Jack's world exploded behind his forehead. A part of him noted how his head flew back and when he suddenly found himself on the ground he could only guess that his hand had let go of the gun. Dazed by the pain he couldn't believe she had knocked him out again. That he had underestimated her again. He had believed she was just trying to manipulate him a last time. Positioning herself in front of him, unarmed, not resisting, giving his conscience enough time to struggle with him.
Putting a hand to his temple he tried to shut out the pain and the dizziness. Stay awake. Don't make it that easy for her.
He opened his eyes, blinking a few times and shook his head to clear his thoughts, taking in that she was holding the gun now, standing a few steps away, too far for him to try anything.
"I'm sorry, Jack." The same tone exactly. He looked up and found even her eyes watching him the same way. But what he had perceived as scornful pity back then seemed more like sorrow and regret to him now. And even more he detected a note of insecurity. The shadow of a doubt.
"I told you I would resist."
She was struggling with herself, trying to shut out any doubt she might have, ignore a part of her that hadn't called for her attention for so long.
It was over within an eye blink when her features hardened. She had made her decision and she wasn't gonna falter. But that moment had been enough for him to answer his question. She was never gonna change and there was no way to forgive her or trust her again, but he was sure now. Some of the things he had once seen in her had really been there and maybe some remains still were. Buried under all her roughness and her pain. A pain whose origins he would never be able to grasp and that could never justify any of the things she did or had done, but that had always been there. Now, in his last moment, he could finally see it, clearly revealed. And a part of him was actually relieved. Not everything had been a lie.
But it was just a small part of him. The rest was still or yet again filled with anger and hatred. She had played him and manipulated him and now she would do the last thing she hadn't done to him yet. She would kill him. He wasn't that attached to his life. Suicidal tendencies had been accompanying him ever since that day seven years ago. But that it would end like this, that she'd take his life after he had spared hers, that he'd be the one to go when he had been coming to put her to death, that was just not how it should end. He would die with the same anger he had lived with for what seemed like all of his life.
"Could you promise me to let me go?" she asked, her voice free of triumph or mockery. "Never to come after me again?"
No, but I promise you someone will bring you down, he thought and she could see it in his eyes, read his answer as if it was written there. You will make more mistakes and sooner or later you will get what you deserve and that's comforting me.
She struggled not to let her features betray her and her emotions break to the surface. She didn't want to do this but she couldn't afford to let him see her hesitation or her doubts, as little and as irrelevant as they were. She wanted to say something, tell him anything, everything. But there were no more words left between them.
She lifted the gun, aiming at his heart. It was never supposed to end like this, she thought, when a sound suddenly made them both flinch and their heads jerked around to Jack's cell phone, lying on the ground where he had lost it during his earlier attack on her.
Instinctively she took a step back and put her second hand around the gun as well, hurrying to focus on Jack again. But for once his reaction was too slow and when their eyes locked again only a second later she saw the same realization on his face. He knew he had missed the small window where he could have caught her off guard and now it was too late. With gritted teeth his gaze wondered back to the phone and again to her as the ring tone continued to cut the silence that had fallen between them.
"Let me answer," he demanded, getting up on his knees, his voice harsh.
"No way," she replied, her face expression hard as well, trying to hide another emotion. Worry.
"Let me answer, Nina. She has a right to know what's going on." His voice less sharp he sounded almost pleading now. "I just wanna say goodbye. Please?"
She shook her head, pressing her lips together. She couldn't take the risk of letting him speak to her. Firstly she didn't know if anyone knew he was here and after her and if not she had to keep it that way. Covering her traces would be much easier without anyone after her. Escaping, surviving would be much easier if no one knew it was her who had killed Jack Bauer. And that was still the whole point about this: staying alive and getting away. And secondly she couldn't take the risk of turning soft on him. Please take care of my daughter, Sir? Make sure that she is safe. Tell her that I love her. She would be lying to say those words hadn't effected her. She had tried to ignore it, she had tried not to show it and she wouldn't have let it stop her, but in her current state of mind she wasn't so self-assured.
The look in Jack's eyes when she had had Kim at gunpoint. Rage, anger, hatred, of course. But also, underneath, the horrifying thought and the fear of losing the only thing left to him - his daughter. Panic. Well-hidden, she had to give him that, but she had recognized it nevertheless, the faint trace of panic in his eyes. Something she had never seen there before and never again afterwards. The same panic in Kim's eyes, more openly, more intensely. And maybe that was why they were both still alive. Another point on her list of mistakes?
She wasn't sure and that only confirmed her assessment: she couldn't allow him to bring Kim into the picture. You don't wanna be any part of this. She never should have been.
"Fine," he said. "Then you answer the damn phone." And to the spark of surprise in her eyes he added: "Someone has to tell her that her father is dead."
She stared at him angrily, realizing how he was trying to set her up.
"What are you afraid of, Nina? No one knows I'm here and until they find me and CTU or anyone else gets involved, you'll be long gone."
She knew he was right. She would have enough time to disappear. And apart from that her involvement into his death wouldn't be hard to figure out anyway, whether he was still working for CTU or not. But that wasn't what she was worried about. And he knew it. He was probably just acting on an instinct, a vague idea, too vague to even put in words, but he had always followed his instincts and mostly the outcome had proved him right in doing so. If there was one thing she had feared more than his rage and longing for revenge it was his instincts.
"Too afraid to pick up a phone?" He smirked. "Afraid you are not as tough as you thought?"
She tensed. He knew she had realized what he was up to so he put his cards on the table, playing his last trump, having nothing to lose. He had figured out her weakness and maybe it was the last thing he'd expected, but that didn't stop him from taking his chances.
"Come on, Nina, you can kill me now. Do it right away," he urged her. "Just promise me to tell her I won't be coming home."
Tell her that I love her. She couldn't shut the words out. It was too late. Kim was already in the picture. I don't wanna hurt you. Just walk away. And the realization struck her that she wouldn't have killed Kim two years ago. The burden of her mother's death had already begun to get too heavy on her.
She glared at him and rolled her eyes. He won. Angrily she moved over and picked up the phone. Flipping it open she checked the display to buy some more time, hesitating another second, letting the consequences sink in. The phone still ringing she turned her eyes back at him, her own words echoing in her mind. She's already lost one parent. She needs you, Jack.
She surrendered. "Tell her yourself," she snapped, tossing the phone over to him.
Not hiding his relief too well he caught it and hit the green button. "Sweetheart? Yes, I'm here."
Taking another step back and taking her left hand off the gun, she watched him with a strange curiosity. It was the second time she gave up control or at least a part of it. Voluntarily. Last time he had almost strangled her in return. She wondered how he was gonna play it this time. At least she still had the gun. And Kim or not, she would shoot him if she had to.
"No, sweetheart. I'm fine. I just needed to get away for a while." His voice was all soft now and he bowed his head to hide his face from her but she could imagine what it looked like. This was what she had been afraid of. "No, honey. I'm not."
A longer break when Jack just listened and Nina could hear Kim's angry voice but not pick up any words. She wondered what it was that was upsetting her so much and got her answer only a second later. "Yes, I was but..." Hesitation and he raised his gaze to face her. "No, she's not. I didn't find her." He turned his head away for a moment, showing a somewhat neutral expression when he met her eyes again only seconds later. "It doesn't matter, sweetheart. It's over. I'm coming home."
She stared at him critically, not sure how to assess the implications of his latest statement.
"I'll call you from the airport. I love you."
He ended the call and examined the display for a moment, buying time as well now.
"Jack? I'm not coming with you," she clarified after a moment of silence, trying to figure out what he was up to. And he sighed, putting the phone away and meeting her eyes again. "I know." It had struck him the moment he had won this last round. He couldn't kill her. And he couldn't take her back. After everything that had been revealed to him within the last few hours, he simply couldn't be a part of all this any longer. Nothing would ever get him a peace of mind. Maybe her death would have, some years ago. But now it couldn't and even if he couldn't put this explanation in any words that would make sense, he knew there was only one thing to do. Go home.
He seemed tired, his look displaying the same exhaustion she knew so well. She lifted her head a little bit and examined him closely. He seemed serious.
"So...you gonna let me walk?"
"I wouldn't even know how to explain all of what happened today. Besides bringing you in would be an illegal detention. I'm not with CTU anymore."
She sneered. "As if anyone cared." His words didn't convince her at all, they didn't even convince himself, but what she read in his eyes was enough for her to relax.
"So besides Kim really no one knows you are here?"
"No," he answered after a short moment of hesitation. It didn't matter anymore. He had played all his cards and now it was her turn. She could kill him or not, but he had a good feeling she wouldn't. His last trump had took the trick.
"And what are you going to tell her? She didn't believe you, did she?"
"No," he sighed. "She knows I've been looking for you so...I don't know what to tell her." He shrugged his shoulders. "Anything but the truth."
He got up from the floor and looked at her with a mixture of detestation, regret and longing. That I didn't find you. That you are dead. That we'll never hear from you again. "Just don't make me a liar."
She cast her eyes down for a second and when she met his again it was with the same solid look she had given him so often. "I can't promise you anything," she said, her voice as businesslike as her expression, hiding the pain, relief and sadness she felt. "I won't stay around here forever. I can't."
He just returned her gaze, expecting nothing better than that.
She let her arm sink and the gun dangling in her hand she stood still for a while. When she started to move towards him then, felt his body tense in alert. Some instincts would always kick in.
She stopped right in front of him and her gaze flickering between his eyes seemed to request some kind of permission. She took his silence as such and leaned in, kissing him softly on his lips. He wasn't sure if he kissed her back, but it only lasted a second or two.
She pulled her head back and looked into his eyes again and when she spoke her voice was merely a smoky whisper.
"I'll try."
He didn't understand and gave her a quizzical look.
"Not to make you a liar."
His face again wearing detestation, regret and longing at once, he lifted his hand to touch her a last time, as if to make sure she was really there. She closed her eyes when his fingertips ran over her cheek, lingering in the consolation for a moment, before she withdrew herself from him. Taking three steps backwards she brought some space between them again.
Grasping the consequences of this night, their last night probably, they just stood there for what seemed like forever, staring at each other, a million words and thoughts dancing in the air between them, to remain unspoken for all time.