Disclaimer: Since my name is not Joss Whedon, 'Angel' and all the characters associated with the show belong to someone who isn't me. I also don't own the storyline - that's taken from gidgetgirl's 'Twice The Trouble' Challenge, posted on the Chocolate Covered Strawberries Challenge Archive.

'Twice The Trouble' Challenge

A Fred Throwback. In season five of Angel, Illyria's attempt to takeover Fred's body is thwarted by the Powers that Be, and the result is that, when Illyria enters Fred's body, the body splits in half: into two identical little girls, save one has blue hair. The Angel gang has to keep little Illyria (if that's her name...) from taking over the world, and take care of little Fred. You take it from there.

Requirements:

The evil one must have blue hair.

Harmony must make an appearance in the fic.

Both Gunn and Wes must babysit... one of the girls must like each of them better than the other.

Author's Note: I've decided to have both little girls go to the zoo and, since I don't hate Wesley enough to leave him at the mercy of two four year olds, Gunn will be going too.

Words in / / = Thoughts.

*

Chapter 6.

Angel's Office, half past eight the next morning.

"Tell me again why I have to do this?" An aggrieved Gunn demanded.

"I promised Fred that she could go to the zoo today and I can't take her myself, for obvious reasons." He nodded towards the window, whose specially reinforced glass shielded the vampire from the sunlight streaming in.

"Why can't Wes go?"

"Wesley is going."

"So why do I have to go too?"

"Because Illyria is going too and the two of them are too much trouble for one person to deal with."

"Why does Illyria have to go?" Poor Gunn was doing his best to get out of this assignment.

Angel shrugged. "She wants to. Besides," He lowered his voice. "I want to keep her away from Harmony. I think Illyria is a bad influence on her."

Gunn sighed. "Is there anything I can say that will get me out of this?"

"No."

* * *

An hour later.

"Okay, girls, what do you want to see first?"

"Bambi's mommy." Fred insisted, clinging to Wesley's hand. "Angel said that she was here and I want to see her." She gave the former Watcher her best puppy-dog expression. "Please?"

"Alright, sweetheart." Wesley, who had heard Angel's account of the previous day's upset, smiled at her. "We'll go to see the deer first. What about you, Illyria?" The little goddess paid no attention to him.

"Illyria?" Gunn spoke her name a little louder.

The little goddess looked up at him, wrinkling her dainty nose in distaste. "There are too many humans here." Little Illyria declared. "They have a foul odour."

Her voice was not loud, but it was clear and carrying and several passers-by overheard her and were shooting the quartet dirty looks.

Gunn sighed.

This was going to be a long day.

* * *

"See, love." Wesley lifted Fred up so that she could get a better look at the deer walking about in the large, enclosed space reserved for them. "Bambi's mother is just fine."

Fred exhaled in relief. "That's good." She said seriously. "Someone should tell Mr Disney that he made a mistake with his film."

"We'll talk to Lorne about it tonight." Wesley assured her, matching her solemn tone.

"Wesley?" Fred put her arms around his neck, laying her head on his chest and looking up at him with an angelic expression. "Can I have a deer?"

* * *

"I'm hungry." Illyria announced in a demanding tone. "Get me something to eat, you."

Gunn glared at his little charge, mentally cursing Wesley for being the first to claim the relatively easy job of taking Fred to see the deer. "I have a name, you know." He rebuked her.

"Yes, I'm sure you do." Illyria's tone was icily condescending. "But I cannot be expected to remember such an insignificant detail. Now get me something to eat. Now. Or I'll . . ."

"Or what?" Gunn grinned. "You don't exactly intimidate me."

Illyria stamped her foot in a temper. "Do not to presume to speak to me with such disrespect!"

"I'll talk to you any way I want to." Gunn retorted, growing irritated.

Illyria gave him a chilling smile. "Yes, I suppose that I ought to be grateful to you. After all, without you, I wouldn't be here, would I?"

Gunn could have sworn that his heart had stopped beating. /The sarcophagus! / "How do you . . .?" His voice was hoarse.

"I have my ways." The miniature deity smiled. "I'm sure that your friends would be very interested to learn about that. Now," She met his eyes. "Get me something to eat."

* * *

Ten minutes later.

"Charles, look what Wesley got me." Little Fred ran forward, clutching the plush stuffed deer Wesley had persuaded her to accept in lieu of a live animal. "And we saw Bambi and his mommy and all their friends and everything and Wesley says that we can go see the seals having their breakfast in a little while and ride the train and everything."

Gunn smiled absently as he listened to Fred's happy prattling, a sober expression in his dark eyes.

Wesley, noticing the unusual seriousness of his friend's expression, waited until Fred and Illyria had headed off to examine the ducks swimming in the pond before speaking.

"Is everything all right, Charles?"

"Fine." Gunn made an effort to smile. "Why wouldn't it be?"

* * *

Twenty minutes later.

"Wesley." Little Fred tugged on his shirt. "I can't see."

The seals' feeding time seemed to be one of the zoo's most popular attractions.

By the time Wesley, Gunn and the two girls had arrived, a wall of people stood between them and the pool where the seals were frolicking for the amusement of their viewers.

Wesley lifted Fred up in his arms so that she could have a better view. He looked down at Illyria, who was glaring at the back of the person standing in front of her.

Gunn had gone to pick up some sodas for them, otherwise Wesley would have had him carry the child goddess.

The former Watcher shifted little Fred to his right arm, and was trying to work out if he would be able to balance both girls at once when Illyria scowled up at him, her dark eyes flashing.

"Make these vile humans get out of my way." She demanded loudly. "These filthy beings are blocking me. Make the repulsive creatures move."

Wesley felt his cheeks grow warm as those nearest to Illyria turned to shoot disapproving looks at the little goddess and at him.

Illyria took advantage of the distraction to push her way into the front row, ignoring the indignant cries of the people she shoved aside.

"Well!" A middle-aged woman turned to Wesley with a wrathful expression. "What a spoilt little madam! And her language!"

Poor Wesley just wanted the earth to open up and swallow him whole.

* * *

Three hours later.

"Here you go, ladies," Wesley handed each girl a paper plate laden with food. "I'm sure that you're both hungry.

"Thank you, Wesley."

"Give me my food."

He sighed. He didn't think that it was humanly possible to teach Illyria anything resembling manners.

"Is there anything else either of you would like to see before we go home?" He asked, praying that they would answer in the negative. /After three and a half hours of traipsing around this place, I'm ready for a nice, quiet evening with my feet up. / Wesley thought wrathfully.

Four year olds had far too much energy.

Illyria shrugged non-committally, her attention on her lunch.

"Do they have dinosaurs here?" Fred asked curiously, her eyes lighting up at the thought.

"I'm afraid not." Wesley told her gravely, not wanting to hurt her feelings by laughing.

"Okay, guys," Gunn, returning from yet another run to the refreshment stand, spoke up. "They have a train ride here. How about we take a ride on that, then we hit the playground for a while, and then we go home. Sound good?"

"Uh-huh." Fred accepted the soda Gunn handed her with a smile. "Thank you."

Illyria gave Gunn a poisonous smile as he handed her her drink. "Thank you, Gunn." She put a mocking emphasis on his name.

Wesley regarded the two little girls disapprovingly. "Those are their fifth sodas, Charles." He said warningly. "Perhaps we shouldn't over do it.

Gunn laughed. "Chill, Wes. They're sugar free. What's the worst that could happen?"

* * *

Ten minutes later.

"Wesley." Fred tugged on his shirt cuff impatiently. "I gotta go."

"You have to . . ." Wesley's face paled as he realized what she was saying. "Oh."

"It's okay." Gunn spoke in a pacifying tone. "The public restrooms are over there." He indicated a gaily-painted arrow pointing in the direction of a low, white building.

"I can't go by myself!" Poor Fred was almost in tears. "Mommy says always have a grown up with you in a strange place, just in case something bad happens."

"You can't go into the Ladies with her." Gunn pointed out unnecessarily. "There'd be an uproar. And I for one don't want to have to explain what we'd have to explain if we brought her in through the other side, if you know what I mean." He paused. "You know, they really don't think about men taking their little girls out when they build these restrooms, do they?"

 "Perhaps we ought to complain before we leave." Wesley said dryly. "In the mean time," he indicated Fred, who was squirming uncomfortably. "We have a more pressing situation to deal with." He sighed. "Hand me that napkin, will you, Charles?"

Gunn picked up one of the last of their clean napkins and handed it to the other man with a quizzical expression. "What do you want this for?"

* * *

Making sure the makeshift blindfold was firmly in place, Wesley led Fred past the row of men at the urinals and steered her into one of the cubicles, shutting the door behind her and standing just outside while she used the facilities, ignoring the titters of the other patrons.

Gunn was right.

The zoo was no place for a man with a little girl.

* * *

An hour later.

"Wesley, look at me!" Fred called from the top of the slide.

"I'm watching." Wesley smiled as the little girl slid down head first, giggling happily.

"She really likes you." Gunn observed. He grinned wryly. "I guess that some things never change." He looked down at Illyria, who was sitting next to them at the picnic table. "Do you want to go and play?" he asked.

The little goddess glared at him. "I have no desire to play." She told him scornfully, ruthlessly suppressing the little voice inside her that urged her to join her counterpart on the swings and slides.

Gunn shrugged. "Your loss."

"Did you see me? Did you?" Fred ran up to Wesley, chattering excitedly.

Wesley ruffled her hair, an indulgent smile on his face. "I saw you. Very impressive."

Little Fred turned to Illyria, her eyes sparkling. "Do you want to play? It's fun."

Illyria shook her head firmly.

"Come on." Fred pleaded, reaching out to take the other child's hand.

The instant their hands made contact, Illyria's eyes glowed with a fierce, triumphant light.

"My Qwa'ha Xhan." She said softly.

An instant later, a dazed Wesley and Gunn were left alone, staring in dismay at the spot where the two girls had been.

TBC.