Les jeux mystèrieux: The Mysterious Games
Max: Amazingly, Anne managed to pull through.
Anne: I didn't die from my INSANELY DEADLY INTERNAL WOUNDS.
Kat: In the future, perhaps a certain CELESTIAL WARRIOR will TAKE BETTER CARE of HIS PRIESTESS.
Chris: I know you're talking about me; I can't hear you, LA LA LA LA LA!
Nick: Anyways, Chris met Luna in the streets of the town.
Janna: Quite an amazing coincidence, that.
Luna: No, I was drawn to the Priestess!
Jeff: Riiiiight. That's just an excuse used by the writer to justify the plot holes in this story.
Episode 7: In which Jeff both appears and then subsequently dies a horrible bloody death.
Jeff: Oh, come on! Seriously!
Chris: We know that the title's not that!
Nick: Yeah, give it up already!
Luna: What do you take us for, idiots?
Max: No, we're sorta characters written into a story…
Kat: Stop that.
Episode 7: Kikasenaide! Kami'tte ja arimasen! (You can't make me listen! I'm not some sort of god!)
(The sun is brightly shining…in an extremely unoriginal way. Chris, Anne and Luna are riding down the road, on horses gladly given to them by the inhabitants of the village.)
Luna: What a nice day.
Chris: Perfect for traveling!
Anne: What's with you guys? Your phrases are so…stock.
Luna: Sorry. Thought it might brighten up the day a bit.
Chris: That wasn't a stock phrase!
Anne: (head in hands) This is gonna be a looooong journey…
*************
(The blue palace. The Emperor sits, uglily, in his blue throne. A soldier in blue runs down the blue carpet, passing several blue pillars before kneeling a rather blue fashion in front of the Emperor.)
Messenger: Your Majesty!
Emperor: (sighing) What now?
Messenger: Important news has arrived from the front!
Emperor: And…this important news would be…what?
Messenger: The Priestess of Byakko has supposedly been spotted!
(The Emperor sits up straight)
Emperor: What?
Messenger: Your Majesty, scouts near the Hwongshu prefecture have apparently encountered the Priestess of Byakko and one of the Celestial Warriors!
Emperor: If this news is true, this will be the best omen we've had since the war started!
Messenger: Emperor…you do realize that this is bad news? Once the Priestess summons Byakko, our war effort will be for naught!
Emperor: Silence! You do not know of what you speak of! Guards!
(Three blue guards appear from behind the pillars)
Emperor: Execute this man!
Messenger: What? I have done nothing!
Emperor: On the contrary…you have meddled in things that are too high above you. I cannot have someone such as you ruin my plans. Guards, take him away!
*************
(Anne, Chris and Luna have stopped for a quick bite to eat by the road. The food has been unpacked, and the three friends are happily munching away at the ancient Chinese travel rations.)
Anne: Mmm…this food is surprisingly good!
Chris: Well, they were so happy to give it you.
Luna: I guess being the savior of the people does have some practical perks.
Anne: Heh…that's a smart way to put it.
Luna: What can I say? If you've got it, flaunt it.
Chris: Um…isn't that supposed to refer to…um…
Luna: Shut up!
(The trio eats in silence for a while.)
Luna: Say, what is this whole Mt. Taikyoku place about?
Anne: Didn't you hear earlier?
Luna: Guess not…I'm still kinda confused as to why we're going there, specially.
Chris: Well, I don't really know either. From what I can gather, the Emperor thinks it's as good a place to start as anything.
Anne: Yeah. Apparently, the creator of the world is very helpful to Priestesses of the fours gods.
Luna: Oh…I see. So the creator of this world lives there?
Chris: I suppose. I think it's name is Taiitsu-kun.
Luna: It? No gender?
Anne: The emperor didn't mention if Taiitsu-kun is male or female…or if it's even a person.
Chris: Could be some sort of phantom.
Luna: Grrr…that would not be fun; a phantom who created the world.
Anne: Well, no. I mean, this world is probably millions of years old.
Chris: It sorta follows that the creator of the world would have died of old age long ago.
Luna: No way! If you're powerful enough to create a whole world, you must at least have the power to not die from old age!
Anne: I guess…what an odd thing to be talking about.
Chris: Yeah, really.
(The three get up, having finished their lunch, and shrug in unison.)
*************
(A rather dark room, lit sparsely by five candles arranged in a regular pentagonal polygon. The five candles slowly get brighter, revealing both the pentagram inscribed below the candles, and the five people who stand behind the candles. The north-most candle-person is Person 1, and the numbering goes clockwise.)
Person 1: (masculine voice) The council has come to order.
Person 5: (young, feminine voice) Why have we been summoned?
Person 4: (semi-masculine voice) Yeah! I was busy!
Person 3: (deep, smooth masculine voice) My spies have come up with a very important piece of information. A girl that is assumed to be the Priestess of Byakko has appeared in Sailo.
Person 5: Oh, my! This is a very bad turn of events!
Person 1: Yes, indeed. If this girl is allowed to succeed, all our plans will be for naught.
Person 4: So, what are we gonna do?
Person 2: (evil-sounding feminine voice) Very simple. We kill her.
Person 4: Oh. Duh.
Person 1: How soon can your assassins be on this mission?
Person 2: As soon as they need to.
Person 5: They should get this job done quickly; Senri-e will not be pleased if she succeeds.
Person 3: Very correct. That girl is the antithesis of all we believe in.
Person 1: I would like this job done quickly, and preferably in secret. If too many people meet the Priestess, her death will come out quicker.
Person 4: Wait…couldn't we just kill one of those…what'cha-ma-call-ems?
Person 3: Celestial Warriors?
Person 4: Yeah! Those thingies!
Person 5: The Priestess has ways of summoning the god even without the Celestial Warriors; we cannot take that chance.
Person 1: But he does, surprisingly, have a valid point.
Person 4: Really? I do?
Persons 2+3+5: He does?
Person 1: Yes. If we can take one or more of the Celestial Warriors of Byakko captive, it would slow the Priestess down until we can kill her.
Person 3: Smart idea. I will find as many of the Warriors as I can.
Person 2: And I will capture them.
Person 1: Good. This council is over, then.
Person 5: Let us pray.
*************
(Anne, Chris and Luna have rode for most of the afternoon, and it is getting about evening-time. In the distance, a town appears over the horizon)
Chris: Great! A town!
Luna: Better than sleeping outside on the wet ground.
Anne: Hey, we never did that.
Luna: You two never did that.
Chris: Um…yeah. That must have really sucked.
Luna: No, actually, the mud just sorta gets on you. It's only in the movies that it sucks you in.
Anne: Um…Luna…you're completely clean.
Luna: Well, I didn't say I actually SLEPT in mud…there might have been some mud outside of the area I checked…
Chris: How big was that area?
Luna: Oh, about a 200 foot radius from where I slept.
(Anne and Chris just stare at her. In about 15 minutes, the trio reaches the town. It's a nice, small, quaint town, but big enough to have an inn. The trio stops outside the inn.)
Anne: This town must be some sort of waypoint.
Chris: Waypoint? Why?
Luna: It's too small to really have an inn; there's gotta be traffic or it would go out of business.
Chris: Oh, I get it. Maybe it's between Shijuen and some other large town.
Anne: We'll find out in a second.
(Anne goes in, and reserves three stable pens for the horses. After that, Luna goes in an gets two rooms; she looks the most Chinese.)
Luna: OK, done. Two rooms, one single, one double.
Anne: Perfect!
Chris: Two rooms? Why?
(Anne and Luna roll their eyes.)
Anne: There happens to be a fundamental difference between us and you.
Luna: And it's not cause you're stupid and we're not.
Chris: Shut up! That's not true! (beat) What is it?
Anne+Luna: WE'RE GIRLS!!! WE NEED OUR OWN ROOM!!!!
Chris: Oh, really? You two are female? I never would have guessed.
(Five minutes later, Chris lies, writhing, on the floor of his room. Anne and Luna walk out, brushing their hands off.)
Anne: He deserved that.
Luna: Yes.
Anne: Ready for bed?
Luna: Absolutely.
(Anne and Luna get ready for bed, and then get into their separate beds.)
Luna: Good night, Anne.
Anne: Good night.
(Silence follows for a while.)
Luna: Hey, Anne?
Anne: (sleepily) what…
Luna: You know, how Chris and I have our Celestial Warrior names?
Anne: (groggily) mmm-hmmm
Luna: So, like, should you call us Chris and Luna? Or should you call us Tokaki and Subaru?
Anne: (not quite listening) dunno…don't you guys… already have…names?
Luna: Yeah, but they're a bit conspicuous in Ancient China.
Anne: (trying to shut Luna up) you're right…I'll use those names….now…
Luna: Ok! I'm Subaru, then, not Luna!
Anne: (annoyed now) fine. good night…subaru…
Luna: Good night, Anne.
(Once again, silence reigns supreme…for a while)
Luna: Anne?
Anne: SHUT UP AND GO TO SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!
*************
(The dead of night; about 3:28 in the morning. Anne and Luna are peacefully sleeping. Well, not really. Luna is snoring.)
(Outside their window, there is a tree. Its branches sway gently in the night wind. Suddenly, on the closest branch, crouches a dark figure. The figure jumps toward the wall, grasping onto it like a spider. It climbs across the wall to the window, which it silently unlocks. The figure drops into the room, not making a sound. From the palm of its hand, a flash of steel reflects the moonlight.)
(Chris sits up in bed, chest heaving)
Chris: God, what a nightmare.
(He looks around. The room looks normal)
Chris: Yeah. Just go back to sleep.
(Chris lies back down, only to hear a high-pitched scream come from the room next to him.)
Chris: Oh my god…Anne!
(Chris jumps out of bed, mercifully wearing nightclothes, and runs out into the hallway. Without stopping, he moves to the girl's door and teleports right through it.)
Anne: Chris!
(The scene before him is frightening. Anne is huddled in the corner farthest from the window. Her eyes are wide open. Luna lies on the ground, next to an extremely large pile of blood. The window is open, and the curtain is blowing inwards slowly.)
Chris: Oh my god…what happened?
Anne: The…assassin…came…window…
Chris: Anne! It's ok! Calm down, and tell me what happened? Is Luna OK????
(He bends down and feels Luna's neck as Anne struggles to calm herself. Luna is breathing, although quite faintly.)
Chris: Anne? Are you all right?
Anne: Yes…I'm fine now. The assassin must have came through the window while we were sleeping. He was about to attack me, but Luna somehow heard him and woke up. As the knife came down…Luna grabbed him, and there was a flash of light. In an instant, he had aged about 1000 years.
Chris: Oh my god…so what's all the blood? And why is she unconscious? And who screamed?
Anne: So, as the assassin died, he did something odd…his body sort of destroyed itself, quite messily. That's why I screamed…it was horrible to watch.
Chris: And Luna?
Anne: I don't think she's ever used her power so strongly before. The shock must have sent her out cold…I'm a bit worried.
Chris: Oh, then she's fine…are you going to be ok? I'm sorry I wasn't here to help you.
Anne: No…no, I'll be all right. And besides, it was our fault; we got the separate rooms.
Chris: Don't worry about it. I just gotta wonder…who sent the assassin? And why did he destroy his body?
Anne: I don't know who would want to kill me…but maybe a dead body can hold some sort of clue, or information? That's why he would…(she closes her eyes.)
Chris: Don't worry about it. It's all going to be ok. I'm going to sleep here tonight. Hopefully, Luna will have woken up by them. I'm pretty sure it just overtaxed her.
Anne: Yeah…I hope you're right.
*************
(It's morning. Chris is already up, sitting over Luna bored. She hasn't moved all night, but her breathing has become more regular.)
Anne: (opens her eyes) Hello…
Chris: Good morning, sunshine.
Anne: How's Luna?
Chris: I think she's just sleeping now. How are you?
Anne: What do you mean?
Chris: I think you came out worse than she will. You seemed pretty shook up yesterday.
Anne: No, I'm fine. What about you?
Chris: What are you talking about? None of this is new for me.
Anne: What????
Chris: I've slept over at Nick's, Jeff's, and Max's. Trust me on this one.
Anne: Oh, point taken.
(As they are talking, Luna stirs a bit. Anne and Chris's heads shoot towards her)
Chris: Did you see that?
Anne: I certainly did.
Chris: Shall I wake her?
Anne: Go ahead.
(Chris tentatively pokes Luna. She does not move. He tries again, but she does not move. He grumbles, and then licks his finger and sticks it into Luna's ear. She sits up AMAZING quickly.)
Luna: OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT????
Chris: Good morning to you too.
Anne: That was a bit extreme, not to mention revolting.
Chris: Hey, it worked. (to Luna) How are you doing?
Luna: Fine, I guess. A bit tired, but not hurt.
Chris: I heard all about the attack.
Luna: Oh, that…
Anne: Don't worry; I'm fine. And since neither of us is hurt, everything's ok.
Luna: Yeah, that's true.
Chris: So…Luna, you up for leaving?
Luna: Oh, about that. Anne and I decided that we should refer to each other by our Celestial Warrior names. Like, you would be Tokaki, and I would be Subaru.
Chris: Subaru…YOU'RE AN SUV!!!!! (bursts out laughing)
Luna: Should we kill him?
Anne: Yes, let's.
*************
(The trio walks downstairs. The young girl running the front desk smiles at them.)
Young Girl: I hope you three had a pleasant stay.
Chris: Yes, we did…incidentally, there is a bit of a mess in our room.
Young Girl: Oh, that's fine. What happened?
Luna: Oh, not much. This assassin came in during the night. We had to kill him, but he destroyed his body.
(The girl's eyes widen)
Anne: Lu- I mean, Subaru, you are so dumb.
Young Girl: Oh my…an assassin? Why would an assassin try to kill any of you guys?
Tokaki: Well, she is the Priestess of Byakko…
Anne: CH- TOKAKI!!!!!
(The girl's eyes widen even more, and she instantly bows very deeply. She thrusts out her hand, where the amount they paid yesterday sits)
Young Girl: I'm sorry! I had no idea! I never would have made you pay if I knew!
Anne: What? You can't give that back to me! We stayed here!
Young Girl: Yes, but you are the Priestess of Byakko! You are next to Byakko himself!
Tokaki: Ok…now she's some sort of god?
Young Girl: Well, the closest to it.
Anne: WHAT??? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
Janna: Well, that was…odd.
Nick: At least it explained the title.
Chris: I don't really like this whole "Tokaki" business.
Anne: It's to blend in!
Jeff: Um… "Tokaki" and "Subaru" aren't Chinese…
Luna: Yeah, they sound rather Japanese.
Max: This author is an idiot!!!
(A huge anvil falls on Max, crushing him.)
Kat: Finally. The next episode is called "Kuso! Umi no Akuma!", or, pardon my French, "Damn! The Lake Demon!"
Nick: That was so not French it's not even funny.