QoH: *does a happy dance around her computer room* WHEE! :D hehe Yeah, I'm happy I got another chappy done, but that's not all! Do any of u know the show "Smallville?" (basically, it's a teenaged version of "Superman," weird stuff, love, angst and all that hehe) Either way, I love it, and I just got their soundtrack!! ^0^ It also happens 2 have "Everything" on it! WOOHOO!!! It's even a longer version than what they've played on the radio, 2! 6 WHOLE MINUTES (and 8 seconds ^_^)!! Talk about INSPIRATION CENTRAL! hehe I'm listenin 2 it now, in fact! *0* Neways, on a more serious note, I'm sorry about the late update. My computer's gone screwy on me (again -_-') and went and "write-protected" all the files on my disk without my authorization... *grrrr*
PS: They called me at the library and told me v4: Bandit is in! WOOHOO! I've been on hold 4 that thing 4 weeks now! Read it in like 30 mins ^_~ hehe More Hoto stuff here, 2! :D Tasuki aint bad, but I still like my sweet emperor better!
Chapter 2: Comfort
Hotohori shifted in his sleep, clutching the bear desperately to his heart. The nightmares had no end for him, it seemed. The depression he'd fallen into had finally invaded his private universe, the world of his dreams. Before now, it had been reserved solely for Miaka, and it still was, of a sort.
These, however, were not the happy memories, or even fantasies of what had never been. These were the worst moments, the times he wished he could've died where he stood. When he tried to kiss her while Tamahome was away, and she'd pulled away, obviously disgusted, from him. The shame had been unbearable, to see the censure in her eyes.
When she'd nearly died of that demon plague. Her pleading with him to kill her so she might be revived, fully healed, at a later time, had been torturous. Why had he volunteered to do that? As much as he'd wished she'd get better, he couldn't do it. Couldn't stab her, even if she'd asked, with those beautiful, expressive eyes overflowing with tears as she'd looked up at him. And what if he'd actually gone through with it? The consequences of such an action, especially considering what he'd discovered later, made him shudder, appalled beyond belief that he could've caused her to become a soulless, evil appendage of that demon. He really couldn't have lived with himself if that had happened, even if he had thought he was trying to do the right thing at the time. That was the one time he was glad his courage had failed him.
Of course, there was also the time he'd almost killed Tamahome… So he'd been protecting Miaka from her mind-controlled love, so what? The bitter truth of the matter was that he could've done it, spell or no spell. He knew his baser instincts had played a large role in the way the battle had gone, no matter how noble and protective he was told he'd looked later on. He still cursed himself for a fool every day that he'd run the guy through in front her, even if he was being charged at. With all his sword skills, he could've dodged it easily, right? But, no, he had to go and do it that way…
A lucky thing Miaka had come and saved Tamahome then, with the help of Mitsukake, of course. Her love had brought him back from the brink. Back from the shadows of his clouded mind. As involved as she had been in rescuing him from Death's clinging, inevitable cloak, she'd had no idea that she'd cast he, Hotohori, into the abyss in his place. There, in that moment, he'd lost every last shred of desperate hope that he still held of ever having the honor of being loved by her. He wouldn't have blamed her if she'd refused to even see him again, considering what he'd nearly done.
But, of course, Miaka wasn't the type to lay blame at anyone's feet, no matter the situation. His throat closed painfully for a moment as he slept on, remembering how she'd cried for him. How she'd tried to appologize for the pure and simple fact that she just didn't love him, as much as she'd thought she should try, after everything he'd "done for her," as she had put it. That goodbye had nearly broken him as he'd embraced her, telling her once again of his hopeless, undying love before forcing himself to let go of his heart's most passionate desire for all time.
"Hotohori..." whispered a faint, dear voice next to his ear, interrupting his self-recriminations as he bolted upright, suddenly wide awake as he looked around frantically for the source of the impossible sound he'd heard from the depths of his soul. It repeated, even quieter this time, and his eyes shifted to the teddy bear that still lay on his pillow, and they widened as he took in how it was shining softly. Such a thing was not normal for these stuffed animals, was it?
He continued to gawk, astounded, as the low, soothing voice echoed from the bear, "I know you're troubled... I can feel it..." The light pulsed in a gentle, calming rhythm as it faded, "Never lose hope, Hotohori...."
~You are the light
that is leading me
to the place where
I find peace again.~
****
Miaka jerked awake, clutching her heart as she gasped for breath. The mysterious dreams she'd just experienced were fading even now as she tried to retain them in her memory. Naturally, it was a futile task, and she fell back against her bed, staring at the ceiling. Confused, frustrated, and not a little alarmed by the jumbled, foggy images, the one thing she could tell was that someone she deeply cared for was in great pain, though she didn't know who it was.
"It's strange..." she murmured, frowning thoughtfully as she rolled over, closing her eyes again, "It felt like whatever that was had come from my very soul..." She found it a bit unnerving that she didn't know who it was. If she had such a strong connection with this person, wouldn't she know immediately?
QoH: -_-' eh... I KNOW this chappy's short, but hey, it just seemed logical 2 end it at this point... o_O *runs away from angry readers* WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!