KALEIDOSCOPE
Turn Three: The Price of Beauty
Sribbling madness
Scratching at your face
Shuichi's eyes were wide, and his slender hand shook uncontrollably on the door knob of the room as he stared at the words written possessively upon the walls. They were horizontal and vertical. They were diagonal and semi-slanted, half-parallel to the wooden floor. Some of them were written backwards, in English, but the singer couldn't stop himself from reading them.
Sweet sanity
Disappear without a trace
Surrendering blood
Welling fast pace
Bitter resurrection
Sour tongue of taste
It makes sense to be mad
It's madness that makes sense
His mouth fell open in disbelief, nothing but a microscopic squeak emitting from it. The strange, morbidly gruesome words only completed the scene before him. Ryuichi was sprawled out on his back, his body lax and unmoving, and Shuichi stepped through the door, trying to ignore the elder singer's state of undress. His shirt lay crumpled in a corner, evidentally thrown there during his...musing? Creative outlet? He didn't know what to call it, but it was obviously disturbing and not meant to be seen by anyone else. Shuichi had the momentary thought that Ryuichi might have been so lost that he'd slit his wrists, since his arms were folded out of view, but blood wasn't puddling, and he was breathing. Slowly yet surely, he was breathing.
"Sakuma-san?" He quietly crept toward him, the floorboards creaking beneath his bare feet. Ryuichi didn't stir, and Shuichi knelt beside him, fingers briefly touching his face. He didn't know what to do -for all he knew, the other could have been in some sort of comatic stupor- and he bit his lip, chewing on it thoughtfully. "Sakuma-san?" Shuichi gently shook him. "S-Sakuma-san?"
A thought, though not necessarily bright, suddenly came to him, and Shuichi reached forward, covering Ryuichi's mouth with one hand and pinching his nose with the other.
It was a childish action, but Shuichi had proof that it worked. Hiro used to do it to him all the time.
Something moist abruptly swept over his palm, and he jerked back, blinking in obvious surprise. Ryuichi lay gazing at him, his eyes dark and blurry despite the sunshine pouring into the room through the door, and he stretched out, his amrs slithering from under his back as he reached out for Shuichi. He blushed crazily, his face the same color as his hair, and he slid away from the fingers trying to touch him, scared.
Staying here had definitely been a bad idea.
"Kuma," he moaned, his tongue sweeping across his bottom lip as he strained to sit up. "Kuma..." Shuichi squeaked, avoiding the man trying to grab him as he scrambled to his feet.
"Sakuma-"
"Stop being mean," the possessed Ryuichi hissed, lurching forward, as he was now on his knees. "Come here...Kuma..."
"I-" Shuichi shook his head and shot off into the hallway, aware that Ryuichi, still half-naked from whatever he'd done last night, was attempting to chase him, and he found the bathroom, locking himself in. His entire body shook with fear. Even his brain rattled inside his skull because he couldn't keep from shaking or his heart from pounding. Frantically, he reached into the pockets of his borrowed shorts, praying that he'd left his cell phone in one of them. He grazed metal and sighed with relief until the bathroom door's hinges clattered.
"Kuma," Ryuichi's anxious voice cried, hands slapping the furnished wood with animosity. "Let me in!"
Shuichi hit the speed dial, scared beyond all possibility as it rang.
'Be there. Be there.'
There was a click.
"Seguchi speaking."
All the while, Ryuichi could be heard ranting from the outside, scratching and clawing with fervor. Shuichi did not unlock the door until he was told, by a calm, sympathetic blonde, that it was safe.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I have been bad. I don't think anything else will describe it. I'm sorry. We've barely become friends, and I was bad. Bad. Bad, Ryuichi. Bad. Kumagoru says I should have told you. I guess I forgot.
I'm not a good person.
Don't be scared.
I don't steal. Or take things back. I don't run over people. (K did that once. It was funny until said hit-ee decided to do it to K.)
I'm just...not a good person. I've done bad things. I should be punished, but Tohma says no. Tohma says I only need help. That's what my doctor is for.
I don't like her much, sometimes. She doesn't give me candy. Or presents. She doesn't even like Kumagoru. Kumagoru says he doesn't like her, either. So, that's good. I guess.
It used to be fun visiting her. Every weekend. That's when Tohma would take me. Unless Nori-chan had come to visit. Then, she'd take me. Noriko's more fun than Tohma. It's not a secret. Everyone knows. That's what Kumagoru says, and Kumagoru is smart. I believe him. You should, too.
Noriko drives fast. Vroom. We're there. It's a big, shiny building. It's not as shiny as NG (that's where we sing), but it's still pretty shiny. Sometimes, I go in disguise. Tohma says that being sneaky (like K) isn't good, but sometimes, you have to be sneaky (not like K). People, mostly fans, like to take advantage of us, he said. Of course, Tohma used bigger words, and Kumagoru had to explain it to me. I understand, now. People like to touch Ryuichi if they know it's Ryuichi. Ryuichi doesn't like that...most of the time.
So, I wear a disguise. Sometimes sunglasses. Sometimes a hat. Sometimes...
Sometimes, I pretend to be Kumagoru. Kumagoru thinks it's funny because people look at me weird. They're just jealous. I stick my tongue out at them and hop to the elevator.
I don't know if you've ever ridden in one before, but they're fun! Especially if you push all the buttons. Usually, Tohma and Noriko don't let me. I do it anyway. If I don't get yelled at. Getting yelled at makes me sad. I guess it makes everyone sad. No one likes to get in trouble...
Kumagoru says I'm wrong...again. Kumagoru says that some people like getting yelled at. That they like pain. Pain and yelling are two different things. Silly bunny. Don't you know anything?
Rabbits are anything but serious.
Ryuichi isn't serious, either.
Well, sometimes...
Sometimes, it hurts. Being serious is bad. I can't be serious. Bad stuff happens.
I'm a bad person. Bad. Bad like not being forgiven bad. Bad like I hate you bad. Bad like...
Shuichi hates me. Hates me forever and ever and ever. I shouldn't be his friend. I shouldn't have sang with him. I shouldn't have asked him to stay over and have fun. We didn't have fun. We didn't have anything.
It happened again.
But I don't remember.
I woke up with Tohma. Alone. Alone together with Tohma. I tried to get up. Tohma said not to. He asked if I was okay. Why wouldn't I be? Everything was fine. Shuichi was in his room. I was...
I wasn't in my house.
I was...
In the Scary Place.
And...still here. Tohma stayed as long as he could, but Tohma is busy. Busy and weird. I'm by myself, now. Alone together with myself.
My doctor-lady is going to visit soon, but for now, it's me and Kumagoru. Kumagoru is trying to eat ice cream. I don't want him to be messy. So, I'm eating it for him.
Opps. Now you're all chocolaty. Sorry...
At least you taste good.
Would you like to hear a story? To pass the time? Until my doctor comes?
OKAY!
How's that saying?
Oh, yeah.
Once upon a time...
There was a little Ryuichi and a big Kumagoru. Except, this Kumagoru wasn't a rabbit. No bunny ears. No fluffy tail or cute red bow. This Kumagoru was a person, too. Like the little Ryuichi. He could get sick. Go to school. Play in the dirt. Anything he wanted to do because he was big.
The big Kumagoru had a name, but he liked to be called Kuma. Kuma was fun. He'd take care of little Ryuichi. Teach him how to do little kid things when Ryuichi's mom and dad couldn't. He always smiled. He would never let Ryuichi see him sad.
Life was good.
(Am I doing okay so far? Do you like Kuma?)
Ryuichi, eventually, grew into not-so-little-Ryuichi. Kuma didn't seem to care. They still did the same things. Played the same games. There was never a dull moment when Kuma was around.
Oh.
I forgot.
Kuma had pink hair, too. Like Shuichi. But Kuma isn't Shuichi. Kuma couldn't sing. He liked dancing, but Kuma did NOT sing. He said it hurt. Not-so-little Ryuichi would ask him to sing sometimes. Just to fill the empty with something. Kuma would say no. Or maybe another time. Kuma couldn't sing. No. Kuma could sing. Kuma just wouldn't sing. There's a difference.
What Kuma didn't know was that Ryuichi could remember when Kuma sang. Strange little songs. Meaningless songs. Sad songs. Happy songs. Weird songs. Any kind of song.
Ryuichi wrote down all the ones he could remember. When he tried to show Kuma, Kuma got mad and didn't talk to Ryuichi for a whole day. After that, Ryuichi kept them to his not-so-little self.
Soon, Ryuichi grew more. He was almost a grown-up. He had other friends besides Kuma. Tohma. He was fun but weird. Noriko. She was the same as Tohma. When Ryuichi played with Tohma and Noriko, Kuma would only smile. He never said he didn't like them.
Ryuichi was happy.
And...Ryuichi will have to tell more later. The doctor-lady is here. She's glaring at Kumagoru. Now, she's smiling. She reminds me of Tohma. Kumagoru says so, too.
I hope everything is going to be okay.
The Scary Place seems smaller now.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Hiro dropped the helmet in his hand and pulled Shuichi into an over- friendly embrace, holding him tightly. He didn't seem to care that they were in a public place- a mall. The singer clung to him, grateful for the strength of his best friend, silent aside from the occasional whimper.
"I'm glad you're safe," he muttered, running fingers through silky pink hair. "You're staying at my place."
"Hiro-"
"I knew I shouldn't have let you go when you called me."
"Hiro-"
"It's-" Shuichi jerked back and rubbed a hand over his face.
"Stop! Just...stop it! I don't need a lecture," he yelled, startling a trio of girls with his sudden outburst as they walked by. "I...I wanted to go. I needed-"
"Will you listen to yourself? You're just babbling nonsense." The singer seemed hurt by this statement. He pulled the visor of his baseball cap down and pushed up the sunglasses on his nose as Hiro retrieved the dropped helmet. "I've told you and told you, but you never listened. Sakuma Ryuichi can't be your friend."
"W-why not?" Hiro sighed and tucked the helmet under his arm, grabbing Shuichi by the wrist with his free hand.
"Come on," he commanded, ignoring his question.
"Where are we going?" Hiro gave him a tender smile.
"To rest."
"B-but what about-"
"Everything is going to be fine. Now, move it." Shuichi began to walk beside Hiro, not caring that they were still joined by hand and wrist, and he glanced shyly at him, trying to decipher what Nakano Hiroshi was. He was a thousand times beyond anything Shuichi had ever been, and he knew that he was unworthy to call Hiro his friend.
"What would I do without you, Hiro?" Shuichi whispered quietly, swurving with the redhead through the crowd of people swarming around them. Hiro only smiled and pulled him along.
As of that moment, he didn't know how to answer that.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"You've sure gotten yourself into a mess, haven't you, Ryuichi?" Blue eyes glanced up from looking out the window, and a smile broke out onto a solemn face.
"NORIKO!!" Ryuichi lunged at the petite female, laughing, and she did nothing to avoid it. Noriko giggled, banding her skinny arms around the body clinging to her, and she ran her long, daintly-painted nails through his hair. "Noriko, Na No Da!"
"I'm glad to see you, too, Ryuichi." She glanced around. "Where's Kumagoru?"
"Sleeping. The doctor made him sick, Na No Da." Noriko nodded, as if understanding, although she didn't, and she pried Ryuichi's hands from around her waist, patting them lovingly. Though they didn't see each other much, they still hadn't lost touch pver the years. She and Ryuichi were much closer than any combination possible with Tohma in the mix.
"I hope he feels better," she commented, walking to a chair before sitting in it and crossing her legs. The semi-long floral dress did nothing to hide her slim figure, and Ryuichi noticed that her hair wasn't purple anymore. It was brown.
"He'll be fine, Na No Da. Ryuichi is happy that Noriko-chan came to visit." Suddenly, the temperature in the room seemed to drop a couple of degrees. Ryuichi was practically squinting at her. "I've been very, very bad, Noriko."
"Tohma told me."
"Everything?"
"Well, I-" Ryuichi stood, walking toward the opposite side of the room in the ridiculous gown always designated for patients, and he began to rumage through the table-slash-desk for something. Noriko thought he looked like a little waif-child, so skinny and desperate when he finally turned around to face her. In his hand he held a pink notebook, bent and obviously carried around by none other than Sakuma Ryuichi. He thrust it at her.
"Read it."
"Ryuichi..."
"I won't allow Tohma, but you...I trust you, Noriko."
"And, you don't trust Tohma?" Ryuichi sighed, seeming so much older than his thirty-one years as he looked at the "
"It's only as complicated as you make it...Ryuichi." Noriko stood and moved to stand beside her friend of many years. She pushed the notebook against his chest. "Whatever you put in there is only for your soul." She paused and touched his nose with her finger as she winked. "The one I know that's still in there."
"It talks, Noriko. It's talked to me." She laughed.
"As long as you aren't the one answering yourself, it'll be fine."
"But-"
"I must go now, but I promise to see you again before I leave." Ryuichi was immediately saddened.
"I'm going to be here until you leave?"
"I didn't say that, Ryuichi." Noriko kissed him tenderly on the lips and brushed back a lock of his hair. "Take care of yourself, sweetie, and don't forget poor Kumagoru." Ryuichi nodded, and Noriko smiled. "Chin up. You won't be in here that long."
"Bye-bye, Noriko, Na No Da."
"Goodbye, Ryu-kun."
Noriko missed the miserable look on the singer's face as she left, and Ryuichi huddled into a corner, sobbing against his arms.
"I'm bad...bad...Shuichi..."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"What?" Smoke was trailing to the ceiling, curling wispy fingers around everything in its path. "I told you to stop calling me." There was a grunt. "That's a lie. I know all of your tricks." Clicking of computer keys. "No. He's not coming back here. I don't need someone like...will you-" Pale white fingers slapped the top of the desk. "Enough. I don't want to play your games. I know what I saw. I'm not blind." There was a sharp laugh. "A mistake? Fuck you and your mistakes! I won't stop. Quit calling me, and leave me alone. I want nothing to do with any of this anymore." The phone slammed closed, ultimately ending the conversation.
'Goodbye.'
TBC-