THREE
"Okay, camera one, get the wide shot of the studio," director Sam Taylor said into his headphone. He was a thirteen-year veteran of the show and knew how to do it from top to bottom. "Now zoom in to the first podium as he comes out. Johnny, do the intros."
"Now entering the studio are today's contestants," Gilbert went on over the loudspeakers, "A former police detective from San Francisco, Adrian Monk. A business executive from Lubbock, Tex...."
He trailed off as the first contestant hadn't shown on stage. "Uh, Steve, what's going on back there?" Sam asked into the headphone.
"Sam, Mr. Monk doesn't want to come out," Steve told him, "the crowd's got him nervous."
"Well get him relaxed and tell him whatever it takes to get him over it," Sam said impatiently. "Cut, we'll take it from the top," he announced to the other crew members. He sighed to himself. He had really been hoping that tonight's show would go as smoothly as possible, for a variety of reasons. "Okay, everyone back to your positions, we're taking two in ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, fade in music, two, cue Johnny."
"THIS...IS...JEOPARDY!" Gilbert boomed again. "Now entering the studio are today's contestants. A former police detective from San Francisco, Adrian Monk..." Steve practically shoved Adrian out on stage to his podium. "...a business executive from Lubbock, Texas, Diane Coroli, and our returning champion, a computer programmer from Hartford, Connecticut, Oliver Harms, whose four day cash winnings total $30,752. And now, here is the host of Jeopardy, Alex Trebek!"
Alex Trebek strolled on stage to a loud applause. "Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen," he told the audience, "Today our champion Oliver goes for a five day..."
There was a loud crash as the podiums toppled over. "Cut!" Sam yelled, "Rob, what happened?"
"Adrian was fooling with the podiums and knocked them over," one of the stagehands explained over the intercom.
Sam groaned. "Tell me he didn't break them," he pleaded.
Several stagehands hefted the podiums back up. "No, they're intact, thankfully," Rob informed him.
"It wasn't lined up with the tape marks on the floor," Adrian said into the headset, "I was trying to straighten it out."
"Okay guys, straighten it out so Mr. Monk won't have to worry," Sam sighed, "In the meantime, folks, let's take it from the top again."
In the audience, Sharona had her head in her hands. "The show hasn't even started, and already he's embarrassing me!" she muttered to no one in particular.
"You?" Stottlemeyer inquired, "How do you think I feel, Sharona?"
"Well actually he's doing better than I thought he would," Disher commented.
"How'd you think he was going to do?" Sharona had to know.
"Well, Sharona, you know Monk, I thought he'd be scrubbing the floor down from end to end," Disher said.
"Well I think he's doing just fine," Monica said in Adrian's defense.
"Here we go again," Karen said as the music started up again. This time the introduction to the show went smoothly. "Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen," Trebek said again to the crowd, "Today our champion Oliver goes for the five day win. We'll see if either Adrian or Diane can keep him from that title, so contestants, pick up your signaling buttons, here comes the Jeopardy round."
The board started flashing up its dollar amounts. "One daily double's on the board in one..." Trebek started saying.
"Uh, Alex," Adrian held up his hand. Trebek seemed surprised. "Yes Adrian?" he asked.
"The board didn't light up in sequence," Adrian explained.
"Huh?" Trebek was confused.
"This space always lights up first when you bring up the dollar amounts," Adrian walked over to the board and pointed to the square in question, "Then this one, then this one, then,..."
"Well Adrian, what are we supposed to do about that?" Trebek posed.
"Well, could you redo it?" Adrian asked. Then he walked over to Trebek and started fiddling with his clothes. "Adrian, what's going on here!?" Trebek sputtered.
"Your tie, it's crooked, here, let me fix it for you, hold still," Adrian shuffled the tie around, "Boy this one's tough to get..."
"CUT!!" came the cry from the control room loud enough for everybody in the studio to hear. "Steve, tell him if he disrupts taping again, we're going to glue his feet to the floor!" Sam could be heard screaming to everybody with a headset on.
"No, no, please don't use glue, it'll ruin my shoes," Adrian said into the headset of the nearest stagehand.
As the crew began resetting their positions again, Sharona stormed down from the audience. "So what was that all about!?" she demanded to her boss.
"His tie," Adrian gestured to his neck area, "It was crooked."
"It's insignificant, all right!" Sharona growled, "You're making all of us in the crowd upset, including myself.
"His tie was...!"
"Monk!" Stottlemeyer interrupted, coming up behind Sharona, "I asked you not to embarrass this department!"
"Well they cut taping Captain, the department's not..."
"Read my lips Monk; next stopping of taping and you lose not just the next paycheck but the two after that!" Stottlemeyer told him.
"Uh, what percentage serious are you on that?" Adrian asked.
"I'm a hundred percent dead serious, Monk!" Stottlemeyer thundered.
"Uh, excuse me, could you two please go back to your seats?" Steve inquired the two of them. Sharona and Stottlemeyer nodded and trudged back to the audience. As she left, Sharona looked over her shoulder and whispered back, "Just suck it up!"
"All right, I thought we agreed neither of us was going to suck it up anymore since..." Adrian called after her.
"Adrian, why don't you just step back into place here..." Steve led him back to his podium, "And hopefully we can get the show going without any further disruptions."
Adrian nodded. "I'm good now," he said out loud.
"Oh that's really obvious!" Diane snorted next to him, "I came here to win big bucks, pal, and you're screwing us all up!"
"Would...would it help if I said I was sorry?" Adrian offered.
"Never mind," Oliver told him, "Everything will be over in a half hour anyway. And besides, I've buried my other opponents this week by a combined hundred thousand dollars, so you've really got your work cut out for you, Adrian, just keeping close to me."
"Well, we'll see about that," Adrian said, scrubbing down his signaling button like there was no tomorrow. "Now what are you doing?" Diane asked, rolling her eyes.
"They taped earlier today, I'm just making sure the button's clean," Adrian explained.
"Hey Monk," demanded one of the cameramen nearby, "Don't worry about the button. It's the heat from these lights that'll be what kill you if you're not careful."
"Oh hi Dave," Adrian greeted the cameraman cordially, "I hope you're not still mad at me for testifying in your last drunk driving case."
"As a matter of fact Monk, I am," Dave snorted, "If you hadn't been paying your usual extraordinary good attention to the roads, I wouldn't have been demoted from stage manager on this show. Luckily for me Steve's willing to keep me on."
"Well, not to sound dumb, but that's your fault that you can't stay away from the bottle," Adrian pointed out, "You're lucky, really, to still have your life. And besides, you nearly totaled Sharona's car, which wouldn't have been good, especially with her kid in the back seat."
"So are you, Monk, because if I could get away with paying you back here, I would," Dave growled.
"Camera 2, get back to work," came the order over the headset. Dave gave Adrian a parting glare before setting up his shot on the board. "Old friend of yours?" Oliver called down to his challenger.
"Frequently," Adrian explained, "He has a penchant for alcohol. When I was an active cop, he kept causing disturbances in my precinct. Got really mad that I kept busting him."
"Well at the rate you're going now, bub, you'll have the whole studio ready to kill you by the time tonight's over," Oliver chuckled.
"I really fail to see the humor in that," Adrian pointed out.
Back in the control room, Sam was reviewing the tape. "Okay Rick," he told the switcher, "set us up at the board shot. Everything from that last take before the whole board fiasco is usable. We'll just go to live after Alex says, 'Here comes the Jeopardy round.' So camera 3, get in position on the board, camera 4, get ready to do the category headers." He looked at the nearest page. "Ariel, go get me a cognac while we're getting set up," he told her.
"Mr. Taylor, you know you're not supposed to drink during a show," the page informed him.
"I think Mr. Monk might make me want to have some before this is all said and done," Sam said, worn out, "and I could care less what Merv would say."
"We're about two minutes behind schedule," the assistant director told him, holding up his stopwatch, "Do you think we should drop frames like we usually do?"
"Ray, if we drop any frames at this rate, we'll have to drop the whole show," Sam told him.
"Then what should we do, kill Mr. Monk so it'll go smoother?" the AD suggested jokingly. A strange look cross Sam's face before he shook his head and said out loud, "Okay people, we are going on this take regardless of what happens."
"So where the hell is it?" Dexter complained. The screen was just showing the station ID, as it had for the last five minutes.
"No doubt the famous Mr. Monk is working his magic yet again," Stokes smirked.
"I have little doubt," Dr. Navarre said.
"Wait, here we go," Browning said as the famous Jeopardy intro began.
"Excellent," Beiderbeck smiled, "For a moment there I was getting worried." He glanced over at his clock, which now read 7:33:29. "Just twenty-five more minutes and 'boom,'" he said.
"Assuming our agent set everything up right," Van Rankin pointed out.
"I have full confidence in our agent," Beiderbeck said, "Everything should be in order and on track."
"Okay, camera one, get the wide shot of the studio," director Sam Taylor said into his headphone. He was a thirteen-year veteran of the show and knew how to do it from top to bottom. "Now zoom in to the first podium as he comes out. Johnny, do the intros."
"Now entering the studio are today's contestants," Gilbert went on over the loudspeakers, "A former police detective from San Francisco, Adrian Monk. A business executive from Lubbock, Tex...."
He trailed off as the first contestant hadn't shown on stage. "Uh, Steve, what's going on back there?" Sam asked into the headphone.
"Sam, Mr. Monk doesn't want to come out," Steve told him, "the crowd's got him nervous."
"Well get him relaxed and tell him whatever it takes to get him over it," Sam said impatiently. "Cut, we'll take it from the top," he announced to the other crew members. He sighed to himself. He had really been hoping that tonight's show would go as smoothly as possible, for a variety of reasons. "Okay, everyone back to your positions, we're taking two in ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, fade in music, two, cue Johnny."
"THIS...IS...JEOPARDY!" Gilbert boomed again. "Now entering the studio are today's contestants. A former police detective from San Francisco, Adrian Monk..." Steve practically shoved Adrian out on stage to his podium. "...a business executive from Lubbock, Texas, Diane Coroli, and our returning champion, a computer programmer from Hartford, Connecticut, Oliver Harms, whose four day cash winnings total $30,752. And now, here is the host of Jeopardy, Alex Trebek!"
Alex Trebek strolled on stage to a loud applause. "Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen," he told the audience, "Today our champion Oliver goes for a five day..."
There was a loud crash as the podiums toppled over. "Cut!" Sam yelled, "Rob, what happened?"
"Adrian was fooling with the podiums and knocked them over," one of the stagehands explained over the intercom.
Sam groaned. "Tell me he didn't break them," he pleaded.
Several stagehands hefted the podiums back up. "No, they're intact, thankfully," Rob informed him.
"It wasn't lined up with the tape marks on the floor," Adrian said into the headset, "I was trying to straighten it out."
"Okay guys, straighten it out so Mr. Monk won't have to worry," Sam sighed, "In the meantime, folks, let's take it from the top again."
In the audience, Sharona had her head in her hands. "The show hasn't even started, and already he's embarrassing me!" she muttered to no one in particular.
"You?" Stottlemeyer inquired, "How do you think I feel, Sharona?"
"Well actually he's doing better than I thought he would," Disher commented.
"How'd you think he was going to do?" Sharona had to know.
"Well, Sharona, you know Monk, I thought he'd be scrubbing the floor down from end to end," Disher said.
"Well I think he's doing just fine," Monica said in Adrian's defense.
"Here we go again," Karen said as the music started up again. This time the introduction to the show went smoothly. "Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen," Trebek said again to the crowd, "Today our champion Oliver goes for the five day win. We'll see if either Adrian or Diane can keep him from that title, so contestants, pick up your signaling buttons, here comes the Jeopardy round."
The board started flashing up its dollar amounts. "One daily double's on the board in one..." Trebek started saying.
"Uh, Alex," Adrian held up his hand. Trebek seemed surprised. "Yes Adrian?" he asked.
"The board didn't light up in sequence," Adrian explained.
"Huh?" Trebek was confused.
"This space always lights up first when you bring up the dollar amounts," Adrian walked over to the board and pointed to the square in question, "Then this one, then this one, then,..."
"Well Adrian, what are we supposed to do about that?" Trebek posed.
"Well, could you redo it?" Adrian asked. Then he walked over to Trebek and started fiddling with his clothes. "Adrian, what's going on here!?" Trebek sputtered.
"Your tie, it's crooked, here, let me fix it for you, hold still," Adrian shuffled the tie around, "Boy this one's tough to get..."
"CUT!!" came the cry from the control room loud enough for everybody in the studio to hear. "Steve, tell him if he disrupts taping again, we're going to glue his feet to the floor!" Sam could be heard screaming to everybody with a headset on.
"No, no, please don't use glue, it'll ruin my shoes," Adrian said into the headset of the nearest stagehand.
As the crew began resetting their positions again, Sharona stormed down from the audience. "So what was that all about!?" she demanded to her boss.
"His tie," Adrian gestured to his neck area, "It was crooked."
"It's insignificant, all right!" Sharona growled, "You're making all of us in the crowd upset, including myself.
"His tie was...!"
"Monk!" Stottlemeyer interrupted, coming up behind Sharona, "I asked you not to embarrass this department!"
"Well they cut taping Captain, the department's not..."
"Read my lips Monk; next stopping of taping and you lose not just the next paycheck but the two after that!" Stottlemeyer told him.
"Uh, what percentage serious are you on that?" Adrian asked.
"I'm a hundred percent dead serious, Monk!" Stottlemeyer thundered.
"Uh, excuse me, could you two please go back to your seats?" Steve inquired the two of them. Sharona and Stottlemeyer nodded and trudged back to the audience. As she left, Sharona looked over her shoulder and whispered back, "Just suck it up!"
"All right, I thought we agreed neither of us was going to suck it up anymore since..." Adrian called after her.
"Adrian, why don't you just step back into place here..." Steve led him back to his podium, "And hopefully we can get the show going without any further disruptions."
Adrian nodded. "I'm good now," he said out loud.
"Oh that's really obvious!" Diane snorted next to him, "I came here to win big bucks, pal, and you're screwing us all up!"
"Would...would it help if I said I was sorry?" Adrian offered.
"Never mind," Oliver told him, "Everything will be over in a half hour anyway. And besides, I've buried my other opponents this week by a combined hundred thousand dollars, so you've really got your work cut out for you, Adrian, just keeping close to me."
"Well, we'll see about that," Adrian said, scrubbing down his signaling button like there was no tomorrow. "Now what are you doing?" Diane asked, rolling her eyes.
"They taped earlier today, I'm just making sure the button's clean," Adrian explained.
"Hey Monk," demanded one of the cameramen nearby, "Don't worry about the button. It's the heat from these lights that'll be what kill you if you're not careful."
"Oh hi Dave," Adrian greeted the cameraman cordially, "I hope you're not still mad at me for testifying in your last drunk driving case."
"As a matter of fact Monk, I am," Dave snorted, "If you hadn't been paying your usual extraordinary good attention to the roads, I wouldn't have been demoted from stage manager on this show. Luckily for me Steve's willing to keep me on."
"Well, not to sound dumb, but that's your fault that you can't stay away from the bottle," Adrian pointed out, "You're lucky, really, to still have your life. And besides, you nearly totaled Sharona's car, which wouldn't have been good, especially with her kid in the back seat."
"So are you, Monk, because if I could get away with paying you back here, I would," Dave growled.
"Camera 2, get back to work," came the order over the headset. Dave gave Adrian a parting glare before setting up his shot on the board. "Old friend of yours?" Oliver called down to his challenger.
"Frequently," Adrian explained, "He has a penchant for alcohol. When I was an active cop, he kept causing disturbances in my precinct. Got really mad that I kept busting him."
"Well at the rate you're going now, bub, you'll have the whole studio ready to kill you by the time tonight's over," Oliver chuckled.
"I really fail to see the humor in that," Adrian pointed out.
Back in the control room, Sam was reviewing the tape. "Okay Rick," he told the switcher, "set us up at the board shot. Everything from that last take before the whole board fiasco is usable. We'll just go to live after Alex says, 'Here comes the Jeopardy round.' So camera 3, get in position on the board, camera 4, get ready to do the category headers." He looked at the nearest page. "Ariel, go get me a cognac while we're getting set up," he told her.
"Mr. Taylor, you know you're not supposed to drink during a show," the page informed him.
"I think Mr. Monk might make me want to have some before this is all said and done," Sam said, worn out, "and I could care less what Merv would say."
"We're about two minutes behind schedule," the assistant director told him, holding up his stopwatch, "Do you think we should drop frames like we usually do?"
"Ray, if we drop any frames at this rate, we'll have to drop the whole show," Sam told him.
"Then what should we do, kill Mr. Monk so it'll go smoother?" the AD suggested jokingly. A strange look cross Sam's face before he shook his head and said out loud, "Okay people, we are going on this take regardless of what happens."
"So where the hell is it?" Dexter complained. The screen was just showing the station ID, as it had for the last five minutes.
"No doubt the famous Mr. Monk is working his magic yet again," Stokes smirked.
"I have little doubt," Dr. Navarre said.
"Wait, here we go," Browning said as the famous Jeopardy intro began.
"Excellent," Beiderbeck smiled, "For a moment there I was getting worried." He glanced over at his clock, which now read 7:33:29. "Just twenty-five more minutes and 'boom,'" he said.
"Assuming our agent set everything up right," Van Rankin pointed out.
"I have full confidence in our agent," Beiderbeck said, "Everything should be in order and on track."