Theme song is heard.
"CHRISTMAS IN THE DELTA QUADRANT"
VOICE OF THE NARRATOR (VOTN) : 'Twas fourteen days before Christmas, and all through the ship, Seven of Nine was firing off her lips…
A corridor. SEVEN OF NINE is caroling through the halls. She is wearing her cat suit, with a Santa Clause hat. The suit is red this time. Everyone's name in candy canes is above their door. She pauses outside a door reading CAPTAIN JANEWAY: KEEP OUT. We never learn exactly what the asterisk means. She rings the bell, and begins to sing.
SEVEN OF NINE: Oh, the conditions of the atmosphere outside of the room is not cooperating, but the flames at the region of the room called the hearth and or fireplace are quite en-AAAH!!!
THE CAPTAIN: (Wearing pajamas, opens door, sees who it is, and grabs her Photon Burst Rifle. It is above the door. She attacks once, twice. There is a burn mark on the wall. That is all that remains of that evil, no bien, mal, perra SEVEN OF NINE. THE CAPTAIN goes back inside. A HAND covers the camera, and the mike. We skew to Engineering, where BE'LANNA TORRES is obviously giving TOM PARIS an early Christmas present at her upper workstation.)
VOICE OF THE NARRATOR: AAAH!!!!!!!!!
(Skew to holodeck)
VOTN:AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! GOD, IT'S NO MMMKAYING FAIR!!!!!!!
(Skew to a sign that says, TWO DAYS LATER………….)
(Ready room. THE CAPTAIN and CHAKOTAY are having coffee. There is a really kitschy recording going)
BING CROSBY:Oh, the weather outside is frightful,
But the holodeck's so delightful.
And even though it sets E.V. controls to "Warm,"
Let it ion storm, let it ion storm, let it ion storm.
Oh, it doesn't show signs of stopping,
And I replicated some corn for popping.
And if we don't get attacked by Borg,
Let it ion storm, let it ion storm, let it ion storm.
If I I'm on an away team tonight,
I'll hate being transported in the storm.
'Cause if Mulcahey screws up one little thing,
My molecular patterns will be torn.
Well, the bombardment is slowly dying,
And I'm afraid we're still good-bye-ing
The power is coming back on,
But let it ion storm, let it ion storm, let it ion storm.
THE CAPTAIN: Ugh, who the heck recorded this? It sounds like that time we gave Neelix the power razor.
CHAKOTAY: Well, at least our power didn't go out.
THE CAPTAIN: Probably a good thing. After all, I'm
BOTH AT THE SAME TIME: Stranded in the Delta Quadrant with the only Indian in the universe who can't start a fire by rubbing two sticks together! (They collapse into a laughing fit.)
THE CAPTAIN: By the way, what did your father tell you about that whole hair thing? Hair has magical spirit powers that make it burst into flame? Or is it just reddish hair? Is it because it's auburn that the fire didn't get very big?
CHAKOTAY: (Blushing) Actually, it was, Hairspray's VERY flammable, son. Don't travel anywhere without it.
THE CAPTAIN: (Punches him lightly. He acts as if it was a hard punch, and they collapse laughing again. They start getting closer, and this looks as if it's going in the right direction. He's got her face, and they're about to make out, when suddenly, BE'LANNA TORRES bursts in. She is obviously excited about something.)
BE'LANNA TORRES: Neelix is dead!!