(1600 Hours. HARRY KIM, BE'LANNA TORRES. CHAKOTAY, and THE CAPTAIN are in Transporter Room One. ENSIGN MULCHAEY is in there, working the controls.
THE CAPTAIN: Ensign, beam us to these coordinates.
ENSIGN MULCHAEY: Will do.
(Everyone except ENSIGN MULCHAEY steps onto the transporter pad. TOM PARIS rushes in.)
TOM PARIS: Wait! Be'lanna! Don't go! I need you!
BE'LANNA TORRES: Tom, it's only a simple away mission. No biggie. I'll be gone an hour, no more probably. Relax.
TOM PARIS: Goodbye kiss?
BE'LANNA TORRES: (Sighs) Come here.
(They begin to kiss, passionately. Catching the disgusted look from the command team, TOM PARIS begins to gripe.)
TOM PARIS: What, don't tell me you two don't do this! And at least we're married!
THE CAPTAIN: (Under her breath) Not in public. (Out loud) Of course not. Our relationship is platonic, and need I mention, professional. Nothing more.
CHAKOTAY: That's right. Mulchaey, beam us out as soon as Helmboy here leaves.
BE'LANNA TORRES: Tommy, you need to get off the pad now.
(TOM PARIS gets off the transporter pad and leaves. The away team beams out. After away team beams out, TOM PARIS leaves.)
ENSIGN MULCHAEY: My job sucks. I'm stuck here all day, beaming people in and out. But do I ever get to go anywhere? No.
TVOTN: Sounds like my job. I don't get to do anything, either. Your life sounds a lot like mine. At least you have corporeal form.
ENSIGN MULCHAEY: Tell me about it. I got so bored one day, I started singing. And I'm not the only one.
TVOTN: That song, can I hear it?
ENSIGN MULCHAEY: Well, you already know it. It goes something like this.(Clears throat and sings.)
It's 1300 hours on a Saturday,
Regular crowd waltzes in.
It's Chakotay, Be'lanna, and Captain J., and that son of a targ Harry Kim.
Kate says, "Crewman, beam us to these coordinates,
We need to pick up more fuel.
Mulchaey, don't you screw up our patterns now,
But if you kill Harry, that would be cool."
Oh, la di da, didi da, la la didi da, da dum.
Beam us away, transporter man,
Beam us away tonight,
'Cause we can go just about anywhere,
If you
Can get the sequence right.
Now Mort on Deck 15's a friend of mine,
Gets me my rations for free,
And he's quick with a joke or to put out some smoke,
But there's someplace that he'd rather be.
He says, "John, I believe this is killing me,"
As the smile runs away from his face.
"I just know that I could be a philosopher,
If I could get out of this place."
And I see Harry, our version of Lazarus,
Compared to me he has a life,
He is talking to Tuvok,
About battles neither fought,
And about their make-believe toils and strife.
And the chef is, well, was practicing politics,
As the command team slowly get stoned.
Yeah, J. and C. share a drink they call loneliness,
But it's better than being alone.
Beam us away, transporter man,
Beam us away tonight,
We need more supplies right now,
'Cause the Borg are picking a fight.
It's a pretty good mission, this one today,
And the captain, she gives me a smile,
And I know it's me they've been waiting to see,
'Cause they were gone for an awfully long while.
And, oh, crap, Harry's dead again,
Get him to Sick Bay, J. says,
But C. says, Never mind,
He'll come back in time,
Again and again and again.
Beam us away, transporter man,
Beam us away tonight,
We're short on ensigns again,
And you've got us feelin' alright.
(Ends song)
You see, they only appreciate me after they're back from their away mission.
TVOTN: At least The Captain know your name. She calls me Jim. Jim's a GUY'S name. I'm a girl named Cato, for crying out loud. By the way, the command team isn't alone.
ENSIGN MULCHAEY: So, Cato, what are you doing Friday night?
TVOTN: Absolutely nothing. A bit of narrating, maybe, but probably not much.
ENSIGN MULCHAEY: Third shift on Friday is my time off. I have some holodeck time. Want to join me? My friend Mort's coming, too. We plot to take over or at least get a real job. Mort, he does ventral maintenance.
TVOTN: That sounds o.k. I'll be there. See you Friday, John.
ENSIGN MULCHAEY: See you Friday, Cato.