chapters 1- 3 in my profile, because I like you all that much. ON TO THE FIC!

Chapter 5: Hot For Teacher

Felix then smirked. Today was going to be a good day... The sun was shining, the birds were singing, Alex got laid... Felix then paused and bit his lip. He ran through his thoughts again. Sun shining, birds singing, Alex got laid. 'When did this happen?' He then shrugged. 'Must've been just a dream.'

He then walked past Jenna's bedroom, door open. He waved at Alex, then trudged to the bathroom. 'Stud... Stud... Why does that word seem to keep popping up in my head?' He brushed his teeth, spat, then walked past Jenna's room again. He waved at Jenna, then waved at Alex again. 'Alex... and Jenna. Alex... on top of Jenna. Alex... is a stud...'

All of a sudden everything paused. Children hung suspended in midair jumping on their trampolines. The paper kid on his bike froze in mid-toss. Mia's bitter bitchiness towards people she considered suddenly halted.

-Somewhere divine and white colored-

God sat contentedly on the edge of his seat, peering at Felix intently. St. Peter walked behind Him, and then tapped Him on the shoulder. "I know you like screwing with this guy, but we have work to get done."

God sighed, and turned around. "Wait a second. This is the best part. The realization and shock that's about to pass over his face. Rather interesting. It turns from surprise, to horror, to acceptance, to burning insanity. Check it," He said, pointing down.

-Back in Felix's Home-

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO, ALEX!?"

"Your sister. I kind of thought it was obvious from the shouts."

"So I didn't dream those? I'm not crazy and/or perverted?"

"Nope! You're perfectly normal for a guy who found out his friend banged his sister for 4 hours."

Jenna then walked behind Alex and gave him a long hug, then turned to Felix. "We have two options for breakfast: Pop-Tarts or make your own damn eggs."

"I think I'll just have the Pop-Tart."

"You have legs. Get your own damn breakfast, Felix."

Felix then gave a long sigh, stood up, walked over to the cabinet, took out a packet of Pop-Tarts, and sat down. "Do you want anything?"

Alex then shook his head. He picked up a camera lying on the table, put it in his back pocket, then walked towards the door. "Are we going to do this or what?"

"Gimme a second to finish my damn Pop-Tart. You porked my sister, I think I should at least get to finish my breakfast." He then stood up, strode quietly to the door, and then opened it. He took out his harmonica, played a small, bright, vibrant jig, then put it away. "Let's do this." Felix put on a poncho and a sombrero, and Alex put on his coat and his now trademark John Lennon glasses. Together, Englishman and Mexican, they walked out the door, prepared to face the day and all the magical challenges. Except for one.

As they walked downtown, they were heckled, berated, and often had things thrown at them. However, Felix, by now used to having things thrown at him, dodged them with ease. Felix then suddenly screamed in agony, then punched Alex square in the jaw.
"What the FUCK did you do that for?"

"Banging my sister loudly and crudely."

He then let out another scream, and kneed Alex in the stomach.

"And what the fuck was THAT one for?"

"The cancellation of Spin City. But let's move."

Alex then gave him a look, and then walked into the store. "We're here to meet 'Crazy Ivan'. Where is he?"

"I'm Crazy Ivan. Can I help you?" said a young boy, standing upside down on the ceiling.

"Um... Yes. We need your expert help to exact revenge on some people."

Ivan then fell to the ground and landed in a handstand. "Kashmir High?"

"How can you tell?"

"I have been to every high school in the city. You have the look of a tortured individual. I take it you'll want Mia Arod and Sheba Linn- Haisely?"

"Huh. You are some other kind of man," said Felix. "How have you been to all 8 schools, yet you're only 14?"

"I bounce around a bit. I DO have one question, though."

"Yes? Go ahead, ask me anything."

"Is it true that you're..."

Alex and Felix both sighed, anticipating it.

"...A diehard Rock fan?"

Felix's eyes widened. "Yes. It is."

Ivan then grinned, then went in the back. When he came out, he had a CD. "Van Halen, 1984, Limited Edition. Signed by Roth and Eddie himself. Take it. You give me a chance to wreak havoc; I give you something you like."

Felix then grinned back at Ivan and tucked the CD in his poncho. "So, where's your outfit?"

"Give me a second."

-Five Action Packed minutes later-

Ivan came out, dressed up like a traditional British detective. "The disguises are necessary. However, you'll need something more inconspicuous. Take this," he said, tossing Felix a blue trenchcoat. "And take off that damn hat."

-Five more Action Packed minutes of Walking Later-

"Here we are."

"Convenient how well located things are in this town," noted Alex.

"EVERYWHERE in St. Vale's takes 5 minutes to get to," said Ivan. He adjusted his hat, then unclipped his monocle. "Felix, give me your camera." Felix handed it to him, and Ivan then clipped it to the lens. Using the zoom-monocle and the camera's natural lens together, he was able to get a clear shot of the old teacher's lounge.

"Why the hell are we HERE?"

"God dammit, don't question me! Just watch and see, my friend."

And sure enough, they watched, and sure enough, they got an eyeful.

"Is that... Mia? And who is she with?" Felix then asked, straining his eyes.

Alex then smirked, then grabbed Ivan's shoulder. "You see this? This is for me ever having doubted you." Alex slapped himself, and then Ivan, without missing a beat, turned back to his camera and slapped Alex in the back of the head.

"That was for wearing gray trousers with green socks. Yeah, you thought you were so clever. I caught you, ya' damn fairy."

"I can attest to him not being a fairy, you know..." said Felix, inherently twitching.

"Shut up and watch. See who she's there with?"

All of a sudden Alex and Felix's mouths hung open.

"MR. PICARD!?"

-Fin