Chapter 5: Dealing With My Past
Because of his exhaustion, as the effects of the alcohol wore off, Daniel continued to sleep. As his mind recovered, he became trapped in another nightmare from his past. This dream was even more horrifying than the previous one. This time, Daniel dreamed of the time that his foster father had killed his foster mother and nearly killed him as well.
It had been a year after the last terrifying incident and Daniel's foster mother had opted to keep him with her and they tried to get on with their lives. For the year that his foster father was in jail, this had been what happened. Things were going great and Daniel felt safe and happy. Until the day that his foster father had been released from jail.
That day had been much like any other. Daniel was sitting in the kitchen with his foster mother, eating the lunch that she had prepared for him. After lunch, they were planning on going to the park so Daniel could feed and watch the ducks. Just as they were getting ready to leave, his foster father kicked down the back door and came after them with a gun. Daniel had been in his bedroom when he heard the gun go off in the living room and his foster mother scream. When he went to see what had happened, he saw the man standing over his foster mother's body, a crazed expression in his eyes. When he saw Daniel standing in the doorway, he came after him. Daniel dove through the man's legs, rolled to his feet and took off out the door and across the street to a neighbor's house where the police were called.
When the police came, one squad car went over to the house and arrested Daniel's foster father and another came to the neighbor's to talk to him. The man who had murdered his foster mother was taken to jail and would never get out to harm anyone again. Six months later, he was executed for his crimes. Daniel was sent back to the group home that he had come from and eventually found a different, safer foster family but he would never forget what he had seen that day.
"NO!" Daniel cried out as he sat straight up in bed and wrapped his arms around himself.
"Daniel? Are you okay? What's the matter?" Sarah asked, suddenly very frightened for Daniel.
"I had a nightmare, that's all."
"What was it about? Maybe I can help."
"I just had to relive one of the most horrifying moments of my life. I had a dream about one of the foster families I was in where my foster father murdered my foster mother right in front of my eyes. I don't know why I'm even thinking about this lately. I thought I buried that memory years ago. It was so real that it was like I had to stand there and watch it happen all over again." Daniel said as he broke down and cried.
"Come here." Sarah whispered as she pulled Daniel into her arms and rocked him gently. "It's okay. It wasn't real and it's all over now. Maybe now that you talked to me about what happened in the past, you can come to terms with it and finally put it behind you for good. I'm going to be here for you. It's okay to cry. You need to get through this."
"How could I have just stood there and let that happen? I let him kill her. I didn't do a thing." Daniel sobbed as Sarah pulled him even closer.
"You were just a child, Daniel. There was nothing that you could have done. You were lucky that you weren't killed that day as well. You didn't do anything wrong." Sarah said, trying to calm him.
Daniel cried in Sarah's arms for the better part of an hour, until he simply had no tears left to cry. Even then, he remained in Sarah's arms, drawing comfort from her embrace. Sarah rocked him slowly and gently, whispering comforting words to him in an attempt to soothe him while he cried himself into exhaustion. She knew that soon it would get the better of him and he would soon fall asleep again. So she continued to comfort Daniel until eventually his breathing became deep and peaceful, signifying that he had dozed off.
"It's going to be okay, love. Hopefully now you can put your past behind you and leave it there. I hate seeing you so upset. I'm going to help you cope with this thing." Sarah whispered quietly. She didn't go back to sleep that night. Instead, she stayed up by Daniel's side, watching him sleep and rubbing his shoulder gently. At about 6:30, Sarah got up, went into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. After the night he'd had, she knew Daniel would need some when he did awaken.
Jack awoke in his bedroom feeling extremely tired even though he had been sleeping for seven hours. He had slept very poorly and had spent hours tossing and turning. Jack was really worried about Daniel and the state he had been in when he drove him home last night. He hoped with all his heart that Sarah had managed to get through to him because it disturbed him greatly to see his best friend so upset.
"I need to find a way to get Danny's car back to him today like I promised. Good thing I did have to drive him home last night because this'll give me the perfect excuse to check on him. I think I'll call Carter and see if she'll come over and follow me to Daniel's so she can run me back here."
Jack went to the telephone and called Sam's number. He knew she was an early riser so he didn't have to worry about waking her up at 7:00 in the morning. He hoped that she would be able to help him.
"Hello."
"Hey, Sam. It's Jack. I'm not bothering you, am I?" Jack asked casually.
"No, sir. I was just having some breakfast. Is something wrong?" Sam said with a smile in her voice at recognition of who was calling.
"Nothing's wrong. I need to ask you a huge favor though."
"Sure. What is it?"
"Well, I need you to come over here in a little while and follow me over to Daniel's place this morning."
"Okay. But can I know why?" Sam asked curiously.
"You remember last night when I told you Daniel was coming to my house for a drink. I ended up having to carry him home because he got drunk and passed out. He came to long enough to walk up the sidewalk and passed out again when I got him to the front door. So I have to take him his car because it's still here. I need you to follow me over there if you don't mind because I have to have someone to drive me back to my house. I'd really appreciate it if you'd help me out." Jack explained.
"I don't mind at all, sir. Just let me finish my breakfast and grab a shower and then I'll be right over to pick you up. Is that all right?"
"That's fine. No rush, Carter. Judging by the amount of alcohol he had last night, I'd guess that Daniel isn't even awake yet. Just come when you can."
"Okay. I'll see you soon, sir." Sam acknowledged as she hung up and finished her breakfast.
An hour later, Daniel slowly awoke with a splitting headache. It didn't help matters that he was confused because he wasn't where he remembered being before. He looked around a moment and realized that somehow he was at home, back in his own bed.
"How in the world did I get home? The last thing I remember is having beer and pizza at Jack's house. What time is it anyway?" Daniel took a hazy look at his watch. "Whoa. 8:30! I guess Jack must have brought me home last night because I don't remember driving. But if I didn't drive, where is my car."
A few moments later, realization came through the searing pain in Daniel's head and he remembered coming home and he also remembered his nightmare and breaking down in Sarah's arms.
"Oh, God. I need to go and talk to Sarah. She has got to think I'm the weakest person in the world." Daniel moaned to himself as he got out of bed and walked slowly into the kitchen.
Sarah was sitting at the kitchen table having a cup of coffee when Daniel walked in. She looked up at him and smiled, pushing the chair back for him to sit.
"Good morning. How are you feeling?" Sarah said quietly.
"I feel like there's an raging bull in my head trying to bash its way out. Can I have some aspirin and a cup of coffee?" Daniel asked, his head pounding with the effort.
"Of course. Here you go." Sarah smiled gently, placing three aspirin in Daniel's hand and pouring him a cup of steaming hot coffee. "Is something else wrong?"
"Not really. It's just that I feel like you must think I'm weak after my little breakdown last night. I shouldn't have broken down like that. If I hadn't been drinking, that never would have happened. I wouldn't have let my guard down the way I did."
"I do not think you're weak at all. You had every right to be upset. Actually, I think it's a good thing that you let your guard down. I don't blame you for crying. I would have too. I can't imagine having gone through what you've been through."
"You're very understanding. That's one of the reason I love you so much." Daniel said as he leaned over and kissed Sarah on the lips.
Jack was sitting on his couch, flipping absently through the television channels, when he heard the doorbell ring. He hurried across the living room to answer the door. Opening it, he saw Sam standing there, smiling casually at him.
"Hey, Carter. Thanks for coming so quick." Jack greeted her, moving from the door to let her enter.
"Good morning, sir. It wasn't a problem. I don't mind helping you take Daniel's car back. I didn't have any plans this morning other than watching television. I actually appreciate the opportunity to get out of the house for a while." Sam said.
"Why don't we head on over to take the car back. I'll drive Daniel's car and you follow behind me. Then when we get there we can let Sarah know that we brought the car back and then you can bring me back here and stay and visit a while."
"Sounds like a plan to me, sir."
A few minutes later, Jack and Sam were heading to Daniel's to take his car back to him from where he'd had to leave it at Jack's the night before.
A short time later, Daniel was sitting on the couch with Sarah, flipping through television channels and just relaxing. After taking some aspirin and having a couple cups of coffee, Daniel was beginning to feel a little better, though he was glad that they were on downtime and he didn't have to go in to the base that day because he still wasn't functioning as well as he normally did.
"Feel better?" Sarah asked.
"Yeah. I do feel better. I don't have a headache anymore. Thanks for taking such good care of me." Daniel smiled, pulling Sarah into a tight hug.
"Well, that's my job. I'm just glad that you think I do it so well. Nothing like good old fashioned job security." Sarah joked, causing both of them to laugh as the doorbell rang, followed by the sound of someone knocking.
"I wonder who that could be."
"It is a little early for having company. I think since you do your job so well, I'll fulfill mine and go answer the door." Daniel laughed, sticking his tongue out at Sarah as he opened the front door. "Oh, hey Jack. Hi, Sam."
"Hey, Daniel. Carter and I brought your car back to you."
"Yeah. He called me this morning and asked me to follow him over here." Sam added, smiling.
"So, how are you feeling? I was a little concerned about you last night." Jack asked, his overprotective tone causing Daniel to smile.
"I do feel a lot better. I think Sarah should talk to Janet about a job. She makes a damn good nurse. You guys want to come in for a minute." Daniel quipped playfully as he lead his friends into the living room.
"Good morning, Jack, Sam." Sarah smiled, getting up and giving them a hug.
"Hey, Sarah. I hear you've been taking good care of this guy. He says you make a pretty fine nurse." Jack grinned.
"Well, I do try. I guess that's what love does to you."
"I appreciate you bringing my car by Jack. When I woke up this morning, I wondered where my car was because I couldn't remember where I left it. Then I remembered the last place I recalled being at the time was your house and that you hauled me back here last night. Sorry about passing out in your living room." Daniel said, slightly embarrassed.
"Ah, don't worry about it. That's what friends do for each other. I know that you'd have run me home if it was me in your position."
"You're right about that. Hey, do you guys want a cup of coffee or something?"
"Yeah, I'd like that." Jack said.
"Yes, thank you." Sam smiled and took a seat on the couch beside Sarah.
A fem minutes later, they were all sitting in the living room having coffee and enjoying each other's company. Jack was glad to see that Daniel appeared to be feeling better than he had the night before and it seemed to him that whatever those nightmares were that had been haunting his friend last night weren't much of an issue anymore. As Jack O'Neill sat among friends, he knew for a fact that Daniel Jackson was a very strong man and he figured that maybe, just maybe, his best friend was going to be all right after all. At least, he hoped that he would.
Because of his exhaustion, as the effects of the alcohol wore off, Daniel continued to sleep. As his mind recovered, he became trapped in another nightmare from his past. This dream was even more horrifying than the previous one. This time, Daniel dreamed of the time that his foster father had killed his foster mother and nearly killed him as well.
It had been a year after the last terrifying incident and Daniel's foster mother had opted to keep him with her and they tried to get on with their lives. For the year that his foster father was in jail, this had been what happened. Things were going great and Daniel felt safe and happy. Until the day that his foster father had been released from jail.
That day had been much like any other. Daniel was sitting in the kitchen with his foster mother, eating the lunch that she had prepared for him. After lunch, they were planning on going to the park so Daniel could feed and watch the ducks. Just as they were getting ready to leave, his foster father kicked down the back door and came after them with a gun. Daniel had been in his bedroom when he heard the gun go off in the living room and his foster mother scream. When he went to see what had happened, he saw the man standing over his foster mother's body, a crazed expression in his eyes. When he saw Daniel standing in the doorway, he came after him. Daniel dove through the man's legs, rolled to his feet and took off out the door and across the street to a neighbor's house where the police were called.
When the police came, one squad car went over to the house and arrested Daniel's foster father and another came to the neighbor's to talk to him. The man who had murdered his foster mother was taken to jail and would never get out to harm anyone again. Six months later, he was executed for his crimes. Daniel was sent back to the group home that he had come from and eventually found a different, safer foster family but he would never forget what he had seen that day.
"NO!" Daniel cried out as he sat straight up in bed and wrapped his arms around himself.
"Daniel? Are you okay? What's the matter?" Sarah asked, suddenly very frightened for Daniel.
"I had a nightmare, that's all."
"What was it about? Maybe I can help."
"I just had to relive one of the most horrifying moments of my life. I had a dream about one of the foster families I was in where my foster father murdered my foster mother right in front of my eyes. I don't know why I'm even thinking about this lately. I thought I buried that memory years ago. It was so real that it was like I had to stand there and watch it happen all over again." Daniel said as he broke down and cried.
"Come here." Sarah whispered as she pulled Daniel into her arms and rocked him gently. "It's okay. It wasn't real and it's all over now. Maybe now that you talked to me about what happened in the past, you can come to terms with it and finally put it behind you for good. I'm going to be here for you. It's okay to cry. You need to get through this."
"How could I have just stood there and let that happen? I let him kill her. I didn't do a thing." Daniel sobbed as Sarah pulled him even closer.
"You were just a child, Daniel. There was nothing that you could have done. You were lucky that you weren't killed that day as well. You didn't do anything wrong." Sarah said, trying to calm him.
Daniel cried in Sarah's arms for the better part of an hour, until he simply had no tears left to cry. Even then, he remained in Sarah's arms, drawing comfort from her embrace. Sarah rocked him slowly and gently, whispering comforting words to him in an attempt to soothe him while he cried himself into exhaustion. She knew that soon it would get the better of him and he would soon fall asleep again. So she continued to comfort Daniel until eventually his breathing became deep and peaceful, signifying that he had dozed off.
"It's going to be okay, love. Hopefully now you can put your past behind you and leave it there. I hate seeing you so upset. I'm going to help you cope with this thing." Sarah whispered quietly. She didn't go back to sleep that night. Instead, she stayed up by Daniel's side, watching him sleep and rubbing his shoulder gently. At about 6:30, Sarah got up, went into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. After the night he'd had, she knew Daniel would need some when he did awaken.
Jack awoke in his bedroom feeling extremely tired even though he had been sleeping for seven hours. He had slept very poorly and had spent hours tossing and turning. Jack was really worried about Daniel and the state he had been in when he drove him home last night. He hoped with all his heart that Sarah had managed to get through to him because it disturbed him greatly to see his best friend so upset.
"I need to find a way to get Danny's car back to him today like I promised. Good thing I did have to drive him home last night because this'll give me the perfect excuse to check on him. I think I'll call Carter and see if she'll come over and follow me to Daniel's so she can run me back here."
Jack went to the telephone and called Sam's number. He knew she was an early riser so he didn't have to worry about waking her up at 7:00 in the morning. He hoped that she would be able to help him.
"Hello."
"Hey, Sam. It's Jack. I'm not bothering you, am I?" Jack asked casually.
"No, sir. I was just having some breakfast. Is something wrong?" Sam said with a smile in her voice at recognition of who was calling.
"Nothing's wrong. I need to ask you a huge favor though."
"Sure. What is it?"
"Well, I need you to come over here in a little while and follow me over to Daniel's place this morning."
"Okay. But can I know why?" Sam asked curiously.
"You remember last night when I told you Daniel was coming to my house for a drink. I ended up having to carry him home because he got drunk and passed out. He came to long enough to walk up the sidewalk and passed out again when I got him to the front door. So I have to take him his car because it's still here. I need you to follow me over there if you don't mind because I have to have someone to drive me back to my house. I'd really appreciate it if you'd help me out." Jack explained.
"I don't mind at all, sir. Just let me finish my breakfast and grab a shower and then I'll be right over to pick you up. Is that all right?"
"That's fine. No rush, Carter. Judging by the amount of alcohol he had last night, I'd guess that Daniel isn't even awake yet. Just come when you can."
"Okay. I'll see you soon, sir." Sam acknowledged as she hung up and finished her breakfast.
An hour later, Daniel slowly awoke with a splitting headache. It didn't help matters that he was confused because he wasn't where he remembered being before. He looked around a moment and realized that somehow he was at home, back in his own bed.
"How in the world did I get home? The last thing I remember is having beer and pizza at Jack's house. What time is it anyway?" Daniel took a hazy look at his watch. "Whoa. 8:30! I guess Jack must have brought me home last night because I don't remember driving. But if I didn't drive, where is my car."
A few moments later, realization came through the searing pain in Daniel's head and he remembered coming home and he also remembered his nightmare and breaking down in Sarah's arms.
"Oh, God. I need to go and talk to Sarah. She has got to think I'm the weakest person in the world." Daniel moaned to himself as he got out of bed and walked slowly into the kitchen.
Sarah was sitting at the kitchen table having a cup of coffee when Daniel walked in. She looked up at him and smiled, pushing the chair back for him to sit.
"Good morning. How are you feeling?" Sarah said quietly.
"I feel like there's an raging bull in my head trying to bash its way out. Can I have some aspirin and a cup of coffee?" Daniel asked, his head pounding with the effort.
"Of course. Here you go." Sarah smiled gently, placing three aspirin in Daniel's hand and pouring him a cup of steaming hot coffee. "Is something else wrong?"
"Not really. It's just that I feel like you must think I'm weak after my little breakdown last night. I shouldn't have broken down like that. If I hadn't been drinking, that never would have happened. I wouldn't have let my guard down the way I did."
"I do not think you're weak at all. You had every right to be upset. Actually, I think it's a good thing that you let your guard down. I don't blame you for crying. I would have too. I can't imagine having gone through what you've been through."
"You're very understanding. That's one of the reason I love you so much." Daniel said as he leaned over and kissed Sarah on the lips.
Jack was sitting on his couch, flipping absently through the television channels, when he heard the doorbell ring. He hurried across the living room to answer the door. Opening it, he saw Sam standing there, smiling casually at him.
"Hey, Carter. Thanks for coming so quick." Jack greeted her, moving from the door to let her enter.
"Good morning, sir. It wasn't a problem. I don't mind helping you take Daniel's car back. I didn't have any plans this morning other than watching television. I actually appreciate the opportunity to get out of the house for a while." Sam said.
"Why don't we head on over to take the car back. I'll drive Daniel's car and you follow behind me. Then when we get there we can let Sarah know that we brought the car back and then you can bring me back here and stay and visit a while."
"Sounds like a plan to me, sir."
A few minutes later, Jack and Sam were heading to Daniel's to take his car back to him from where he'd had to leave it at Jack's the night before.
A short time later, Daniel was sitting on the couch with Sarah, flipping through television channels and just relaxing. After taking some aspirin and having a couple cups of coffee, Daniel was beginning to feel a little better, though he was glad that they were on downtime and he didn't have to go in to the base that day because he still wasn't functioning as well as he normally did.
"Feel better?" Sarah asked.
"Yeah. I do feel better. I don't have a headache anymore. Thanks for taking such good care of me." Daniel smiled, pulling Sarah into a tight hug.
"Well, that's my job. I'm just glad that you think I do it so well. Nothing like good old fashioned job security." Sarah joked, causing both of them to laugh as the doorbell rang, followed by the sound of someone knocking.
"I wonder who that could be."
"It is a little early for having company. I think since you do your job so well, I'll fulfill mine and go answer the door." Daniel laughed, sticking his tongue out at Sarah as he opened the front door. "Oh, hey Jack. Hi, Sam."
"Hey, Daniel. Carter and I brought your car back to you."
"Yeah. He called me this morning and asked me to follow him over here." Sam added, smiling.
"So, how are you feeling? I was a little concerned about you last night." Jack asked, his overprotective tone causing Daniel to smile.
"I do feel a lot better. I think Sarah should talk to Janet about a job. She makes a damn good nurse. You guys want to come in for a minute." Daniel quipped playfully as he lead his friends into the living room.
"Good morning, Jack, Sam." Sarah smiled, getting up and giving them a hug.
"Hey, Sarah. I hear you've been taking good care of this guy. He says you make a pretty fine nurse." Jack grinned.
"Well, I do try. I guess that's what love does to you."
"I appreciate you bringing my car by Jack. When I woke up this morning, I wondered where my car was because I couldn't remember where I left it. Then I remembered the last place I recalled being at the time was your house and that you hauled me back here last night. Sorry about passing out in your living room." Daniel said, slightly embarrassed.
"Ah, don't worry about it. That's what friends do for each other. I know that you'd have run me home if it was me in your position."
"You're right about that. Hey, do you guys want a cup of coffee or something?"
"Yeah, I'd like that." Jack said.
"Yes, thank you." Sam smiled and took a seat on the couch beside Sarah.
A fem minutes later, they were all sitting in the living room having coffee and enjoying each other's company. Jack was glad to see that Daniel appeared to be feeling better than he had the night before and it seemed to him that whatever those nightmares were that had been haunting his friend last night weren't much of an issue anymore. As Jack O'Neill sat among friends, he knew for a fact that Daniel Jackson was a very strong man and he figured that maybe, just maybe, his best friend was going to be all right after all. At least, he hoped that he would.