QoH: heh. I finally get a new pc, but the blasted thing doesnt have a modem... (it didnt even have anything i could use to type my stories with! *twitch* we got a writing program from a friend of my gran's just today, so im tryin for marathon typin sessions ^_^() still tryin to get used to it, as its not Word, so if i screw up somehow, please forgive me!) and i dont generally have the time to go to the library these days, with my work schedule bein loony tunes as it is -_-() yeesh *sighs* ah well lol anyway, enough about my irritating life. we've got a couple new "characters" showing up here. any thoughts on their motives? *looks around innocently* ^_~ oh, and as in the last chapter, there's a "shonen ai" warning here, only this time, it's a little more... intense :D hehe
Mika- Japanese for "new moon"
Keiko- "beloved" (~~ you've seen her before hehe think "bear" ^_~)
Chapter 6: Soul Searching
Hotohori stared dully up at the ceiling of his room from his bed, which he hadn't bothered to move from all day. His depression had taken over his entire existence, the lethargy making it so that even if he were somehow motivated to do so, his body probably wouldn't allow it. She is my sun. Without her, it is an eternal winter's night. Suzaku, what should I do?
"Hotohori."
He twitched slightly at the sound of his name, which translated into jumping a foot or two off the ground for those with the energy. Instead, he glanced around for the source, turning his head just slightly to aid in the effort as he wondered on a raspy breath, "Who's there?" Seeing no one, he sighe and closed his eyes, wondering if he really was losing his mind.
"I'm here to help you, Hotohori," the same voice replied, yet he still couldn't figure out where it was coming from. But then, that question was also answered when it continued, "I'm inside your thoughts, my dear emperor. Please, don't stress yourself further by trying to search for me."
He raised a brow in faint curiosity, tinged with irony as he rolled to his side. You have interesting tastes in residence, considering my current mental state, miss, and you have yet to tell me your name.
It seemed the spirit smiled, for there was a hint of one in "her" tone, "You can call me Mika. As for your 'mental state,' where else could I be? Why do you insist on torturing yourself like this?"
I never had a choice in the matter. How does one stop from loving another, especially when it isn't warranted? The only thing Miaka ever wanted was to be loved by Tamahome, and I suppose it was my destiny to stand in the shadow of that love. Hotohori gave a brief half-smile as he thought of her cheerful, enthusiastic demeanor, of how it shone exceptionly bright when she was around the martial artist.
"She couldn't love you, but still your love was true." Mika exhaled heavily, as if processing a major concept, "Why?"
Why do I pine for her as I do? He shifted slightly and pillowed his head on his arm, his eyes drifting open to wander over the elaborate quilting of his blanket, pondering his answer. When she came into my life, it began to have real meaning. For the first time, someone saw me as more than the Emperor. Even still, my closest friends all give me those honorific titles and put me up on pedestals, when I simply want to be the man she saw in me. This seemed to surprise his visitor, because she was quiet for several moments, and he wondered what she was thinking as he continued, But more than that, I miss her, everything about her. Miaka is such a caring, empathetic person, so sweet and lovely. I still remember how she cried in guilt over the fact that she didn't love me. How could I not? He smiled softly to himself and snuggled the teddy bear close, closing his eyes once more.
"This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you, Hotohori," came the mournful, fading voice of the spirit, and then he was alone again. He soon fell asleep, that parting comment echoing through his head.
****
Nuriko tapped his foot and crossed his arms in irritation, staring down the stoic servants chosen to guard Hotohori's rooms, "I'm not going to go away, not until you let me talk to His Majesty."
"Forgive us, Master Nuriko," answered the overly tall, slightly pudgy one on his right, bowing low, "but if you insist on staying, it seems we're all going be here for a very long time. We cannot allow anyone, even a Suzaku Seshi, to disturb Heika-sama without his consent, and he has said nothing of receiving people."
He scowled at them in frustration, wondering how he could convince them to let him pass without resorting to violent measures. I don't want to have to toss them down the hall and lock the door behind me, but if it comes to that... He took a deep breath and tried another tack, looking seriously at them both, "I really doubt he's said much at all over the course of the past few days. I'm worried about him, aren't you?"
Brow raised, the other "guard" replied in a vaguely affronted tone as he drew himself up to his full height, coming to just under Nuriko's chin, "Naturally, but we must trust His Highness to take care of himself well enough while he works through his heartbreak. Considering the circumstances, of course it is difficult, but we know he will find his way eventually."
The senshi closed his eyes and rubbed his temple, feeling a fair headache coming on with all this. Just wonderful, he thought sarcastically and grimaced to himself. No help for it, I guess. His jaw set, he grabbed the front of their tunics and hauled the struggling pair down the corridor to lock them in a rarely used closet. Speaking through the door, he explained as best he could, "I really am sorry that I have to do this to you. I know you're just doing your job, but I can't allow that to stop me right now. He will not waste away in that room of his, not while I'm still here."
Attempting to ignore the sounds of banging and shouting behind him, he strode purposefully back to Hotohori's door and threw it open. Nuriko waited a few seconds as his eyes adjusted to the dim light within the chamber, scratching the back of his neck somewhat nervously. Now that he was here, he felt a little unsure of how to proceed. Should I just try a Tasuki-style approach, or go with something less dramatic? Dreaming of this for years doesn't help in real life in the least, he shrugged and shook his head, Oh, forget analyizing it. It'll come to me.
What he was prepared for when he saw Hotohori, he hadn't a clue in the world, but he hoped he could somehow bring him out of that depression he'd been wallowing in for what seemed like forever. How I'm going to manage that, Suzaku knows, but at the very least, he's getting out of that bed, one way or another. Nuriko blinked a final time to clear his vision and his eyes fell upon the bed where the swordsman he'd admired for so long lay still and pale as Death itself.
No, he couldn't have... He approached the emperor's bedside carefully, worry building, Not yet. He's strong; he wouldn't have... Nuriko choked on the thought as he knelt on the floor and studied his chest intently, praying it would rise. When it did, however shakily, he let out a quiet sigh of relief and bowed his head in silent thanks to the phoenix god.
He regained his feet and gingerly took a seat on the left edge of the bed, trying his best not to wake his sleeping friend. Hotohori rolled his head in his sleep toward Nuriko, giving him a better look at his face. His smile was faint as he very gently lifted some dark chocolate strands from his gaunt cheek, letting them fall to rest among their fellows onto the shoulder of his embroidered red nightrobe.
When Hotohori let out a slight moan and shifted again, more restlessly this time, Nuriko froze as his eyes went wide. Oh, don't tell me he's going to wake up now! After a few tense moments, the violet-haired man felt his heart beat again when he realized his companion was only dreaming, and still quite unaware of the conscious world. Hotohori weakly lifted his arm and made futile grasps at the air above him as he lay on his back, Miaka's name coming again and again on soft, wretched sobs that threatened to make Nuriko cry, himself.
All right, that does it, he gathered his courage and leaned down and pressed his lips firmly to Hotohori's, taking the hand from the air and holding it tight in his own.
Hotohori's eyes popped open in shock, "Nuriko!"
QoH: *innocent look* oh, by the way, I thought you might like to know… I now have a modem ^___^ therefore, I do believe I can update at my house instead of making the trek to the library every time I want to post lol