I am tired of typing the same disclaimer but that does not mean it no
longer applies and it's slap CE with a big ol' lawsuit time. I'm not
clever enough to come up with all of this, so see disclaimer in previous
chapters and remember it still applies and always will.
I know I've taken my time about updating this, but the fact is that in moving from the suburbs to the city I somehow acquired a social life. Yep, I was pretty surprised too. Since I do enjoy the writing immensely I will keep on with it, but it may be a little slower going.
Chapter 6- Problems Without Solutions
Morgan had told them there was a convenient forest on Avalon's grounds for apparating, since security measures set by her father prevented apparating in the house. Though in a remote area, there was a muggle village not too far away, and they did often get curious tourists. Avalon might look like ruins to muggle passers by, but in Scotland ruins of old castles were often tourist attractions and even signs saying it was unsafe did not deter the bolder ones, particularly the Americans.
As they stepped out of the dense forest, Avalon loomed above them, shrouded in mist as was appropriate given its name. It was not so much a manor house as James had expected, but more of a fortress, turrets and towers silhouetted against the grey sky. The grassy park was sunken right around the building, as though there had once been a moat. A pair of very realistic looking stone cats guarded the stone steps leading to the heavy door. Above the door in elaborate lettering was written "'S RIOGHAL MO DHREAM".
"So this is Avalon." James strode forward, but as his foot hit the lowest step several voices yelled "JAMES, NO!" He froze. He heard a low, rumbling, unmistakably menacing sound. He turned his head slowly, and saw that one of the stone cats had moved, and was growling at him, slowly rising, ready to spring. Behind him, he sensed a sudden movement, and everything happened so fast that he couldn't process it. There was a sharp tearing pain in his shoulder, and he was thrown aside by Morgan, who had her wand out and cried a spell in some foreign language.
He found himself on the ground with a searing pain in his shoulder and Morgan, Lily, and Sirius in the doorway looking at him with expressions of mixed sympathy and bemusement. He picked himself up and saw Morgan standing on the steps with the great stone cats winding around her like kittens, despite being as high as her shoulders, making a low rattling sound that he realized was purring. She bit her lip and shrugged. "Security measure."
"A little extreme, don't you think?"
"They don't really kill people." She said absently, scratching one of their heads. "Just maim them a little." She turned and headed back inside, so there was nothing to do but follow though he could feel blood seeping through the back of his shirt.
"We only just arrived as well." Sirius remarked as they followed her inside.
"Welcome to Avalon."
They were standing in a cavernous foyer, at the foot of a sweeping red carpeted staircase. From high up on the walls portraits with a strong family resemblance to Morgan watched them suspiciously, nudging each other and whispering. Before any of them could take another step or speak, a blur shot across the foyer and threw itself on the ground at Morgan's feet.
"Oh Mistress." A high squeaking little voice gasped out in choking little sobs. "Oh Mistress you is finally, finally back." They realized it was a house elf, who had thrown herself flat on the ground in front of Morgan, sobbing and grasping at her shoes. "Oh Mistress, Janzy had hoped and hoped but thought you was never coming home."
Morgan took a step back, her face a mixture of embarrassment and irritation.
"Get up Janzy, please, you're embarrassing me. Stop it." She nudged the elf gently with her toe, trying to get it to stand. "That's enough Janzy!" She finally said firmly, and with some difficulty is straightened up, still gulping and gasping "Mistress" is shuddering breaths. It was a fairly young house elf, they saw, and dressed rather better than most. It did not have real clothes, of course, but a clean white dish towel fashioned into a sort of toga. It seemed to notice the rest of them for the first time.
"Mistress brings her friends to Avalon." It breathed, as though it could hope for nothing better in life.
"Everyone, this is Janzy." Morgan remarked quietly. "Please let her know if you'd like anything."
"Janzy lives to serve Mistress." Again the elf threw itself on the floor at her feet.
"I said that's enough!" She said sharply, and turned away, starting up the steps. "I'll show you the rooms." She continued to everyone else, ignoring the elf scampering at her feet now. "The North wing has been fairly modernized, the rest are positively medieval."
At the top of the steps she stopped so suddenly that James ran into her, and he heard her mutter "Oh no-"
"What's-" Sirius began, but whatever else he said was drowned out.
"YOU!" A voice bellowed, filling the hall. "HOW DARE YOU COME BACK HERE!"
It took the rest of them a moment to realize the source of the yelling was a portrait of a man who had probably once been rather handsome, but had let himself go. The ravages of time were exacerbated by the fact that his face was contorted with rage.
"HOW DARE YOU COME BACK HERE AND BRING THIS SORT OF FILTH INTO THIS ONCE NOBLE HOUSE! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY LEGACY AND LOOK WHAT YOU'VE MADE OF YOURSELF!"
Morgan seemed transfixed, slowly backing away from the picture until she walked into Sirius, who stepped past her resolutely. "Well, now we've all met Morgan's father, let see of we can't find a better place for this. Like maybe the fire."
"YOU!" The portrait of Cailean McCarrick had spotted him. "YOU RUINED HER! SHE WAS MINE UNTIL YOU STARTED INTERFERING. YOU TURNED HER AGAINST ME!"
Rolling his eyes, Sirius pulled the portrait off the wall with a loud screeching sound and turned to go back downstairs, the screams growing fainter, while Morgan still seemed hypnotized by the slightly lighter square on the wallpaper. They heard a clatter downstairs and then other voices, so it sounded as though others were arriving. Lily touched her elbow. "Morgan?"
"Hey, Morgan, don't worry about it, it's just a picture." James said tentatively. They could hear more people downstairs, it sounded as though other were arriving, and it seemed to shake her out of her daze, she turned just as Gideon and Fabian clattered around the corner at the top of the stairs and skidded to stop, jostling each other like schoolboys.
"Morgan, this place is brilliant! I didn't know they had houses this big."
"Going to be mad fun, the park out back is great for quidditch!" Fabian nodded enthusiastically. "Those cats are wicked! Why didn't you ever have parties here before?" He added.
"Come on, I'll show everyone their rooms." She ignored the question.
******
James was muttering as he finally let Lily check out the scratch on his shoulder from Morgan's stone cat. She couldn't hear all of what he was saying but she got the general idea.
"Honestly James, it's barely a scratch, you'll be fine, it's stopped bleeding already, it's not deep at all." She pressed a bandage over the row of claw marks and the kissed the back of his neck. "There, as good as new."
He tested his shoulder, and then shrugged. It was a gesture she had seen from him far too much lately, and it irritated her.
"Stop sulking, it's not that bad." She snapped. He spun around.
"That's not it!" He snapped back. "Why is everyone acting like this is some kind of holiday? This is serious. We're not here to play quidditch!"
"I never thought I'd hear you object to playing quidditch." She joked, trying to lighten the mood. It didn't work; he just glared at her.
"Well, look, there's no reason not to make the best of things." She continued. "They'll be serious when they need to be. You've said yourself they're both excellent at what they do. If all we think about is Voldemort every waking hour, then what is there left to be fighting for?"
"I do think about Voldemort every waking hour."
"Yes, and how is that working out for you James?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"That I don't get what is going on with you! We've been dealing with this for years and all of a sudden you're like a different person, and I'm trying to understand it."
"Nothing is going on." He said distractedly, running a hand through his hair. "I'm just busy, and..and..tired."
"I'd be tired too, if I wasn't sleeping." She said quietly. "So why can't you tell me what's going on? You've never had problems talking to me."
He shook his head, and turned to look out the window. "It's not you. It's just something I need to work out for myself."
"But what is something you need to work out for yourself? If you need to work out the solution for yourself can't you even tell me what the problem is? I feel like I'm married to someone I don't even know."
"I don't even know what the problem is." He sounded exhausted and defeated, but then in a quick movement he grabbed his shirt and shrugged into it, and headed for the door. "I'm going for a walk, I won't be long."
******
By dinnertime that night more people had arrived, though the most did not plan to come until Saturday. A good many of them worked for the Ministry, and as small as the wizarding community was, lots of people going missing from work would surely raise suspicion. Frank and Alice arrived with Remus and Peter just before dinner, and Moody arrived about halfway through. The healers at St. Mungo's had been unable to save the eye he'd been hit with a stunner in when they'd met Voldemort, but one of the healers had invented a new one that could see through anything, it seemed, to replace it. Moody was actually pleased with it, but it was bright electric blue and rather alarming to everyone else. Morgan seemed unable to stop staring.
Everyone congratulated Morgan on an excellent dinner, which she insisted she had nothing to do with, as it was entirely the house elves. Apparently there were two others besides the one they had met, but they did not like to leave the kitchen. Janzy, on the other hand, was so attached to Morgan she was forever scampering around her feet, tripping her. Morgan sent her off with very little patience and suggested they all gather in the library rather than the fancy sitting room, which she insisted was too cold and formal.
"This place is bloody freezing even in the summer." Muttered Sirius as James started a fire in the library. In seconds there was a roaring fire and warmth began to spread but he continued to complain. "Of course what would you expect from Scotland, it's so bloody primitive here, not nice and civilized like we are in England."
"Aye, kent yer faither, yer nothin special." Replied Morgan in a heavy brogue they had never heard from her before.
"What do you reckon all this is about?" Frank said, to no one in particular. There was a response of various "I don't knows" from the room in general.
"We'll know when Dumbledore sees fit to tell us. I, for one, think it's often better to not know what's coming." Announced Sirius, who had his hands so near the fire that Morgan made a move to pull him back, then stopped, apparently deciding he was an adult and could burn himself as he liked.
"You never believed in divination." It was not a question, but a statement. He'd made his opinions on the subject clear enough to get thrown out of class a good many times.
"Not a bit, waste of time, absolute rubbish. All that nonsense of tea leaves and planetary charts. You make your own destiny, that's what."
"Whatever we're here for." James got back onto the subject Frank had started. It was on all their minds so ridiculous to avoid it. "I reckon it's dangerous."
"How d'you know that?"
"Well, I reckon this is going to be some sort of secret group to fight Voldemort, sort of a secret army if you will. Dumbledore sees the Ministry isn't getting the job done, so he's getting together people he trusts."
Several people looked gratified by this. It was flattering to be trusted by Dumbledore.
"Well, I mean really, what isn't dangerous nowadays." Said Gideon pragmatically. He actually looked rather pleased at the idea of it being dangerous, he liked action and excitement.
"Aye, but I think the people Dumbledore didn't include is telling." Morgan remarked.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, Molly and Arthur Weasley for example. They're as interested as the rest of us in fighting Voldemort, and certainly he'd trust them."
"So why aren't they coming?"
Lily spoke before Morgan did, obviously she had just realized what Morgan was talking about. "Five children under the age of eleven." She said musingly. Morgan nodded.
"Sorry, I guess I'm being thick, but I still don't get what you two are on about-"
Sirius broke in. "I see what they're getting at mate. Dumbledore is assuming we're all going to cop it, and he doesn't want to leave five children without parents."
"Oh." Gideon looked rather as though he wished he had not figured out what they meant. "Well, I think maybe that's a little extreme of him. Making it seem more dire than it is, you know?"
"You think so?" James broke in unexpectedly. "Tell that to Rob Mason." He stood up and strode out of the room. They all stared after him.
"What is his bloody problem lately anyway?" Muttered Gideon, with an angry look that was rare to him.
The question was met with awkward silence, as they all looked at each other nervously. Fortunately, as the silence was becoming unbearable, they were all distracted by a great commotion outside, which sounded like a particularly violent fight, with loud roars and someone shouting.
"Morgan, bloody hell, your cats are attacking someone!" Sirius cried.
"Oh Merlin, not again-" She jumped up and ran out of the room, with everyone scrambling after her. She heaved open the front door and in the torchlight they could see one of the cats locked in a battle with another animal.
"Retraite!" She waved her wand and immediately the fighting stopped and the cats trotted up to her at the top of the steps, suddenly docile. They could see they had been fighting with a great dog that, though it was panting, did not appear hurt.
"Hey, isn't that-"
"Blimey Morgan, where'd yeh get those cats? Ruddy brilliant, they are!"
Morgan grinned. "Only you'd think something that just tried to kill you was brilliant Hagrid!"
******
James went to bed when everyone else did although he knew it would be useless. He couldn't sleep and on the off chance that he did drift off, Death Eaters hunted him in his dreams. At some point during the night, Lily turned and threw an arm across his chest, and he had to get up. He gently slipped out of her embrace and left her sleeping.
He had no destination in mind; he was just wandering restlessly. Morgan had said it was easy to get lost in Avalon because it was full of secret passages and trapdoors, but he didn't really care, he just needed movement, he couldn't stay still.
Apparently the Avalon portraits didn't approve, judging by the way they watched him suspiciously and whispered to each other, but as he made his way down a random corridor another voice spoke, over the whispering.
"Rather late to be wandering around, isn't it James?"
James turned in surprise to see Albus Dumbledore, who had apparently just arrived as he was carrying a small bag.
"Oh, hello Sir. Did you just arrive?"
"Yes, and as it was so late I thought it better not to wake anyone. I had not thought anyone would be up. But I meet first Miss McCarrick, and now yourself."
James glanced around. "Morgan is awake?"
"I sent her off. She seemed to think I might give her a detention for being out of bed so late."
James managed a slight smile.
"And you James? What is keeping you up?"
"Oh, nothing so dramatic Sir, I'll be fine."
"A great many people are worried about you."
"Well, they need not. I'll be fine, it's just stress, with all that's going on, and You-Know-Who...I mean, Voldemort." He added, at Dumbledore's raised eyebrow. He had started slipping into calling Voldemort by the name that most people were more comfortable with.
"Fear feeds on itself James, and when you refuse to speak the name of something you only give it more power. People hear you, a leader by nature, refuse to speak his name and they think there is even more reason to be afraid. It's a small victory for him when you do, even if only for the comfort of those around you."
"Well, I don't suppose it much matters." He replied bitterly. "Small victories are nothing when he's winning great ones."
"Is that how you see it?"
"We're losing Sir. We're losing the war. More people are dying every day."
"We only lose, James, when our best and brightest give up." Dumbledore looked at him piercingly.
"I haven't given up. I'm here, aren't I?" James knew he sounded rude, he didn't care, he was angry. At what, he wasn't quite sure, but he didn't think the headmaster was helping anything by attacking him.
"You're young, and perhaps in your relatively short time you've seen more pain and death than is fair, that makes it easy to lose hope. But sometimes you need to be reminded of the things you have to fight for. Family, friends, a future. The people and things you love. If you forget those things, it's too easy to give into the despair of the times we live in, to let yourself be consumed by fear and anger." He paused. "And fear and anger will win James, if you try to keep everything to yourself. The pain from the things you've seen and experienced won't go away, but you can stop it from controlling your life. Sharing it with others doesn't make you weak, it makes you human."
"You think I should talk to her?"
"I can think of many people in your life who would be willing to share your burdens, but one in particular who you promised to share your life with, and it seems you haven't been doing that in these past months."
"I'm sorry Sir, but will you excuse me? She's been more than patient, far more understanding than I deserve."
"Of course. I think I can find my room by combining Miss McCarrick's garbled directions and many years of living in a castle as temperamental as Hogwart's."
"Thank you Sir. Good night."
"And to you James."
_____________________________
"'S RIOGHAL MO DHREAM"- This is Gaelic and it means "Royal is my Race". If you're a nerd like myself you might know that this is actually the motto of the MacGregor Clan. I mean no disrespect to any MacGregors, I just thought it sounds like the sort of thing a pureblood wizard family might have as their motto as well.
Sus- Yeah, well, thanks for the review. "shagging like bunnies"...you're so classy babe.
I know I've taken my time about updating this, but the fact is that in moving from the suburbs to the city I somehow acquired a social life. Yep, I was pretty surprised too. Since I do enjoy the writing immensely I will keep on with it, but it may be a little slower going.
Chapter 6- Problems Without Solutions
Morgan had told them there was a convenient forest on Avalon's grounds for apparating, since security measures set by her father prevented apparating in the house. Though in a remote area, there was a muggle village not too far away, and they did often get curious tourists. Avalon might look like ruins to muggle passers by, but in Scotland ruins of old castles were often tourist attractions and even signs saying it was unsafe did not deter the bolder ones, particularly the Americans.
As they stepped out of the dense forest, Avalon loomed above them, shrouded in mist as was appropriate given its name. It was not so much a manor house as James had expected, but more of a fortress, turrets and towers silhouetted against the grey sky. The grassy park was sunken right around the building, as though there had once been a moat. A pair of very realistic looking stone cats guarded the stone steps leading to the heavy door. Above the door in elaborate lettering was written "'S RIOGHAL MO DHREAM".
"So this is Avalon." James strode forward, but as his foot hit the lowest step several voices yelled "JAMES, NO!" He froze. He heard a low, rumbling, unmistakably menacing sound. He turned his head slowly, and saw that one of the stone cats had moved, and was growling at him, slowly rising, ready to spring. Behind him, he sensed a sudden movement, and everything happened so fast that he couldn't process it. There was a sharp tearing pain in his shoulder, and he was thrown aside by Morgan, who had her wand out and cried a spell in some foreign language.
He found himself on the ground with a searing pain in his shoulder and Morgan, Lily, and Sirius in the doorway looking at him with expressions of mixed sympathy and bemusement. He picked himself up and saw Morgan standing on the steps with the great stone cats winding around her like kittens, despite being as high as her shoulders, making a low rattling sound that he realized was purring. She bit her lip and shrugged. "Security measure."
"A little extreme, don't you think?"
"They don't really kill people." She said absently, scratching one of their heads. "Just maim them a little." She turned and headed back inside, so there was nothing to do but follow though he could feel blood seeping through the back of his shirt.
"We only just arrived as well." Sirius remarked as they followed her inside.
"Welcome to Avalon."
They were standing in a cavernous foyer, at the foot of a sweeping red carpeted staircase. From high up on the walls portraits with a strong family resemblance to Morgan watched them suspiciously, nudging each other and whispering. Before any of them could take another step or speak, a blur shot across the foyer and threw itself on the ground at Morgan's feet.
"Oh Mistress." A high squeaking little voice gasped out in choking little sobs. "Oh Mistress you is finally, finally back." They realized it was a house elf, who had thrown herself flat on the ground in front of Morgan, sobbing and grasping at her shoes. "Oh Mistress, Janzy had hoped and hoped but thought you was never coming home."
Morgan took a step back, her face a mixture of embarrassment and irritation.
"Get up Janzy, please, you're embarrassing me. Stop it." She nudged the elf gently with her toe, trying to get it to stand. "That's enough Janzy!" She finally said firmly, and with some difficulty is straightened up, still gulping and gasping "Mistress" is shuddering breaths. It was a fairly young house elf, they saw, and dressed rather better than most. It did not have real clothes, of course, but a clean white dish towel fashioned into a sort of toga. It seemed to notice the rest of them for the first time.
"Mistress brings her friends to Avalon." It breathed, as though it could hope for nothing better in life.
"Everyone, this is Janzy." Morgan remarked quietly. "Please let her know if you'd like anything."
"Janzy lives to serve Mistress." Again the elf threw itself on the floor at her feet.
"I said that's enough!" She said sharply, and turned away, starting up the steps. "I'll show you the rooms." She continued to everyone else, ignoring the elf scampering at her feet now. "The North wing has been fairly modernized, the rest are positively medieval."
At the top of the steps she stopped so suddenly that James ran into her, and he heard her mutter "Oh no-"
"What's-" Sirius began, but whatever else he said was drowned out.
"YOU!" A voice bellowed, filling the hall. "HOW DARE YOU COME BACK HERE!"
It took the rest of them a moment to realize the source of the yelling was a portrait of a man who had probably once been rather handsome, but had let himself go. The ravages of time were exacerbated by the fact that his face was contorted with rage.
"HOW DARE YOU COME BACK HERE AND BRING THIS SORT OF FILTH INTO THIS ONCE NOBLE HOUSE! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY LEGACY AND LOOK WHAT YOU'VE MADE OF YOURSELF!"
Morgan seemed transfixed, slowly backing away from the picture until she walked into Sirius, who stepped past her resolutely. "Well, now we've all met Morgan's father, let see of we can't find a better place for this. Like maybe the fire."
"YOU!" The portrait of Cailean McCarrick had spotted him. "YOU RUINED HER! SHE WAS MINE UNTIL YOU STARTED INTERFERING. YOU TURNED HER AGAINST ME!"
Rolling his eyes, Sirius pulled the portrait off the wall with a loud screeching sound and turned to go back downstairs, the screams growing fainter, while Morgan still seemed hypnotized by the slightly lighter square on the wallpaper. They heard a clatter downstairs and then other voices, so it sounded as though others were arriving. Lily touched her elbow. "Morgan?"
"Hey, Morgan, don't worry about it, it's just a picture." James said tentatively. They could hear more people downstairs, it sounded as though other were arriving, and it seemed to shake her out of her daze, she turned just as Gideon and Fabian clattered around the corner at the top of the stairs and skidded to stop, jostling each other like schoolboys.
"Morgan, this place is brilliant! I didn't know they had houses this big."
"Going to be mad fun, the park out back is great for quidditch!" Fabian nodded enthusiastically. "Those cats are wicked! Why didn't you ever have parties here before?" He added.
"Come on, I'll show everyone their rooms." She ignored the question.
******
James was muttering as he finally let Lily check out the scratch on his shoulder from Morgan's stone cat. She couldn't hear all of what he was saying but she got the general idea.
"Honestly James, it's barely a scratch, you'll be fine, it's stopped bleeding already, it's not deep at all." She pressed a bandage over the row of claw marks and the kissed the back of his neck. "There, as good as new."
He tested his shoulder, and then shrugged. It was a gesture she had seen from him far too much lately, and it irritated her.
"Stop sulking, it's not that bad." She snapped. He spun around.
"That's not it!" He snapped back. "Why is everyone acting like this is some kind of holiday? This is serious. We're not here to play quidditch!"
"I never thought I'd hear you object to playing quidditch." She joked, trying to lighten the mood. It didn't work; he just glared at her.
"Well, look, there's no reason not to make the best of things." She continued. "They'll be serious when they need to be. You've said yourself they're both excellent at what they do. If all we think about is Voldemort every waking hour, then what is there left to be fighting for?"
"I do think about Voldemort every waking hour."
"Yes, and how is that working out for you James?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"That I don't get what is going on with you! We've been dealing with this for years and all of a sudden you're like a different person, and I'm trying to understand it."
"Nothing is going on." He said distractedly, running a hand through his hair. "I'm just busy, and..and..tired."
"I'd be tired too, if I wasn't sleeping." She said quietly. "So why can't you tell me what's going on? You've never had problems talking to me."
He shook his head, and turned to look out the window. "It's not you. It's just something I need to work out for myself."
"But what is something you need to work out for yourself? If you need to work out the solution for yourself can't you even tell me what the problem is? I feel like I'm married to someone I don't even know."
"I don't even know what the problem is." He sounded exhausted and defeated, but then in a quick movement he grabbed his shirt and shrugged into it, and headed for the door. "I'm going for a walk, I won't be long."
******
By dinnertime that night more people had arrived, though the most did not plan to come until Saturday. A good many of them worked for the Ministry, and as small as the wizarding community was, lots of people going missing from work would surely raise suspicion. Frank and Alice arrived with Remus and Peter just before dinner, and Moody arrived about halfway through. The healers at St. Mungo's had been unable to save the eye he'd been hit with a stunner in when they'd met Voldemort, but one of the healers had invented a new one that could see through anything, it seemed, to replace it. Moody was actually pleased with it, but it was bright electric blue and rather alarming to everyone else. Morgan seemed unable to stop staring.
Everyone congratulated Morgan on an excellent dinner, which she insisted she had nothing to do with, as it was entirely the house elves. Apparently there were two others besides the one they had met, but they did not like to leave the kitchen. Janzy, on the other hand, was so attached to Morgan she was forever scampering around her feet, tripping her. Morgan sent her off with very little patience and suggested they all gather in the library rather than the fancy sitting room, which she insisted was too cold and formal.
"This place is bloody freezing even in the summer." Muttered Sirius as James started a fire in the library. In seconds there was a roaring fire and warmth began to spread but he continued to complain. "Of course what would you expect from Scotland, it's so bloody primitive here, not nice and civilized like we are in England."
"Aye, kent yer faither, yer nothin special." Replied Morgan in a heavy brogue they had never heard from her before.
"What do you reckon all this is about?" Frank said, to no one in particular. There was a response of various "I don't knows" from the room in general.
"We'll know when Dumbledore sees fit to tell us. I, for one, think it's often better to not know what's coming." Announced Sirius, who had his hands so near the fire that Morgan made a move to pull him back, then stopped, apparently deciding he was an adult and could burn himself as he liked.
"You never believed in divination." It was not a question, but a statement. He'd made his opinions on the subject clear enough to get thrown out of class a good many times.
"Not a bit, waste of time, absolute rubbish. All that nonsense of tea leaves and planetary charts. You make your own destiny, that's what."
"Whatever we're here for." James got back onto the subject Frank had started. It was on all their minds so ridiculous to avoid it. "I reckon it's dangerous."
"How d'you know that?"
"Well, I reckon this is going to be some sort of secret group to fight Voldemort, sort of a secret army if you will. Dumbledore sees the Ministry isn't getting the job done, so he's getting together people he trusts."
Several people looked gratified by this. It was flattering to be trusted by Dumbledore.
"Well, I mean really, what isn't dangerous nowadays." Said Gideon pragmatically. He actually looked rather pleased at the idea of it being dangerous, he liked action and excitement.
"Aye, but I think the people Dumbledore didn't include is telling." Morgan remarked.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, Molly and Arthur Weasley for example. They're as interested as the rest of us in fighting Voldemort, and certainly he'd trust them."
"So why aren't they coming?"
Lily spoke before Morgan did, obviously she had just realized what Morgan was talking about. "Five children under the age of eleven." She said musingly. Morgan nodded.
"Sorry, I guess I'm being thick, but I still don't get what you two are on about-"
Sirius broke in. "I see what they're getting at mate. Dumbledore is assuming we're all going to cop it, and he doesn't want to leave five children without parents."
"Oh." Gideon looked rather as though he wished he had not figured out what they meant. "Well, I think maybe that's a little extreme of him. Making it seem more dire than it is, you know?"
"You think so?" James broke in unexpectedly. "Tell that to Rob Mason." He stood up and strode out of the room. They all stared after him.
"What is his bloody problem lately anyway?" Muttered Gideon, with an angry look that was rare to him.
The question was met with awkward silence, as they all looked at each other nervously. Fortunately, as the silence was becoming unbearable, they were all distracted by a great commotion outside, which sounded like a particularly violent fight, with loud roars and someone shouting.
"Morgan, bloody hell, your cats are attacking someone!" Sirius cried.
"Oh Merlin, not again-" She jumped up and ran out of the room, with everyone scrambling after her. She heaved open the front door and in the torchlight they could see one of the cats locked in a battle with another animal.
"Retraite!" She waved her wand and immediately the fighting stopped and the cats trotted up to her at the top of the steps, suddenly docile. They could see they had been fighting with a great dog that, though it was panting, did not appear hurt.
"Hey, isn't that-"
"Blimey Morgan, where'd yeh get those cats? Ruddy brilliant, they are!"
Morgan grinned. "Only you'd think something that just tried to kill you was brilliant Hagrid!"
******
James went to bed when everyone else did although he knew it would be useless. He couldn't sleep and on the off chance that he did drift off, Death Eaters hunted him in his dreams. At some point during the night, Lily turned and threw an arm across his chest, and he had to get up. He gently slipped out of her embrace and left her sleeping.
He had no destination in mind; he was just wandering restlessly. Morgan had said it was easy to get lost in Avalon because it was full of secret passages and trapdoors, but he didn't really care, he just needed movement, he couldn't stay still.
Apparently the Avalon portraits didn't approve, judging by the way they watched him suspiciously and whispered to each other, but as he made his way down a random corridor another voice spoke, over the whispering.
"Rather late to be wandering around, isn't it James?"
James turned in surprise to see Albus Dumbledore, who had apparently just arrived as he was carrying a small bag.
"Oh, hello Sir. Did you just arrive?"
"Yes, and as it was so late I thought it better not to wake anyone. I had not thought anyone would be up. But I meet first Miss McCarrick, and now yourself."
James glanced around. "Morgan is awake?"
"I sent her off. She seemed to think I might give her a detention for being out of bed so late."
James managed a slight smile.
"And you James? What is keeping you up?"
"Oh, nothing so dramatic Sir, I'll be fine."
"A great many people are worried about you."
"Well, they need not. I'll be fine, it's just stress, with all that's going on, and You-Know-Who...I mean, Voldemort." He added, at Dumbledore's raised eyebrow. He had started slipping into calling Voldemort by the name that most people were more comfortable with.
"Fear feeds on itself James, and when you refuse to speak the name of something you only give it more power. People hear you, a leader by nature, refuse to speak his name and they think there is even more reason to be afraid. It's a small victory for him when you do, even if only for the comfort of those around you."
"Well, I don't suppose it much matters." He replied bitterly. "Small victories are nothing when he's winning great ones."
"Is that how you see it?"
"We're losing Sir. We're losing the war. More people are dying every day."
"We only lose, James, when our best and brightest give up." Dumbledore looked at him piercingly.
"I haven't given up. I'm here, aren't I?" James knew he sounded rude, he didn't care, he was angry. At what, he wasn't quite sure, but he didn't think the headmaster was helping anything by attacking him.
"You're young, and perhaps in your relatively short time you've seen more pain and death than is fair, that makes it easy to lose hope. But sometimes you need to be reminded of the things you have to fight for. Family, friends, a future. The people and things you love. If you forget those things, it's too easy to give into the despair of the times we live in, to let yourself be consumed by fear and anger." He paused. "And fear and anger will win James, if you try to keep everything to yourself. The pain from the things you've seen and experienced won't go away, but you can stop it from controlling your life. Sharing it with others doesn't make you weak, it makes you human."
"You think I should talk to her?"
"I can think of many people in your life who would be willing to share your burdens, but one in particular who you promised to share your life with, and it seems you haven't been doing that in these past months."
"I'm sorry Sir, but will you excuse me? She's been more than patient, far more understanding than I deserve."
"Of course. I think I can find my room by combining Miss McCarrick's garbled directions and many years of living in a castle as temperamental as Hogwart's."
"Thank you Sir. Good night."
"And to you James."
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"'S RIOGHAL MO DHREAM"- This is Gaelic and it means "Royal is my Race". If you're a nerd like myself you might know that this is actually the motto of the MacGregor Clan. I mean no disrespect to any MacGregors, I just thought it sounds like the sort of thing a pureblood wizard family might have as their motto as well.
Sus- Yeah, well, thanks for the review. "shagging like bunnies"...you're so classy babe.