Disclaimer: I'm not J.K. Rowling. I wish I were, because then I'd be very
clever, and let's face it, very wealthy. Harry Potter and all related
characters/places/ideas belong to her and she has generously shared them
with Warner Brothers, Scholastic, etc. I'm none of these entities. I
don't own any of this.
I wrote all of this during an incredibly boring conference call at work that was really about 5 minutes of actual business and the better part of 2 hours of my boss and her friends congratulating themselves on how rich and important they are, and talking about their houses in the Hamptons. Since I don't have a house in the Hamptons and had nothing to add, I wrote this. Again it's nothing really important alone but it sets up some things for later.
Chapter 5- Families, Friends, and Other Strangers
Sirius had always liked Molly and Arthur Weasley's house outside the village of Ottery St. Catchpole. More commonly known as "The Burrow", it was small and crowded and noisy, the exact opposite of his own childhood home at Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Molly and Arthur, with their now five children, had filled the house with such warmth that visitors there could not help but feel it. That was probably why when they decided to have a small party on Arthur's birthday, they ended up with more guests than they anticipated. No one seemed to mind, as it was a beautiful late spring evening ideal for being in the garden.
Sirius, from where he was perched on a low wall, could easily pick out the Weasley children with their vivid red hair. Bill, the oldest, was walking around puffed up with pride that he would be starting Hogwart's that year, and showing his new wand to anyone who would look. Charlie, eight years old, was following James around with questions about quidditch since he'd been told that James had played. James seemed both perplexed and amused by the small boy trailing him around. Sirius had always thought that Percy, until recently the youngest, was an unnatural child, far too quiet and neat for a little boy, and now he spotted him sitting primly in a chair, unnaturally still, and watching people. Finally, the not quite month old twins were on a blanket on the ground, being adored and cooed over by all the women present. If for even a moment young Fred and George were not the center of attention, they'd begin to wail, but there seemed little danger of that. Even Morgan, who did not typically like kids, was bouncing Fred on her hip while she chatted with Molly, not even seeming to mind that the baby had wrapped a sticky hand in her hair.
He wasn't sure what was going on with Morgan, who had not mentioned anything about the impending weekend at Avalon, except to mention that she was going up Friday morning if he wanted to go with her. She'd never been one to talk about what she was thinking, nor was he, but was worried about her now. Family was a touchy subject for both of them, so they simply avoided it. Sirius rarely thought about his parents, and as far as he was concerned he didn't have a brother. When he thought of family, it was James and Lily, Remus, Peter, and Morgan, they were the ones he could count on.
"Hey Mr. Black?" He looked down and saw young Bill Weasley look up at him hopefully. "Can you teach me a spell to turn people's hair green? Because Miss McCarrick said you knew one."
"Well, you can't go off to Hogwart's without knowing that. Let's see your wand."
******
"No, no mate, it was Ackerman who made the last goal for Puddlemere United in that last game of the season, but it was Clarke who got the snitch, he's their seeker. They've actually got quite a strong team since they replaced Takeshi, I really see them leading the league this year."
Lily watched James talking quidditch to young Charlie Weasley, and tried not to feel jealous that while she had barely been able to get a word out of him all week, he seemed to have plenty to say to the eight-year-old, who was listening raptly. He had always been good with kids. It had never seemed important to her before, but lately she caught herself wondering what their kids would be like. She could picture a littler version of James, with messy black hair and a cocky grin, getting into trouble. She wondered what kind of Mum she would be. Strict, no doubt. Clean your room. Get good marks in school. No broomsticks in the house. James would be the fun parent of course- making a mess, brushing off school, encouraging quidditch in the house. Whenever such thoughts occurred to her she tried to push them away. With the way they lived and the job they did, who would bring a child into that? It was all very well for Molly and Arthur, but they weren't risking their lives tangling with Death Eaters or Voldemort himself. They didn't start every day with the possibility of leaving their children without parents. But lately she had been thinking about it more and more, the idea was getting harder and harder to push aside.
Normally she would talk to James, he's always been the one who understood her, but it was as though he wasn't even there anymore. Something had been wrong since he'd gone bursting out of the Ministry the other day, and it had only gotten worse. He would snap one word answers at anyone who spoke to him, he was barely eating, and not sleeping.
"Mrs. Potter? Is that okay?" She was pulled from her thoughts by Charlie, the Weasley children were always so polite.
"What?"
"I was just going to show young Weasley some quidditch moves." James didn't meet her eyes.
"Oh.." It was the first thing James had shown any enthusiasm for all week. "Sure, of course."
******
Sirius finally sent young Bill away with the start of a rudimentary color changing spell, and guessed he was going to catch hell from Molly Weasley when she got an owl from Hogwart's about him using it. Still, he was feeling rather pleased with himself for encouraging a further generation of Hogwart's detention attendees. He noted that James and Gideon and some others had started a game of quidditch. Typical. He wasn't bad on a broom, but he'd never had the discipline to be on the school team.
It was beginning to get dark, but the party showed no signs of breaking up. It was getting cool as Molly was lighting torches around the yard. He watched Frank Longbottom drape his jacket around Alice's shoulders attentively. It was rather sweet if you were into that sort of thing, which he decidedly was not. Still he had a sort of respect for that sort of devotion, James and Lily showed it too.
"Must be nice to find your soul mate when you're sixteen." Morgan spoke behind him, quietly, thoughtfully, as though talking more to herself than him. There was a wistful note to her voice that he didn't like one bit. If there was one person he could count on to be as cool and cynical as he was, it was Morgan.
"Do you really think? You'd miss all the fun of dating."
She hesitated a moment before her black eyes rested on him. "I wouldn't really call what you do dating luv."
"All right. I'll bite. What would you call it?"
"More like having a meal as a transparent prelude to make shagging virtual strangers more socially acceptable."
"Don't be shy McCarrick, tell me what you really think." He smiled, though without much humor. "You're not exactly a model of purity yourself."
She shrugged. "Everyone knows I'm all talk, and I usually get a last name."
"You know McCarrick, as much as I enjoy your smart ass comments, you'd do well to quit while you're ahead."
She slowly, casually, reached into her pocket, her eyes on him. He still had his wand out from when he'd been demonstrating to Bill.
"You going to make me?"
"You're messing with the wrong wizard little girl.."
******
Lily was watching the quidditch, still going on although it would soon be too dark to see the snitch. Young Charlie had given off trying to keep up with the men but was watching from the sidelines, riveted.
A drink appeared in front of her and she turned to see Morgan, none the worse from her duel with Sirius aside from a bruised wrist on the arm that she'd used to break her fall. Like everything else in their relationship, their hexing wars seemed to have unspoken rules, they never did any real damage.
"Thanks." Lily wondered what was prompting this unusual show of kindness. Despite the fact that they had known each other since the ages of thirteen and eleven respectively, had been in the same house for seven years, and had the same group of friends, Lily and Morgan had never been close. Mostly because of very different personalities. Lily thought Morgan a bit too like Sirius, and therefore too impulsive and irresponsible. And Morgan generally found Lily too serious and quiet for her taste. They didn't dislike each other, they'd always gotten along, but they weren't close.
"Men are funny creatures." Morgan remarked mildly, taking the seat next to her. "When something is wrong they either play quidditch or hit each other." She sipped her drink, and then added. "Sometimes both."
Lily had to smile at the fairly accurate assessment of male behavior, but she didn't think Morgan was just throwing the comment out there for no reason.
"You've noticed something's wrong with James?" She asked hesitantly.
"No, I'm not that perceptive or sensitive." Morgan admitted. "But he is." A nod of her head toward Remus, who appeared to be trying to decline Molly's offer to hold one of the babies. "I, however, don't share his ridiculous objection to meddling in things that are none of my business."
"I can't figure it out." Lily admitted confidentially. "He won't talk, won't eat, can't sleep...it's like he's not even there. Except when he's storming out of work in the middle of the day. And if he keeps on with that sort of thing he's going to be in trouble with the Ministry."
She considered her words for a long moment before speaking. "He's having what I'd call a crisis of faith."
"That's a very muggle term."
Morgan had taken muggle studies at school because she had thought it would be easy, but she had never really understood their system of religion.
"I don't mean religion or gods. I mean, something that has always been a constant for him is suddenly shifting. Well, not so suddenly maybe, but over the last few months, and he's just now beginning to understand it."
"I don't think I understand." She admitted.
Morgan's forehead creased as she thought. "All right, put it this way- before you got your letter about Hogwart's, did you believe in magic?"
"No, I thought it was make believe."
"Exactly. And you didn't believe in dragons or unicorns or
hippogriffs, right?"
Lily didn't point out that muggles didn't know about hippogriffs, she was waiting to see where this was going.
"So when you found out it existed, it caused this huge shift in something that you had taken for granted. That magic didn't exist. And wasn't that unsettling? I mean as exciting as it was, didn't it scare you?
"Yes. It took me awhile to adjust to it."
"Well, that's what he's facing."
"But how so? What has changed?"
"Well, he's a pretty confident guy-"
"That's putting it politely"
"Well, I thought "arrogant git" might be inappropriate seeing as he's hurting and all. Anyway, it's always been definite to him, somewhere in the back of his head, that he's capable enough to protect the people he loves. That in a sense he's untouchable. That all started to fall apart when his parents died, and I think it really hit home the other night when you almost died. Add to that the fact he was the one who almost killed you."
"How do you know about that?" What had happened in Surrey was top secret except for a select few investigating. Morgan shrugged.
"That's not the point." Seeing Lily was still skeptical, she added "I only see this because I've been there."
"How do I fix it then?"
"Not much you can. He'll work himself out. Just listen, if he wants you to, don't try and force it. He's strong, he'll get through it, you both will."
"You seem pretty sure."
She looked out at the lights of the village starting to come on in the distance. "Hell Lily, if you and James can't work it out, the rest of us are just screwed."
"Thanks Morgan."
She waved a hand dismissively and then said "Hey, want to see me charm that gnome to chase Gideon's broom around?"
She stood to go do so when Lily asked her "You said you knew what James was feeling because you'd been there. What changed for you?"
She lowered her chin slightly so her hair fell forward partly concealing her face. "I thought I could trust my father."
******
Morgan noted that Lily and James left as soon as it was dark and quidditch couldn't be played anymore, which she thought just as well since they might be able to talk about and work out whatever it was that was going on. As far as she was concerned, they were the model for how things were supposed to be in a relationship, so if they couldn't work it out, there was no hope for anyone else.
With that depressing thought, she wandered over to where the rest of the party had gathered around a fire Arthur had started. The twins had been put to bed long before and Percy had fallen asleep on his mother's shoulder, but Bill and Charlie were wide awake, and enthralled by listening to the adults' tales of school.
"Well, I guess the most detention I ever got was for setting off an entire crate of fireworks in potions." Sirius was saying with a nostalgic look on his face. "That was in fourth year, I only meant to set off one and chuck it into Snape's cauldron, because it was a shrinking potion we were brewing, and I wanted it to explode all over him. But the whole box of fireworks accidentally caught." He shook his head at the memory. "People were shrinking all over the place. Even Professor Veleno got splashed with it, and his left foot shrank up, so he had to hop around. He was so mad I thought he was just going to lose it and hex me."
Everyone was laughing, but Molly looked a little worried about the ideas her boys might get and announced it was time they went to bed. This met with the expected protest, and they could hear Bill and Charlie arguing all the way up the stairs.
"To be eleven again." Fabian sighed.
"Right mate, you're really over the hill. Practically a foot in the grave." Agreed his brother, a year younger.
"You know what I mean. Going off to school. Remember how exciting it was?"
"But we had it easier." Said Peter unexpectedly. "We didn't have all this hanging over us."
Nobody had to ask what he meant by "all this", they all understood.
"It had started though." Gideon said. "There were muggles being killed my first year, we just didn't understand the significance yet."
"I remember the first time I saw the Dark Mark, in a picture in the paper." Sirius shuddered. "I thought it was ugly, but I didn't realize the significance it would take on."
There was a moment of silence as everyone imagined coming home and finding the Dark Mark over their houses. Sirius had been with James when he'd gone home and found his parents dead, and he looked especially haunted by this thought.
"It's going to end though." He said finally, firmly. "Someday we have to win, right?"
******
Peter sat at the bar in the Leaky Cauldron drinking steadily, alone. That seemed to be the case often lately. His friends were all too busy or too wrapped up in their own little dramas to ever go out, or to ever do anything Peter suggested. Some friends. "Sorry mate, I'm just not in the mood." Had been all of their responses. Peter was beginning to feel as though he'd been abandoned.
He had been as pleased as everyone else when James and Lily had started dating in seventh year. It had been the culmination of two years of fighting that everyone knew had really just been flirting. But it had also been the beginning of then end, he saw now. Slowly their adult lives had started to come between them. All of the sudden there was this big part of James' life- his relationship with his girlfriend, and later his wife- that his friends really had no part in. As a general rule he liked Lily, but really he couldn't help but see her as the woman who monopolized all his friend's time.
Remus had always been the moody one, through no fault of his own, but for about a week before the full moon every month he clearly didn't feel well, and he'd become irritable and unapproachable. Besides, he was throwing himself so fully into the work he was doing at the Ministry that they rarely saw him.
It was only Sirius who had not changed so much, who was still willing to have fun. The problem was that now his idea of fun usually involved some beautiful woman, and certainly did not include his old school friends. It seemed to Peter he was constantly with some new friend, or with Morgan.
As for Morgan, she had always made her feelings toward him pretty clear. The dislike was mutual. Although Peter couldn't help but admit she was pretty enough, if you liked that dark type, ninety percent of the time he thought she was a bitch. Oddly enough, it was the same qualities that drew him to Sirius that irritated him in Morgan- the bold attitude, the confidence, bordering on arrogance, that came from being from a wealthy pureblood family, the careless disregard for rules and the ability to talk their way out of it when they got caught breaking them. He resented the amount of time she spent with HIS friends.
Peter sighed and let his eyes travel around the bar. It was late, though not unreasonably so, but there were few patrons. A witch and wizard in a corner table were talking in some foreign language over plates of fish and chips, and two young wizards at a nearer table seemed to be celebrating something by getting completely inebriated. Peter glanced to his left, and that was when he saw her.
A witch, certainly younger than him, he wondered if she was even old enough to be there. She looked like an angel from a muggle painting- curly gold hair, cornflower blue eyes set off by shockingly long eyelashes- and entirely out-of-place in the Leaky Cauldron. It was when she smiled at him, displaying even white teeth, that he realized he was staring, and looked away quickly.
For the next ten minutes, he engaged in a game of trying to steal glances at her without appearing to, and realized that she was definitely watching him too. Peter was used to being stared at by women, you couldn't avoid it if you were mates with Sirius Black and James Potter, but he was aware that he was not generally the one attracting the admiration. Peter was well aware he was very ordinary looking- a little short perhaps, hair that fell somewhere between brown and blond, eyes that changed color with the robes he wore. H was not at all unattractive, but he didn't have Sirius' dangerous elegance, or James boyish good looks, or even Remus more quiet and unassuming good looks that seemed to appeal to a lot of women. Normally Peter didn't give the subject a lot of thought, but as the blond witch kept stealing looks at him, he wished he'd taken the time to get a haircut that day, or worn robes in a better color than grey.
"Another then Pettigrew?" Asked Tom, the old bartender. Peter glanced down at his empty glass, and shrugged, then nodded. "Where are your partners in crime tonight?"
Peter shrugged again. "Busy."
"Aye, well, that's the way of things, isn't it?" He replied cheerfully, moving away.
Peter turned again to steal a glance at the pretty blond witch but his stomach sank when he saw that in the time he had been speaking to Tom she had gone. He was thinking he might as well go home too when a soft voice spoke just behind him.
"Hello."
He jerked around, and was face to face with her. Up close she was even prettier, her blue robes matched her eyes perfectly, and her hair fell in long shiny gold coils halfway down her back. She batted her long lashes at him in an unmistakably flirty gesture.
"Are you waiting for someone?" She asked in the same sweet, breathy voice.
"Wha? I.er.well.no.I mean. no." He stammered, wanting to explain that he did in fact have friends and was not the sort of pathetic git that spent most nights sitting in bars alone, but it seemed he could only get out random syllables under that blue gaze. Very smooth mate, he heard Sirius jeering voice in his head, but he blocked it out in favor of what the girl was saying now.
"I thought maybe, since you're sitting all alone, and I'm sitting all alone, we could sort of sit alone together." She said shyly.
"Sure! I mean, er, yeah, please sit down."
"My name is Abby. Abby Buchanan."
"I'm Peter Pettigrew."
She giggled. "I already know that. You were three years ahead of me at Hogwart's. I was in Hufflepuff though, so we never met. But you were one of the most popular boys in school. Everyone knew you."
That wasn't quite true, Peter thought, he had been friends with the most popular boys in school, but he didn't correct her. He also found it hard to believe that he had never noticed her, even if she was three years younger and in another house. Maybe she was one of those girls who had changed a lot when she left school.
"So Mr. Pettigrew." She leaned toward him, crossing her arms on the bar. "Tell me what you've been doing since you left Hogwart's?"
They talked until Tom finally threw them out when he had to close the pub. Then they stood awkwardly out in front on the normally busy London street, which was deserted.
"So, um, Abby." Peter took a deep breath and went for it. "Would it be okay if I sent you an owl sometime?"
She smiled. "Sure, I'd like that."
******
Sirius didn't like the idea of Morgan arriving at Avalon alone, with all the memories it would have for her, so he had arranged to go with her. On Friday morning (she had skipped her classes with a vague "going out of town" since Dumbledore's plans were not meant to be known to the Ministry) he arrived at her apartment only to find her gone. A note on the table said "At St. Mungo's. Meet me there."
He heaved a great sigh. Not only did it irritate him when she changed plans at the last minute, but Sirius hated hospitals. Being surrounded by sick and injured people made him uncomfortable. Besides he suspected she had gone to see Juliet. The healers had said that the more friends she had around the more likely she was to snap out of her trance, and so half the wizarding world had shown up to see her. The Masons were very well liked. He had been by on Wednesday with Lily and Alice, and it had been horrible, that staring and rocking. He did know her all that well, she had been in their year, but in Ravenclaw. Still the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws got on pretty well, except when they played quidditch against each other, so he'd spoken to Juliet a few times, knew her at least a little.
Still, there was nothing for it but to go and get Morgan at the hospital. It was relatively uncrowded on Friday morning, just a few people waiting, some with obvious problems, others who looked quite normal.. He approached a witch who was sitting with her feet propped up reading a copy of "Witch Weekly", oblivious to everything, including the shrill cries of a little boy whose head seemed to have swelled to about three times it's proper size.
"Excuse me?"
She looked up in irritation, as though he was interrupting something very important.
"What?"
"Did you see a girl come in here, about this tall, long dark hair...?"
"Visiting Mrs. Mason. Room 207." She dismissed him effectively by resuming her reading.
He knocked gently and a woman's voice, not Morgan's, said "come in." He wondered who else would visit so early in the morning, but was surprised to find the room empty except for Juliet, who looked vastly different than the last time he had been there. The curtains had been drawn back so sunlight was streaming into the room and falling across the bed, where she was propped up by pillows and looking at him attentively.
"Hi?" He said hesitantly. She was looking right at him, and seemed alert. The last time she had not seemed aware of their presence.
"Hi." She replied, her voice a little hoarse, but normal.
"I was looking for-"
"Morgan? Yes, she just went to get some coffee, she'll be back any second."
"Oh. So, you're, uh, feeling better then?" He didn't want to mention her previous condition for fear of bringing on a relapse. Normal as she seemed, he wasn't sure how stable she was.
"Don't worry Sirius, I'll refrain from yelling at the voices in my head while you're here." He blinked at her.
"It was a joke Sirius." She said patiently. "You can laugh."
He managed a weak smile.
"I know everyone thinks I've gone mad." She continued, sounding almost amused. "I suppose I did for a little while. I just couldn't handle it. But I am feeling better, a little anyway."
"I'm glad."
"I wish I was going with you all up to Avalon. I want to be involved."
"Don't worry, we'll keep you informed."
_______________________________________
Thanks so much to those who have reviewed! It's so very encouraging!
I wrote all of this during an incredibly boring conference call at work that was really about 5 minutes of actual business and the better part of 2 hours of my boss and her friends congratulating themselves on how rich and important they are, and talking about their houses in the Hamptons. Since I don't have a house in the Hamptons and had nothing to add, I wrote this. Again it's nothing really important alone but it sets up some things for later.
Chapter 5- Families, Friends, and Other Strangers
Sirius had always liked Molly and Arthur Weasley's house outside the village of Ottery St. Catchpole. More commonly known as "The Burrow", it was small and crowded and noisy, the exact opposite of his own childhood home at Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Molly and Arthur, with their now five children, had filled the house with such warmth that visitors there could not help but feel it. That was probably why when they decided to have a small party on Arthur's birthday, they ended up with more guests than they anticipated. No one seemed to mind, as it was a beautiful late spring evening ideal for being in the garden.
Sirius, from where he was perched on a low wall, could easily pick out the Weasley children with their vivid red hair. Bill, the oldest, was walking around puffed up with pride that he would be starting Hogwart's that year, and showing his new wand to anyone who would look. Charlie, eight years old, was following James around with questions about quidditch since he'd been told that James had played. James seemed both perplexed and amused by the small boy trailing him around. Sirius had always thought that Percy, until recently the youngest, was an unnatural child, far too quiet and neat for a little boy, and now he spotted him sitting primly in a chair, unnaturally still, and watching people. Finally, the not quite month old twins were on a blanket on the ground, being adored and cooed over by all the women present. If for even a moment young Fred and George were not the center of attention, they'd begin to wail, but there seemed little danger of that. Even Morgan, who did not typically like kids, was bouncing Fred on her hip while she chatted with Molly, not even seeming to mind that the baby had wrapped a sticky hand in her hair.
He wasn't sure what was going on with Morgan, who had not mentioned anything about the impending weekend at Avalon, except to mention that she was going up Friday morning if he wanted to go with her. She'd never been one to talk about what she was thinking, nor was he, but was worried about her now. Family was a touchy subject for both of them, so they simply avoided it. Sirius rarely thought about his parents, and as far as he was concerned he didn't have a brother. When he thought of family, it was James and Lily, Remus, Peter, and Morgan, they were the ones he could count on.
"Hey Mr. Black?" He looked down and saw young Bill Weasley look up at him hopefully. "Can you teach me a spell to turn people's hair green? Because Miss McCarrick said you knew one."
"Well, you can't go off to Hogwart's without knowing that. Let's see your wand."
******
"No, no mate, it was Ackerman who made the last goal for Puddlemere United in that last game of the season, but it was Clarke who got the snitch, he's their seeker. They've actually got quite a strong team since they replaced Takeshi, I really see them leading the league this year."
Lily watched James talking quidditch to young Charlie Weasley, and tried not to feel jealous that while she had barely been able to get a word out of him all week, he seemed to have plenty to say to the eight-year-old, who was listening raptly. He had always been good with kids. It had never seemed important to her before, but lately she caught herself wondering what their kids would be like. She could picture a littler version of James, with messy black hair and a cocky grin, getting into trouble. She wondered what kind of Mum she would be. Strict, no doubt. Clean your room. Get good marks in school. No broomsticks in the house. James would be the fun parent of course- making a mess, brushing off school, encouraging quidditch in the house. Whenever such thoughts occurred to her she tried to push them away. With the way they lived and the job they did, who would bring a child into that? It was all very well for Molly and Arthur, but they weren't risking their lives tangling with Death Eaters or Voldemort himself. They didn't start every day with the possibility of leaving their children without parents. But lately she had been thinking about it more and more, the idea was getting harder and harder to push aside.
Normally she would talk to James, he's always been the one who understood her, but it was as though he wasn't even there anymore. Something had been wrong since he'd gone bursting out of the Ministry the other day, and it had only gotten worse. He would snap one word answers at anyone who spoke to him, he was barely eating, and not sleeping.
"Mrs. Potter? Is that okay?" She was pulled from her thoughts by Charlie, the Weasley children were always so polite.
"What?"
"I was just going to show young Weasley some quidditch moves." James didn't meet her eyes.
"Oh.." It was the first thing James had shown any enthusiasm for all week. "Sure, of course."
******
Sirius finally sent young Bill away with the start of a rudimentary color changing spell, and guessed he was going to catch hell from Molly Weasley when she got an owl from Hogwart's about him using it. Still, he was feeling rather pleased with himself for encouraging a further generation of Hogwart's detention attendees. He noted that James and Gideon and some others had started a game of quidditch. Typical. He wasn't bad on a broom, but he'd never had the discipline to be on the school team.
It was beginning to get dark, but the party showed no signs of breaking up. It was getting cool as Molly was lighting torches around the yard. He watched Frank Longbottom drape his jacket around Alice's shoulders attentively. It was rather sweet if you were into that sort of thing, which he decidedly was not. Still he had a sort of respect for that sort of devotion, James and Lily showed it too.
"Must be nice to find your soul mate when you're sixteen." Morgan spoke behind him, quietly, thoughtfully, as though talking more to herself than him. There was a wistful note to her voice that he didn't like one bit. If there was one person he could count on to be as cool and cynical as he was, it was Morgan.
"Do you really think? You'd miss all the fun of dating."
She hesitated a moment before her black eyes rested on him. "I wouldn't really call what you do dating luv."
"All right. I'll bite. What would you call it?"
"More like having a meal as a transparent prelude to make shagging virtual strangers more socially acceptable."
"Don't be shy McCarrick, tell me what you really think." He smiled, though without much humor. "You're not exactly a model of purity yourself."
She shrugged. "Everyone knows I'm all talk, and I usually get a last name."
"You know McCarrick, as much as I enjoy your smart ass comments, you'd do well to quit while you're ahead."
She slowly, casually, reached into her pocket, her eyes on him. He still had his wand out from when he'd been demonstrating to Bill.
"You going to make me?"
"You're messing with the wrong wizard little girl.."
******
Lily was watching the quidditch, still going on although it would soon be too dark to see the snitch. Young Charlie had given off trying to keep up with the men but was watching from the sidelines, riveted.
A drink appeared in front of her and she turned to see Morgan, none the worse from her duel with Sirius aside from a bruised wrist on the arm that she'd used to break her fall. Like everything else in their relationship, their hexing wars seemed to have unspoken rules, they never did any real damage.
"Thanks." Lily wondered what was prompting this unusual show of kindness. Despite the fact that they had known each other since the ages of thirteen and eleven respectively, had been in the same house for seven years, and had the same group of friends, Lily and Morgan had never been close. Mostly because of very different personalities. Lily thought Morgan a bit too like Sirius, and therefore too impulsive and irresponsible. And Morgan generally found Lily too serious and quiet for her taste. They didn't dislike each other, they'd always gotten along, but they weren't close.
"Men are funny creatures." Morgan remarked mildly, taking the seat next to her. "When something is wrong they either play quidditch or hit each other." She sipped her drink, and then added. "Sometimes both."
Lily had to smile at the fairly accurate assessment of male behavior, but she didn't think Morgan was just throwing the comment out there for no reason.
"You've noticed something's wrong with James?" She asked hesitantly.
"No, I'm not that perceptive or sensitive." Morgan admitted. "But he is." A nod of her head toward Remus, who appeared to be trying to decline Molly's offer to hold one of the babies. "I, however, don't share his ridiculous objection to meddling in things that are none of my business."
"I can't figure it out." Lily admitted confidentially. "He won't talk, won't eat, can't sleep...it's like he's not even there. Except when he's storming out of work in the middle of the day. And if he keeps on with that sort of thing he's going to be in trouble with the Ministry."
She considered her words for a long moment before speaking. "He's having what I'd call a crisis of faith."
"That's a very muggle term."
Morgan had taken muggle studies at school because she had thought it would be easy, but she had never really understood their system of religion.
"I don't mean religion or gods. I mean, something that has always been a constant for him is suddenly shifting. Well, not so suddenly maybe, but over the last few months, and he's just now beginning to understand it."
"I don't think I understand." She admitted.
Morgan's forehead creased as she thought. "All right, put it this way- before you got your letter about Hogwart's, did you believe in magic?"
"No, I thought it was make believe."
"Exactly. And you didn't believe in dragons or unicorns or
hippogriffs, right?"
Lily didn't point out that muggles didn't know about hippogriffs, she was waiting to see where this was going.
"So when you found out it existed, it caused this huge shift in something that you had taken for granted. That magic didn't exist. And wasn't that unsettling? I mean as exciting as it was, didn't it scare you?
"Yes. It took me awhile to adjust to it."
"Well, that's what he's facing."
"But how so? What has changed?"
"Well, he's a pretty confident guy-"
"That's putting it politely"
"Well, I thought "arrogant git" might be inappropriate seeing as he's hurting and all. Anyway, it's always been definite to him, somewhere in the back of his head, that he's capable enough to protect the people he loves. That in a sense he's untouchable. That all started to fall apart when his parents died, and I think it really hit home the other night when you almost died. Add to that the fact he was the one who almost killed you."
"How do you know about that?" What had happened in Surrey was top secret except for a select few investigating. Morgan shrugged.
"That's not the point." Seeing Lily was still skeptical, she added "I only see this because I've been there."
"How do I fix it then?"
"Not much you can. He'll work himself out. Just listen, if he wants you to, don't try and force it. He's strong, he'll get through it, you both will."
"You seem pretty sure."
She looked out at the lights of the village starting to come on in the distance. "Hell Lily, if you and James can't work it out, the rest of us are just screwed."
"Thanks Morgan."
She waved a hand dismissively and then said "Hey, want to see me charm that gnome to chase Gideon's broom around?"
She stood to go do so when Lily asked her "You said you knew what James was feeling because you'd been there. What changed for you?"
She lowered her chin slightly so her hair fell forward partly concealing her face. "I thought I could trust my father."
******
Morgan noted that Lily and James left as soon as it was dark and quidditch couldn't be played anymore, which she thought just as well since they might be able to talk about and work out whatever it was that was going on. As far as she was concerned, they were the model for how things were supposed to be in a relationship, so if they couldn't work it out, there was no hope for anyone else.
With that depressing thought, she wandered over to where the rest of the party had gathered around a fire Arthur had started. The twins had been put to bed long before and Percy had fallen asleep on his mother's shoulder, but Bill and Charlie were wide awake, and enthralled by listening to the adults' tales of school.
"Well, I guess the most detention I ever got was for setting off an entire crate of fireworks in potions." Sirius was saying with a nostalgic look on his face. "That was in fourth year, I only meant to set off one and chuck it into Snape's cauldron, because it was a shrinking potion we were brewing, and I wanted it to explode all over him. But the whole box of fireworks accidentally caught." He shook his head at the memory. "People were shrinking all over the place. Even Professor Veleno got splashed with it, and his left foot shrank up, so he had to hop around. He was so mad I thought he was just going to lose it and hex me."
Everyone was laughing, but Molly looked a little worried about the ideas her boys might get and announced it was time they went to bed. This met with the expected protest, and they could hear Bill and Charlie arguing all the way up the stairs.
"To be eleven again." Fabian sighed.
"Right mate, you're really over the hill. Practically a foot in the grave." Agreed his brother, a year younger.
"You know what I mean. Going off to school. Remember how exciting it was?"
"But we had it easier." Said Peter unexpectedly. "We didn't have all this hanging over us."
Nobody had to ask what he meant by "all this", they all understood.
"It had started though." Gideon said. "There were muggles being killed my first year, we just didn't understand the significance yet."
"I remember the first time I saw the Dark Mark, in a picture in the paper." Sirius shuddered. "I thought it was ugly, but I didn't realize the significance it would take on."
There was a moment of silence as everyone imagined coming home and finding the Dark Mark over their houses. Sirius had been with James when he'd gone home and found his parents dead, and he looked especially haunted by this thought.
"It's going to end though." He said finally, firmly. "Someday we have to win, right?"
******
Peter sat at the bar in the Leaky Cauldron drinking steadily, alone. That seemed to be the case often lately. His friends were all too busy or too wrapped up in their own little dramas to ever go out, or to ever do anything Peter suggested. Some friends. "Sorry mate, I'm just not in the mood." Had been all of their responses. Peter was beginning to feel as though he'd been abandoned.
He had been as pleased as everyone else when James and Lily had started dating in seventh year. It had been the culmination of two years of fighting that everyone knew had really just been flirting. But it had also been the beginning of then end, he saw now. Slowly their adult lives had started to come between them. All of the sudden there was this big part of James' life- his relationship with his girlfriend, and later his wife- that his friends really had no part in. As a general rule he liked Lily, but really he couldn't help but see her as the woman who monopolized all his friend's time.
Remus had always been the moody one, through no fault of his own, but for about a week before the full moon every month he clearly didn't feel well, and he'd become irritable and unapproachable. Besides, he was throwing himself so fully into the work he was doing at the Ministry that they rarely saw him.
It was only Sirius who had not changed so much, who was still willing to have fun. The problem was that now his idea of fun usually involved some beautiful woman, and certainly did not include his old school friends. It seemed to Peter he was constantly with some new friend, or with Morgan.
As for Morgan, she had always made her feelings toward him pretty clear. The dislike was mutual. Although Peter couldn't help but admit she was pretty enough, if you liked that dark type, ninety percent of the time he thought she was a bitch. Oddly enough, it was the same qualities that drew him to Sirius that irritated him in Morgan- the bold attitude, the confidence, bordering on arrogance, that came from being from a wealthy pureblood family, the careless disregard for rules and the ability to talk their way out of it when they got caught breaking them. He resented the amount of time she spent with HIS friends.
Peter sighed and let his eyes travel around the bar. It was late, though not unreasonably so, but there were few patrons. A witch and wizard in a corner table were talking in some foreign language over plates of fish and chips, and two young wizards at a nearer table seemed to be celebrating something by getting completely inebriated. Peter glanced to his left, and that was when he saw her.
A witch, certainly younger than him, he wondered if she was even old enough to be there. She looked like an angel from a muggle painting- curly gold hair, cornflower blue eyes set off by shockingly long eyelashes- and entirely out-of-place in the Leaky Cauldron. It was when she smiled at him, displaying even white teeth, that he realized he was staring, and looked away quickly.
For the next ten minutes, he engaged in a game of trying to steal glances at her without appearing to, and realized that she was definitely watching him too. Peter was used to being stared at by women, you couldn't avoid it if you were mates with Sirius Black and James Potter, but he was aware that he was not generally the one attracting the admiration. Peter was well aware he was very ordinary looking- a little short perhaps, hair that fell somewhere between brown and blond, eyes that changed color with the robes he wore. H was not at all unattractive, but he didn't have Sirius' dangerous elegance, or James boyish good looks, or even Remus more quiet and unassuming good looks that seemed to appeal to a lot of women. Normally Peter didn't give the subject a lot of thought, but as the blond witch kept stealing looks at him, he wished he'd taken the time to get a haircut that day, or worn robes in a better color than grey.
"Another then Pettigrew?" Asked Tom, the old bartender. Peter glanced down at his empty glass, and shrugged, then nodded. "Where are your partners in crime tonight?"
Peter shrugged again. "Busy."
"Aye, well, that's the way of things, isn't it?" He replied cheerfully, moving away.
Peter turned again to steal a glance at the pretty blond witch but his stomach sank when he saw that in the time he had been speaking to Tom she had gone. He was thinking he might as well go home too when a soft voice spoke just behind him.
"Hello."
He jerked around, and was face to face with her. Up close she was even prettier, her blue robes matched her eyes perfectly, and her hair fell in long shiny gold coils halfway down her back. She batted her long lashes at him in an unmistakably flirty gesture.
"Are you waiting for someone?" She asked in the same sweet, breathy voice.
"Wha? I.er.well.no.I mean. no." He stammered, wanting to explain that he did in fact have friends and was not the sort of pathetic git that spent most nights sitting in bars alone, but it seemed he could only get out random syllables under that blue gaze. Very smooth mate, he heard Sirius jeering voice in his head, but he blocked it out in favor of what the girl was saying now.
"I thought maybe, since you're sitting all alone, and I'm sitting all alone, we could sort of sit alone together." She said shyly.
"Sure! I mean, er, yeah, please sit down."
"My name is Abby. Abby Buchanan."
"I'm Peter Pettigrew."
She giggled. "I already know that. You were three years ahead of me at Hogwart's. I was in Hufflepuff though, so we never met. But you were one of the most popular boys in school. Everyone knew you."
That wasn't quite true, Peter thought, he had been friends with the most popular boys in school, but he didn't correct her. He also found it hard to believe that he had never noticed her, even if she was three years younger and in another house. Maybe she was one of those girls who had changed a lot when she left school.
"So Mr. Pettigrew." She leaned toward him, crossing her arms on the bar. "Tell me what you've been doing since you left Hogwart's?"
They talked until Tom finally threw them out when he had to close the pub. Then they stood awkwardly out in front on the normally busy London street, which was deserted.
"So, um, Abby." Peter took a deep breath and went for it. "Would it be okay if I sent you an owl sometime?"
She smiled. "Sure, I'd like that."
******
Sirius didn't like the idea of Morgan arriving at Avalon alone, with all the memories it would have for her, so he had arranged to go with her. On Friday morning (she had skipped her classes with a vague "going out of town" since Dumbledore's plans were not meant to be known to the Ministry) he arrived at her apartment only to find her gone. A note on the table said "At St. Mungo's. Meet me there."
He heaved a great sigh. Not only did it irritate him when she changed plans at the last minute, but Sirius hated hospitals. Being surrounded by sick and injured people made him uncomfortable. Besides he suspected she had gone to see Juliet. The healers had said that the more friends she had around the more likely she was to snap out of her trance, and so half the wizarding world had shown up to see her. The Masons were very well liked. He had been by on Wednesday with Lily and Alice, and it had been horrible, that staring and rocking. He did know her all that well, she had been in their year, but in Ravenclaw. Still the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws got on pretty well, except when they played quidditch against each other, so he'd spoken to Juliet a few times, knew her at least a little.
Still, there was nothing for it but to go and get Morgan at the hospital. It was relatively uncrowded on Friday morning, just a few people waiting, some with obvious problems, others who looked quite normal.. He approached a witch who was sitting with her feet propped up reading a copy of "Witch Weekly", oblivious to everything, including the shrill cries of a little boy whose head seemed to have swelled to about three times it's proper size.
"Excuse me?"
She looked up in irritation, as though he was interrupting something very important.
"What?"
"Did you see a girl come in here, about this tall, long dark hair...?"
"Visiting Mrs. Mason. Room 207." She dismissed him effectively by resuming her reading.
He knocked gently and a woman's voice, not Morgan's, said "come in." He wondered who else would visit so early in the morning, but was surprised to find the room empty except for Juliet, who looked vastly different than the last time he had been there. The curtains had been drawn back so sunlight was streaming into the room and falling across the bed, where she was propped up by pillows and looking at him attentively.
"Hi?" He said hesitantly. She was looking right at him, and seemed alert. The last time she had not seemed aware of their presence.
"Hi." She replied, her voice a little hoarse, but normal.
"I was looking for-"
"Morgan? Yes, she just went to get some coffee, she'll be back any second."
"Oh. So, you're, uh, feeling better then?" He didn't want to mention her previous condition for fear of bringing on a relapse. Normal as she seemed, he wasn't sure how stable she was.
"Don't worry Sirius, I'll refrain from yelling at the voices in my head while you're here." He blinked at her.
"It was a joke Sirius." She said patiently. "You can laugh."
He managed a weak smile.
"I know everyone thinks I've gone mad." She continued, sounding almost amused. "I suppose I did for a little while. I just couldn't handle it. But I am feeling better, a little anyway."
"I'm glad."
"I wish I was going with you all up to Avalon. I want to be involved."
"Don't worry, we'll keep you informed."
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