Author's note: This chapter is dedicated to Katameran, Shadow Of The Rain,
Clayin, Esebesta, and Moon Archer, my wonderful reviewers. Thanks guys,
you have no idea how much reviews mean to me. Okay, enough of the mushy
stuff...
Warning: Abuse of HP characters, rouge bowling pins, random bursting into song, misuse of women's panties, fishnets, and rhinestone pumps [can you guess what's coming? DON'T HURT HER FRANK-FURTER! T-t-t-t-t-t-t-touch me. I wanna be dirty! Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me. CREATURE OF THE NIGHT!]
Chapter 2 [So, where was I...ah yes.. But what awaits him- even he doesn't know.....]
Harry reached the bottom of the staircase, but when he looked around he was not in the Dursley's hall, which was where he should have been. He was...
"Um, Jill? WHY THE HELL AM I AT THE BURROW?!"
[We had a few budget cuts, and well, we figured that we should short end a few scenes. So we cut out the entire part about the fireplace being blown up, and the letter with all those stamps.]
"You cut out the letter, because it had all those stamps?!" Harry asked incredulously.
[STAMPS ARE EXPENSIVE!]
"You're insane." Harry muttered.
"You're telling me, mate." Ron had come down the stairs behind Harry. "If you ask me, she just couldn't think of a way to screw up those scenes." [WELL NOBODY ASKED YOU!] Ron was immediately struck in the head with a large bowling pin.
"OY!" He yelled.
[A girl could really get used to this all-powerful gig. Oh, and by the way Ron, keep that bowling pin; it will come in handy later.]
"How?" Ron asked.
[Don't ask me!]
'But you're the ruddy author, and director!"
[Fair point.]
Ron is hit in the head with another bowling pin. "Barking mad."
"Um, Ron? Who were you talking to, and where are all those bowling pins coming from?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
"Jill." Ron grunted. "I'm beginning to miss Cuaron. At least he never hit us with bowling pins."
"Yeah, but he was pretty edgy, and he had that Harry/Draco slash thing going on in his head." Harry said, rather misty eyed. [ADVANCE THE PLOT!]
"Eesh, now I know why tigers eat their young."
[NOW!] Thunder crackles, and the sky out side grows thick with lightning.
"So, how about that Quidditch International Trophy?" [Name changed in case those 'Bloody Americans' don't know what a world cup is.]
"Tally ho." Harry answered. "Does she actually think that we British people say things like that on a regular basis?" [You do now.] Harry was promptly hit in the head with a bowling pin.
"Lets go." Harry groaned, rubbing his head.
Scene FADES OUT, and then FADES IN on Harry, Ron, Hermione, Mr. Weasley, Fred, George, and Ginny, all wearing backpacks, hiking up a hill.
"Let's find the Portkey, which since this is the first ever mention of them in all the books, it will most likely be a very important plot device in later scenes." Mr. Weasley announced.
"Arthur! It's over here!" called a man with a scraggly beard.
"Amos Diggory!" Mr. Weasley called. [Great way to introduce new characters: Shout their full name at them so the audience picks up on it.]
"Ugh, and kill me now. It's Cedric Diggory." George said.
"I could just KILL him for beating us at Quidditch last year." Fred agreed.
"Hiya guys!" Cedric called. "I was DYING to see you all!"
"Hi Cedric! We haven't seen you all summer! We thought you were DEAD."
"Well, I wish I was DEAD after-"[It's lame now guys, just stop.]" Never mind."
Amos held up the Portkey. It was a Michael Jackson doll.
"So, a Portkey can be anything?" Harry asked Mr. Weasley.
"Well, it's always something that if a muggle finds, they wont pick it up and play with it." Harry glanced at the doll, and understood.
Everybody gathered around, and put a finger on the doll. Harry thought about how odd it would look to a muggle if they saw this congregation of children, and two men, all standing around, touching a Michael Jackson doll.
Harry felt a jerk around his navel, and they were whisked away.
They landed with a jolt in a crumpled heap.
"Stoatshead Hill, six o'clock." Harry looked up at the man who spoke, and had to do a double take.
The man was wearing garish makeup, a bustier, women's black underwear, fishnet stockings, and six-inch rhinestone pumps. [Hell yeah, he was.]
"Dr- Dr. Frankenfurter?" Both Hermione and Harry said at the same time.
"Nooo, I'm Basil." The man said.
"Then why are you dressed as Dr. Frankenfurter?"
"Well, we had to go incognito for the match, yoou knoow...dress like muggles. So some friends and I rented this mooovie. The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and we decided to copy them." The man over annunciated every world just like Tim Curry in RHPS.
"Well I must say, that even though nobody could beat Tim Curry as Dr. Frankenfurter, you make a close second." Hermione said, obviously impressed.
"I think he looks like a freak." Ron said, and Fred and George seemed to agree.
Suddenly Basil's friends joined him, and stuck poses. They began to sing.
Don't get strung out by the way I look. Don't judge a book by its cover. I'm not much of a man by the light of day But by night I'm one hell of a lover. I'm just a sweet transvestite From Transsexual, Transylvania. Let me show you around Maybe play you a sound. You look like you're both pretty groovy. Or if you want something visual That's not too abysmal, We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.
I'm just a sweet transvestite. (Sweet transvestite) Sweet transvestite From Transsexual, Transylvania.
The song ended, and Ginny, Hermione, and Harry burst out into applause.
"Well now Basil, that was really splendid. Can you point us to the match please?"
"Excited for the match, are you Arthur?" Basil asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes."
"I can see you quiver with ANTICIPA- - - - [SPIT IT OUT!] - - Pation."
Scene FADES OUT, and then FADES IN, on the Top Box at the Quidditch match.
Hmm... how was that guys? I couldn't think of what to happen next, so I'll post this here for you all. Don't worry, I'll be back soon with a new chapter, hopefully funnier than the last. Insanity builds with time.
Oh, and REVIEW!! PLEASE!! Suggestions are welcome! Next chapter dedicated to my reviewers of Ch. 2!
ROCK ON MY CYBERSPACE CADETS.
Warning: Abuse of HP characters, rouge bowling pins, random bursting into song, misuse of women's panties, fishnets, and rhinestone pumps [can you guess what's coming? DON'T HURT HER FRANK-FURTER! T-t-t-t-t-t-t-touch me. I wanna be dirty! Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me. CREATURE OF THE NIGHT!]
Chapter 2 [So, where was I...ah yes.. But what awaits him- even he doesn't know.....]
Harry reached the bottom of the staircase, but when he looked around he was not in the Dursley's hall, which was where he should have been. He was...
"Um, Jill? WHY THE HELL AM I AT THE BURROW?!"
[We had a few budget cuts, and well, we figured that we should short end a few scenes. So we cut out the entire part about the fireplace being blown up, and the letter with all those stamps.]
"You cut out the letter, because it had all those stamps?!" Harry asked incredulously.
[STAMPS ARE EXPENSIVE!]
"You're insane." Harry muttered.
"You're telling me, mate." Ron had come down the stairs behind Harry. "If you ask me, she just couldn't think of a way to screw up those scenes." [WELL NOBODY ASKED YOU!] Ron was immediately struck in the head with a large bowling pin.
"OY!" He yelled.
[A girl could really get used to this all-powerful gig. Oh, and by the way Ron, keep that bowling pin; it will come in handy later.]
"How?" Ron asked.
[Don't ask me!]
'But you're the ruddy author, and director!"
[Fair point.]
Ron is hit in the head with another bowling pin. "Barking mad."
"Um, Ron? Who were you talking to, and where are all those bowling pins coming from?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
"Jill." Ron grunted. "I'm beginning to miss Cuaron. At least he never hit us with bowling pins."
"Yeah, but he was pretty edgy, and he had that Harry/Draco slash thing going on in his head." Harry said, rather misty eyed. [ADVANCE THE PLOT!]
"Eesh, now I know why tigers eat their young."
[NOW!] Thunder crackles, and the sky out side grows thick with lightning.
"So, how about that Quidditch International Trophy?" [Name changed in case those 'Bloody Americans' don't know what a world cup is.]
"Tally ho." Harry answered. "Does she actually think that we British people say things like that on a regular basis?" [You do now.] Harry was promptly hit in the head with a bowling pin.
"Lets go." Harry groaned, rubbing his head.
Scene FADES OUT, and then FADES IN on Harry, Ron, Hermione, Mr. Weasley, Fred, George, and Ginny, all wearing backpacks, hiking up a hill.
"Let's find the Portkey, which since this is the first ever mention of them in all the books, it will most likely be a very important plot device in later scenes." Mr. Weasley announced.
"Arthur! It's over here!" called a man with a scraggly beard.
"Amos Diggory!" Mr. Weasley called. [Great way to introduce new characters: Shout their full name at them so the audience picks up on it.]
"Ugh, and kill me now. It's Cedric Diggory." George said.
"I could just KILL him for beating us at Quidditch last year." Fred agreed.
"Hiya guys!" Cedric called. "I was DYING to see you all!"
"Hi Cedric! We haven't seen you all summer! We thought you were DEAD."
"Well, I wish I was DEAD after-"[It's lame now guys, just stop.]" Never mind."
Amos held up the Portkey. It was a Michael Jackson doll.
"So, a Portkey can be anything?" Harry asked Mr. Weasley.
"Well, it's always something that if a muggle finds, they wont pick it up and play with it." Harry glanced at the doll, and understood.
Everybody gathered around, and put a finger on the doll. Harry thought about how odd it would look to a muggle if they saw this congregation of children, and two men, all standing around, touching a Michael Jackson doll.
Harry felt a jerk around his navel, and they were whisked away.
They landed with a jolt in a crumpled heap.
"Stoatshead Hill, six o'clock." Harry looked up at the man who spoke, and had to do a double take.
The man was wearing garish makeup, a bustier, women's black underwear, fishnet stockings, and six-inch rhinestone pumps. [Hell yeah, he was.]
"Dr- Dr. Frankenfurter?" Both Hermione and Harry said at the same time.
"Nooo, I'm Basil." The man said.
"Then why are you dressed as Dr. Frankenfurter?"
"Well, we had to go incognito for the match, yoou knoow...dress like muggles. So some friends and I rented this mooovie. The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and we decided to copy them." The man over annunciated every world just like Tim Curry in RHPS.
"Well I must say, that even though nobody could beat Tim Curry as Dr. Frankenfurter, you make a close second." Hermione said, obviously impressed.
"I think he looks like a freak." Ron said, and Fred and George seemed to agree.
Suddenly Basil's friends joined him, and stuck poses. They began to sing.
Don't get strung out by the way I look. Don't judge a book by its cover. I'm not much of a man by the light of day But by night I'm one hell of a lover. I'm just a sweet transvestite From Transsexual, Transylvania. Let me show you around Maybe play you a sound. You look like you're both pretty groovy. Or if you want something visual That's not too abysmal, We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.
I'm just a sweet transvestite. (Sweet transvestite) Sweet transvestite From Transsexual, Transylvania.
The song ended, and Ginny, Hermione, and Harry burst out into applause.
"Well now Basil, that was really splendid. Can you point us to the match please?"
"Excited for the match, are you Arthur?" Basil asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes."
"I can see you quiver with ANTICIPA- - - - [SPIT IT OUT!] - - Pation."
Scene FADES OUT, and then FADES IN, on the Top Box at the Quidditch match.
Hmm... how was that guys? I couldn't think of what to happen next, so I'll post this here for you all. Don't worry, I'll be back soon with a new chapter, hopefully funnier than the last. Insanity builds with time.
Oh, and REVIEW!! PLEASE!! Suggestions are welcome! Next chapter dedicated to my reviewers of Ch. 2!
ROCK ON MY CYBERSPACE CADETS.