The Misfits Vs. The Viper, Special Edition!
Disclaimer: Red Witch owns Althea and Xi. I don't own the GI Joes. The ex-Brotherhood is Marvel's. The Starr twins are mine, however.
Dedicated to the memory of former WWE Intercontinental Champion Curt "Mr. Perfect" Hennig. 1958-2003. A great technical wrestler, he will be and is missed by his friends, family, and many, many fans.
Chapter 3: West Point Attack!
The Misfit Clubhouse
"That was really odd, you guys." Paul Stanley Starr sat on the pool table of the clubhouse, thinking. The other Misfits were there with him. "I mean, why would anyone send us coordinates to a Cobra rest stop?"
"Maybe to make fools out of us." Craig reasoned, staring at his nightstick, leaning against the wall like he normally did. "It definitely was someone's idea of a sick joke. I'd like to find the person behind it and TEAR THE LOUSY…"
"For once, I'm with Darkstar." Pietro grumbled. "I nearly froze my beautiful butt off there in Antarctica."
"Too bad we didn't see any penguins. I like penguins." Paul smiled.
"You like penguins." Lance said in a disbelieving tone, looking up at Paul. He, Quicksilver, Xi, Wanda, and Althea were resting on the long couches.
"Yeah." Paul grinned. "Penguins are cool." Lance thought about it for a minute.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. Penguins are kinda cool." Avalanche agreed.
"Do penguins live in the South Pole?" Wanda scratched her head.
"Oh, get off the penguins already!" Craig snapped, wanting to change the subject. "There are more important things to worry about than stupid penguins!"
"Why? Don't you like penguins? They're cute!" Althea asked. Craig growled.
"We have a mysterious 'Viper' to worry about, and you guys would rather discuss penguins!" Craig yelled. "I'm the only person here who is remotely concerned."
"Ladies and Gentlemen! And Craig. The Blob has arrived and brought pizza!" Toad hopped into the clubhouse gleefully, Freddy behind him. Blob was lugging around twelve pizzas.
"What happened, guys?" Blob put the pizzas on a table.
"We were discussing penguins." Xi told him. Craig punched the wall. "Darkstar doesn't like penguins."
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT PENGUINS!!!"
"Yeah, he just cares about Wanda." Paul quipped.
"SHUT UP STARCHILD!!!" Darkstar snapped, blushing.
"Hey, penguins are cool!" Blob smiled, scarfing up a pizza.
"Yeah." Toad remembered. "Too bad you Starrs weren't around when Iceberg had a whole mess of 'em, yo."
"Yeah, those little baby penguins were sooooo cute!" Althea remembered. "We have some pictures of them. Remind me to show them to you two."
"I've never seen a baby penguin up close before." Paul grinned. Hawk walked into the clubhouse.
"Hey Misfits. Celebrating?"
"Yeah, we blew up an oversized rest stop with Cobra painted on it. Cause for celebration, alright." Craig cheered sarcastically.
"It's very weird." Xi shook his head. "Very weird indeed."
"Uh-huh." Paul added. "We went all the way to Antarctica and we didn't see a single penguin. What a jip!"
"Penguins. Right." Hawk blinked.
"These idiots are more concerned with stupid penguins than with this 'Viper'!" Craig groaned. "I can't stand it!"
"Penguins aren't stupid!" Wanda snapped.
"Whatever." Craig sighed.
"Anyway, 'Viper' sent us another message." Hawk gave a note to Xi, who read it.
"Hmmm…" Xi was confused by the note's message. "Left-most corner."
"Maybe it's code." Lance suggested.
"An anagram of some kind?" Blob wondered out loud.
"What could 'left-most corner' be an anagram for?" Althea scratched her head.
"Ooh!" Paul raised his hand excitedly. "I know! I know! I love anagrams! An anagram for 'left-most corner' is 'Some felt n-corn'. What's n-corn?" Starchild wondered.
"Yeah, you love anagrams, but you're no good at them." Craig told his twin.
"It can't be an anagram." Wanda shook her head. "Doesn't make any sense. Maybe the meaning is hidden in the words themselves. Y'know, the meaning of the words."
"Yeah!" Pietro snapped his fingers. "A corner is where two sides meet."
"But what does he mean by sides, genius!?!" Craig snapped.
"Left-most corner…Left-most corner…" Hawk rubbed his chin. "Kids, do you know any words that mean corner or are similar?"
"What're you getting at, General?" Craig grumbled. "Someone is out there, planning something, and we're here playing word games."
"Wait! I'll get the thesaurus." Toad hopped over to the bookshelf and picked up a blue softcover book. "What'd you want me to look up again?"
"Corner, honey." Althea reminded. Toad licked his finger then quickly flipped through the pages.
"He licked his finger! Now his slime is all over that book!" Pietro groaned.
"Ha ha. Real good, funnyman." Toad drawled in a monotone. "Here, yo!" Hawk and the Misfits gathered around Todd. He pointed out the word. "Another word for corner is…point."
"Point." Xi thought. "Interesting."
"Okay…Now left-most." Lance said.
"West Point." Hawk smirked. "The nation's top military school. There's a whole bunch of generals there today. Come to see the newest cadets' graduation."
"Ya think that's where Cobra would strike next?" Wanda asked.
"Like moths to a flame, Wanda." Craig said.
"Or Lewis and Clark to the Louisiana Territory." Paul laughed. "Don't forget, General. We have to get back early. Craig has to get ready for his date tonight."
"SHUT UP PAUL!!!" Craig snapped, blushing.
"What does all this have to do with penguins?" Lance wondered.
West PointAcademy
At the legendary military academy known as West Point, a whole mess of generals and other VIP's were watching the cadets march in unison to a grand brass beat. Unbeknownst to the military folks, a batch of Cobra troops, led by the mercenary Major Sebastian Bludd, was waiting in the bushes beyond to attack. Bludd watched the march through a pair of binoculars.
"Heh. The perfect ambush. Those idiot Joes have no clue that we're here. And if they have no clue, then neither do those stupid mutie pets of theirs." Bludd smirked. "This is gonna be fun." Unfortunatey for Bludd, and fortunately for the unsuspecting generals, the mutant heroes known as the Misfits, as well as Roadblock, Barbecue, Cover Girl and Spirit, were observing the Cobras.
"Right on target." Xi observed the Cobras via binoculars.
"The great hero known as the Starchild, accompanied by his faithful sidekicks, the marvelous Misfits, are here to protect the innocent generals from the evil scourge of Cobra." Starchild said in an announcer-like voice.
"Knock it off." Cover Girl sighed. "So, this Viper was right on. Who knew Cobra would attack West Point?"
"Not me." Lance said.
"Can we beat 'em up now?" Craig asked.
"Not yet. It's Cobra's move. Let them make it." Spirit replied.
"We aren't playing chess with these guys." Paul joked.
"Is it just me, or are your jokes getting worse as time goes by, Paul?" Barbecue smiled.
"Ha ha. Real funny, Fireboy." Paul drawled. He then looked up at Barbecue's helmet. "That helmet makes you look like some metal bird monster. You know that, don't you?"
"You don't make fun of my helmet, and I won't make fun of your fashion sense." Paul looked at his uniform. It was a purple bodysuit with white boots. A black stripe ran down the center of it, and a silver 5-pointed star was on the chest. His outfit had a purple leather jacket with black sleeves. The sleeves had fringe on them, and they were peppered with purple and silver stars. A silver 5-pointed star was on the back. His brother Craig had a matching outfit, but the black and purple were reversed, and the sleeves of his jacket had no fringe and no stars.
"Okay." Paul smiled.
"Look." Wanda pointed out. The Cobras were getting ready to move.
"Everybody get ready." Roadblock ordered. The mutants jumped in a tank that Cover Girl was behind the wheel of. Spirit and Roadblock jumped in ATVs.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Attack!" Bludd cried out.
"COOOOOBRAAAA!!!" The troops cried out as the HISS tanks revealed themselves. There were approximately 7 tanks and at least 45 troopers in smaller vehicles.
"What the--?" The generals cried out as the cadets ran.
"YO JOE!!!" Roadblock cried out. The Joes and the Misfits leapt into action, revealing themselves.
"Be careful, kids." Cover Girl told them in a worried voice. "Bludd's dangerous."
"Don't worry, babe." Paul grinned. "If Toad could beat him senseless, we can do the same. MISFITS AWAY!!!" Paul cried out.
"What the--? The mutants?!?!" Bludd wondered. He then caught a glimpse of a familiar one, and his face paled. "Aw man, not the frogboy again!"
"Hey Bludd!!" Todd grinned. "I'm ba-ack!"
"Oh, allow me to introduce ourselves." Paul bowed to Bludd and the generals. "I'm Paul Stanley Starr, the Starchild! Sensational Superstar Extraordinaire! That's my twin brother Craig Allman Starr, the Darkstar! Street thug turned superhero! We are the Sensational Starr Twins!" Craig smacked Paul upside the head. "Hey!"
"You're hopeless!" Craig grumbled.
"Great! Now the Joes have muties on their team!" One general groaned.
"SHUT UP, GRANT!!!" The other generals yelled.
"But they're mutants!" General Grant whined. "What if they kill us?!?" The other generals got up from their seats and started beating up Grant.
"I love the military." Lance laughed.
"This is stupid!" Bludd sighed. "Can we get on with it?!?!"
"I suppose." Althea shrugged. "Let the snake–beating begin!" The Joes and Cobra traded laser shots. Paul, Wanda, and Craig stayed with the vehicles, firing their eye lasers and hexbolts. Todd, Xi, Althea, Fred, and Lance fought the troops hand-to-hand. Pietro and Cover Girl were evacuating the generals.
"Well, hello." Pietro grinned, helping up a beautiful teen girl with short brown hair, a daughter of a general. "Who might you be?"
"Paula Baines." The girl replied.
"Pietro Maximoff. Call me Quicksilver." Pietro kissed her hand.
"Maximoff, help me!" Cover Girl ordered.
"Gotta run, babe." Pietro winked, speeding to Cover Girl. Paula giggled.
"Will you ever stop womanizing, Pietro?" Cover Girl sighed.
"Nope." Quicksilver smiled and shook his head. "Girls have always been my #1 hobby."
"I thought looking in the mirror was your #1 hobby." Cover Girl remarked, flipping a Cobra trooper over with a judo throw. She saw a couple West Point cadets fight a couple Cobras, but they were becoming outnumbered. "Hang on, guys!" The model and the speedster raced over and evened the odds out.
"Thank you." One cadet said.
"T'was nothing." Cover Girl smiled. The other cadet quickly ran behind Pietro and punched out another trooper. "Looks like we're even. We'll need help. You cadets are trained."
"No problem, ma'am. We'll round 'em up." The cadets saluted and ran to gather their comrades. Meanwhile, the Misfits and the Joes managed to demolish most of the Cobra tanks.
"Surrender, Cobra!" Althea called out. "You're done!"
"Never!" Bludd snapped. "There's about 5 of us to every one of you!" Althea smirked.
"The odds are still in our favor, anyway. Besides, there's actually 15 of us to one of you!" Althea waved to emphasize her point. The sound of rifles cocking could be heard as the cadets pointed their rifles at the Cobras. Cover Girl and Pietro ran up to their fellow heroes.
"Glad you finally decided to join the party." Paul waved.
"Sorry we're late. Traffic was murder." Pietro laughed.
"Thanks, Althea." Cover Girl patted her shoulder. "I'll take over from here."
"Be my guest." Althea bowed.
"Okay, Cobra! You have five seconds to surrender!" Cover Girl counted down. "One…" The Cobras kept their weapons ready. "Two…" No change. "Three…" The Cobras started to look around at each other. "Four…" They got more nervous. "Five!"
"We surrender!" The Cobras threw their weapons down and raised their hands up.
"I'd better get outta here!" Bludd disappeared amongst the tank wreckage. The generals and guests cheered. Pietro blew a kiss to the general's daughter he met earlier. Paul rolled his eyes.
"Oh brother." Paul sighed. He looked over at Todd, who was staring at the Cobra tank wreckage intensely. "What's up, my main frog?"
"I didn't get another shot at Bludd." Toad sighed. "I've wanted to finish him off for so long."
"Oh yeah, after that whole thing with Roadblock and the hidden Cobra base, huh?" Paul remembered. "Where you first met Xi, right? And got your acid spit."
"Yeah." Toad remembered. Althea stroked his hair.
"You'll get another shot at him, Toddles." Paul burst out laughing.
"Toddles?!? She calls you Toddles?!?"
"AL!!!!!!" Toad blushed.
The Pit
"It's great to be back!" Lance said as the Joes returned to the Pit.
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages…and Craig." Paul boomed in an announcer-type voice.
"Hey!" Craig snapped.
"The Misfits are back in town, baby!" Paul continued, ignoring his brother.
"Home sweet home." Wanda leaned back. "What time is it?" Althea checked her watch.
"1:00 PM."
"Seven hours until my first date! Be ready, Craig." Wanda smirked. Craig started muttering.
"Razzum frazzum stupid pool game…" Craig grumbled. Paul laughed.
"My lucky brother gonna get some sa-weeet lovin' tonight from a sorceress in red, baby! Whoo!" Starchild laughed. Craig punched his arm. "OW!!!"
"I hate you." Craig grumbled.
"He's excited. He don't wanna admit it, but he's excited." Lance quipped, narrowly dodging a laser beam from Craig's right eye, laughing.
"One more word, and you will die, Lance." Craig warned. "Horribly."
"Whatever." Lance waved. "I'm glad I don't have to date Wanda. One false move, and I'd be hexbolt flambé!"
"Take that back!" Wanda yelled, pitching hexbolts at Avalanche.
"WAHHHH!!!" Lance quickly got up and ran off, a hexbolt-pitching Wanda hot on his heels.
"Morons. All morons." Craig grumbled.
Cobra Headquarters
"Hmmm…" In the shadows of Cobra Headquarters, the mutant-killer called Viper was watching the Misfits through the little camera inside the metal fly. "Well. This is interesting. The twin brothers, appropriately, have twin powers. I don't know how they knew about Cobra's little West Point massacre attempt, since none of them appear to possess telepathy. Interesting indeed. I haven't learned the full capabilities of the Misfits yet, but when I do, I will strike. And I will wipe those filthy genetic leftovers off the face of the earth. I have killed mutants with strange and unique abilities, but more still keep coming. I will not stop until all of the mutants are destroyed, starting with the Misfits!"
Man, Viper means business! What'll happen next to everyone's favorite insane, yet lovable gang of reformed merry mutant heroes? Will Viper send them to the great military base in the sky, or will they show him the door? Find out in Part 4 of The Misfits vs. The Viper!