Woo! Next chapter! Sorry for the fluffiness cornieness of this chapter. But I have been waiting for AGES to write this chapter! It's absolutely exciting that I finally reached this point! Oh, and MUCH MORE J/L fluff to come over Christmas break...Not that there's much fluff in this chapter. Just those three little words. :-) Hence the name of the chapter... =D Personal thank you's at the end!
Chapter Fifteen
Those Three Little Words
Lily lay flat on her back on the floor of her bedroom staring at the plain white ceiling. Why white? Why such a plain color that had absolutely no meaning to it? The rest of the room was so miraculous, but the ceiling was so drab. It almost made Lily think of herself.
"Am I drab?" She asked absentmindedly. Bianca, Harmony, Candace and Alice all turned to Lily.
"No, why?" Candace shrugged, turning back to her homework. It had become a new thing to do homework in Lily's room, as it was quiet and there was no one there to disrupt the peace.
"I was looking at the ceiling and for some odd reason it reminded me of myself."
"White is the color of virginity." Harmony giggled. Lily raised her eyes. Why in the world would that matter?
"I didn't mean it in that way." Lily muttered, then realized four pairs of eyes were glued on her. "Yes, I am a virgin, for those who wondered." She sighed in annoyance. They weren't understanding what she was trying to say. "What do you think when you see white?" She asked, trying to get an opinion other then her own.
"Weddings?" Alice offered.
"Perfection." Bianca answered.
"Strange..." Lily murmured. "To me it's plain. It's boring, drab, colorless, dull, lifeless..."
"What a depressing outlook on such a good color!" Harmony gasped. Luckily it was one of her good mood days.
"To every man his own." Lily sighed, her gaze still glued on the ceiling. She had been debating for the last three weeks about whether or not to tell anyone about Remus. Yet she had still kept her silence, as did she and James whenever they were in the same room together. Too afraid that he would anger her by talking and spur her to tell someone about Remus, James said not a word, and Lily being her old self, had no objection to the silence. They were already a couple days into December, and the break was fast approaching.
"You've been so quiet these last two weeks." Bianca stated, turning her purple eyes to Lily.
"What's there to say?" Lily shrugged, her eyes still fixated on the ceiling.
"You always have a lot to say." Bianca continued.
"Oh well." Lily sighed.
"What about Remus? Is there any hope in getting back together with him? I mean, some of all that jealousy should have worn off by now." Alice commented.
"Maybe." Lily responded, not too keen on their new topic. She sat up to look at her four friends, thought for a while, then chose her words very wisely. "Even if he did want to get back together, I don't know if I would want to." She answered.
"Why not?"
"For one thing, he doesn't trust me. If you don't trust you can't love." Lily voiced. "He keeps thinking that I'll run away with James or something." She sighed.
"Would you?" Candace asked, a grin on her face.
"The scary thing is, about a month ago I might have considered it." Lily admitted.
"Then what happened?" Alice said, looking crestfallen. "I've always wanted to see you two together."
Lily couldn't help but laugh. Alice wanted to see everyone in the school happily partnered up just like her and Frank. "I don't know, we kind of got in a sort of a fight and now we don't talk anymore. Not even at rounds." Lily muttered. She couldn't believe she had actually admitted that James had indeed grown on her. 'That was a month ago.' She told herself. 'Not anymore. I must have had an off month...' "But I don't think he even likes me anymore."
"You've thought that several times only to find it not true. What was the fight over anyways?" Candace inquired.
"What do you think? Potter was just being a moron like always." Lily retorted, a smile spreading across her face. It felt good to talk about James in a hateful way once again. She looked over at the faces of her friends, just to see their responses to her being bitter to James once again.
"He doesn't have to do anything for you to think he's a moron, Lily." Alice smiled, though Lily could tell she was fighting to suppress it. "By the way, Candace. Are you and Sirius together yet?"
"Why does everyone keep asking that?" Candace huffed. "No. We're not together. Nor do I ever think we will be. He's a stubborn ass shit head and won't ask me out." She finished.
"Why don't you ask him out?" Harmony asked, beginning to hum the muggle song Tomorrow from Annie.
"That's his deal." Candace snapped.
"He's afraid of commitment, Candace." Lily explained. "He hasn't quite yet realized he's already wrapped firmly around you finger and going out with you would be no different except complete access to everything he wants and you not getting mad at him for getting fresh." Lily grinned.
"I don't get mad at him for getting fresh." Candace said simply. "I openly invite the idea." She grinned.
"You guys are so lucky." Bianca finally piped.
"What?" Lily, Candace, and Alice asked all at once, Harmony, now in her chorus of Tomorrow was too busy humming to notice what Bianca said.
"I've still never been kissed. Is there something wrong with me?" She asked seriously.
"One thing, Bianca." Lily grinned. "Every guy who asks you to be his girlfriend gets denied."
"But I didn't like any of them!" Bianca answered innocently.
"Who do you like anyways?" Alice grinned.
Bianca stopped, her eyes falling to the floor, a small smile on her face, her sandy blonde hair falling into her eyes.
"Bianca?" Lily grinned. She couldn't help but be hungry for gossip. She hadn't had simple girl talk with her friends for a long time, and she had greatly missed it.
"Remus." She finally sighed. Alice and Candace squealed, but Lily just plain smiled. Yet Harmony was now singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow too absentmindedly to even notice they were having a juicy conversation.. "I've liked him for ages now, but he was always with Lily."
"Well, charm him, you got him." Lily smiled, though a part of her started thinking. A part of her telling herself she would be
very jealous indeed ff Bianca and Remus hooked up with each other.
"No way." James laughed. "No. Way." He told Sirius firmly.
"Then she's just going to continue to ignore you."
"I'll take the silence." James laughed. "No. Definitely not. No!"
"When's the last time you asked her out?" Sirius asked, looking James in the eyes. James continued pacing around the track that had now worn the carpet down in his dormitory, avoiding looking at Sirius.
"I can't remember." James admitted. "I asked her to dance with me at the ball, that's about it. It annoys the hell outta her, and she was with Moony for a long time."
Sirius laughed. "You are definitely not the Prongs I used to know. I think you've given up on Evans." Sirius stood up and walked over to the mirror above James' fireplace.
"For one minute, try not to be so vain." James muttered in annoyance.
"Hey, I'm thinking about taking Candace to the Three Broomsticks tonight. I gotta look good when I ask her." He grinned. "Anyways, you've given up on Evans haven't you?"
James laughed. The world would end the day he gave up on liking Lily. "What do you think?"
"What I just said. Simple as that." Sirius responded, turning to look at James once again.
"No, I'll never give up on her. I love her." James sighed.
"So tell her." Sirius said in frustration. That was exactly what he had been telling James to do for the last half hour.
"She'll slap me across the face if I do." James laughed.
"She's a human like everyone else. She told Moony. That's the only reason they hooked up. She just walked up and told him one day."
"She just broke up with Moony three weeks ago. And I haven't even talked to her since I told her that Remus is a werewolf."
"Well, why not?" Sirius asked.
"Because I'm afraid if I piss her off she'll tell someone. Or go straight to Dumbledore and tell him that we run around with Moony every full moon. That's not an inviting idea to me! We'd be screwed! Expelled! I'm amazed he didn't kill us when we told him that Snape knew. He could of just chucked us out!"
"Nah, we've gotten away with so much already." Sirius laughed in good nature, running a hand through his black hair causing a few strands to come loose and fall into his eyes casting a handsome look upon him.
"I'm not saying that isn't true, but once he knew that you played the joke on him, I thought we were done for."
"Me too." Sirius laughed. "Anyways, we need to focus. I say you prance off to her room, and just tell her. Maybe she'll be flattered enough to talk to you again. I don't know, but Candace and I have been talking, and we think she's growing fond of you."
"Sure Padfoot. Uh huh." James said disbelievingly.
"What will it hurt?"
"What will it hurt for you to ask Candace out?" James said a bit loudly. Who was Sirius to criticize him for not telling Lily how he felt for the hundredth time when Sirius wouldn't even ask out a girl that he was practically already dating?!
"The fact that I can call myself single yet still getting some from a girl." Sirius grinned.
"Sirius," James sighed. "I won't be surprised if you never marry."
"And I won't be surprised if you and Lily do marry if you just stroll up to her door and tell he how you feel. You haven't done so in ages."
"I don't see why you want me to do this." James sighed. "I did it several times over the last few years and she hated me for it."
"But seriously, you've changed, Prongs. You aren't as air headed as you used to be. Did she ever say anything that wasn't hateful and mean to you last year?"
"Not really." James answered truthfully, memories of the spiteful words she had said to him in the previous years drifting into his mind.
"Well what about this year? It hasn't been nearly as bad, has it?"
"Well, no." James admitted. Now his mind was starting to work. What if telling her that he cared would do something positive? What if he was too much of a wimp to say anything? Then he would wonder for the rest of his life if saying something would have made things turn out differently. But what if it made things worse? He had told her so many times before but it had always ended disastrously.
"Stop it with the what if's." Sirius laughed, knowing exactly what was going on in James' mind. They had only been best friends for seven years after all... "Go tell her."
James took a breath. He knew he could greatly regret his next decision, no matter what he chose. "Alright." He finally said,
turned to the long narrow corridor, and left his bedroom, Sirius whooping at his retreating back.
"Candace, what's the furthest you've gone with Sirius?" Bianca asked.
"You don't want to know." Candace laughed.
"Then why did I ask?" Bianca retorted, giggling insanely.
"Let's just say broom closet, fourth floor, hands down each others pants. You fill in the blanks." Candace grinned.
"Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on...Candace!" Harmony gasped in shock, giggling madly.
Just then a knock came at Lily's door. Lily stood to her feet, eyes raised in curiosity, and went to open the door, only to find James on the other side running his hand through his hair looking a bit flustered.
"James?" Lily asked curiously, wondering why he had broken the silence to come talk to her. Surely nothing bad had happened?!
"Er..." James mumbled. "I needed to talk to you about tutoring." He wimped out. He couldn't do it. Especially with Bianca, Candace, Harmony and Alice all watching.
"Yeah?" Lily asked, raising her eyes.
"I think I'm getting it a lot better and I don't think I need the lessons anymore." He said quickly. Yes, he had wanted to tell Lily this, but he had not set out to do so on that particular quest.
"OK." Lily responded, relieved to not have to tutor him anymore. It had been rather awkward to try to tutor him without talking.
"And we have rounds in fifteen minutes." He added.
"Right. That it?" She asked.
"Yeah, that's it."James sighed.
"OK. Bye." Lily shut the door and turned back to her friends. "What the hell was that about?" She laughed.
"I think he was trying to tell you something else, but freaked out." Alice answered.
"Nah." Lily responded, sitting back down on the floor.
"Check the Astronomy tower?" James suggested.
"Sure." Lily replied, willing to go anywhere as long as she didn't have to say much to James. What Alice had said made Lily wonder a bit. What if James had been trying to say something else? Would she ever find out what it was?"
An hour later James' watch beeped signaling the end of rounds.
"I'll walk you back to your room." James said gruffly. 'I've got to do it. If I don't I'll wonder the rest of my life what would have happened if I did..."
Lily remained silent. Why would he want to do that? They had hardly talked the whole time. 'No use to fathom what goes through Potter's mind.' She told herself firmly, stopping her wandering mind.
Finally the large griffin tapestry came into view. "Well, night then." Lily said, quickening her pace a bit.
"Wait, Lily." James said, stopping her. "Why are you so mad at me?" He finally asked. It was the only way he could think of to address the matter.
Lily turned to face him, her brows furrowed in thought. "You threatened me and insulted me several times, James." She finally said.
"It was three weeks ago, Lily." James sighed. "And I have to admit something." He said, forcing himself to do so.
'Oh Lord, what's he going to say?' Lily asked herself, worry spreading across her face. Maybe she would find out what he had wanted to say earlier.
"Lily, it kills me for you to hate me like you do. I know you've hated me all these years, and I guess I just saw it as more of a challenge to get you to go out with me. I don't know, I was a twisted kid." James laughed nervously. "But now, I don't know, it really hurts. I haven't done anything horribly mean to you to make you hate me, yes I insulted you and threatened you and I would take it all back if I could."
Lily's mind reeled. What was he going on about and why? What was she supposed to say in return? "You can't take things back, James." Lily said, settling with that. "What are you trying to say?" She asked getting slightly annoyed. She was tired and wanted to go to bed but she was stuck listening to him rambling on about how it hurts to be hated.
"I...I love you. I don't think I've ever cared about anyone as much as I care about you." James finally spat. He hadn't meant to say it like that. The words had just tumbled out. He had only wanted to tell her he cared a little bit, not reveal how he entirely felt! That would scare her!
"W..what?" Lily asked, her eyes widening in shock. Whatever she was expecting to hear, it wasn't that. It was possibly everything BUT that.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. It was a bad idea." He sighed, his face turning fire truck red. He was sure even Lily who was about five feet away could feel the heat that was radiating off of his face.
Lily had no response. She was caught so off guard she couldn't even think of what to say. 'I...I love you.' James' voice kept replaying in her mind.
"I'm leaving now..." James stuttered. "Goodnight." He turned his back and hurried away from Lily's door.
"Night..." She managed to mumble feebly in response.
"Alice, I need to talk to you." Lily whispered later that night. She had managed to hurry off back to the Common Room after James had left, and had shaken Alice awake. She was the only person who could really understand Lily due to her relationship with Frank.
Alice murmured a response, then rolled out of bed. Lily hurried down to the Common Room, Alice stumbling behind her. Lily took a seat on the couch facing the fire, and waited for Alice to wake up a bit more.
"You are so lucky we don't have classes tomorrow." Alice groaned. "What do you want, so I can go back to bed..." She grumbled.
"Alice, remember how James came to my room earlier tonight, and you said he was trying to say something but freaked out?"
"This is about James?" Alice asked, her back snapping straight and her eyes filling with flame. "What happened? Did he say what he wanted to?" She asked, her face shining with excitement.
"Yes, I think so." Lily responded, her face reddening a bit. "He walked me back to my room and started going on and on about how it hurts to be hated and then, I don't think he wanted to say it, it seemed like it just came out, but he said..." Lily swallowed. "He said, I love you." She said.
"Oh my god..." Alice said softly, smiling in delight. "Well, I knew he did, but he hasn't said anything in such a long time. And for him to actually say it, it's so sweet."
"Alice, it's a tragedy!" Lily gaped. How could Alice go on and on about how sweet James Potter was? 'At a time like this!' Lily's mind reeled.
"Why? Why is it so bad, Lily?" Alice asked, her smile fading. "Why do you hate it so much that he cares for you? Why won't you ever give him a chance?"
"Alice," Lily muttered. "Could you ever see me and Potter lasting long together?"
"No, I could never see the two of you together at all because you're so stubborn!" She replied, her blue eyes burrowing into Lily's.
"Even if I did give him a chance, it wouldn't last! We would drive each other crazy!"
"That's not what it looks like to me." Alice sighed heavily. "You guys have spent so much time together already this year, it's insane. You spend more time together then I do with Frank! I mean, I know he's in another house, but I still see him all the time after classes. I've seen you and James together even when you don't have to be, and you guys are having fun."
Alice took another breath and continued. "Why did you and Remus break up? Because he saw you with James looking like you were having a hell of a good time. You did have a good time with James at the ball! Admit it!"
"I did have a good time with him." Lily sighed. "But even so..."
"Even so what? You know you wouldn't drive each other crazy. Not anymore. I can understand why for all the other years since he was such an insufferable prat, but you've grown fond of him. I know it."
Lily remained silent, her mind screaming. Screaming in protest because she knew Alice was right.
Yay! I hope it didn't seem to OOC. I think I gave justifiable reasoning... Anyways, thank you's!
MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus- Thank you very much! Can you hear the drumrolls getting louder? Lol. Thanks for the review!
xxGinnyxx- It's just Lily's true nature, no ain't it? Lol. Thanks so much for the review! Okidokipoki is an awesome word! Yay! =D
KakashisNo1Fangirl/Youkai/Momo- Haha, I don't think I know anyone who has as many names as you. Lol. And....a question. T'was just the other day when I took a glance at thou's story list only to see, Gah! Dost myne eyes deceive me, or did Youkai (Naughty Pixie wrath inducer! Watch out! I shoot pixie dust out of my butt!...OK, inside joke with some friends. Don't think anyone gets it...trailing off...) Deletith herith Lilyith andith Jamesith ficith? Wow, enoughith mideivilith talkith forith meith. Oh, but it's just oh so funith. Lol. Well anyways, you've got some Pixie wrath to hide from! *Chases Youkai, Pixie dust flying behind her* (Gah stupid inside joke again. Lol)
Goddess of Gorgeousness- Yes, very interesting indeed. =D But she doesn't know James is an animagus. T'will (Side effects from previous thank you. My apologies...) Be very interesting when she does find out. If she ever does. But this is planned out to be a trilogy, so I'm sure she will sometime. =D Thanks for reviewing!
Agloechen- Now would there be ANY R/L stuff after that great of a confession? Lily's scared, sure, but she'll get over it. Hence the last sentence of the chapter. =D. I like that word...hence. Thank you for the review!
firehottie- Yay! I'm so glad you like it! Thanks so much for the LOV-E-LY review!
Jessie xxx- Thanks for the review! Yes it inspires me ever so much! Hope you liked this chappie of cheesiness! =D
Belle Black- Hope I updated soon enough for ya! Glad you like it and thanks so much for reviewing!
B-a-B-i- Ahh....kiss an make up. They'll make up, but not kiss for a while yet. =D Ever so sorry, but it makes it all the better when it finally happens, right? Thanks so much for the review!
rachel19- Yay! THANK YOU SO MUCH! THAT WAS ONE OF THE NICEST REVIEWS EVER!!! ALL HAIL RACHEL!!!! YAY! THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH!
J.E.A.R.K.Potter- Thanks so much! Oh, and I think it's cool. One day you'll have like J.E.A.R.K.M.W.S.I.B.Potter, and then that will be the coolest pen name on ff.net! Yay! Lol.
oosha66- Of course Lily will keep her silence. =D But I didn't tell you, so shhh...I might want to use it later just for tension. =D I just LOVE your pen name too! It's soo cool!
WotcherTonks- Thank you very much! Ooh, some Sirius in this chappie for ya there! Lookin' handsome too! Yay! I love Sirius. I would run away with him if I could. Along with Orlando Bloom, Patrick Swayze, Paul Walker, Lance Bass, Ashley Angel (Yes he IS a guy if anyone didn't know that) Sean Biggerstaff (Or however you spell his last name. Obviously he's not number one on my list. =D) Daniel Radcliffe, Tom Felton, Leonardo DiCaprio, and some kid I know who lives over 1400 miles away from me. :-( Oh well, thanks for reading my story, and my list too! Lol.
And that's all for now! please, Please, PLEASE everyone review for me! It will inspire me to write faster. *nod nod*